Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Narutoverse; this story is just my imagination playing with the wonderful creations of Masashi Kishimoto.
Warnings: Un Beta'd, Slight OOC-ness, Shonen-ai, references to sexual situations and the appearances of a few OCs (nothing major tough)
There was a silent knock on the door and Neji felt the presence of Hinata on the other side, he sighed silently through his nose, he didn't really have time for visitors now, he was supposed to get ready.
"You may enter, Hinata-sama"
The door opened and his cousin shyly walked into his room and eyed him up and down before she spoke.
"You really look handsome today…not that you don't look good on other days, I mean –"
He caught her eyes and cut of her nervous rambling with a hard look.
"You did not come here to tell me that, you are supposed to be outside waiting with everyone else so it must have been something of importance, please get to the point"
There was a feeling of uneasiness that grew in the pit of his stomach as he watched his cousin fall back into her old habit of playing with her fingers; she only did that when she felt unsecure or uncomfortable about something. If anyone was to feel unsecure today it was him and not Hinata, and yet she was the one fidgeting in front of him. She drew one deep breath and faced him with her pale eyes filled by some powerful emotion he could not quite decipher. Neji braced himself for whatever may come.
"Anou…"she sighed," the Konoha war leader has arrived…do you want me to send him away?"
Neji visibly flinched at that statement and his always so proud and straight posture deflated. His thoughts raced frantically through his mind and he heard his own voice quietly answer, thick with many conflicting emotions.
"No it'll be ok, just…give me a minute."
Hinata walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture before she turned to leave the room, stopping in the doorway to give one long sympathetic look at her older cousin before she closed the door behind her.
As he heard the sound of the door being closed again Neji sank down on his knees and buried his face in his hands. Emotions he thought he had successfully buried and forgot were racing through his being and he was defenseless against the waves of memories that accompanied them. Neji had thought that he had done enough to lock those thoughts away, that he had successfully killed that part of himself but here it was claiming his mind again and demanding something that he would never be able to give.
"Shikamaru…" the name left his lips in a soft whisper, his mind was being flooded and he silently let himself drown in the memories.
There was the rare feeling of freedom from lying on top of a hill silently gazing up at the clouds, the faint smell of fresh grass and forest, the smell of life, which always lingered in dark hair, the feel of thick locks beneath his fingers. Dark eyes that always held a glint of a mischievous intellect behind a bored and tired façade, the same eyes that could glow with such powerful emotions that it burned you heart. There was the image of birthmarks decorating tan skin just above the right hip, the way his sun kissed skin tasted at a soft spot below the left ear, the taste of a tongue dancing with his and the feel of safety falling asleep next to someone. The way he always said it was "troublesome" to choose between things when he really just wanted to make sure that Neji could have the freedom of deciding for himself for once. The sound of his name falling from parted lips in a soft moan, the way their bodies fitted together like two pieces of one whole. Hands in a familiar thinking pose over a game of shogi, the feel of those same hands on his skin. But strongest of all was the image of that one genuine smile lighting up a frowning face from inside whenever they touched.
Neji snapped back to reality when he felt tears starting to run down his cheeks. 'Damn it!' He was beyond that now and there was no use in dwelling on a past he could never take back. He stood up and checked himself in a mirror, smoothing out the small creases in the over luxurious yukata he was wearing before taking a deep breath and putting his face back into an emotionless mask. Hidden behind wrappings the seal still seemed to gleam menacing at him from the mirror and he felt sick to his stomach, all his life had been controlled by those green lines and even if he pretended, even if he said to himself over and over again that he could and would break free of his cage, the reality was that as long as he lived he would never be free. The only freedom he had right now was choosing between two things he didn't want.
He could do as they wanted him to, and thereby also choosing to accept his cage forever, which he didn't want. Or he could try to defy them again, the seal would perish…but so would he, which he didn't want, for as much as his life seemed to hate him, he never hated it.
Slowly he got up and left his room, walking along the maze that was the Hyuuga compound with slow steps until he reached the main hall where everyone was waiting for him. They sat positioned in a semi circle along the walls which left a clear area in the middle where one single person sat waiting. He straightened his posture and calmly stepped forward; his gaze shifted over the crowd and immediately spotted a familiar hairdo before locking itself upon the one person in the middle. He sat down next to the woman and she offered him a small smile which he did not return, his eyes shifted towards Shikamaru again. When his eyes suddenly met with sharp dark ones only one single thought passed through Neji's mind.
'It should have been you.'
'Troublesome'. That was the only word he could think to himself as he found himself walking down the familiar road to the Hyuuga compound. He had not planned to do this, in fact he had planned to stay in his bed and sleep the entire day… that plan had failed, however, when his mother barged into his room, yelling about one thing or the other. He knew it was a stupid plan to begin with but he really wished that he could have just gone to bed and sleep the day away… then it would be like today didn't even exist. He really wished that today could be erased from history but apparently his wishes were never meant to come true in the first place. And as foolish it may seem deep down he knew that he just could not stay away, something compelled him to go even if he knew that it would probably be more painful than staying away. 'Tch, troublesome'.
All too soon the wall of the compound came into view along with it the two guards outside of the entrance. Disturbingly familiar pale eyes studied him as he approached, one of them subtly activating their bloodline and shifting into the beginning of a fighting stance, while the other stepped forward and blocked his way.
"State your name, rank and your business within the compound"
Shikamaru sighed, he knew it was all protocol and he had done it countless of times before, but it was a waste of time since he knew the guards recognized him from at least 500 meters away, he hated to do things without purpose.
"Nara Shikamaru, Chuunin and war leader of Konoha, I am here to see Hyuuga Neji of the Bunke"
The guard who had his bloodline activated nodded to show that he had understood and just a few second later he turned towards Shikamaru, eyes now relaxed, and gave an apologetic bow.
"My apologies warleader-sama, but Hyuuga Neji is currently unavailable due to clan affairs"
He felt like slapping himself in the face, of course Neji would be busy, sometimes he wondered if his 200+ IQ was nothing more than an illusion.
"Then I wish to speak to his cousin, Hyuuga Hinata of the Souke."
One more nod from the guard and after checking the compound with his byakugan he disappeared in a silent poof only to return a moment later.
"Hinata-sama is willing to see you; I will escort you to her."
The winding corridors of the compound was so familiar to him, but still so very different…he had always had Neji to guide him and he had felt safe and welcome but now in the company of the guard the walls seemed nothing but cold and he felt like he was an intruder in the world of the Hyuuga clan. They stopped outside of a pair of highly decorated doors and the guard announced their presence. Hinata opened the door and let him in before she dismissed the guard. She turned towards him with a sad look in her eyes.
"Why did you come here Shikamaru-kun? It was not to talk to me was it?"
He turned his head away from her and shook his head. But why had he come here? He wasn't really sure, the plan was nothing like this and yet here he was, standing in the main quarter of the Hyuuga compound. He took a deep breath and turned to face Hinata again, her face still filled with concern. She was the only one except Ino and Chouji who knew about his real relationship with Neji since they were forced to keep it a secret.
"I'm not sure. I guess…I just wanted to see him." So that he knows I'm not blaming him, so he knows that no matter what happens I will always be there. So he knows that I won't forget about him. So he knows that I still…
Hinata studied his face for a while and he had no trouble figuring out why, to put it simple: he looked like shit and he knew it. He had lost weight and his skin was paler than usual, almost shifting towards grey from picking up smoking again and staying inside without bothering to eat properly. He was certain he had bags under his eyes from all the nights he had stayed up unable to sleep and his hair, even though tied up in the normal way, was messy. He knew he should have put it behind him by now, it had been almost three months, but he just couldn't let go. Hinata slowly nodded and her face changed from being full of concern to show determination.
"You are not really supposed to be here Shikamaru, it is a clan gathering after all… but as long as Neji-nii is okay with it I think you should stay." Her voice became soft as she almost whispered the next part. "I think it would give him strength…he suffers more than you know."
She shook her head a bit and then turned to leave the room.
"You should wait here while I go find him, it won't take long"
When the door closed behind her Shikamaru let out a breath he wasn't really aware that he had been holding. He suffers more than you know. Hinatas words echoed in his mind and even if he knew it was selfish he couldn't help but feel a little bit comforted by that thought.
Three months ago Neji had showed up in his room in the middle of the night and Shikamaru just knew that something was wrong, Neji's eyes were cold and distant, his voice stiff. It was the same hard surface he had seen Neji use so many times towards the elders of the Hyuuga clan, polite but without any trace of emotions. They never kept anything secret from one another; he used to be the only one Neji never used any defenses against. It hurt to have Neji use that wall towards him.
"Neji…what's wrong? Did something happen?" Shikamaru slowly approached the figure standing just inside the open window through which he had entered. He slowly raised his hand to stroke the older teens chin but was chocked when Neji slapped his hand away.
"Do not touch me"
Shikamaru visibly flinched at the tone of voice Neji used, something was off and he was now really worried about his lover. He carefully stepped closer and tried to ignore the pain he felt as Neji turned his head away from him.
"Neji…look at me, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."
"This has to end now Shikamaru"
Neji's voice was so distant, and Shikamaru grew cold as his mind supplied him with different possibilities on what the Hyuuga might be referring to. The most likely conclusion frightened him. He forced his lips to move even though he just wanted to close his eyes and pretend that this was just a bad dream.
"What are you talking about?"
That was when Neji turned to face Shikamaru again and for the first time he was frightened by those pale eyes, veins clearly visible at the temples and devoid of any emotion. Their gaze directed straight at him cold and dangerous, like ice.
"This whole you and me thing, it ends now. I'm done with you"
Somewhere in the back of his mind a small voice told him that he should have known that this would be coming. He knew it wasn't something possible to last and a small part of him felt that he never had deserved to have Neji in the first place. Neji was too perfect, too beautiful to be with someone like him. He was that kind of person cut out for an average life, average wife and average kids, for someone like him that was the future he could expect. Neji was different, he was meant for something above that, something more than average...something more than him
"But I…Neji, why?"
He hated how his voice cracked, he hated his heart for hurting but most of all he hated the hard mask on Neji's face. He wanted to rip it off, he wanted to punch him just to get a reaction but he knew he wouldn't stand a chance if he tried. The cold eyes narrowed and a scowl appeared as that cold, distant voice hissed at him.
"Because I have better things to do with my life than screwing around with some lazy-ass chuunin. The Hyuuga elders would not approve of their "prodigy" fucking someone; least of all another guy and I'd rather not risk my life for a good fuck… that's all there ever was to it anyway."
Then he turned to jump out the window but Shikamaru caught his arm.
"You don't mean that; tell me you don't mean that!"
In that moment, just for a second, the mask fell from Neji's face and he leaned forward and pressed their lips together softly before moving and whispering into the crook of Shikamaru neck.
"It's okay to hate me Shika… I'm sorry"
Before he had a chance to respond to the sudden change in behavior he felt two fingers at his right temple and then a rush of chakra as he was effectively put unconscious by the gentle fist.
At first he had just wallowed in his self pity and he truly believed every word that the Hyuuga had said, a good fuck, that was all he had been to Neji. He had lain awake wondering if things would have been different if he would have told Neji how he truly felt. Would things have turned out better…or just more painful? It wasn't until a week later that he found out about the engagement and then everything had clicked in his mind. Neji probably thought that things would be easier if Shikamaru hated him and believed that he never wanted them to be together in the first place. Neji had been trying to protect him, which meant that he still cared. That thought had helped him a lot, Neji didn't hate him and he knew this but still sometimes late at night the words from that night crept back to him and poisoned him again.
He suffers more than you know… Shikamaru almost smiled as a weight seemed to leave his chest. All those harsh words really were nothing more than lies, conjured to help him cope with their breakup.
The soft sound of a door sliding open brought him back from his thoughts just in time to see Hinata reentering the room. She smiled softly at him and gave him a look-over.
"I think we should get you a bit shaped up before the ceremony starts."
He followed Hinata through the massive corridors until they reached a large room which was filled with members of the Hyuuga clan. He briefly felt his chest contract, everywhere he looked was that same pale skin contrasted by long dark hair. Pearl white eyes regarded him curiously, wondering why he was there but quickly turning away as Shikamaru felt Hinata grab his hand. He thanked her silently and they moved to take their place in the crowd.
He spotted the girl waiting in the middle of the room. She was young, maybe not older than fifteen, and, he realized with a stab of jealousy, very beautiful. The kimono she wore was a rich red color decorated with gold birds that made her pale skin seem almost luminescent and her hair as dark as onyx. Beneath long lashes were the always so easy recognizable white eyes of the Hyuuga exaggerated with the help of a dark eye shadow. Her long thick hair was pulled up gracefully with thin gold beads and pearls that were bound around her head like a crown. That was when Shikamaru realized that there was no seal on her forehead. He turned his eyes to Hinata who was also looking at the young woman.
"She is very beautiful…who is she?"
Hinata looked at him a bit surprised by his question but soon turned her head back towards the girl.
"Yes she is, her name is Hitomi… she is the daughter of my father's cousin."
Shikamaru nodded silently, so she was not only of the Souke but the daughter of one of the Hyuuga elders as well. He wondered if she wanted this marriage, if she had chosen it by her free will or if she was also forced into it. He wondered if she had left someone special behind and if that someone was here today. Probably not, he was the only one stupid enough to do something like that.
Suddenly the atmosphere changed drastically and as soon as he turned his head to the left Shikamaru realized why, Neji was slowly walking into the room. His heart felt like it was going to shatter once more, he was even more beautiful than Shikamaru had remembered, with his head held up high and dressed in a stunning yukata Neji looked nothing less than royalty. But even so his face was cold and hard, the mask firmly in place. Shikamaru's heart suddenly jumped as Neji's eyes turned towards him and he quickly lowered his gaze.
He suffers more than you know… Hinatas words once more ran through his head and he looked at that proud figure settling down next to Hitomi. White eyes suddenly met his and he thought he saw a flicker of emotion before Neji turned his head away again. Hinata saw the exchange between her cousin and Shikamaru and leaned closer to him.
"He has acted like he doesn't care all this time, he tries not to show it but you can see it in his eyes, it is like he's not really there… he really misses you"
Shikamaru said nothing, he had seen it too in that small moment when their eyes met, but then the coldness was back and Neji once more the ice queen of Konoha, so distant and so far out of any ones reach.
The ice queen, the rookie nine used to call Neji that whenever he got stuck in his high-and-mighty personality but Shikamaru had seen sides of Neji the others never would and knew that Neji was nothing like a real ice queen. He had emotions just like everyone else… he just kept himself guarded and hid them behind the stoic face. In Neji's eyes showing feelings was like showing weakness, feelings could be used, could be toyed with. Shikamaru had quickly learned from Neji that when you grow up in the Bunke, your first and foremost enemy is not the Souke, but your own feelings. It was feelings like hatred and anger that would get you killed and in order to hide one emotion you must hold all of them back.
No, Neji was not an ice queen, he might seem harsh and cold but as soon as he let you get close to him you would know the difference between the distant Hyuuga from the Bunke and Neji as a person. Shikamaru smiled to himself as he conjured the image of the real Neji in his mind; the Neji who would give a low pearly laughter at something amusing, the Neji who liked to spend hours in the correspondence tower talking to the birds there, who loved to have someone stroke their fingers through his hair, who's smile and eyes were filled with warmth. That was the real Neji and he was nothing like that doll of ice in front of his eyes right now, nothing like the Neji he cared for, the one he stilled longed for so much it hurt him… his Neji.
Neither of them intended to end up with the other, they were just friends and had had every intention to stay that way. Sure, Shikamaru had thought that Neji was handsome, you would have to be blind to say otherwise, but he had never ever thought about him that way before it happened. It was never supposed to, never their intention and still it did. Their first time was an accident never meant to happen.
Shikamaru still clearly remembered the mission that started the whole thing, they had been sent away at what was supposed to be an easy mission in rain country but it turned out to be quite the opposite.
The air in the small cave where they had taken cover was thick with sweat, blood, adrenaline and testosterone from their bodies. Both of them were breathing heavily and had used up most of their chakra, after all the close calls that day they were lucky to be alive and they knew it. Their survival had nothing to do with Neji's fighting skills or Shikamaru's tactics, the only reason they were still breathing was because the odds had been on their side. They were both wounded, Shikamaru had a shuriken embedded in his left leg and Neji had a cut in his right side he received from a hidden dagger on the enemy's elbow as he was blocking the chakra points. Shikamaru had just finished wrapping his leg when he heard Neji call out to him.
"Shikamaru, I need you to help me with this"
He looked up to see that Neji was currently trying to both hold the end in place, wrap the bandage around himself and tightening it at the same time, needless to say it wasn't working out very well. He shook his head as he took the roll of bandage from Neji and moved over.
"Why even bother to try yourself when it's pretty obvious it's not going to work… troublesome Hyuuga. So how bad is it?"
Neji shrugged slightly and moved to give Shikamaru easier access to the wound.
"Not that bad, it's just about a centimeter deep but it's going to open up every time I move if it's not bandaged and that could be, as you would say, troublesome."
He nodded and leaned closer as he started to unwind the bandage. Just as Neji said it wasn't a very serious wound and he quickly dressed it up and then checked to make sure that the ends were properly fastened so that it wouldn't come loose of its own.
That was when he noticed the scars, a round silvery mark just below Neji's shoulder and another one like it just below his ribs on the left hand side, medically healed to be as small as possible but still almost five centimeters across. The mark from a battle in their past, a battle in which he had failed horribly, he had let everyone on his team down and almost lost them, he had almost lost Neji. Neji almost died that day…they both almost died today, but they didn't. They were still here, still alive.
Shikamaru closed his eyes and he could feel the way his heart pounded steadily and strong as blood rushed through his veins and the way air swooshed in and out of his lungs as he breathed, it was like suddenly discovering a new detail in a picture you look upon every day. He was amazed by all the intricate functions that worked his body, almost dumbstruck by the power he felt he possessed even in this weakened state, he was alive and that was the most incredible thing he had ever experienced. He reached out and gently touched the silvery tissue with his fingertips, Neji could have been dead by now… beneath the scar he felt the steady rhythm of Neji's heart, he could have been dead but he wasn't. They were both alive, so very alive.
"Shikamaru?" Neji's voice called him back into the present; it was low and soft, just little more than a whisper.
His head snapped up from Neji's chest and found himself a little too close for comfort to Neji's face, those large pale eyes just centimeters away from his own. For a long moment they did nothing but stare at each other, listening to the sound of breathing. There was something hiding in Neji's eyes, behind the silvery mist he knew so well was an emotion stirring and he suddenly felt something akin to nervousness coursing through him. There was a new kind of tension in the air and in both their bodies, and it was growing steadily. It was like an enemy looming over them, just waiting to make his move.
"Shikamaru…" Neji whispered his name again and that was when it pounced on them. They didn't know who made the first move but at that moment it didn't matter as they were kissing fervently, teeth smashing together and tongues almost harshly pushing against the other, wanting to taste more, needing to taste more. They were clawing at each other and everything became a blur as that pure energy, that overpowering feeling of need, consumed them.
When they returned to Konoha and had their medical checkup he had blamed his bruised and scraped knees on an imaginary earth jutsu belonging to an equally imaginary enemy. Then he and Neji had a really awkward conversation where they agreed that it hadn't meant anything and that it was just some kind of after battle effect.
After that everything was fine and back to normal for about three days until they found themselves alone on a training field and it happened again. It was like a drug, unconsciously they kept finding each other and it happened again, and again, and again even though they always said that it wouldn't. They told themselves that it should stop, but it didn't, it just grew bigger… deeper.
Shikamaru closed his eyes, it hurt to think about their time together but his thoughts refused to change direction. He had felt so safe and secure with Neji and that one time when Neji had turned to him and whispered with a smile When I'm with you, like this, I think to myself: this must be what freedom feels like it was probably the happiest Shikamaru had ever been. They both knew it couldn't last, but they couldn't force themselves to end it either. He opened his eyes again and looked at the couple in the middle bitterly. 'And we never needed to since they ended it for us'.
A cool touch to his hand almost made him jump before he realized that it was Hinata stroking the back of his hand. Once more she leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear.
"He didn't just give you up you know, he did fight for you…four times. He defied the elders for you and he almost got away with it. One on one he would have outsmarted and fooled them but now he never really had a chance, he was just buying some time."
Surprised he turned to look at her and then back at Neji.
"I didn't know…tell me, how bad was it?"
It took a couple of seconds before Hinata realized what he meant and then her reply was bitter.
"Not too bad the first two times, the third time he had to stay in bead for a few days, the fourth time…" she shook her head "he came home from the hospital after one week but even then it took several days before he stopped being sensitive to sharp light."
Shikamaru was angry, hurt and angry. What kind of people would do that to their own family? But those were the clan rules of the Hyuuga and even if he desperately wanted to think of the elders as the enemies, the truth was that they were probably just as trapped and controlled by the rules as Neji.
Hinata stroked the back of his hand in a comforting gesture, trying to calm him down again, the Hyuuga was good at sensing other emotions and since he was a special guest it was extra important that he kept his mind calm.
"Shikamaru…I know this probably won't make a difference or make you feel better but still, I want you to know this; I truly believe that…" she turned her eyes towards Hitomi "…it should have been you."
After the initial shock of seeing Shikamaru and getting all of his feelings under control, Neji finally started to get rid of the burning feeling on his back and the almost itching need he felt to turn his head and look at his former lover. The ceremony was just about to end and after that there was only the open gathering to go through, and then he would never have to torture himself with the sight of Shikamaru again. Tomorrow he and Hitomi would be on their way out of Konoha, never to return.
The elders turned to him and asked him a question, he didn't hear it but he didn't need to. This was it, the final part. This was his last chance to try and break through the bars holding him in place. All he had to do was to stand up and raise his voice in protest; he raised his eyes to look upon the five elders in front of him. Would they really kill me in front of all these people?
A frown upon the face of Hitomis mother gave him his answer. Yes they would. To them he was just another one of the Bunke and they were all easily disposed of. If he would do something to disgrace the daughter of one of the elders it wouldn't matter that he carried the genes of the most advanced byakugan ever seen, it would not matter that he was closely related to one of the elders, none of that would matter since the honor of the Souke always came first. If he soiled Hitomis honor by refusing to marry her he would pay for it with his life. Still, wasn't that what he always aimed for at the battlefield, to not go down without a fight? To keep trying until you couldn't try any longer.
And he still could fight, he could refuse this marriage and even if it would cost him his life, he would finally have his freedom, right? He slightly shifted his eyes to the side and then sighed silently through his nose. Who was he trying to fool? If it was just about him, then he might have done it, but it wasn't. His uncle was here and so were Hinata and Hanabi…and Shikamaru. He himself had seen the seal being activated on his father, he had heard the screams of pure distilled pain, seen the way the body twisted and turned, trying to get away from an invisible attacker, and he just knew there was no way he could ever consciously force that sight upon any of them. Not when it still frequently haunted his nightmares.
All he had to do was to say the words they were waiting for and it would be over, just a couple of sentences. He drew a deep breath and kept his head high, his voice steady and proud as he let go of the fight against his cage along with his dreams for freedom.
"I promise with all that is my being; my body, mind and soul that I will always fight to protect Hyuuga Hitomi from all that might harm her. I promise that I will stand by her side in times of hardship as well as those of peace and that I will forever remain loyal to her."
He then bowed down deep, forehead resting against the floor. And in unison with Hitomi he spoke the final vow.
"As husband and wife we bow before the Hyuuga elders and pledge allegiance to the clan of our forefathers to which we both owe our heritage."
The elders rose from their seats and looked out over the crowd before their leader spoke.
"Gathered members of the Hyuuga family, do you as representatives for our great clan accept their promises?"
A thunder of applause was the immediate response and Neji caught the glimpse of Hinatas unmoving figure among the cheering crowd. She looked like she was on the edge of tears and would start crying any second. He caught her eyes and forced himself to smile, to show her that he was ok. She put her hand up to shield her mouth and then, with shoulders shaking from unshed tears, she turned around and more or less ran out of the room. Neji wished he could have done the same as he scanned the crowd for that familiar face.
'Please forgive me Shikamaru. I know it should have been you'
But Shikamaru was nowhere to be seen.
Authors Note: This one-shot was created as a result of listening to 'Fanfanfan (kl 03.00 på natten)' by the Swedish singer Thåström repeatedly for almost three hours. I strongly suggest listening to it as it is one of my favorite songs and it goes well with the mood in this one-shot. If you are interested, and don't understand a word of Swedish, send me a pm or a mail and I'll send you a translation of the lyrics. I tried my best but this was the way it wanted to be written so I apologize to those of you that find the slight OOCness disturbing.
First: Thanks a lot to all of you who read this story ^^ Second: It would mean the world to me if you could spend just one more minute of your time on me and write a review, just a few words are enough and would brighten my day enormously.
AN#2: I want to send extra thanxs to my reviewer Youkai chick supreme who pointed out some very serious gramatical errors in this, I tried my best to correct them so hopefully it's better now that I reposted it (20090722) ^^