AN: Suspended disbelief is needed. In 'reality' the Cullens would not be able to go on the show until they were sure that everyone from Forks who would recognize them was dead. By then Nessie would have matured and married Jake but that is not as much fun so…In my story, right after the end of Breaking Dawn the Cullens decide it's best to move and head cross country to Buffalo, New York. There they start life over again as teenagers in high school except for Nessie who is still little (looks about 8 years old) and stays home with Esme.
I have the most brilliant idea in the history of brilliant ideas. We are going to sign up for Wife Swap! Carlisle and Esme were out hunting so now was the perfect time.
"I already printed the application and the others are coming." Alice said, appearing at my side.
"Cool." This is going to be awesome.
"What is it Alice? Is it really that important that you had to--what? Wife Swap are you crazy?!" Edward said as he came down the stairs with Bella, buttoning his shirt.
"What about Wife Swap?" Jasper asked.
"We are signing Esme up for Wife Swap!" I announced to all of them.
"Emmett you idiot, if you sign Esme up you sign all of us up." Rose replied while flipping through the latest fashion magazine. Well that wasn't the response I was expecting.
"What were you expecting Emmett?" Edward asked, stupid mind reader, "You didn't really think we were going to like this idea did you?"
"I think it would be a funny and I already checked and everything will be perfectly fine…for us anyway." Yeah Alice!
"Fine." Edward actually agreed which means that Bella and Nessie are in which means that Jake is in! This is so exciting.
"So Jazz, Rosie, what do you think?"
"I guess this could be interesting and if Alice says everything will be fine then I guess I'm in." Jasper said.
"Come on Rose, you're going to cave eventually." My new physic best friend Alice said.
"Fine, but if we get in trouble I am blaming you."
"I accept, now let's get started!" We crowded around the dining room table and began to answer the questions.
Wife Swap Application
Family Name: Cullen
Father's Name and Age: Carlisle, 3--
"Emmett you can't say that he is over three hundred years old!"
"Calm down Edward, I was going to put 30. I'm not that much of an idiot." He overreacts so much.
"That is debatable." commented Jasper. Rude!
Mother's Name and Age: Esme, 26
Maiden Name: Platt
Names and ages of children from this marriage:
"Emmett, I am a part of the family." yelled Edward, taking the pen from me and writing his name.
"And what about my Jakey?" asked cute little Nessie.
"Yeah, what about me?" asked the not at all cute and not little in any way Jake.
"Fine. You ruin all the fun."
"Emmett, you are never filling anything out again." said Bella.
How long have you been together?
"You can't just put 'years' they want how many stupid."
"Ok, I'll just write down over 100 then and see if that makes them suspicious." Am I the only one with a brain?
"Just say like 8 or something." Rosalie suggested.
Who takes care of the following responsibilities in your family:
"Uh, this is so hard."
"Oh put me!" yelled Alice, while jumping up and down. "Please, please, please, please, please…."
"Fine Alice just shut-up!"
Planning social life?
This is getting ridiculous. "What the hell is planning social life?"
"How am I supposed to know?" said a frustrated Jasper, "Just put Esme."
"Don't kids do their own homework?"
Do you have any pets? How many? What type? Do they have free reign of the house?
One dog and he unfortunately believes he has free reign of the house.
"Rosalie we don't have--Rose!" yelled Bella. "Jake is not our pet."
"Watch it Blondie." threatened Jacob.
How would you describe your diet? What restrictions are there, if any?
"It's technically the truth." decided Alice.
"Woah, I'm not being a vegetarian for two weeks." announced Jake.
"I would say a restriction is not to eat a human." Jasper commented.
"Great, so they will think we are cannibals." muttered Edward.
"Maybe we should leave that out." said Bella.
What pushes your buttons?
"I got this one."
When my children break/damage things in the house
Have you ever or are you currently serving in the Military?
"Oh, can I be in the military?" I asked "Please, please, please…"
"No." answered Edward. Come one that worked for Alice.
"Why would you want to be in the military?" asked Bella.
"Why not?" was my answer.
Do you or any members of your family have a physical or mental disability?
I could have fun with this one.
"Don't even Emmett." Come on Edward!
Have you or any family member been treated for alcohol or drug abuse?
Another good one. "Can I please…"
Have you or any member of your family ever been accused or convicted of a felony?
"Maybe we should skip this question." said Jasper.
Have you or any member of your family ever been detain, been arrested or been in jail for any reason?
"Skip this one too."
AN: Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think. More coming soon I promise.