AN: Hey everyone I am not going to even try to tell you how sorry I am for the huge delay. My life has been crazy lately and it didn't leave much time for my poor Cullens. Sorry to give you a short chapter after such a long absence but I had a very hard time writing from the adult's perspectives so I just decided to scrap it and you'll see some of it later. For now, enjoy the long awaited chapter to Wife Swap: Cullen Vs Clyne.
The limo will be here in fifteen minutes. Only fifteen more minutes of being in this nut house. Fifteen more minutes and I will never have to see the crazy Cullen family again. Fifteen more minutes-
"Emmett!" Until I never have to here that again. I'm hiding in my room yet I can still hear the argument going on upstairs.
"Emmett!" It sounds like Bella. "Give it to me now!"
"Emmett go down those stairs and you are a dead man!" Edward voice now joined in the yelling.
"Too late!" Emmett sing-songed before letting out a shriek shortly followed by thudding noises, which I am going to assume means they are tumbling down the stairs. I opened my door to find them sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs on top of each other.
"You can't just go around stealing people's underwear!" Edward yelled as he wrestled Emmett to retrieve a piece of fabric in his hand so small I would not classify it as underwear.
"Yet I just did." Emmett yelled, waving the underwear in the air. "Nice choice Bells, I like the color." Bella stood at the foot the stairs in an oversized shirt, probably from Edward since he was only wearing boxers, a mixture of anger and humiliation on her face.
A door slammed and out came Rosalie, "Emmett."
"Yeah babe?" Emmett answers a little frightened. It's no question who wears the pants in that relationship.
"Why the hell did you steal Bella's underwear?"
"Because it's fun to anger Edward." was his reason.
Rosalie walked over the Emmett, crouching down to his level. "Let go Emmett."
"But Rosie…fine." he conceded, handing it over to Rose.
"Rosalie, you have to learn to control your boyfriend."
"Shut up Edward. Why don't you show some control and keep your girlfriend's panties on." she snapped back, throwing the underwear in Edward's face.
"It's time!" Alice yelled as she and Jasper emerged from their room.
Bella shrieked as she ran up the stairs, "I'm not dressed!"
Carlisle emerged from his office, almost stepping on Emmett's face. "For the love of God, children, could you pull yourselves together for just ten minutes."
"Emmett started it." Edward grumbled as he got up off the floor.
"Edward, not now please. Go put some pants on."
"Yeah Edward," Emmett scoffed, "God can't you pull yourself together?"
"Emmett just" Carlisle paused, "sit there and don't say anything. Cathy, are you all packed?" he asked, turning to me. Am I packed? Of course I'm packed. I've been packed since my first night with these devils. There's nothing I want more than to leave this hell hole.
"Yes Carlisle, I'm all set."
"Good. Children, downstairs. Now."
There was a stampede as the children hurried to do as their father ordered. They all lined up single file, as he went down the line commenting on each one's appearance.
"Rosalie, I'm sure you have a slightly more appropriate top in that room you call a closet. Emmett, I would have chosen a shirt without Edward's hair gel all over it. Jacob, glad to see you're wearing a shirt today."
"Carlisle I don't think there is any need to worry about my appearance. I am always a ten."
"It's not you I'm worried about Alice." As he finished everyone turned to look at Emmett.
"Why do you always assume I'm the problem?"
"Because you always are the problem."
"That is hurtful Edward." He said, dramatically placing his hand over his heart.
"Sometimes the truth hurts." Bella replied, copying his hand over heart movement.
"I wouldn't talk missy." Emmett shot back, "You're the one wearing sweatpants."
"Sweatpants are the only thing that fits me right now!" Bella cried, burying her head in Edward's chest.
"Emmett!" Everyone screamed simultaneously.
"You never call a pregnant person fat." Rosalie said, smacking Emmett over the head.
"And I didn't get to go shopping yet because someone," she shot daggers in my direction, "took away my credit cards. Don't worry Bella you'll be the most fashionably dressed pregnant person ever!" Alice shrieked, running to give Bella a hug.
"What about me? How do I look?" Renesmee asked, twirling in a circle for Carlisle.
"You look beautiful as always sweetheart." he gave her a kiss on the forehead and she skipped back into line.
"Now children, as you know I will be gone for the day to pick up Esme-Jasper, high five your brother and neither of you will see the light of day for weeks."
I turned around to find Emmett slowly lowering his hand from above Alice's head, disappointment written all over his face.
"As I was saying, I expect all of you to behave yourselves while I am gone and complete the list of tasks I have left. I don't want Esme to come home to a dirty house." Yeah, okay, in my two weeks here I haven't seen these children clean anything. They are not going to be able to pull this house together before she gets back.
"Don't worry Carlisle I've got this all under control."
"Actually Emmett, I'm leaving Edward in charge."
"What?" Emmett and Alice screamed at the same time.
"Carlisle," Alice pouted, "I can understand your not wanting to leave Emmett in charge but why did I get passed up for Edward."
"Maybe because I won't redecorate the house instead of cleaning it."
"You know what Edward, sometimes change is good."
"Alice," Carlisle said stepping between her and Edward, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings; you are more than capable of being in charge. I just thought you would rather be out buying Bella knew clothes…with Daphne." He was good I had to give him that. But did he really have to give Alice everything she wanted.
Alice gasped and plucked the card out of Carlisle's fingers, "Daphne! I've missed you so much," she said, hugging the card to her chest, "Did the mean lady hurt you?" I just stood there shaking my head. This girl was kissing her credit card, that she only had to live without for a week, as if it was a person.
"Okay folks," the over enthusiastic producer said, walking out from behind the cameras, "that's all the time we have. We really need to head out to meet the others."
He didn't have to tell me twice. I said quick good byes to the children and jumped in the limo, Carlisle following after he gave a meaningful look to Edward who nodded in response. As the limo started winding down the expansive driveway, relief washed over me as I realized I would never have to step foot in that house again.
The clock chimed eight as I finished packing my suitcase for the third time. I was so excited last night that I kept reorganizing my luggage to keep myself occupied. I couldn't wait to go home, to see Carlisle and the children again. The limo would be here in two hours and the kids still refused to come out of their rooms. The only noise I heard was Bob typing away on his computer.
Left with nothing else to do I placed my bags by the front door and pulled out one of the magazines Alice had packed for me. Having finished Vogue and InStyle, I was just about to move onto Elle when I heard Bob and the kids coming down the stairs.
"Esme, I hope you have enjoyed your time here."
"I have, thank you. It was very interesting to see how you live."
"Yes well, the children usually behave better than this. I am so sorry you had to see the Clynes not at their best."
"Apparently Mom is the one who keeps us together." Adam said.
"She'll be glad to hear it."
The limo honked from outside, signaling that it was time to go. I gave each of the children a hug, realizing that I would miss them and hoping they would miss me.
After what felt like the longest ride ever we had reached our destination. As soon as Carlisle was out of the car I ran to him, as fast as humanly possible, and jumped into his arms.
"I've missed you so much. How was everything? Are the children okay?"
"Well they're…themselves. But I think it will be good for everyone to have you back home. How was your family?"
"Fine. Did you know some children actually behave themselves?"
"I've heard that but have never had the experience. You better brace yourself because the kids didn't hold back." Carlisle whispered in my ear as we made our way into the room.
I just shook my head, not sure if I wanted to know what had happened while I was gone.
AN: I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I am really going to try to get the next chapter out in a reasonable amount of time. Please review and tell me what you think. Sadly, this tale is almost over but there are still a few more chapters to go so suggestions are always welcome! Thanks for reading and staying with me during this difficult time. :)