Bad Ideas Gone Wrong Productions presents

An Inconvenient Duel

A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Geoduck


The postman brought the usual letter from the usual rival with the usual challenge. The place: the usual vacant lot.

And of course, the usual delay. Five days after the date mentioned in the letter, Ryoga wandered onto the lot. "Why does this place seem vaguely familiar?" the lost boy wondered aloud.

Ranma, perching on Ryoga's head growled ill-naturedly, "because it's the one you've been to a million times? A stone's throw away from your house?"

Ryoga, his head tilted to the side by Ranma's weight, glanced his eyes upwards. "Oh, hi Saotome. How's it going?"

Ranma hopped down. "Not bad. At least waiting for you got me out of a week's worth of school."

"You're welcome, I guess." Ryoga shrugged off his backpack and started shuffling through it.

Ranma watched Ryoga with curiosity. "Whatcha doin' there? Didja get me a souvenir this time?"

"Huh? Ah, of course not. I just want to get the equipment set up."

"Equipment? For our match?" Ranma shifted into a combat position. "Picked up some kind of weird weapon, pig boy?"

"Well, not exactly." Ryoga pulled a long, orange extension cord from his backpack. "Could you plug this in at the Satou's? They've got an outlet behind their house they let me use when I camp out here."

"Sure. No problem. Hey, which house is the Satou's again?" After a few seconds of thought, Ryoga hesitantly pointed to a house on the east side of the lot. "Psyche! Like I'd be dumb enough to ask you for directions..." Chuckling, Ranma hopped over the wall on the lot's western side, pulling the cord after him.

"Jerk," mumbled Ryoga.

By the time Ranma got back, Ryoga was ready.

"Uh, Ryoga? What the hell is all this stuff?"

"Just a few things I picked up here and there. I wanted a Macbook, but I got a really good deal on the Vaio, so I'm using it for now. I wasn't going to get a projector at first, but with it and the portable screen, movies look really good—I can carry around my own movie theatre with me."

"Uh... yeah." And this is useful for fighting me how?"

"Oh, this isn't for fighting. I just wanted to show you a PowerPoint presentation I've been working on."

"Guh? Power what?"

"Oh, for cryin' out... Just sit down and watch. We can fight afterwards. If you still feel up to it, that is."

Ranma's fighting spirit blazed. "Bring it on, chitlins!"

"Just what I wanted to hear, Saotome. Well, first of all, here's a chart projecting global temperature change over the next eighty years. You'll notice that..."


Two hours later, a dazed Ranma led Ryoga to the Tendo house. Akane, doing her homework in the main room smiled to see the boys enter. "Hello, Ranma, Ryoga. Did you have a good fight?"

Ranma sniffled. "Shut up."

Annoyed, Akane spoke sharply. "Don't tell me to 'shut up', Ran..." She stopped suddenly and leaned in to look at him closely. "Ranma, your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been crying?"

Avoiding her glance, Ranma grew stubborn. "No. I just got some dust up there."

Kasumi, ladle in hand and apron-clad, stepped out from the kitchen. "Oh, it's Ranma and Ryoga. I hope you'll stay for dinner, Ryoga, we have plenty. We'll be ready to eat in just a few minutes."

\Ranma said something in response, but it was inaudible.

"What did you ask, Ranma?" Kasumi cocked her head in curiosity.

"How could you?"

"I'm not sure I understand you, Ranma."

"How could you? How could you. HOW COULD YOU!"

Akane was so shocked at the unprecedented sight of Ranma yelling at Kasumi that she didn't know how to react.

"How could you make dinner when there's genocide going on in Sudan! When there's civil war raging in Afghanistan, Nepal, Uganda! Protesters being teargassed in Iran! Forced labor, toxins in the water supply, deforestation in the tropical rain forests, spontaneous extinction of bee colonies, AIDS, depletion of natural resources, overpopulation..." Ranma covered his face with his hands and sobbed. "It's a world of misery and pain... and we're supposed to just enjoy eating dinner?"

So subtly that nobody else could notice, Ryoga smirked, "Told ya that I'd destroy your happiness, Saotome," he muttered to himself.