A/N: Thank you, rhenea5018 and SorceressCirce for beta'ing this story,
and to drtammy1511 for her help on the medical front.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The boys just like to come and play with me ^_~
Once he was done, he got rid of the wet cloth and crawled back into bed with me. He pulled the covers over us after I snuggled up to him, our legs entangled and my head resting on his shoulder. I turned my face, nuzzling his neck, and stifled a yawn. I both heard and felt him chuckle softly as he ran his fingers through my hair. He kissed my forehead tenderly before murmuring softly, "Tomorrow, darlin'. Go to sleep now."
'Tomorrow, darlin'. Those words felt like a promise from him, and I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my lips at the thought of many tomorrows with him.
I was slowly waking up - still in that half-asleep, half-awake state - and feeling both very comfortable and sore in all the right places. Part of me wondered if I'd just had a really, really vivid dream. I shifted a little, my thigh brushing up against...my eyes snapped open to see Jasper in all his naked glory lying halfway on his side, still fast asleep. Where he was halfway on his back, I'd somehow managed to turn halfway on my stomach. Now that I was awake, I couldn't fathom how I had been comfortable during the night, but then again, being this close to Jasper was comfort enough.
I carefully moved to lie on my side fully so I could face him, trying not to wake him as I did. Glancing over at my alarm clock, I saw that it was really early still - too early to be getting up, not that I was of any mind to do so, regardless. The memories of last night came flooding back, and I smiled as I recalled how he had taken care of me. He had wanted me to just let go, and I had. Being with him - finally, after all these years - had been better than I could have ever imagined.
And believe me, I'd imagined plenty over the years.
Fighting the urge to touch him, I settled for just watching him sleep. He looked peaceful, happy, and I hoped that I had some part in that. Sighing softly, my mind began to wander to what was to come. Part of me didn't like that there was the chance Jasper would be left behind. I would fight, but there were no guarantees, and I knew that. So did he. And yet he still wanted me. I loved him for that.
I knew that, should I lose this fight, Jasper would be okay, at least as far as resources went. He was well off, had a well paying job and a place of his own. He had - to my knowledge - little to no debt. In short, he would be just fine, with or without me. I had long ago put him in my will. As my best friend, I had wanted to leave him something at least, especially since I no longer had any family of my own and probably never would have. But now...
Now I wanted to do more. I wanted him to have all of me. I knew he'd fight me on that. He wouldn't want me to do that for him, simply because he didn't need it. He'd want me, not what I had. He'd always been that way.
I resolved to call my lawyer later today. I wanted to take care of this before I got too sick. With a sigh, I realized I would also need to talk to him about other papers I would have to these, I wanted to discuss with Jasper. I knew I would need a medical proxy, if I were unable to make decisions myself. Carlisle would do it, if he had to; I knew that, too.
It's an awful lot to put on his shoulders. Is it even fair to him? Is any of this? I sighed again, lifting my hand to carefully brush his cheek with the back of my fingers. He gave the smallest of grunts at the contact, his face twitching slightly but he didn't wake up. I smiled as I continued to watch him. I owed it to him to at least give him the option to be my proxy. I wouldn't dismiss him for the role, not if he truly would be my partner in life. He deserved the right to decide for himself if he wanted that burden.
I bit my lip at the thought, my heart swelling as it hit me again that my dreams were dreams no more. Jasper was here with me; he loved me just as I loved him. I could finally touch him, without having to worry about overstepping my boundaries as a friend. He was mine, now. And I was his: mind, body, and soul.
My eyes roamed over his sleeping form, my fingers soon following, unable to resist any longer. My fingers ghosted along his arms and up his side, tracing small circles over his chest, ever smaller until finally brushing against his nipple. His breathing had become more irregular at every touch, indicating he was waking up, and I let my eyes rise to find his fluttering open.
He raised both arms above his head, arching his back and stretching, before settling back down as he gave me a lazy grin. He lifted his hand, palm up, and crooked his finger in a 'come hither' motion. Who am I to resist? I leaned over, my hand resting on his chest as I hovered over him. He put his hand on the nape of my neck, his fingers weaving into my hair as he pulled me closer for a slow, tender kiss.
My eyes closed as I hummed my pleasure. Jasper pulled away, chuckling softly before placing a small kiss on the tip of my nose. His hand traveled down my back and was soon followed by his other as he wrapped me in his arms. I snuggled closer to him, nestling my head into the crook of his neck, kissing his pulsepoint tenderly as I murmured, "Good morning, love."
He tightened his arms slightly, stifling a yawn. "Mornin' darlin'. How did you sleep?"
I grinned against his skin, murmuring softly, "I'd say 'like a baby', but I hear those don't sleep through the night very much."
He chuckled again as he turned his head and kissed my temple lightly. "I take it that means you slept well then. Must've tired you out last night."
His voice was an equal mix of cocky and amused, though I thought there was something else there, as well. Something I couldn't be sure to place. Instead of trying to figure it out, I decided to ignore it for now. There were other...things... I could focus my thoughts on. Like the gorgeous man in my bed.
I ran my nose along his jaw, humming softly. When I got to his chin, I nipped playfully at it as I gazed into his eyes. "You can tire me out like that any time, love."
I could feel his chest rumble as he growled softly, pulling me all the way up on top of him as his lips found mine hungrily. Shifting a little to get more comfortable resulted in our cocks rubbing together, causing us both to moan. Before long, we were both lost in the steady rhythm of kissing, thrusting, and touching. Somewhere in the back of my mind I had the faint notion that this was how it should be, how it would be from now on.
We spent the next hour or two in bed, our bodies intertwined as we made love the way we'd both longed to do for years – though we'd never had the courage to share those desires. It felt like such a gift, this new ability to express my love for Jasper in all ways as I whispered my devotion in his ear while he thrust into me. He murmured his own declarations in return, and I had never felt so whole before, so right.
When our bodies were finally spent, we roused ourselves. We took a shower together, taking turns washing the other, always touching, caressing, connecting. It amazed me how normal it felt; we were falling in sync with each other even more than we already had been.
Jasper went to make breakfast, telling me to relax on the couch. I rolled my eyes at him and followed him into the kitchen, just to be near him and watch him work. I'd still not gone shopping, so there weren't a lot of options, but he found some tortilla wraps and sausage, and he used the last eggs to make us a couple of breakfast burritos.
He joined me at the bar where I'd taken a seat, putting a plate with a burrito in front of me with a soft smile. We ate in comfortable silence, both of us stealing glances at the other, grinning and rolling our eyes as we got caught. Like being a freaking teenager all over again. I chuckled softly at the thought, which earned me a raised eyebrow from Jasper as he popped the last of his burrito in his mouth.
Grinning, I just shook my head as I finished off my burrito as well. I got up, grabbing both our plates, and walked to the sink, making quick work of the few dishes that had been used. I hated leaving them for later. Just as I rinsed the last of the dishes and put it in the rack, I felt Jasper's arms snake around my waist. Leaning into him, I turned my head, smiling at him as I put my arms over his, holding him closer to me.
His lips caught mine, and we stood for a while, just enjoying the moment. Eventually, he pulled away with a soft hum, pecking my lips once before he spoke in a low voice. "So what are your plans for today, darlin'?"
I thought about that for a moment, resting my head against his shoulder as I did.
"Need to get some groceries, for one."
I grinned at him briefly, then sighed as I remembered what else I'd resolved to do today. I coaxed his arms away from me so I could turn around and look at him, holding both his hands in mine as I searched his eyes. Without another word, I started walking to the living room, pulling him behind me and guiding him to sit next to me on the couch. He looked somewhat confused but gave me the time I needed to get my thoughts together.
Frowning, I stared down at our hands, which were now entwined and resting between us.
How the hell do you bring something like this up? 'Hey honey, would you like to decide whether I live or die if I'm no longer able to decide for myself?'
Yeah, that'd go over swimmingly, I'm sure...
Jasper's soft voice startled me out of my thoughts, and I looked up at him. He was watching me with concern, and I realized I'd been quiet for a lot longer than I'd intended to be. I gave him a tentative smile, my voice low as I spoke. "Sorry, I just..."
I sighed, releasing one hand so I could run my fingers through my hair, and ended up leaning my arm on the back of the couch with my fingers entangled in my hair instead.
"Jasper...I don't quite know how to say this; it's all kinds of messed up, but I know you deserve the choice..."
He squeezed my hand to stop my rambling. "What is it, Edward?"
I took a deep breath, leveling my eyes with his. Here goes nothing.
"Jazz, I'm going to call my lawyer today to make sure all my paperwork's in order before all this starts. I'm going to have him draw up papers for a medical proxy as well, just in case. I was wondering..."
I took another deep breath, puffing my cheeks as I let it out in one big gust.
"You were wondering if I would be your medical proxy," he finished; there was no question in his voice.
Nodding, my eyes searched his. He gazed steadily at me, though his eyes alluded to the storm raging inside of him. Neither of us spoke for several minutes, and I was at a loss as to what to think.
When he didn't speak after a while, I found myself getting nervous. I rubbed my hand over my face and sighed, my voice barely making it above a whisper as I spoke. "Jasper, you don't have to. I understand if you'd rather not...I'll ask Carlisle if..."
I could not bring myself to finish as an image of me in a hospital bed came to my mind. It was so clear, it scared me. I could see me - unconscious and unresponsive - Carlisle and the others hovering at the foot of my bed, Jasper sitting next to it as he held my hand, a doctor asking him if he wanted to keep life support going or turn it off.
I drew a shuddering breath, closing my eyes tight as I turned my face away from him, trying desperately to keep from losing it. "I can't..."
In an instant, I felt Jasper's arms around me, pulling me to him as he settled us both back against the couch, running his hand over my back in soothing strokes as he murmured words of comfort and love. It took a moment for me to realize that I'd started shaking again and that tears were quietly running down my face. I can't keep doing this; I can't keep losing it every time.
I leaned into him further, trying to take deep, steadying breaths to calm myself as I allowed Jasper to soothe my worries. Once I'd sufficiently calmed down enough to speak, I looked up at him as I placed my hand on his cheek, whispering, "I'm sorry."
He gazed into my eyes for a moment; I could see worry there - and fear, I thought. He swallowed hard before he spoke. "Edward, what can't you do?"
I pulled back a little to look at him, frowning, not entirely sure what he meant. When he saw my confusion, he elaborated, though his voice was so low I had to strain to hear it. "Just now, you said 'I can't', and then you apologized. Why? What can't you do? I thought..." He was the one to turn his face away then, unable to finish his sentence.
My eyes widened as realization hit me. No, no...he thinks I regret being with him? God no. I pulled away out of his arms and scrambled to straddle his lap, grabbing his face in both my hands, forcing him to look at me. I gazed intently at him for a moment, and the hurt in his eyes nearly rendered me incapable of speaking.
"Jazz, I love you. You. I'm not sure I could give you up even if I wanted to, and I don't. I'm sorry I lost it just now. That was what I was apologizing for."
I sighed softly as I both felt and saw Jasper visibly relax at my words. I placed a tender kiss on his forehead before continuing, my eyes intent on his as I felt his hands rest on my hips.
"As for the other thing...I can't ask you to be my proxy. The idea of you having to possibly make that kind of decision...I can't put that on you. I can't ask that of you. But I also can't deny that you have the right as my partner to have the option. It's going to have to be your decision, and you are going to have to tell me what you want. I can ask Carlisle, if you don't want to deal with it. I'll understand, love." I paused, my voice lower as I spoke again, "I don't know that I'd be able to do it, if I were in your shoes. To make that kind of a decision for you, if you lived or..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence as I felt the lump in my throat and saw Jasper's eyes tighten.
We stared at each other for a while, my thumbs gently rubbing back and forth along his cheekbones as the words hung in the air between us. Finally, he nodded and slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly to me. I tilted my head a little, my lips brushing against his ear as I whispered softly, "Don't think for a second I could ever regret us, Jazz. You've got my heart, baby, and I have a strict 'no return policy' when it comes to you."
I grinned as I pressed my lips to his neck, right under his ear, and I could feel him chuckling softly as he hugged me tighter. He gave a deep sigh as he pulled his head back far enough to be able to look at me; his expression softened as he gave me a lazy grin. "Partner, huh?"
I nodded, sitting up a little straighter so we were both more comfortable.
His grin widened, his voice low as he spoke again. "I think I like the sound of that. C'mere..."
He put his hand on my neck to guide me forward, tilting my head slightly, kissing me languorously. We sat like that for a while, and for a long moment I forgot what we had been talking about. My every sense was absorbed with Jasper. The one thought that came to mind was, How does he do that?
Finally, he pulled away with a sigh, smiling softly at me as he placed his hand on my cheek. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes and feeling very content. He stroked his thumb across my cheekbone, and I opened my eyes to see his gazing into mine as he whispered, "You've got mine, too, darlin'. And I don't want it back again. It's yours to take with you wherever you go."
My throat constricted with emotion as I nodded; I couldn't speak. What was I supposed to say to that? Instead, I put my hand over his heart before kissing him again, and I felt his hand slip to the back of my head, his fingers digging into my hair.
After a few minutes, I rested my forehead against his with a sigh. "I love you, Jasper."
It felt so good to be able to say it; I didn't think I'd be able to stop telling him or showing him. And I didn't want to, now that I could.
He grinned. "I love you, too, Edward. But as much as I would love to stay here and just hold you in my arms all day, I know there are things that need to be taken care of."
He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned back, pouting a little. He laughed as he caught my expression and shook his head.
"Darlin', if you want to have something to eat later, at the very least we'll need to go shopping. You are right, though. You need to talk to your lawyer, make sure everything is in order." He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he continued. "Have him draw up those papers. I will be your proxy on one condition. You be mine, too. I've already told you, you never know what's going to happen, and it's a good idea to have something like that, just in case. Are you okay with that?"
I just blinked as I sat there, absorbing his words. He put his hands on my hips, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on them as he awaited my answer. Could I do that? Would I be able to make that kind of decision for him? His gaze was steady as he looked at me, that quiet strength he had always been able to lend me coming through as I realized that, for this man, I could and would do anything.
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay with that. Thank you."
He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "No need to thank me for that, Edward. As I said, it's a good idea to have something like that in place. For both of us."
Nodding again, I sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I suppose I'd better call Jason and get the ball rolling."
Jason Jenks had been my family's lawyer for years. He'd taken care of all the details after my mother had died and had helped me over the years with the estate and various other things as well. He would be the one to take care of matters if and when I passed away.
Reluctantly, I moved to get up, only to find myself being crushed against Jasper's chest. My eyes widened in surprise, but my arms quickly went around his shoulders, hugging him back. He released me with a sigh though I stayed where I was, looking at him. "Are you alright?"
He nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed to hold you close."
He smiled apologetically , and I chuckled softly, winking at him as I thought back to yesterday when I'd pulled him close after my nap. "I know how you feel."
His hands were on my thighs, and he squeezed them once before letting me get up with a grin. I ran my fingers through his hair before grabbing the phone and dialing Jason's number as I walked to the bedroom. In no time at all, I had filled Jason in on what was going on and what I needed for him to do. He told me that he would have everything ready in a few days and asked me when I would be able to come in and sign everything, as well as go over all the changes to my will. He also reminded me that Jasper would have to come in as well, to sign the medical proxy papers. After checking with Jasper, I made an appointment for the following Wednesday morning.
I hung up, feeling both relieved that this was being taken care of and unsettled at the same time. I knew it was the right thing to do, to get my will put in order, especially considering I had no family. Just the feeling of working on what would happen at the end of my life, coupled with knowing that the end was a very real possibility in the near future...
I sighed, staring at the phone in my hands for a while before Jasper came to check up on me. He sat down next to me on the bed, slipping an arm around my waist as he pressed his lips to my temple. I leaned my head on his shoulder, my hand finding its way to his thigh, resting lightly on it. Closing my eyes, I just sat, letting his presence soothe me again.
Jasper didn't say anything, just sat with me, occasionally pressing his lips to my hair, his thumb gently rubbing my side. After a few minutes, I lifted my head to look at him. "Thank you. How do you always know when to do that? To just sit with me? Most anyone else would have tried to cheer me up, telling me whatever they thought I might want or need to hear. You never do."
He raised his free hand, the backs of his fingers grazing the side of my face tenderly as he gave me a soft smile. "I've known you for a long time, darlin'. I just... know."
He shrugged, as if that explained everything. I leaned in, brushing my lips against his as I murmured, "It's always been one of the many things I love about you."
He kissed me briefly before humming, "One of many, you say?"
"Mhmm. The list's too long to get into. Suffice it to say that I love you for being you."
He chuckled and winked. "Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that. I don't know how to be anyone else."
I laughed. An honest to goodness all out belly laugh. It was good to just laugh; it felt like I hadn't done so in a long time. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him close as I kissed his cheek. "Don't ever change, Jasper."
He nuzzled my neck as he hugged me back. "I wasn't plannin' to, darlin'."
He sighed as he let me go and got up, holding his hand out to pull me up. "C'mon, we've got some shopping to do if you expect to be gettin' lunch any time soon."
"Ugh! Do we have to?" I took hold of his hand and tugged, hoping to entice him to sit down again. "I'd much rather stay right here." I smirked at him, raising an eyebrow suggestively as I brushed our hands against his crotch.
He bit his lip in response, groaning softly. "You don't play fair, Masen."
I gave him as innocent a look as I could muster. "Didn't realize I was supposed to, love."
A low growl emanated from him as he suddenly pinned me to the bed, hovering over me, straddling my thighs. He looked as if a storm was brewing behind his eyes; he shifted his hips, causing me to moan. He continued to roll his hips into mine as he kissed me hungrily. My fingers wound in his hair, pulling him closer to me as I returned his kiss with equal fervor.
He shifted slightly, putting his hand between us and cupping my hard-on, squeezing it lightly before unbuckling my belt. As soon as he had unbuttoned my jeans and pulled the zipper down, he had his hand in my briefs, his fingers curling around my cock, stroking it. My neck arched, pressing my head into the bed as my hips bucked up into his hand.
He pulled away, shifting so he sat beside me, his hands at the waistband of both my jeans and underwear. "Up," he commanded; his voice was husky, and I couldn't suppress the shiver that ran through me at that one word. I lifted my hips, and within seconds, both items were pulled off and thrown to the floor. His hands slid up my sides, bunching up the fabric of my shirt before he repeated his command again; I complied eagerly, and the shirt soon followed the way of the rest of my clothes.
His eyes roamed over my body as his fingers teased my nipples. My eyes rolled back, and I moaned at his touch. It never seemed to be enough. Now that I'd had a taste, I found myself wanting more. Always more.
As I bit my bottom lip, feeling his hands ghost over my skin, I knew at least one other taste I wanted. His.
I reached up, grabbing each of his wrists in my hands as I pushed him over, crawling on top to straddle him. His legs were dangling off the side of the bed, his feet on the floor, which forced his hips to rise slightly. My bare cock brushed against the rough fabric of his jeans, and I reached down between us, shifting away as I began working on his belt buckle. I caught sight of his wide eyes staring up at me, a small smirk on his lips before I covered those lips with mine. Our kisses were feverish as I worked to remove his pants. I felt his hands helping me and brushed them away, kissing my way to his ear where I murmured, "You said I'd get my chance...I'm taking it now."
"Damn..." his voice was barely more than a whisper, and I smiled at the desire I heard deepening it. He relaxed under my hands then, his eyes drifting shut as I pulled off his clothes and tossed them to the floor. My hands explored his body, fingers tracing curves and palms brushing across planes as I learned him.
As I kissed my way down his abdomen and moved to kneel on the floor, he inhaled sharply, his fingers tangling in my hair and pulling. I growled at the feeling; the tugging awakened something feral in me, some base need for the man in front of me. Any thought of taking things slowly fled my mind, and I wrapped my lips hungrily around his cock, moaning as I licked his head and tasted the salty liquid there. His hips jerked, forcing me to take him deeper, and I did, sliding my lips as close to his base as I could while my tongue moved, teasing him as I sucked.
His gasps and moans spurred me on, and I felt a faint sense of wonder that I could do this to him - I could make him pant and cry out while his hips found a rhythm that matched the motion of my mouth. My hands were on his hips, my fingernails digging into his flesh as I pulled him closer to me. When he sat up, I had to pull back slightly, sitting up straighter as well. One of his hands went to the back of my neck, resting just at my shoulder as his fingertips caressed my upper back.
For a moment, the fingers still in my hair relaxed, brushing through my locks lightly, tenderly. His voice was deep and hoarse, echoing the desire I felt. "Do you have any idea how many times I imagined you just like this?" He broke off, a curse tumbling from his lips as his hips thrust up to meet me. "Fuck. It's even..." He gave a low, desperate moan as I ran the tip of my tongue along the rim of his head before I took him deeply with a moan of my own. "Even better than I thought..." Both hands were knotted in my hair now, his musing pushed away by the exquisite pleasure I was bringing him.
I wrapped my right hand around the base of his cock, moving my lips to the head as I rubbed him. I teased his head with my tongue, licking and sucking as my left hand went to my own cock. My hands moved with the same rhythm, stroking us both in time. I twisted my wrists, my breathing turning to panting as Jasper's hands pulled my hair, directing my speed. His hips began thrusting upward insistently, and I heard a whimper from above that threatened to make me lose control.
I could feel Jasper's thighs tightening, his body clenching as he neared his release. I was not far behind, my own thighs quivering - I was just so close. But at once, I knew I didn't want us to finish this way. I needed him - needed to feel him moving within me, his hands on my hips, his body thrusting into mine, claiming me.
Lifting my head, I ran my tongue along my swollen lips and whispered breathlessly, "Jasper...I need to feel you in me, baby...please..." I released myself though I continued stroking him slowly. When I looked up at him, I saw that his eyes were closed, his head hanging down. At the sound of my voice, they fluttered open, and his hands immediately dropped away from my head. A few strands of my hair remained tangled in his fingers, making me feel slight pain as they were pulled away.
"Hell, yes..." A smile flashed across his face as his hands wrapped around my upper arms, helping me back up onto the bed. Once there, I crawled on my hands and knees across the mattress, leaning down to reach into my nightstand. As I pulled the bottle of lube and a condom from the drawer, I felt Jasper's hands rubbing along my ass before his fingers moved to the front of my thighs, where his grip tightened. He gave a low growl as he pulled me back against him, letting me feel his hard length along my backside.
I bit my lip against the curse threatening to escape and straightened, my back to his chest as I turned my head to face him. His lips met mine fiercely, his arms wrapping around my body, his hands splayed across my chest. I was overcome with the feeling of him everywhere, surrounding me, and it was utter bliss.
I felt something tugging at my hands and realized Jasper was trying to pull the items I'd retrieved from the death grip I had on them. I loosened my fingers, and he broke our kiss, his lips moving instead to my shoulders. He bit me, hard enough to sting, before he kissed the pain away. I could feel his hands moving behind me, and my own hands moved to grip his thighs as my breathing sped with anticipation.
A hot breath brushed my ear as he whispered, "Bend over, darlin'," and I felt his warm hand on my back, urging me forward. I shifted to my hands and knees once more and felt him pressing into me immediately. He entered me slowly but without pause, sheathing himself in one smooth motion. I felt the burn as he stretched me - my body, so unused to this contact, had now been used quite thoroughly in the past day or so - but Jasper's murmured words and his hands roaming my back were enough to soothe the ache.
When I arched my back, encouraging him by rolling my hips, he began thrusting into me, harder and faster than we'd begun before. Gone were the tender caresses and softly spoken words. Those feelings were still there - I knew it, and I knew without a doubt that he did, too - but this was about need. Want. Desperation.
His left hand gripped my hip while his right was on my shoulder, pulling me to him roughly as we both grunted and panted. My head was tossed back, my lips parted as I rocked my hips against him. I heard sounds uttered in his rough voice, but I couldn't make sense of them, so far gone was my mind. He filled me so completely, and the sound of his thighs slapping against mine made me shudder in the most unbelievable way.
His rhythm stuttered for a moment, and I heard a strange snap before his hand reached past my hip, wrapping around my aching cock. I inhaled sharply when I felt the cool lube, but it warmed up quickly as Jasper stroked me, and I was soon overwhelmed with the dual sensations of him moving within me as he touched me. His other hand wrapped around my waist and then pressed upward against my chest, and we sat up together, me kneeling above him as he thrust into me from his knees. His mouth was on me then, his lips kissing my upper back as his tongue traced my shoulder blades. He bit me lightly, his breathing becoming ragged as his hips pounded against me.
I heard him murmuring my name, over and over erratically, as his hands froze. In contrast, his body sped, and he stiffened even more within me just before he cried out, calling my name. His forehead pressed against my back as he took shaky breaths, his hips slowing but never stopping. A smile played on my lips as I realized he'd been unable to control himself, but before I had time to feel too smug, his hand began moving again, stroking me near the head as he kept thrusting into me. The two different speeds soon had me squirming, my body taking over as I rocked my hips into Jasper's hand.
I fell forward, supporting my weight on my arms, my hands in fists pressing into the mattress as my head hung down. I was whimpering when his other hand reached to palm my balls, squeezing and pulling gently, and within just a few more passes, my body tensed in that incomparable way. Jasper stroked me through my orgasm, placing soft kisses along my spine. When I could finally hear over the pulse beating in my ears, his quiet voice was whispering words of love.
All was still and quiet in the room for a long moment, the only sounds those of our uneven breathing. I was on my hands and knees with him just above me, his head turned to the side with his cheek pressed against the middle of my back. I shook my head, muttering, "Damn," under my breath, and he chuckled, lifting his head. He gave my back one more small kiss before he straightened, and I felt his hand brush the back of my thigh as he reached to hold the base of the condom. I didn't like the sense of loss as he slipped away from me, and I fell forward on the bed, lying on my stomach, when he stood.
I listened to the sound of water running in the bathroom and heard him clear his throat. A content smile was on my face when he crawled back in bed beside me, his arm and leg thrown over me. Despite not having done much all day, I yawned, feeling my eyes water. His hand moved to stroke my hair gently, and his voice was quiet when he said simply, "You are amazing."
Humming, I turned my head to face him, smiling. "I could say the same thing."
The soft smile that spread across his face warmed me. I snuggled closer to him, and we just lay there for a while. I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, Jasper was no longer lying next to me, and I was covered by a sheet. Turning over onto my back, I scrubbed my face, trying to clear my head.
I mumbled, "Jazz?"
I was quiet for a moment, listening to the sounds around me, and it took me a little while to place the soft, intermittent clicking noise I could hear coming out of the living room; the only other discernible sound was the clock ticking. He must be working on something on his laptop. I threw the sheets off me with a sigh and got up, wrinkling my nose at the sticky feeling on my skin. I had been too tired to really care earlier, but now I felt the need to take a quick shower, making a mental note to change the bedding before tonight.
After I was done in the shower, I put my jeans back on, foregoing everything else as I went in search of Jasper. I smiled as I walked into the living room, finding him at the table again as he was typing away on his computer. I wasn't sure if he had heard me come in or not - though I was certain he'd have heard me get up and take a shower - so I quietly came up behind him, slipping my arms around his shoulders and nuzzling his neck.
He gave a soft sigh as I placed a kiss below his ear, and he tilted his head slightly to give me more room. My lips brushed against his ear as I whispered teasingly, "Is this going to become a habit of yours? Leaving me alone in bed?"
He placed his hand on my arms where they crossed over his chest as he turned to look at me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, darlin'. I didn't want to disturb you, 's all. You looked so peaceful."
I grinned, pecking him on the lips. "Thank you for letting me rest. Now..." I glanced at the little clock on his laptop, "if we're ever going to make a proper meal, we should go do some shopping."
I sighed heavily. I really didn't feel like leaving the house, but I knew that living off of take out would not be a good thing. Once in a while, it was okay, but every day?
Jasper chuckled softly, his eyes dancing with mirth as if he knew what was going through my mind. "Yes, we need to get you fed good 'n proper. Though you might want to go put some more clothes on. Not that I mind seeing you like this..." His hand followed my arm up to my neck, caressing it lightly. "But I do believe most places have a dress code to adhere to."
Rolling my eyes, I straightened up, his hand falling to his side as I did. "Fine, fine. Let's get this over with."
By the time I was fully dressed again, Jasper had shut down his computer and was waiting for me by the door, ready to go. Since we would be bringing home groceries, we took my car to the store - not that it was too far away, but it was just easier.
Jasper had grabbed my list of things to get, having added a few items of his own. As we walked around the store, I marveled again at the ease of things between us. We'd never really gone shopping like this before, not even during our college years, and I found that I kind of liked it. Really liked it, actually. Every now and then we'd come across something that would have us talk about what brands we preferred to use over others. And at times we'd poke fun at some of our choices. Like Jasper's now not-so-secret-anymore love of Cocoa Puffs cereal. He had grabbed a box, adding it to the cart without saying anything, and I just stared at him in disbelief. Jasper - the man who ate about as healthy as I did and was vigilant about how he treated his body - confessed to eating the sweet cereal as an occasional treat.
Something about him adding his own day-to-day things to the cart made me pause. I watched Jasper as he checked the different meat choices, though I didn't pay any attention to that. My focus was solely on him as I wondered where we would go from here. Jasper had wanted to stay with me this week so I wouldn't be alone, and so far I was loving the fact that he was with me. I realized at once that I didn't want him to leave after this week was up. It seemed like we'd been dancing around each other for so long, and now that we finally had gotten our act together, I hated the idea of not being able to be with him all the time.
Before, we would hang out regularly enough. We saw each other at least weekly, sometimes several times a week. I wanted more than that though. I wanted every day. Jasper turned around, holding a package of steaks in his hands. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What's wrong?"
He put the meat in the cart before placing his hand on my elbow. I smiled softly at him. "Nothing at all. C'mon, let's get this checked out and get home?"
His eyes tightened a little as he watched me carefully, trying to determine if I was being truthful, I guess. I rolled my eyes at him as I pecked his lips. "Honestly, I'm fine. I'm just ready to get home and have you to myself again." And to talk. We definitely need to talk.
He nodded, and before long we were checked out, bagged, and on our way home again. He kept shooting furtive glances at me, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. Did he feel the same sense of rightness I did? Did he want to be together every day?
Once we got home, we put all the groceries away, working together quietly, easily. Jasper fixed us a couple of sandwiches for a late lunch, which we ate at the bar again. We didn't talk much while we were eating, and it wasn't until after I'd done the dishes again that he sighed and asked if everything was alright.
I turned around, leaning back against the counter and reaching for him. He stepped up to me, and I spread my legs a little so he could stand between them. I put my hands on his hips, and he rested his hands at my elbows, gazing down on me. Worrying my bottom lip, I searched his eyes, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say without sounding like a complete idiot again, or worse, like an insecure teenager confessing his crush.
"Jasper?" I sighed, feeling stupid and insecure. Why was this so hard? I knew what I wanted; I knew I loved him and he me. I frowned at myself, lowering my eyes as well as my voice as I continued. "Do you feel it, too? When we went shopping, when we're together...everything has felt so right."
He put his finger under my chin, lifting my face up to so I was able to see his eyes. His voice was soft and tender as he spoke, a smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, I do, darlin'. Why do you ask?"
Grasping his hand and holding it to my heart, I let out a slow breath. "Because I don't want to let you go. I don't want to be without you anymore. I don't want to wake up alone and not have you here to hold. I want to come home...to you."
My eyes continued to search his, and I wished I could know what he was thinking, what he was feeling right now. My voice lowered still more as I said, "I want to have you here, not just because you want to support me and not let me deal with all of...this...alone, or to help me adjust. I want to have you here, to share my life with you, as my partner."
He squeezed my hand lightly as he leaned over and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering a moment before he spoke. "Let's sit down."
With that, he led me to the couch, and we sat down much like we did the other night: he with a leg stretched along the couch and me with my back to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around me. He rested his chin on my shoulder, occasionally placing soft kisses on my neck, cheek, or temple. He murmured softly, "My lease is up next month. Did you know that?"
I shook my head, not sure where he was going.
"You know I've been saving up to buy a home."
I nodded. I knew that owning his own home was a dream of his. He'd always talked about it, saying he'd buy a nice house when the time was right for him, when he was ready to settle down. I turned to look at him questioningly, wondering if he was trying to say what I thought he was saying. He let out a slow breath before continuing.
"I know this is crazy soon, but I know what I want, Edward. I'm done. I'm done living life without you in it. I've tried before, so have you. Now that I know you want me too, I don't want to go back to that. Ever. I want to build a life with you. But I want to start fresh, with a place of our own. Our home, not yours or mine. Ours."
He paused to look at me, gauging my reaction. I blinked, absorbing everything he said. I had hoped he would want to move in with me, live with me on a permanent basis. I had not expected him to go one step further and suggest we buy a house together. Not this soon, anyway, and not knowing what was coming. But as I thought about it, the idea of sharing a home with him, one we'd both picked out and worked on, would not be shaken.
He grinned softly as he added the one thing that he must know would sway me, had I needed convincing. "Besides, if we get a place of our own, you could get your baby grand back. I know you miss playing it."
He was right. I had a small upright in my apartment, but it just wasn't the same as the baby grand my mother had left me. Right now, it was at Carlisle's and Esme's house, since there simply was no room for it here. They didn't mind keeping the piano, as they knew how much it meant to me and that the idea of either selling it or even just putting it into storage was too hard...I'd never been able to do it.
But to be able to play it every day again, whenever I wanted, to be able to play with Jasper in our home. I laced my fingers in his hair as I pulled him to me, kissing him deeply. After a few minutes, I pulled away, my fingers lightly scratching his scalp, which had him close his eyes briefly and hum. When he opened his eyes again, I gave him a half-smile.
"I love the idea of us doing that, Jazz. But are you really sure? Especially now?"
His brow knitted together as he placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb caressing it lightly. "Especially now, Edward."
Placing my own hand over his, I turned my head just enough to press my lips to his palm before moving his hand to rest over my heart. I gazed in his eyes, very aware of his presence as I again considered the possibility of us buying a place together. Jasper was my past, had been a part of me for so long in every way but one. Now, he was that, too. He was here, in the present and wanting a future, with me.
At my nod, Jasper's face lit up with a brilliant smile, and after a quick kiss, he began talking about the things he would like in a house, asking me what I wanted. He had me move so he could take notes. I sat back and watched, amused at his enthusiasm for the task and loving that he wanted this as much as I did. We'd quickly agreed to ask Esme and Alice for help once we'd found a place, both of us realizing that it was very likely that I wouldn't be up to doing much by then. Jasper also insisted that we include our friends, knowing they'd want to help however they could.
When I pointed out that Rosalie was a realtor, Jasper put down the pen and pad, looking at me. His demeanor changed as he was suddenly serious. I tilted my head slightly, confused at the sudden change when he took my hand in his. "When do you want to tell them?"
I blinked, trying to catch up to his train of thought. Once I realized he was referring to telling our friends, all I could manage was a soft, "Oh..." I frowned, lowering my eyes to our hands as I entwined our fingers. I thought about our friends, knowing they would support me in any way I might need. I sighed as I ran my free hand through my hair. I knew that in the months to come, they'd be there, but I wanted to have some time with them now, while I was still relatively healthy.
"Jasper...are you up for a weekend in the mountains?"
It was his turn to look confused, and I felt a small smile tug at my lips as I explained that I wanted to go to the lodge my parents had left me. We all used to go every couple of months, just to have some quality time together as friends. Over the years, the time in between trips had lengthened, and the last time had been a little over a year ago.
After Emmett and Rosalie had gotten married a few years ago, they'd not come along as often, and Bella had been busy with nursing school. Now that she and Jake had finally gotten together, they spent most of their time just hanging out as a couple. Alice I saw regularly, of course, as well as Jasper. But as a whole, we'd drifted apart more than I cared to admit. Though whenever anyone was in need, we all rallied in an instant. It had always been that way, and always would be.
I wanted all of us to get together again, away from everything. And in truth, I didn't want to have to tell everyone the same story again and again. This was hard enough to deal with, without adding the stress of repeating the news. I looked at Jasper to see how he felt about the idea, but he just nodded, saying he understood. I smiled softly at him, my thumb running along his index finger as we continued to hold hands.
We agreed that we'd tell them everything over the weekend, the good and the bad - though hands down, the thing I looked forward to telling them the most was about Jasper and I being together. Provided, of course, that they would all be able to make it. Jasper and I both got our phones out; he called Emmett and Rosalie, while I called first Alice and then Bella. Alice was excited at the idea of all of us getting together and immediately said she'd come, assuring me she'd bring her cameras. I smiled at the reminder of getting our pictures taken.
Bella was happy to hear from me, though instantly worried something was up when I asked if she and Jake could make it out for the weekend. She said she'd try and clear her schedule so she could drive up on Friday, but otherwise would be there on Saturday. She wasn't sure if Jake was working or not but said that if he had the time off, he'd surely be there as well. With a final assurance that I'd fill her in on everything once we all were together, she finally hung up. She knew something was up, and I was sorry to worry her, especially knowing the news I'd be giving, but there was little I could do about that now.
I glanced over at Jasper, who was still on the phone with Emmett. He grinned at me and rolled his eyes, so I sat back and waited for him to be done. Once he hung up, he chuckled and shook his head. "It sounds like they've got some news to share as well. I can guess what it is, if Emmett's enthusiasm is any indication. He was thrilled at the idea of getting together this weekend; he said that he and Rosie would be there with bells on. Not entirely sure if he meant Bella with that, or not - you know how he can be."
I chuckled as I thought back to some of the escapades he used to get into back in high school. "Yeah, I really do."
He had, at one point, carried Bella over his shoulder - fireman's style - while she was kicking and screaming for him to let her go. She hadn't wanted to go to an informal dance, and Emmett had felt it his duty to make sure she didn't miss out on the experience, so he had kidnapped her - with Charlie's permission - and taken her anyway. In the end, we'd all had a lot of fun, but it took her a week or two before she'd truly forgiven him for doing that to her.
I made a quick call to the caretaker of the lodge, letting him know we'd be visiting soon so he would have time to air the place out and make sure there was plenty of firewood for us. That done, Jasper and I spent time just enjoying each other's company as we reminisced about our friends and discussed what we wanted in a house. We realized that this weekend would be the perfect opportunity to ask Rosalie to help us find a place as well.
All told, I felt good. I would be spending time with my closest friends, I had Jasper, and we were planning a future together. Right at that moment in time, life was good.
A/N oops, knew I'd forgotten something! My bad!
The lemon was brought to you by my lovely beta SorceressCirce. Be sure to leave her some love, because boy howdy did she make sure the boys got some ^_~