Star Wars- Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones - The Parody -
Author - Super_Tinfoil_Man_Part2
Disclaimer - I do not own Attack of the Clones or Star Wars
Contains crude language -
Chapter 1 - Explosions -
The Attack of the Clones
There is unrest in the GALACTIC SENATE. Padme' got twelve credits off at the local grocery store on Coruscant. Other senate members are letting their voices be heard over this. The mysterious, yet not so mysterious since a large percentage of Jedi and senators know who he is, Count Dooku has made it hard for the remaining Jedi to maintain peace and order in the galaxy because of his Seperatist actions. Senator Amidala, the former Queen of Naboo and playmate of the year last year, is heading to THE GALACTIC SENATE to vote on the military act to assist the overwhelming Jedi........
......she's heading there on her brand spanking new Senate ship, all shiny and stuff.......
......O.K, you can pan the camera up a bit more so you can see them fly by, hurry up or you'll miss them.......
......there, not a bad job Phil.....
The large Chrome colored senator ship flew gracfully through space on its way to Coruscant, with Naboo fighters on both sides, flanking it. It did a fancy little corkscrew as it entered the atmosphere.
" ARGHH!!! Tom !! What the hell man !!! " Padme' screamed at her pilot as she bounced around her room, combs and clothes flew all over the wall as she tried to get a hold of something solid.
The ship landed safely on the platform of the Senate states building. Over near one of the figher pilot ships, the hatch opened and a Naboo fighter pilot took his helmet off as he addressed a woman fighter pilot next to him.
" We made it. I told you Tom could fly. " Captain Typho said to the woman fighter pilot, who mysteriously didn't remove her helmet to respond, what a rude person !
The senator ship suddenly exploded! Sending the dignataries and personell flying in several directions at once. The woman fighter pilot whipped her helmet off, it was Padme' !!!! She ran to the destruction zone while alarms made alarm-like sounds in the background.
Her bodyguard Corde' was lying down at the bottom of the ramp, a trickle of blood running down the corner of her mouth, other than that, she wasn't hurt at all.
" I.....failed you senator. " Corde' said as she tried to stand up, Padme' screamed, " No ! " and hugged her friend violently, killing her in the process.
" M'lady we better go, there could be more explosions nearby. " Typho grabbed her elbow.
Padme' stood up, dropping her friend with a sick sounding plop, " I shouldn't have come back! "
" This vote is very important. " Typho tugged a little on her elbow now. Padme' stood there staring at the desctruction.
" We have to go now. " Typho tugged her elbow again, Padme' looked around at the dead bodies.
" COME ON!!! " Typho backhanded Padme' across the face, she staggered a little then followed Typho off of the ramp. R2-D2 tried to follow but got hung up on a piece of scrap metal, he made a whoo noise as silly, mocking music played in the background.
Senate Chamber ..........
" Order !! We will have order !! Stop throwing those damn plastic cups around ! They have sharp edges you know !! " Mas Amedda screamed at the unruling senators on his floating platform. A dozen random floating platforms floated here and there in the large chamber.
The supreme chancellor Palpatine walked up to the edge of his podium, " Senators and gentleman. We have recieved news that..... "
Chancellor's office ........
"......queen Amidala, former queen of, former queen...what the hell? How did I end up here? " Palpatine had a concerned expression of his face. Yoda, Ko-Ploon and Mace Windu sat across from his desk, giving him an odd stare.
" Ol' man lost his fuckin' mind. " Mace muttered.
" Your language you must watch master Windu, for bad language is the path to the dark side. " Yoda gave Mace a light tap on his knee.
" Why don't you kiss the dark side of my a......" Mace was interrupted by Palpatine, " I don't know how much longer I can hold off the vote my friends, more and more star systems are joining the seperatists. "
" If they do break away....." Mace was interrupted again by Palpatine.
" I will not let this republic, which has stood for a thousand years, be split in two. " Palpatine seemed determined to show the masters he meant business.
" If they do, you must realize, there aren't enough Jedi to......."
" Master Yoda, do you really think it will come to war ? " Palpatine cut off Mace rudely for yet another time.
Yoda seemed deep in thought with his eyes closed , everyone waited for a response. Mace gave Yoda a nudge with his elbow.
" Squalk! Sorry! Nodded off I did. Ah Senator Amidala, it warms my heart that you are still alive. " Yoda said, scooting off of the chair, the others looked around, there was nobody new here, she didn't come in the door yet.
The door to the room chimed, then opened. Senator Amidala, Captain Typho, Mas Amedda , Bail Organa, Horox Ryyder and several hundred of their attendants piled into the room, they all tripped over each other as the doorway wasn't wide enough to accomidate several hundred people.
" Fuck, not him. " Mace slapped his forehead as Jar Jar Binks strolled in last.
" Do you have any idea who was behind the attack? " Amidala quickly started the conversation, leaving Yoda's mouth hanging open.
" Our intelligence points to disgruntled Jawa's on the plains of Tatooine. " Mace looked down and shuffled his feet.
" From now on Mace, " Amidala stared a hole through the Jedi master, " Refer to your intelligence as our dumb as wet shit team. " Everyone in the room laughed except Mace.
" I think Count Dooku was behind it. " Amidala announced. The room responded in gasps and heavy sighs.
" He is a raging homosexual, not a murderer. " Ki-Adi-Mundi said nodding his long ugly head at the former queen of Naboo.
" Then it is settled then, she will be protected by Obi-Wan and Anikan. " Palpatine said over the conversations breaking out left and right.
" Wait a second, nobody said..... " Amidala was cut off cut Palpatine. " Oh, but I do, I do your gracefullness. "
Everyone gave the old man a weird stare.
" OBI's gonna be hear-E ! Yipeee !! " Jar- Jar jumped for joy.
" What a pile of shit that one is. " A senator in the background commented. A few assistants started making sickening groaning sounds after Jar-Jar's outburst, the room started to get louder and louder with Jar-Jar sucks chants.
" Don't worry Jar-Jar. Don't pay attention to these people. " Palpatine tried to comfort the ugly creature from across the room, Jar-Jar nodded and looked to the floor.
" It's just that, that........MAN YOU JUST SO GODDAMN HATEFULL !!! " Palpatine screamed and shot force lightning across the room, Jar-Jar was pinned to the wall, he melted soon after. The room laughed. Yoda shuffled over to the melted form of Jar-Jar, he pulled down his tiny pants and took a leak on the pile of rubbery mass of Jar-Jar binks.
For some strange reason, the room sat there and watched Yoda piss all over Jar-Jar's melted form, it lasted several minutes, Yoda was legendary for taking long leaks.
The chapter ended.