It was James and Lily's last day at Hogwarts, they had already graduated and were aboard the Hogwarts Express on their way back to London. They hadn't spoken since the night James caught Lily kissing Dylan. She knew he would watch her, but she never confronted him she couldn't face talking to him and not being able to be honest about how she felt about him.
Lily was standing in the last carriage looking out of the window. She missed James, she missed him a ridiculous amount, they may have only been together for a little while but she had fallen in love with him. He might have broken her heart but she couldn't bring herself to hate him or even be angry at him, he looked far too miserable about it all. That is what she didn't understand, he was the one that had ended it so he should be happy but he clearly wasn't.
Speaking of James, he had just stepped into the empty carriage with her.
"What do you want James?" she asked.
"I wanted to talk," said James. "Do you mind?"
"No," said Lily. It was their last day, after today she probably wouldn't see him again and she couldn't bear it. She at the very least wanted to say goodbye to him.
"Thank you," said James as he sat down opposite her.
"What do you want to talk about?" Lily asked. She continued to look out of the window, whenever she looked at James lately she felt such a strong pang of longing that it was less painful not to.
"I wanted to say goodbye," he said not taking his eyes off her for a single second. "I didn't want to end things on a bad note."
"It's okay, I'm not mad at you anymore."
"I heard you broke up with Dylan," he said.
"I did," said Lily. She wasn't going to tell him why, she still had her pride he didn't have to know how much she still loved him.
"How are you Lily?" he asked sofly.
She sighed, that was the voice he used when they used to sit together under the big tree by the lake. The way he used to talk softly into her ear and tell her how much she meant to him.
"I'm fine," she said. "How are you?"
"Tired, I couldn't sleep last night," smiled James. "We have to be grown ups now."
"Yeah we do," said Lily. "We should be getting to Kings Cross soon."
"In a few minutes," said James. "I should have come to talk to you sooner, I...I was scared you didn't want to speak to me."
"I told you I'm not mad anymore," said Lily. "I guess we should say goodbye."
"I never thought I would say goodbye to you," said James sadly.
"Me neither," said Lily. "But here we are."
"Here we are," said James. "Good luck, stay safe and...be happy."
"That sounds like something from some sappy card," said Lily.
"I know but I didn't know what else to say," said James. "I just...I need to take care of yourself, don't put yourself in danger, okay?"
"Please," he pleaded. "Promise me you will stay safe."
"I'll do my best," said Lily. "I hope you find happiness James and stay safe too."
James sighed and got to his feet. He leaned down and quickly kissed Lily on the cheek, before she could stop him. He turned to leave the carriage but as he reached for the handle Lily jumped to her feet.
"No don't go," she said calmly. "Please, just stay."
"Lily," he said carefully. "I should..."
"I love you," she said her eye filling up with tears. "I love you, please don't go. We are never going back to school again so...please just stay."
"I...I...can't," said James painfully. "I...I wish..."
"I wish I could hate you," said Lily stubbornly wiping the tears from her cheeks as fresh ones fell. "Why did you ask me out for so long? Why were you so...sweet and...you? If you were always going to do this...why did you have to make me love you?"
"Oh you're sorry, that makes it all okay," said Lily. "I never thought you would be cruel, I thought you were better than that now...I would have preferred to be hexed."
"Did you ever even like me or was it all just a game to get the one girl that didn't want to go out with you?"
"Of course it wasn't a game," said James reaching out his hand to stroke her face.
"No!" she hissed slapping his hand away. "You don't get to act like you care."
"I do care, of course I care," said James sadly. "Honey it's..."
"Don't call me honey," she said sadly. "Please just leave me alone, promise me you will just leave me alone from now on."
"I need to just get over you," she sighed looking out of the window. "And I can't do that when you're around. So please if you see me after today don't talk to me, don't even look at me. I want to pretend that you don't exist because...I can't handle loving you and...please just promise me..."
"Okay, I promise."
"Can you leave now?"
"Okay," said James hanging his head. "But..."
James turned to walk out the carriage, he couldn't bring himself to look back at her it would break his heart to see what he was doing to her. He hated himself and couldn't stand what was happening between them.