Okay so this is based on the 1998 film version, and I haven't actually read the book. So please don't yell at me for making things up or whatever because this is just for an English homework on the film that we're watching in class.
But yeah, enjoy.
Disclaimer; All Thomas Hardy's
It seems in a matter of less than twenty four hours, my whole world has slipped. I no longer wish to live in such a world; no longer deserve to live at all.
I thought I'd truly decided to take Mothers' advice and not mention the incident with Alec, but I suppose I lose all power that I may possess over what comes out of my mouth when around Angel; before I knew it, the whole story came tumbling out, no matter if I'd wished to stop it or not. It seems I'm just unable to lie to Angel.
It all started when he told me his confession; that he was no longer a virgin either, that he too had made a mistake in the past. At first I was overwhelmingly relieved, thinking that maybe I wasn't the only one with a troubled history, that surely, if I could so easily forgive him, he would do the same for me; I guess things don't work that way. Not for me anyway – I'm beginning to wonder why I was put on this earth at all.
But how could I deny him complete honesty, when he'd been so open with me? How could I hide it any longer knowing that he hid nothing from me? It was the perfect opportunity, one that I took… And have been regretting ever since.
I'll never forget the moment he said those words, told me straight that he no longer loved me. The moment that he ripped my heart from my chest, only to smear it around the room and throw it from his life. It's been repeating in my mind ever since; an ongoing nightmare that I can't escape. I can't help but hope that I'll awake sometime soon, and he shall love me again, but I fear that that is impossible now. I've lost whatever love he once had for me forever.
Quite ironic, it seems to me, that barely hours after we'd promised to be each others' forever, he would leave me, most likely never to return. And over something only a little different than what he confessed to have done, also.
No, I can't blame this on Angel; I won't. No matter how he feels about me, I shall always love him. Even if it means a lifetime of unreturned affections and loneliness, I shall never forget my love for him. It was fate, and I only brought this upon myself; led myself into this turmoil.
I wish I had never known of our ancestors. I wish I had never heard the name D'urberville spoken, and hope to never hear it again.
I remember telling Angel how I once wished I had never been born, and wonder if I told him he was the reason that changed. Now, I only wish it for Angels' sake.
I wish that Angel, amazing, beautiful Angel had never come across someone as foul, and impure as I.
I see this as Gods' way of punishing me for my wrongs, but must he punish Angel, too?
Tess Durbeyfield, at the time when all happiness as I know it, has ended