There Is A Good Reason Why I Haven't Updated In Absolute Yonks.
Basically Its All Exams And Coursework Right Now
I Have A 10 Hour Art Exam In The Next Two Weeks – Brutal!
If I Fail Those, I'll Need To Learn How To Integrate The Words 'Do You Want Fries With That' Into Every One Of My Sentences.
So If Anyone Is In Or Understands My Situation, Please Be Sympathetic And Be Patient
Now…To Anyone Who Is Still Wanting To Read This Chapter I Hope You Enjoy It
Damn Near Took Me A Week To Get This All Down.
"I can't believe it!" Embry roared, pacing furiously around my room, his feet stomping loudly on the wood. It had been like this for the past ten minutes; actually it was the tenth time, at least, that he had said that. Seth had thankfully for the most part kept out of the argument. Not like it was much of an argument. It was just me being told off like a toddler who had just painted multicoloured stick figures on a previously pristine white wall.
"I don't understand how it could have turned out like this! It's impossible!" I huffed and crossed my arms in defiance. "You've only just gotten over the damn bloodsucker and now this happens!" I glared at the floor and replied in a murmur, which was a stark contrast to his shouts.
"It was bound to happen at some point." Seth sighed and shook his head. He wanted me to be happy, even though he wished it wasn't with Edward, whereas Embry was furious at me just for looking at him. Apparently I should have had more sense than that.
"Not in this lifetime! I can't deal with you imprinting on our mortal enemy." His voice was still raised but I detected a twinge of desperation. I saw my attack point and went for it. 'Guilt him, challenge him', my inner voice told me.
"And you think I can?!" My voice bordered on hysteria. "I didn't ask for this you know!" I became angered at him. Did he actually think this was easy for me? Seth looked like he was about to interrupt me. "Shut up." I told him harshly. He flinched backward with wide eyes as if I'd just slapped him. "I have been waiting for decades for this to happen. Why can't you just accept it when it does?"
My hands shook quickly. I grabbed the closest thing I could reach and flung it at him. He quickly sidestepped the makeshift missile and it slammed into my wall. The yellowed pages fluttered to the ground. I became engulfed in sadness and shame. "I didn't ask for this," I repeated in a whisper.
I threw one leg out of the window and didn't glance back as I flipped the other around and dropped to the grassy floor below. I jogged into the forest, feeling the rest of my packs eyes on me. I pushed off on one foot, phased and hit the ground.
I didn't rush myself as I headed towards the boundary. I reached the line and continued around it almost as a trotting pace. I passed through the meeting place and couldn't prevent my eyes straying towards where Edward was standing prior to his departure. I wrinkled my nose and carried on.
I still can't believe their back. I knew they would come back eventually, but I would have thought I would be long gone by then. I actually couldn't understand how I felt about their return. Shocked definitely. I should be angry, furious even – I mean they just left me, completely unaware of how it would affect me – or they did know and they just didn't care. Either way was just as bad as the other.
I should be irate, but I'm not. I can't be hateful towards my family – well, former family. They may technically be my 'mortal enemies' as Embry so kindly put it, but I can't stop loving them. They're always in my thoughts, whether it be the forefront of background, it didn't matter; they were a constant for me.
But I'm scared. What happens when they have to leave? I can't abandon the tribe to go with them. I'm their protector and damn proud of that fact. I sighed roughly. I couldn't work this out. I'd just have to take things as they came. Though I should be more careful about Alice and Jasper. I had clearly upset Alice with my cruel, indifferent demeanour and that had obviously annoyed Jasper and I couldn't afford to make enemies in the family.
"Hey Bells!" a loud voice boomed at me. I jumped back and crouched low, my claws dug into the ground and my fur bristled with fright. My heartbeat pounded loudly through my ears and a flush ran through my body. How on earth had he snuck up on me?! There stood Emmett grinning hugely at me. It was so hard not to grin back at him, even though he almost made me jump out of my hide with panic, his glee was infectious.
"What do you call a lost wolf?" he asked me, shit eating grin still stuck on his face. Oh god it had already begun.
When he saw, or rather deduced I had a completely blank face he gave me the punch line: "A Where wolf! Get it? Were-wolf and where wolf like its lost…and…" his face fell when he noticed I wasn't amused. "Okay, whatever just…jog on," he grumbled, trudging away unhappily. A moment of silence surrounded me.
I started slowly moving forward again, the pads of my paws silently moving over the twigs and leaves. I wasn't going to be unprepared for someone else to sneak up on me. I could hear breathing, deep breaths high up in the tree just behind me. I paused, my ears twitching. The sound stopped. I tilted my head slightly, and then headed back into wolf territory. He didn't move but I knew he was still up there. And I knew which member of the Cullen coven was up there, which was precisely the reason why I wanted to turn and just stare at him. I didn't know how I knew it was him. I just did.
Though I knew the imprint was involved. I was so occupied by wondering exactly how the imprint gave me that knowledge that I nearly walked straight off a cliff. I stopped as soon as I saw what was about to happen.
I phased back into human form and sat with my legs curled up to my chest and my back against a tree. I plucked a flower from the ground and twirled it between my fingers. To human eyes it would seem perfect; evenly shaped and correctly proportioned. But to my eyes none of the velvety petals were the same. They all had different shapes and sizes and had blotches of discolouring. A tiny bug had also chewed through a few porcelain white petals. Even though there were blemishes that only made it more perfect to me.
I plucked a petal away and let it go in the air. It floated to the floor by my feet. I continued to tug away at the delicate little ribbons as a twig crunched behind me, alerting me to someone's approach. I didn't defend myself though; that noise was deliberate – only made so I don't accidentally hurt the person coming closer.
He sat beside me in a similar position, though he was fully clothed as he had been in my bedroom. I continued to examine the perfect imperfections of the petals that were slowly being removed from the daisy while he stared at the rising sun. He left me free in my prison of thoughts for a few minutes until he finally spoke.
"It's you isn't it? The one your brother's book talks about," I picked another petal off and held it up slightly, so the wind caught it and carried it off the edge of the grassy bank.
"I think so," I replied in a hushed voice, knowing he was talking about the Eternal Wolf. A moment of silence passed between us. A waking bird sung its morning song as the sky became progressively brighter. Seth put his hand on my forearm.
"I want you to be happy Bella," I smiled slightly. He was the more sympathetic of the two. "So does Embry," I turned my head slightly with my eyebrows raised sceptically. He looked away from the sun and immediately became defensive when he saw my expression. "He does!" he said, "he just doesn't actually show it," I shook my head and looked back at the half stripped daisy. "He's scared," he admitted, almost in a defeated tone. Embry must not want me to know. "He doesn't want to lose you to them," he said quietly, "and neither do I, but I want this for you. I want your happiness."
"I want to be happy too, Seth. But I don't think I can." I began picking away at the daisy again. My legs crunched closer to my chest and my head rested on my knees. "It's as if there are two wolves inside of me, constantly fighting one another for dominance." I stopped. It was rare I ever voluntarily shared my thoughts and feelings with anyone so I found it hard when I did. Seth was waiting patiently for me to continue, in the understanding nature he always had about him.
"One's good and doesn't mean any harm. It doesn't take offence when no offence was intended and it's fiercely loyal. It wants to be with Edward. It loves him and would do anything for him." My eyes misted. I blinked rapidly and swallowed hard.
"But the other…the littlest thing will send it into a fit of anger, and it wants to fight everyone constantly, for no reason at all. It can't think sometimes its temper is so blinding. And – it hates Edward for making it feel so strongly." I let the last bit of air in my lungs out and stopped breathing for a moment in an attempt to gather myself before speaking again.
"And it's so hard to live like this, to feel like this because both are trying to take over. I try to keep a clear head; to not take any notice of the vying beasts." My voice became hoarse "I don't know who will win out in the end." The tears finally spilled over and ran down my cheeks.
Seth wrapped his arm around me. I spoke though sobs then: "and even if I do overcome both wolves, I'll be going against everything we believe in." I shook violently and tried to push down the urge to phase and howl out my sorrows.
Seth buried his face in my hair and murmured comforting words to me. I didn't bother trying to hide the pain. Seth knew me well enough to know I would be in a ton of it right now.
He pulled away after a few minutes. He rubbed the damp from my cheeks with his thumbs. His dark depths showed his compassion, his sincerity as he stared deeply into my eyes. "You wouldn't be going against all of our beliefs." I became confused. How was I not contravening all of our packs rules? "We believe our imprint is the most important thing in our worlds; yours is no different. Embry will have to get over the prejudice and accept Edward." I stared at him for a moment before nodding, agreeing with him. Edward was the most important person to me now. He was always the most important person to me. "I'll have your back, whatever you decide Bells," he finished, smiling tenderly at me.
He left soon after, leaving me to myself. I sigh and looked down at the now bald flower, with only the florets remaining. I twirled the remains between my fingers again. I yawned largely and decided to head back home. I had school in a few hours anyway. I brushed the dirt off my backside and thighs as I stood, turned and phased, rushed back to my home. I just wanted to go to bed. I was emotionally drained and so tired.
I barely even remember crawling into bed, but the next morning I woke up splayed across my sheets. I rolled over onto my side and stretched out. I snuggled into an overstuffed pillow and cracked an eye open to look at the clock. I yawned and curled closer into the pillow. Wait…back up.
Both of my eyes snapped open. I flung myself from the warm bed and clutched the alarm. 11:24?! How did I manage to oversleep so much?! I ran to the bathroom, clothes in hand, dressed and ran out the door. I had to get there in time for lunch. I wasn't sure if I was in any other periods with the Cullens and I was desperate to talk to Edward.
I was panting by the time I reached the school. I gripped the bark of a tree and was about to go in when I suddenly realised it was actually sunny. A growl rose from my throat. Why did this have to happen today? It was just my luck. I chewed on my lip, debating whether I should go in or not. I quickly decided against it though; I couldn't care less about my 'qualifications' now. It's not like they were ever going to be of use to me anyway.
I turned and sniffed the air. I might as well go for a run now that I'm out here, and since I'm supposed to be in school I guess I'm still allowed in Cullen territory. Already, having only been here for a week or so, the air was tainted with the smell of vampires. Along with another new scent. A sweet, tangy smell; not sickly. I knew it was Edward. It was delicious.
I turned without phasing and headed towards the one man who I knew could help me.
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