Hello lovely readers! I have edited and revamped this story a bit, for your benefit and because I love you!

Anyhow, this is my story The Many Misfortunes of Brainiac Five, which is basically a collection of shorts in which Brainy is teased, tormented, annoyed, laughed at and all around loved until he wishes we didn't love him anymore.

Read, Review, Request Misfortunes, and Enjoy!


Lightning Lad looked up from his seat in the main room as the newest member of the Legion of Superheroes sat down hesitantly across from him. He was a tiny kid who couldn't have been more than eleven, with blonde hair that hung in his unnerving two-toned purple eyes. He was a Coluan, which was weird enough, but he was also frighteningly intelligent and a little stuck up.
He was one of two who had been selected during the most recent Legion Auditions. The other was a girl who could shrink, and that was the extent of the Winathan's knowledge.
"Hey there. What's your name, Shorty?" Lightning Lad asked, and the Coluan frowned slightly at the ginger.
"I am Brainiac Five. Not Shorty."
Lightning Lad shrugged, but he smirked to himself; this kid was easy to annoy— he would have to make a mental note of that.
"See you around, Shorty."

Several Legionnaires rushed to the Lab, a new addition to the Legion Tower. Smoke was pouring out of the door, and Brainiac Five stumbled out, coughing and choking as several assistant robots programmed specifically to extinguish fires set to work.
"Again? Grife, Shorty, what are you building in there?" Lightning Lad asked, waving his hand in front of his face to clear the smoke. Brainiac Five was still trying to contain the smoke, and when he turned, he was covered in soot and grime.
"I am working on a new project that will benefit the entire Legion." He said sharply, speaking in his usual sophisticated manner that was much too formal for an eleven year old.
"Which would be…?"
He looked annoyed, as if he spent far too much of his time explaining things to less intelligent creatures—which, technically, he did. "I believe I have discovered the correct formula for creating a machine that will respond to a Legionnaire's thought pattern and allow them to—"
"Interlac translation please?" Lightning Lad broke in, and Brainiac Five gave him quite a look. It reminded Saturn Girl faintly of the way someone looks at a particularly nasty bug before squashing it.
"My new invention will allow you to travel and fight in an aerial position. Basically, it will allow you to fly with a thought."
The other Legionnaires mumbled in approval. Lightning Lad clapped him on the back, grinning. "Well done, Shorty."
Brainiac Five scowled, looking extremely annoyed. But the Winathan didn't seem to notice, and he wandered away with two purple eyes boring into his back.

The training room was empty except for one tiny green skinned boy, staring in intense concentration at a target across the room. His eyes were calculating, and his hand was melding and clicking as it transformed into a laser cannon. He took aim and fired, hitting the target dead center and incinerating it instantly.
"Wow, shorty, you're one frell of a shot!"
Lightning Lad had entered the room when he wasn't looking, and Brainy turned with a scowl on his young face. "My name is Brainiac Five. Not Shorty."
Lightning Lad shrugged and turned to Cosmic Boy, both preparing for a 'friendly spar' that was really just a way for them to beat the snot out of each other without breaking Legion Code.
Brainiac Five stalked out, sending a frown Lightning Lad's way when he called, "See you shorty!"

The Legion regrouped, brushing off dirt and nursing injuries from their recent brush with a new super-villain group—they were calling themselves the Fatal Five. And they were bad news.
Brainiac Five, recently dubbed 'Brainy', lifted his arm, eyes running over the damage that had been done. It slowly regenerated, and Lightning Lad appeared at his side.
"Good try, Shorty. We all got our butts handed to us today."
He was referring to the cyborg member of the Fatal Five, who had made a complete fool of Brainy and then blown off his arm to boot.
"Don't worry—better luck next time."
And then Brainiac Five snapped.
He stood up and whirled on Lightning Lad, his small body clicking and suddenly shooting up to twice his normal height, shoulders broadening, head becoming an armored shell and arms and legs widening to hold weapons and shields.
"My name is Brainiac Five! NOT SHORTY!" He snapped, his voice two octaves lower as he loomed over Lightning Lad, glaring.
Lightning Lad almost peed himself. He swallowed hard, looking up into the face of the furious Coluan with a nervous laugh that sounded more like a squeak.
"Sorry about that, Big Guy. No more shorty. Understood."
Brainy shrunk back down to normal size, and it was hard to believe he had been so large a moment ago.
"Thank you."
He turned and walked inside, and as soon as he disappeared, everyone else burst into laughter at Lightning Lad's expression.


So there you have it. I was watching the first episode of LoSH ever, and when Brainy went battle mode and scared the frell out of Tharock, I laughed so hard! Little teeny Brainy!

Anyhow, if you have any requests for particular Misfortunes you would like to see (of any Legionnaire, I'm taking requests for a new collection as well) leave them in the reviews I'm sure you're all going to leave ;)

Thank you all!