A/N: Ahahaha, so I have like a gabazillion Zelloyd oneshots and such I want to write or have written...or have half written...and this is basically a dump for them all. Yep. Let's see how this goes. I own nothing, by the way. Just saying.

"Hello," Zelos said cheerfully. Kratos gave no response other than perhaps a darkening of his glare. "I was standing over there and I noticed you were glaring at me like you wanted me to die, and I was just wondering why."


Zelos laughed nervously. "It's…about Lloyd, isn't it?"


"Just so you know, he groped me first."

A tightening of his lips. Another dark glare.

"Ahh, so it is about the groping." Zelos tapped a gloved finger against his lips wisely. "I knew it had to be either that or the sleeping together."

Here the mercenary spoke for the first time, through tightly clenched teeth. "Sleeping together?"

"Eheheh…didn't you know about that?"

A clenching of the fists indicated that no, Kratos had not known that.

"Just so you know, Lloyd usually gets top. So, really, it's not entirely my fau—"

A purple-gloved hand tightened on the sword. "You've been sleeping with my son?" Kratos sounded positively horrified.

"Since before Heimdall."

"I'm going to be sick."

"In my defense, I'd like to say that Lloyd jumped me."

"I can't believe this."

"Is that not why you were glaring at me?"

The angel's eyes closed only a moment before flashing open, full of the fury of an overprotective father.


A/N: Wow...I have...nothing to say. That's a first...