Just something different while working on my other story. Thanks to Drygionus for the stroke of inspiration!

"A fair?! What!? You cannot possibly be serious, Vladimir!"
Vlad sighed. He knew it was a bad idea asking his father if he could go to the annual Stokely town fair that weekend. He knew his father would say no. He even knew what trouble he'd been in for the next week for even bothering to ask.
But he had to try. He was never allowed to go to fun places; this was something he really wanted to go to. Robin and Chloe and the Branaugh's would all be there. As well as practically every kid from school. He was going to be left out. Again. And it was all because he was a vampire. Again.

"Mixing with even more breathers than at your ridiculous school! Having fun! It's not right! It's not vampiric!" The Count had sat up in his coffin, located down in the crypt, where Vlad had aroused him from his sleep. Admittedly, tapping on his father's coffin to wake him up and then proceed to ask him if he could basically go and hang out with possible "dinner ingredients" was a bad idea, but it was the last chance he had. Tomorrow was Saturday; the day of the fair.

"Okay dad, I'm sorry I ever asked…" Vlad mumbled as he turned to walk back up the stairs and wallow in his own self-pity in his tower bedroom. Before he could reach the second step, his father's voice boomed out again. "Wait!"
Vlad turned to see the Count with a small look of glee on his face. He wondered what was going on in that evil mind.

"Did you say fair, Vladdie?" He looked intently at his son, barely containing his excitement.
Vlad was confused. "Yes dad, the Stokely town fair, they have it every year. This is the first time we've been here for it and I'd like to go. You wouldn't have to take me or anything; Robin's mum said she'd drive me with them in their van."
The Count looked momentarily annoyed. "No, no, no Vlad! You don't need that Branaugh woman to take you! That's what family's for! I, the prince of darkness, shall take you." Vlad looked at his father, incredulous as to what he was saying.
"Don't look so sceptical, boy! You said there was going to be breathers there, didn't you? Then of course I want to go!" Vlad looked horrified.
His father stuttered. "Oh, not for anything like that Vladdie! Just some, what do you call it? Socialising. Might do me good, getting out in the town, meeting new people." "Eating them for dinner." He mumbled as an afterthought. Vlad didn't seem to hear him.

"Really?! We can go?! Oh thanks dad! You won't regret it! I have to go and call Robin, let him know I'll be there." He turned, quick as a flash, and ran up the stairs to no doubt the telephone, where he could call his best friend with the news.

The Count smiled. He had plans of his own for tomorrow, and they certainly weren't socialising.

"Renfield! Get down here at once!" He shouted out into the gloom of the crypt. His plan would work perfectly, he knew it.


The following day, the Count was up earlier than anybody in the castle. A booming bellow was heard across the castle walls at 7:30am sharp, as he insisted Renfield go and wake his children up.
Vlad was woken by a banging of a wooden spoon against metal pots and pans, with Renfield doing some sort of jig at the end of his bed along to the 'music'.

Ingrid was furious, of course. Renfield ended up with a black eye and a pan dented onto his head. The Count merely yelled at him to stop being a vampiress and to fetch the tent and signs. Vlad gave him a questioning look, but said nothing. He could not think of anything suspicious that could come out of that, even if he was apprehensive about what had gotten into his father. He decided to put it out of his mind and try and have some fun that day.

They met the Branaugh's at the gates to the fair. He always got a little embarrassed at being driven around in a hearse but put it out of his mind at the sight of the fair.
It was being held on Stokely Grammar's football oval, and was free admission. Vlad smiled when he saw Robin and Chloe standing together waiting for him. Robin in his usual black and leather jacket, Chloe in a normal hoodie and three quarter pants. They walked off together in search of some fairy floss. Robin had been speaking about it all week, and he was disbelieving of the fact that Vlad had never had any. "That would be the only bad thing about living in Transylvania, no fairy floss." He'd said. Vlad had just laughed.

Mr and Mrs Branaugh were polite to the Count and Renfield, who they had hardly seen out of the castle. It really was an odd occasion.
"We'd love to show you around the-" Began Elizabeth, reaching for the Count's arm slowly but getting cut off with a wave of his arm and a rude retort. "No. I'm fine. We're fine." He gestured to Renfield, who was standing close behind him, holding the large black umbrella perfectly above his head. Robin's parents gave him a peculiar look, but decided to say nothing. His servant often did that on the rare occasion they saw him out of doors. Graham looked almost relieved the Count had blown her off.

"Well if you're sure…" Elizabeth gave a hesitant smile.
"Yes, yes… we'll be fine!" The Count said in his usual 'cheery' voice he saved for Mrs Branaugh and other unsuspecting breathers. "However, come round to my booth later and you'll get a lovely ah… surprise. Yes, that's it a surprise." He paused. "Isn't that right Renfield?" His servant adjusted the umbrella above his head before speaking. "Yes master, quite right."
Before Elizabeth could reply, Graham stepped in. "Right then love," he spoke to his wife. "Let's go and have a look at the plumbing expo over there in the east corner then, shall we?" He began steering Robin's mother through the gates and away from the Count, who he always had a feeling was trying to steal his wife away from him. Always had a hungry look in his eye.
If only he knew the half of it.


Half an hour later, the fair was in full swing. Vlad, Robin and Chloe had found a fairy floss stand, and were taking much delight in making Vlad try every one of the ten flavours they had on offer there. To his surprise, Vlad very much liked the fairy floss that he thought had been coloured cotton wool at first. "Are you really going to make me eat this?" He'd asked when they'd bought him his first scoop. Upon tasting it, he agreed it was better than Renfield's cooking any day.

Not too far away from the fairy floss stand, a small red and white tent had been set up mysteriously during the day. The owners of this tent had no permit for the space they were using of course, but fortunately for them, nobody official had yet noticed that an unregistered attraction was going ahead.
On the front of this tent, was a large wooden sign, with five single words on it, written in what looked like bright pink lipstick. These words were "Kissing Booth. 30p A Kiss."
However, both K's in the words were backwards, and the 3 in 30 was backwards. Vlad noticed this and thought it looked as though it were written by somebody like Renfield. He chuckled to himself at the thought. It was probably just some 13 year old kids, trying to get lucky with some girls.

Inside the tent, an impatient Count Dracula and his servant were waiting. It was dark and small within, and smelled slightly of Renfield's feet.
"Why hasn't anybody come yet?! Who can resist the Dracula charm?!" The Count groaned to Renfield, who was picking at his toenails nauseatingly.
"I don't know master..." He said stupidly, flicking a particularly dirty nail across the tent and out its flap like door.
"That's it! New marketing technique Renfield! Get outside and promote me! Dark, handsome, charming… you know the drill! We want these ladies to fall at their feet for the prince of darkness! I want some human blood now!"
His words were final. Renfield reluctantly moved out of the tent and to the front of the sign outside, where he began to bellow out their campaign, in an attempt to fulfil what the Count believed tasty young British women would want from a potential one off kisser.

All the while Renfield was campaigning The Count peeked through the tiny hole near the front of the tent, endeavouring to glimpse potential customers who may be coming his way. He saw his son at the fairy floss stand with Robin and Chloe, and it looked like Elizabeth and Graham had just joined them. They weren't paying attention to Renfield at all. He made a mental note to lecture Vlad about lollies and sweets yet again later that evening.

If the Count had a heart it would have stopped beating at that moment. Could it be? He strained harder to see. It was! He could see his wife (technically ex wife) across the field, coming toward him. It appeared as though she was eyeing off the tent. Yes… she had to be, where else would she be looking anyway? The Count watched as Magda walked closer to where he sat pathetically in his tent, waiting for unsuspecting breathers to walk in to get their veins sucked dry.

There was no time to lose. "Renfield! Get back in here at once!" He shouted to his dim witted servant, who was hollering the Count's attributes so loudly he could not hear him. "Beautiful! Tall! Dark! Amazing kisser! Money back guarantee!" Vlad's father had no choice but to stick his arm out into the sunlight and pull Renfield back inside the tent, leaving a lot of smoke just outside the door, and his arm still slightly smoking and burning.
"Ow, ow OW!" He shouted, swatting at his arm before remembering the task at hand. "Renfield! Be quiet! I've just seen Magda, she's coming this way!" He sounded like a kid at Christmas, full of glee and excitement. "I know she can't resist my Dracula charm… I'm going to try to win her back. You'll see, she won't be able to tear herself away from me!" He positioned himself at the front of the tent, like a tiger waiting to strike. Renfield looked confused.

"But master… Mistress Magda ran off with a werewolf…." The Count looked absolutely fierce, which put him off his words.
"I know that, you imbecile! But I've worked out the way to get her back; just kiss her on the lips with the intensity of a vampire feasting on blood, and she won't look at another vampire or wolf, ever again! Now, hide your ugly face away somewhere else, I don't want her getting put off with you here!"
Renfield whimpered miserably. "Yes, master…" He hid himself behind the table the Count had previously seated himself at.

Over at the fairy floss stall, Graham's attention had turned from the tenth flavour Vlad was trying, to the rather intriguing tent placed behind them. He'd just heard a voice coming from it previously shouting out things like "beautiful" and so on, so he wanted to see who this lovely lady was. He thought he could sneak away from the group when Robin began to con Vlad into trying the peppermint fairy floss.

The Count prepared himself. "Right…I'm going to close my eyes, just to show her just how keen and intense my vampiric senses are nowadays. She'll be sorry she ever left me." He shut his eyes and waited in preparation.

Elizabeth turned away from the group of children, planning on asking her husband if he wanted any fairy floss himself, when she noticed him walking over to the "Kissing Booth". With a look of fury, she followed him silently, pursing her lips.

The Count still had his eyes closed when the flaps to the tent opened and closed quickly. Because of the darkness within, Graham could see little, and could only make out a tall figure in black before being swept into their arms.

Lips crashed against lips, and the Count wound his arms tightly around the body of customer he thought to be his wife, knowing at any minute she'd have to give in and beg him to take her back. A few things he noticed right away. Magda had certainly filled out since the last time he'd seen her. She wasn't the thin and delicate Magda he remembered that's for sure. Now she was all muscle.
He also noticed her breath smelt and tasted slightly of… sugar. He didn't remember Magda ever wanting to put cavity causing confectionary near her pretty little mouth. Her mouth.
That was the next thing. He didn't remember her having… stubble?! The tongue that was running along the bottom lip of his customer's mouth stopped suddenly, and he unwound his arms from the body that was enveloped with his at lightning speed and removed his hands from out of the individuals hair, which he now noticed was really rather short. He was vaguely aware of the tent flap being open, and a few other breathers' presence inside, as his eyes adjusted to the light Renfield has just turned on when he realised there was something wrong.

He almost spat at the sight that behold him. A very confused, embarrassed, and red looking Graham Branaugh was standing no more than one or two feet away from him; meaning no doubt it was he who he had mistaken for Magda, and therefore kissed. At this realisation he actually did spit.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!" He shouted, trying to wipe the disgust from his mouth with the back of his sleeve. He was vaguely aware of Vlad staring at him in absolute horror, with Robin and Chloe doing the same with Graham.
Elizabeth was pink with fury.

"I… uh, I…" Graham stuttered, not being able to look the Count in the eye. The plumber met his wife's furious gaze with one of humiliation. He didn't even want to look at his children.
"I didn't know it was him!" Protested Graham, trying to cover for himself and failing.
"That's beside the point, Graham!" Elizabeth shouted. Robin and Chloe looked up at her in shock; they had never heard their mother raise her voice before.
"When we get home, we're having a serious talk about our commitments to one another! After all these years…" Her livid face and voice wavered, and she began sobbing quietly. "Get in the car kids." Was all she said, before leaving the tent without so much as another word. Robin and Chloe followed obediently; Robin signalling that he would call Vlad later. Graham also left without another word.

Vlad looked up at his father when the Branaugh's had left the tent. "I don't even know where to start. What on earth is going on?!"
But the Count wasn't looking at him, but past him, at something, or somebody else. The somebody sauntered up the doorway of the tent and smirked.
"I didn't know you fancied men, bon-bon" Came the distinctive voice of Vlad's mother, Magda, who was also sheltered by an umbrella.
"I… I DON'T!" The Count cried out angrily, stomping on Renfield's foot in frustration.
"Whatever you say darling. I knew there was a good reason I left you." Her parting words were harsh and cruel.
Before the Count could come up with a decent reply or a plea to get her back, she sauntered away into the crowd, and left him alone with Vlad and Renfield.
"This will never, ever be spoken of again by any of you, or you will feel my darkest wrath. Is that clear?" The Count bellowed at the two.
The pair nodded before silently assisting the Count to pack up the tent.
Next time there was a fair in Stokely, Vlad mused, he decided it was best not to mention it.

A/N: Just a drabble! I hope you enjoyed it anyway ^_^ Please review! And note I am working on the next chapter for We Belong In The Sea as we speak, so expect to see that soon!