Author's Note: OOPS I WROTE AN EPILOGUE. It was an accident. Also an excuse to make a few crappy jokes.
And yes, this is VERY unrealistic. But, then again, so is a story that has all the angst of Dawson's Creek, all the plot twists of All My Children, all the pretty people from Melrose's Place, and all the creepy crawlies of Buffy.
I figured, hey, once you've mastered the piano, Romanian, sweeping women off their feet and pretty much every marial art known to mankind, what's next? Obviously, it would be screwing dudes and having a borderline incestuous relationship with your adopted brother. It's actually a step down from hardcore making out with your sister on your evil fake-dad's lawn, so Jace must be getting complacent in his old age. Ready to settle down. Or whatever.
"Ohhh GOD, Alec, please… please… I want to jizz, please, oh God…"
"Would you stop that?" Alec snapped. "Could you at least wait till the conditioner's out of my hair?"
"Just practicing," Jace replied, batting his eyes innocently.
"Ugh." Alec did his best not to laugh at Jace's expression. "Hey, I don't need conditioner there!"
"Alec, you only have hair in two places on your body," Jace replied, still grinning. "You should use conditioner to keep all of it silky and smooth! I couldn't help but notice how wiry and coarse this hair here…" Jace emphasized it with a rough caress, "…is."
"You're a prick," Alec informed him.
"I prefer 'Vaginally Impaired."
"You said 'jizz' again, so I'm not going to suck your vaginal impairment and I'm pretty sure you're done washing my hair."
"I hear what you're saying," Jace said thoughtfully, nodding slowly, "and I understand it… but I choose to disacknowledge it."
"That's not a word."
"At least I'm nonpretentious."
"I… am… unofferastingpreeeeee–" Jace dragged the word out thoughtfully before quickly finishing, "waiting for you to get down on your knees."
"You're so weird."
"Yeah, weird for you. Are you weird for me too? Would it mean that we're weird for each other?"
A stinging sensation in Alec's eyes made him wince and he scowled at Jace. "Great. You've been blathering on and now I've got conditioner in my eye."
"Here." Jace grabbed his chin and pulled it under the spray of the shower. The conditioner ran out of Alec's hair and down his face until the slickness washed away, and Jace moved him out from under the water. "Does it still hurt?"
"No, it's fine." Alec rubbed at the eye with the heel of one palm.
"Let me see," Jace said, and moved closer, tilting his head down to peer up into Alec's eye. Alec blinked rapidly, trying to hold his eyelid open, then looked down at Jace squinting up at him.
Emotion swam up inside of Alec. This was all so unreal and foreign that for a minute he wondered if Jace would point out the hidden cameras and start laughing maniacally. Jace raised an eyebrow.
"Are you oka–"
Alec leaned closer and pressed their mouths together, closing his eyes. He felt Jace's hands move to his shoulders and grip him tightly. Not opening his eyes, he pulled back an inch and murmured, "What is this?"
"A shower. People use it to clean themselves," Jace whispered.
"It's you and me. Jace and Alec, naked, kissing, in a shower."
"What about after the shower?" Alec asked, opening his eyes to look at Jace.
"That's at least, what do you think, maybe twenty minutes away? Let's talk about it then."
"We've done a lot of that already," Alec said, putting a hand on his chest and pushing half-heartedly. "If we do anymore the next family reunion's going to be really awkward."
"You know how I feel about you."
"Maybe I do," Jace replied, moving his mouth to Alec's throat and running his tongue down his Adam's apple.
"I had a lot of firsts last night," Jace mused thoughtfully, kissing up to Alec's ear. "I'm not really sure what it is I'm feeling."
"I'm in love with you," Alec whispered. Jace stopped. "You can't play around with me. If that's what you want, it's not me."
Jace leaned against the tiled wall and looked sideways at Alec. "Do you think I'd use you like that?"
"I used to think a lot of things," Alec said noncommittally. "Some of those things have turned out to be wrong lately."
"Maybe you're wrong about being in love with me."
Alec shook his head. "No."
Jace smiled and traced the line of Alec's left eyebrow with one fingertip, trailing it down his cheek to his jaw, stopping at his chin. "You're so… Alec."
Alec scowled. "I don't know how to be anyone else. Do you?"
"I didn't think I did. But seems like I learned some new tricks." Jace touched Alec's lips. "Look, I can't really tell what you what's gonna happen. But I can tell you what I want."
"And that is?"
"To see you smile."
Briefly, Alec bared his teeth, and even he wasn't sure if it was on purpose or if he was honestly trying to grin. "There. That do the trick?"
"No. I want to see you smile like you did after I… did that stuff in bed." Alec hid a smile as Jace's face got red. "And I want to see you do it again tonight. And tomorrow. And this weekend. And next week. I want to see you smile like that as many times as I can."
"Jace, you're a sap."
Alec held up a hand to Jace's mouth. "Don't even say that you're a sap for me or I will shove that bottle of shampoo up your–"
"Up my what?" Jace's grin was too broad for Alec to not smile a little in return and lower his hand.
"So ridiculous you want to blow me?" Jace asked hopefully.
"Actually, pretty much."
And then, he did.
The End. FOR REALS.
Man, don't you hate reading a book that says "and then they did it." I sure do.
Don't half-ass stories, kids. Like I'm doing. Right now.
I'm such a hypocrite.