Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any recognisable characters. They are property of the original creators and I make no profit from borrowing them for my story.

A/N: I don't actually know why or how I wrote this, but I did and it is my first ever slash story and one of my first angst fictions as well. Please read through the whole thing before forming an opinion and I apologize if they're a little out of character but I think I got Tony down ok. This is also a song fic and the lyrics are Nickelback's How You Remind Me. Please be kind. Ange.

Breaking Point

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

Tony DiNozzo stared straight ahead at the black nothingness that enveloped the screen of his computer. Work was long ago over, the case had been solved, and even Gibbs had left by now, leaving only him and one other agent in the entire bullpen; Special Agent Timothy McGee.

Tony made no move to get up or leave, no sounds other than his breathing, and thought of nothing, his mind blank and black like the screen of the computer before him. Something was at breaking point, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

His eyes snapped up and focused themselves on the person standing before him at his desk, fingers touching the side of his face gently then pulling back the only way he had realised that someone was even there, "Tony?"

"What can I do for you?" DiNozzo said with a quiet voice, wincing as he heard the slight crack in it before looking back at the younger agent and watching him stutter and gesture to the elevator. Without any response other than a head nod , he rose form his chair and grabbed his backpack, throwing it on his shoulder as he walked to the travelling device with his friend, hitting the switch to shut the elevator down as it began its descent to the parking lot, "are you okay, McGee?"

"I-I, look I'm just…it shouldn't be this hard," McGee said quietly as Tony faced him in the elevator, still unnaturally silent himself in comparison to his normal behaviour, "it shouldn't be this hard."

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, I've been down,
been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"

Tony pulled the younger man against his chest and held him tightly, pleased to see that McGee didn't struggle or tense in response, "I know."

He felt the younger agent moving one of his hands up to his face and assumed there were tears or something there. He knew that McGee had only stayed so long because he had thought Tony was working and wanted to talk to him, and thinking about it made him believe he was a bit of a bitter person to not have initiated the tough conversation they had to have now.

"I know, and you can end it if you want," Tony was still talking quietly, calmly even, making soothing motions over McGee's back and continuing to embrace him tightly, "I won't hold it against you."

"I-I don't…I just…" McGee took his time and Tony could feel his breath catch in his throat, apprehensive about the decision that was going to make or break a lot in his life, "it's not supposed to be this hard."

"I know," Tony grabbed him tighter and rested his forehead on his shoulder for a minute, moving his head into the crook of McGee's neck for possibly the last time then moving again so that he was holding the younger agent close against him, "but…maybe…the things most worth having, are the things you have to work the hardest to get."

Tony stayed holding McGee and then hit the switch to restart the elevator as they each composed themselves, leading McGee to his car and driving him back to their place in order to give him time to think.

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
and it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

"I'll take the couch," DiNozzo said quietly as they made their way in the door, each putting away their things respectively, McGee on hooks and desks and Tony over chairs and in the corner on the floor, "I'll just grab a pillow."

"I don't want you to," McGee said quickly the minute Tony's back was turned and headed to the bedroom, making him freeze and his throat constrict again, "I don't want you to."

Tony took a minute to stand there and look at McGee, face carefully blank before he nodded his head and moved the few steps to the dining table, picking his jacket up off a chair and grabbing his keys, "its okay. I can go stay with Abby or Ziva or someone."

He couldn't bring himself to care that his voice was so quiet and crackly, and sad. All he could think about was how much it hurt, to again be thrown out or left behind, abandoned by another person he loved, and who he knew had at least once loved him.

"No," McGee said quickly again, catching his arm on the way out and pulling him softly back beyond the small alcove that housed the doorway, "no, that's not what I meant."

Tony barely let any hope or wish that everything was fixable and that McGee still wanted to be with him enter the forefront of his mind, worried that he might just want to dump him and get it over and done with before the next day, "what did you mean then?"

"I-I meant," he watched McGee tear up again and then drop his arm, letting Tony pull him into a hug and soothe him a bit before he surprised the older agent and pulled back, gripping his face excruciatingly gently and giving him a gentle kiss, "I meant I was sorry."

"So you want me to stay then?" Tony asked with a bit of a teary waver to his own voice, letting McGee wrap his arms around him as he reached for the younger mans face and gave him a kiss of his own, "don't do this if you don't want to."

And this is how, you remind me
of what I really am
this is how, you remind me
of what I really am

Tony raised the remote and turned off the movie that he and McGee had been watching, tightening his arm around the younger agent and looking at the black and white static that illuminated the room and played across his face.

He had found what was at breaking point, and it wasn't just his relationship with McGee. He had thought he was a bad person; that people left him because he was too much trouble, or too messy or too needy, and his imminent failure with McGee had forced him into thinking that he didn't deserve people to stick around with him.

McGee had seen. He'd forced Tony in a way to admit what it was that had upset him, and then he'd disputed it. He said that Tony was a great person. He cared about others that he loved, he supported them, and he even went so far as to put his happiness and welfare above their own, so in no way could he be a bad person.

Maybe he wasn't a genius, but he was incredibly intuitive and innovative and was smarter than the average individual walking around the streets. He wasn't really cut out for a completely laid back life and was often impulsive and a little messy, but it was endearing and playful and sweet.

As he looked back on that conversation Tony felt his heart glow a little in a way, making him tighten his hold again on McGee who was asleep with his head on Tony's shoulder, mumbling lightly as the senior agent moved slightly to grab the blanket from the arm of the sofa.

Spreading the blanket over the two of them, Tony pulled McGee closer to his chest and smiled a little as his head moved over his heart, enjoying the warmth and the smell and the weight.

This would be hard, he knew. But things that were worth the most came with the most amount of work, and if it meant things would have to get harder before they got easier and better, he could live with it as long as he always had McGee to pull him back from his breaking point.

"Tony," McGee mumbled quietly from his position on his chest, "you know I love you right?"

"Yeah," Tony answered quietly, kissing the top of McGee's head gently and bringing his other arm up and around him so he was hugging the younger man, "yeah, and I love you too."

This is how you remind me
of what I really am