Disclaimer: All twilight characters and plot belong to Stephanie Meyer.

SHELL: Hey Guys... Sorry for the long wait! But at long last, here is chapter eight!

Sweets: Don´t have to add anything..Wait, WE LOVE YOU MEL! YOU`RE THE BEST BETA EVER!!!! ;)

ENJOY!!

Chapter Eight
Mission: Smootches and Boobie Jobs

Bella's POV

Never in my whole life would I have thought that this day, this perfect, weird, embarrassing day would end like this.

I was about to get into bed and watch the latest movie with Ryan Reynolds (enter Bella totally gaga here) when a very anxious and panic sounding Rose called on the phone. From what I could understand, Jasper and Alice had been in a car accident and hit a tree. She had already called Edward and he was on his way to pick me up, then we were going to the hospital.

I'm not sure whose voice was higher, hers or mine but either way we sounded like a couple of screech owls during mating season. I really hoped my neighbors realized I wasn't screaming for me, but for my best friend and her husband. The police wouldn't like to come out here…. Again. But I didn't need to get into that now.

I was really relieved that she thought about calling Edward to pick me up, since I was in no condition to drive. Alice had been my best friend since I met her that one night years ago at a club and she French kissed me on a dare. Yeah, we've been best friends ever since then.

After a few minutes of me in complete panic, which involved my fingernails nearly turning into bloody stumps, I saw Edward arriving through my window and I immediately ran to his car and jumped in.

"DRIVE, DRIVE!! Come on, grandma, why aren't you driving yet?!" He looked at me like I was some delusional freak, but as soon as he registered the panic-stricken look on my face, he finally started driving. We arrived at the hospital in record time and I have to admit that Edward is a crazy driver when under stress. I think I even peed myself a little when he nearly drove into that semi truck.

After we parked we ran to the emergency ward. One look around the waiting room and we saw the monster that was Emmett and Rose sitting on some of the totally uncomfortable plastic chairs. Emmett was bawling his eyes out and sobbing loudly on Rose's shoulder and if the situation wasn't so serious I would have burst into laughter at the image of Emmett on a plastic chair that was nearly breaking under his weight while he leaned on Rose and cried like a baby.

Suddenly we saw the door open and a perfectly healthy Jasper and furious Alice came waltzing our way.

"Oh my god!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!!" Emmett cried out while standing up and rushing to them. He totally ignored Alice and took Jasper right into his arms and into a bone crushing hug and kissed him full on the mouth! "Never, ever, EVER, do this to me again!! Do you hear me?? I told you to stop driving like Edward!!"

Jasper was turning all kinds of colors that really don't belong on somebody's face, as people stopped and looked at them and I think I even heard some women say that `It's a damn sin that all the good ones are either taken or gay`. I stifled a laugh and made my way over to Alice and gave her a big hug, whispering into her ear that I loved her.

"Erm, Emmett. Please let me go. You are making me feel very uncomfortable and insecure right now. And you kind of scare me," Jasper whispered in a hushed voice.

Emmett let him go and went back to stand next to Rose while rolling his eyes.

"Thanks for your concern, Em." Even after a car crash, Alice's sarcasm was completely intact.

"Bros, before hoes, my dear," Emmett replied and gave a merry little wave while Alice glared.

"Wow, I think that was even more embarrassing than me finding that vibrator in your bed," Edward snickered and whispered in my ear. But from the look on my friends´ faces, he wasn't as silent as he thought he was.

"What vibrator? Bella, why is Edward playing with your vibrator?" Emmett asked and started bouncing like a little kid hyped up on candy who knew he was about to hear something good. While Rose stared dumbfounded at us, she smacked Edward and turned to Alice.

"ANYWAY, what the hell happened, you guys?!" she asked loudly.

Alice turned to look at Rose and the annoyed look on her face was back.

"Well, we were on our way home when I started asking Jazzy why he was acting so weird at Bella's. When I asked him if he was jealous that you guys get to be daddies and he doesn't and I told him that we could try, he totally freaked out, got off the road and drove us into a tree. But douchebag over here thought that we were driving really fast or something like that, but instead we were really slow since Jasper was slowing the car down while he was freaking out. And then when we drove into the tree my jacket flew over his eyes and he totally lost it and started crying and screaming that he was blind and that he loved me and some random shit like he was sorry that he broke Edward's black iPod nano -"

I heard a loud gasp and looked at Edward who was looking at Jasper with a murderous glare. "You bastard! I asked you if you saw my baby and you lied to me! I can't even look at you right now. My baby, oh my god, my wonderful baby..." Edward whimpered.

"Man, I'm sorry but you know how I am with those little things and it was just too little and I was just trying to get it into the damn speakers and I think I pressed a little too hard and it just kind of broke. I'm really, really sorry! I even bought you a new one and I'm adding all your songs on it!!"

Edward refused to look at him and just turned away.

Drama queen much? Wow, look who's the pregnant hormonal woman now.

"You know what, Edward? How about I show you your new iPod? I even bought you the new headphones you always wanted." At that Edward turned around and nodded like an eager puppy at Jasper and the two of them made their way to Jasper's car where it was now parked having been cleared since it didn't have any major damage.

"So, can we go now? I'm hungry," Emmett asked in an annoyed childlike voice.

Yep, definitely Edward's brother. I can't believe how childish they are. Ohh… that nurse that just came out has tootsie pops. I want one. I want one!

"Well, we still have to wait for the report from the police, so I'd say let's go down to the cafeteria and eat something."

On our way to the cafeteria we suddenly heard a loud gasp and as we turned around to see who it was, we came face to face with a beautiful Native American woman.

The woman was openly gaping at Rose and a small smile appeared on her lips.

Rose stared at her for a moment before exclaiming, "Oh my god! Leah? Leah Clearwater?"

The woman looked at Rose and a wide grin appeared on her face. "Rosalie Hale! I can't believe how good you look, bitch!" Ah, so they're friends!

And not just friends, you have to be an extremely good friend of Rose to get to the bitch phase. I'm still in the whore phase and Alice just started with the skank phase.

"Hey... A snack machine. Rose, baby, I'm going to get something to eat."

At the word snack, my head perked up and I looked at Emmett expectantly. "Emmett, could you bring me something too?" I gave him the most adorable puppy dog eyes I could muster and, as I thought, he caved and just nodded.

"Kay, I want the Twix, the Kit Kat, but not the normal shit, that's for pussies, I want the one with the white chocolate toppings, then I want the Milky way and get me also some from that Willy Wonka shit. Thanks, Emmett. You're the best!"

Alice just looked at me like I was some freaking hormonal preggo, which I was.

"So, Rose. How are you? I haven't heard from you since college!"

"I'm fine, thanks! Yes, that's true! How are you Leah? What are you doing here in a hospital?"

"Well, I just had my last surgery and got this little babies." She took her breasts into her hands gently, as if not to hurt the bruising, and smiled proudly.

"So, do these guys know about our little college experience?" Leah asked us cockily while winking at Rose.

At that moment Emmett came towards us with his hands full of sweets. But when he heard what Leah just said he let it all fall and gaped at his wife. "You were a lesbian?? Man, that is soo cool!" And then he got this far away look, and I could have sworn he started drooling.

I, being the hungry monster I was, bent down and started picking up and eating the sweets while looking expectantly at Rose.

I see drama coming! Rose looks like she might be blushing. Oh my holy fuck. Rosie blushing???

"Why is he getting so excited about the fact that we took a yoga class together? Does he know about your little crush on me?" Leah asked smirking.

"Because he doesn´t know that you were a guy named Seth at that time."

At that point Emmett started howling like a wolf and winking at the girls in a way that made him look like a twelve year old school girl.

"Emmett, you ape. I was never a lesbian. And let me tell you at that time Leah sure as fuck didn't look like that."

Now we were all confused. Rose had not denied her crush on Leah, but she said that she wasn't a lesbian. Maybe she was bi?

"Explain." Alice said with a weird look on her face. Suddenly her eyes got really wide and she took a second look at Leah. After a moment she looked back at Rose as if they were silently communicating. She started laughing hysterically and even Leah cracked a smile. Seems like Alice was in on their little secret.

"Well, Emmett. I wasn't known as Leah at the time Rose developed her little crush on me. I was known as Seth Clearwater."

The fuck?! Rose had the hots for a transvestite??

And if I thought that Rose was blushing before, NOW I knew that she was. Man, she was as red as a fire truck!

"Ok guys. I think I need to tell you how I met Leah AKA Seth and maybe it is time for Emmett to know why I can't visit the gym near college anymore."

RPOV (flashback)

He was hot. He was so hot. He was DAMN H-O-T-T!!! And he didn't even take a second look at me. I mean, what the hell? Not to sound like a bitch, but… Ok, I am a bitch so I don't feel bad saying that I AM a fine piece of ass. And he hasn't even checked me out!

That won't work!

I was once again in one of my new favorite places, the yoga course at the gym near my college. I just started it because I made a bet with my roomie, BITCH , that I could get even more flexible but after I saw that man meat that was in my class, I made it my new goal to make him mine. Two birds with one stone and all that shit. But until today I hadn't succeeded. I flirted like a damn hooker on a mission but he just didn't bite!

And today was the day I would get him. I wouldn't let him toy with my feelings. Well, not necessarily my feelings but definitely with my BIG ego.

And if he didn't want to see me, well I would force him to see me.

"Hi, Seth. Have you been working out more? You look even sexier than the last time I saw your fine piece of ass!" And then I winked, licked my lips and bent forward. Ok, even a blind man would have seen that I was flirting and I think the guy behind me just got an instant boner. Ew.

"Hey Rose. No, I haven't been working out more. Sorry to disappoint."

"…" WHAT THE FUCK??! "Seth, do you have a girlfriend?" I asked him again. Now I was standing in front of him with my hands on my hips.

"Noo... I told you that already."

As I was making my way over to my mattress again, I had an idea. I accidentally 'slipped' and I landed full force on top of Seth. I made it look like an accident that my tits were pressed right into his face. If he wouldn't acknowlege me now, I don´t know what else would get him going.

But what did Mr. Lick-me-hot do?? He helped me up like a gentleman and asked me if I'm ok. I just pressed my bra free D-cup TITS in his face and he even has the nerve to look me in the eyes while asking if I´m ok…

"No, I'm NOT okay! Why the FUCK aren´t you looking at my tits?! They are big, they are not hanging and they are not FAKE!"

Aaaand here was the point when I stopped thinking with my head and started thinking with my vagina. Yep, I flashed him those nice tits.

"Wanna touch them? GO FUCKING AHEAD!"

All the men in the room let out loud gasps and the dork with the glasses in the last row even fainted.

A girl in the back row timidly rose her hand and asked "Can I touch?"

"NO!"

Now I was looking at a dumbfounded Seth.

"Erm, Rose. I'm gay."

Huh. That's news.

(End flashback)

BPOV

I couldn't stop laughing. No, really, I was on the floor not only laughing but snorting and squeaking and looking like a dying monkey but I couldn't stop.

"And that's how Rose and I became really good buddies. My twins here are molded after Rose's luscious titties!" Leah winked at Emmett and if I'm not mistaken he shuddered and muttered something about feeling sick after his fantasies.

"So, which one do you think is the ugliest?" Rose asked in a cool voice while looking at the babies in the maternity ward.

Alice and Jasper still had to remain at the hospital until Alice's blood tests should be back so Rosalie and I decided to wander around a little bit and so we landed at the maternity ward.

"Rose, all babies are pretty… Ok, but the little one in the far right corner is scaring me a little. What's on his face? It's like something is growing out of his nose."

"Bella, THAT is his nose."

"Oh my god. That is seriously fucked up!" We started snickering like little high school girls talking about their first blow job when a handsome doctor came our way.

"Ladies, I'd be careful with what you say. Mom of nose-boy is one strong woman. When one of the relatives made a comment about the nose, well let´ s just say his nose looks worse now."

And he finished the sentence with a cute lopsided grin. Rose started giggling and batting her eyelashes at him.

"Oh, doctor, don't let your patients hear that." And again with the giggling.

"Rose, stop that!" I harshly whispered.

She turned my way and looked sheepishly at me. "I can't Bella. I literally am not ABLE to stop!" she whispered frantically back.

I turned to the doctor. "Please don't take her seriously. She's pregnant and her hormones are getting the better of her."

"Hey! So are you!" Rosalie shouted like this was an insult instead of something she had been waiting for her whole life.

"I'm aware of that," I said calmly, but I don't think Rose heard me because she continued to gawk.

"So you two are pregnant? Do you know about all the courses we have here at the hospital?" He inquired in a voice worthy of those annoying door-to-door salesman.

"What kind of courses?" I asked suspiciously as Rose ogled him some more and I discreetly stepped on her foot.

"Hey, what was that for?" She asked but I shushed her because the doctor was talking.

"Well, we have the typical Lamaze course and then also the baby beginners' course. It is for first time parents. They show you everything you need to know about an infant. It is really helpful!" He nodded like an eager puppy.

I looked to Rose and knew instantly that she was sold. Why wouldn't she be? She has Emmett, who would be able to attend class with her anytime.

"Please Bella?? Please? Come on! We can be classmates and we can even do our homework together. Pretty please?" Rose looked at me with those damn big eyes and I just couldn't say no.

"Okay…. BUT you go with the doc over here and sign us up. I'm not in the mood to walk any more!"

"Ok, no problem!" And with that she walked off with the cute doctor. Just as they rounded the corner she started giggling again.

I waited around for her to come back, trying my best to not let that poor baby look at me. It was kind of creepy. I swear to god, it won't stop staring!

Just as I was beginning to honestly panic, Rose came back looking sullen without the doctor.

"What happened?" I asked as I rubbed her back, comforting her over this whole, ridiculous ordeal.

"We were talking and laughing, and I was like 'you're so funny', and he was like 'thanks'," she began, but I interrupted her right there.

"You are aware that the real Rosalie inside of you is about to claw her way out and beat the hell out of this weird you?"

She gave me a look before continuing. "Anyways, as I was saying, suddenly his beeper went off and he had to go into surgery. Some little kid had internal bleeding. Couldn't they wait ten minutes, it won't do very much damage and kids have too much blood anyways."

I stared at her for a moment. "You are going to make a great mom."

"Oh, I know," she replied happily as we began talking again and turned back to find the boys.

They were sitting in the waiting room and after a few moments, Jasper and Alice finally walked out. They looked frustrated, but when Alice saw us, she let out a Chesire cat grin. But Jasper, who noticed the same old ladies that called him gay earlier were still there, whistled trying to be 'nonchalant' and kissed Alice on the cheek before walking off.

Emmett, however, caught on. So he ran after Jasper making a kissing face and shouting, "Honey, I'm SO GLAD you are okay! Now give me a kiss and I'll make you feel better! Don't hide your feelings. I want EVERYONE to know how IN LOVE WE ARE!"

We all burst out laughing as Jasper began to run and Emmett followed him with his arms out as if ready for a hug.

"Alright then," Rosalie said as the four of us walked out of the hospital and into the cool air.

"Well, I guess we'll see you guys later. Hopefully the next time won't be as eventful as this one," said Rose.

We murmured in agreement and walked our separate ways, and I followed Edward who already said he would take me home.

"BELLA!" Rosalie shouted just as I was about to get into the car. She must have a very loud voice for it to carry all the way across the parking lot.

"Yeah?" I screamed back.

"You and Edward are signed up for the baby classes with me and Emmett! They start next Tuesday! FOUR O'CLOCK, BE THERE!"

And then she decided it was the perfect time to drive off, and Emmett, who now realized it was time to go and needs to stop teasing Jasper, took off running after her like a puppy chasing its owner.

I looked to Edward, and climbed in, before what Rosalie said registers in my mind.

Wait, what? I was going to parenting class with Edward?

Well now you get to look like a fool in front of Edward. Yay!

I better Google parenting tomorrow, because god knows he doesn't need another reason to think I'm stupid.

Edward's POV

"Hi," I muttered awkwardly. I was standing on Bella's front porch, leaning against the pillar. She had just opened the door and was peeking her head out.

"Hey." She smiled at me, opening the door wider. I moved over just a tad, giving her room to step out.

"So," I began, but couldn't really think of anything to say. I hadn't actually seen Bella since we were at the hospital, anxious about Alice and Jasper, but I had talked to her on the phone once or twice. I could proudly say that she was my friend now.

But that didn't stop the awkward silence that followed.

"Yep," she said after a moment. I nodded at her, and gazed around her yard. My eyes fell on her garbage can.

I shook my head, remembering the last time I was here. God Edward, sometimes you really are NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Bella's eyes followed my gaze, and then she giggled. "So, no big entrance this time?" she asked, her eyes twinkling.

"Well I did use some of my best moves last time, you know. I don't roll around in the garbage for just any girl."

Bella blushed, causing her cheeks to turn a rosy pink, but she smiled, so I knew it was okay.

"Alright hot-shot, let's go. I have a doctor's appointment to get to." I nodded, and led her over to my car, and opened the door for her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, climbing into the car.

I went over to my side and started the car silently. Bella seemed to be lost in thought, so I didn't say anything for a while.

"So what other moves do you use?" she asked after a few minutes.

"What?"

"What other moves do you use on the ladies?" she clarified, and I frowned. Was she really asking me about my dating techniques?

"Um, I don't know, there are a couple," I muttered, caught off guard. She frowned, and I quickly added, "Maybe I can show you sometime."

She just nodded. Good save Ed, good save.

"I'll have to take you up on that sometime," she murmured.

Was she flirting with me? Holy shitty-titti. She was flirting with me!

"I'll remember that," I warned in an overly husky voice, but she just laughed.

"So are you nervous?" I asked after another few minutes of silence.

"For?"

"Everything, being a mother, having a baby. Are you sure you want this?"

"Positive," she said. "I know people will judge me, being a young, single mother. But honestly, I've never been a little kid. I've always been the grown up. First taking care of my mother, then my father, they needed looking after. Especially my mom, Renee, who went through her second divorce last year, and needed me to take care of her."

I filed that information away for later, and pressed on with the subject at hand.

"But can you really take care of a baby all by yourself?" I asked her, turning my head so I could look at her.

"Watch the road," she mumbled.

"Bella?"

"I can do it alone. It will be hard… but I will manage. Somehow," she finally muttered, looking sad.

"You don't have to be alone, you know," I said quietly. Out of my peripheral, I could see her looking at me strangely.

"I don't want a sitter."

"I know. But maybe I could help out?" It came out as a question, leaving her room to decline my offer.

"Edward, you really are a good friend," she said suddenly, wiping her eyes.

Pregnant women are very emotional, I thought to myself.

"Alright, enough of this serious talk, let's have some fun," I finally said.

"We're in the car, I think the amount of fun we can have is very limited," she argued with a trembling voice.

I have to distract her before the waterworks begin!!

"Trust me. I know how to have fun." I grinned, and wiggled my eyebrows at her, while she laughed.

"Alright, but we only have like ten minutes until we get there," she noted.

"That's plenty of time."

"Okay then."

"Knock, knock?" I asked.

"Really, I haven't heard a knock, knock joke in years. Who still tells those things?"

"Just answer the question."

"Fine, who's there?"

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"It's just a joke you don't have to cry about it," I muttered, and she laughed quietly.

"I know, not that original," I admitted after a moment.

"No, not really."

"So you think you could do better?" I asked playfully, challenging her.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?

"Knock, knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

She laughed, but I shook my head.

"That's like the oldest joke there is." I told her. "Not original at all."

"But it's a classic. An oldie but a goodie," she argued.

"It sucks."

"Edward Cullen, did you just say my joke sucked?"

"No," I muttered quickly.

"What's your middle name?" she asked suddenly.

"Anthony Mason," I muttered, wondering where this was leading.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, did you just say no, when I asked you if you said that my joke sucked, when you did and it totally doesn't?" Bella asked.

"Um…, yes?"

"Yes you said no, or yes you think my joke sucked?"

"Both, all of them, I don't know! I don't do well under pressure," I confessed.

"Whatever," she muttered.

"You know what's a classic?" I asked.

"What?" she asked.

"Why did the chicken cross the road? … To get to the other side!" We both burst out laughing at how corny it was.

"What is pie squared?" she asked after we finally stopped laughing.

"I don't know."

"A pop tart!" I laughed, causing her to beam with pride.

"Did you hear about the one with the constipated math teacher?" I asked.

"Um, no."

"He worked it out with a pencil." I finished, and she laughed, but had a sort of disgusted look on her face.

"Did you hear about the blond that went to get her haircut?" she asked after a moment.

"Are you telling a blond joke?" I asked, astounded. She was the kind of person that was always nice, not the kind that told dumb blond jokes.

"Maybe, now do you want to hear it or not?"

"I do," I muttered.

"Well she went into the salon, but had her headphones on. When she sat down, the hairstylist asked her to take them off. But she wouldn't, she said what she was listening to was very important. The stylist just shrugged, and began cutting.

"Accidentally, the stylist cut one of the wires of the headphones. He just shrugged, figuring it couldn't be that important. But after a couple more moments, the girl died.

"Appalled at what he did, the stylist went and found some new headphones, and plugged them into the girl's device, wondering what could be so important to listen to. After a moment, he began to hear 'Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.'"

Bella finished telling her joke, and I burst out laughing.

"You know, I don't get why people always assume blonds are dumb. I mean look at Rosalie, she's smart, she's blond, and people don't make fun of her," Bella said after a moment.

"That's true… so why did you just tell a dumb blond joke?" I asked.

"I don't know why, but those blond jokes, man, they are funny," she replied, causing me to chuckle.

I know, I have no idea why, but they just are," I said, laughing along with her.

--

We pulled up to the doctor's office a few minutes later, and I quickly got out, went around, and opened Bella's door.

"You were right," she said as I slammed the door shut, and led her into the building.

"Yeah, probably, but about what this time?" I asked.

"Cocky, Cullen?" she asked.

"Maybe a little." I grinned, and nudged her playfully, noticing how warm her skin was, how soft it was, how…

"About making the car ride fun," she admitted, cutting off my line of thought.

"Well I'm glad you had fun. I did too," I told her, smiling. We headed up to the front desk, and Bella gave her name, and was handed some forms to fill out. We went over and took a seat on the hard, plastic chairs.

Bella began to fill out her information, as I stared into space, thinking about nothing in particular.

"Hey Edward?" she asked after a moment, her voice timid and shy.

"Yeah?" I asked, wondering why she was so quiet all of a sudden.

"Would you mind if I put you down as my emergency contact? I mean I would put down Alice, but she is always so busy, and since she's a teacher school starts back up next week. I wouldn't want her to abandon her class for me, especially if it was something little. But you don't have to, if you don't want to. I mean I can always ask Rosalie or someone else." Bella rattled on, but I was doing a little happy dance in my head.

Bella asked you to be her emergency contact. Woo-hoo, she trusts you, she trusts you!

"Bella, I would be honored," I said, bringing a finger up to her lips, shushing her.

I noticed how soft and smooth they were, and I had difficulty moving my finger away. Bella smiled, and returned to her form.

"Name, Edward Cullen. Relationship… friend," she began muttering. I watched her hand move over the paper, filling in things about me.

"Hey Edward, I know you work with Jasper selling yachts and everything, but should I be more specific? I mean, do you handle finance, customer stuff?" she asked, trailing off.

"You can just put CEO," I told her, and she wrote it down.

"So you are a CEO, but what exactly do you do?" she asked as she jotted down more information.

"Well, as you may or may not know, Jasper handles all the finances and such, taking care of the money, making sure we stay in business. I, on the other hand, deal directly with the customers, making sure they get everything they want or need on their boat. Jasper goes by CFO and I go by CEO.

She nodded, and returned to her form.

"You know, you could come down to my office, to visit me sometime, or Jasper or I don't know, just see where we work. But only if you want to," I offered.

"Really?" she asked, looking up at me with her warm brown eyes.

"Of course, I could even give you a tour of some of our boats! I mean yachts."

"That would be cool. Thanks Edward, I would love to do that sometime!" she squealed, giving me a short, one-armed hug before returning to her form.

I smiled, anything that made her happy made me happy…

--

"Bella, there's no reason to be self-conscious."

"Sure, for you there isn't."

"Oh come on, it's not like it reveals anything dirty."

"Except for the fact it barely covers my butt."

"Really… well you have a good butt, so you don't have to worry about anything."

"It's only a good butt? Not a great butt? Not the best butt you have ever seen? Thanks a lot Ed."

"You have a fabulous butt, Bella. Now just put the damn thing on."

"Why are you looking at my butt? That's perverted Edward."

We had been in the examination room for about five minutes, arguing over the stupid little dress thing she was supposed to wear. And we weren't getting anywhere.

"Bella, seriously, I will turn around, with my eyes closed while you change. I'll even tie your jacket around my eyes so I can't see anything. Let's just get the appointment started. I want to know about ou-, your baby."

She grumbled for a moment, and then sighed. "The jacket won't be necessary, but turn around. And DON'T PEEK!" she warned, shaking her finger at me.

I obliged, turning completely around. I turned my head slightly, looking out of my peripheral. (Just to see what she would do, honest!)

She glared at me, her hands on her hips. "I'm kidding, kidding," I mumbled before turning back around.

I tried hard not to think of the gorgeous woman a mere two, maybe three feet from me, stripping down, her gorgeous skin all uncovered for me to see. I could hear her peeling her shirt off. Her bra would go next, and then she would lean down to unbutton her jeans… gulp.

Edward, you are not a pervert. You are NOT A PERVERT! Alright, let's see. Soup… Bella eating soup, Bella naked eating soup… DAMN IT!!! Alright, chips. Bella eating chips. Bella naked eating chips… Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Ok, focus Edward, focus. Emmett, Emmett next to Bella. Shit. Ok, Emmett, not next to Bella, Emmett… in his bed. With Rosalie… ICK! Ok, gross, sick. My god, mental picture!!! Mental picture!!! YUCK!! SICK!!

"Alright, I'm done," Bella called softly.

I turned around, and, thank god, all thoughts of my brother and his wife flew out of my mind, as I stared at Bella.

Her gown was just a tad loose on her at the top, and I could see the beginning of her soft white breasts. I let me eyes trail downward, and she was right. That fucking gown barely did cover her butt.

WAY too much of her legs were showing. I couldn't look away. I think the correct term might have been drool-and-stare-like-a-complete-idiot.

Bella cleared her throat, causing me to jump slightly. Crap, she caught me. Well no duh, you've been staring like a freaking idiot for the past minute.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

She blushed. "See, way too short."

"Yes," I agreed, trying to look anywhere but at her directly. I stared at the wall. There was a picture of a newborn baby, bright pink with its eyes closed. God, that baby is ugly…

There was a knock on the door. Both Bella and I turned our heads, and watched as an older lady walked in.

"Hello, I'm Sara, and I'll be your nurse today. I just need to do a few standard checks before the doctor comes in."

I nodded and watched as Sara recorded Bella's height (5'3"), her weight (112 lbs) and did all those other procedures. She was healthy, thank god, and after the nurse left we sat there for a moment, not sure exactly what to say to one another.

I looked at Bella's face, careful to avoid looking down, seeing as that had not been helping the situation, and noticed she had a pissed off look on her face.

"What?" I asked after a moment, confused.

She glared at me, and I gazed back, bewildered. "I gained a pound!" She wailed, slipping off the bed thing she was sitting on and standing up.

"Bella, no one can even tell," I promised. But suddenly a tear drop raced down her face. Followed by another, and then two more. I didn't know what to do!!

"But I'm going to get fa-at!" She was practically bawling now.

"No you won't, you will, uh, look glowing and stuff!" I reassured her quickly, and that seemed to help, for she quieted down somewhat.

"You're only like what, six weeks. And you already have mood swings. That's a good sign." I meant to mutter it only to myself, but apparently she could hear me over her sniffling, because she started sobbing.

"No one," sniff, "will want to," sniff, "be around me! I will," sniff, "be all alone," sniff, "and fat, and pregnant!!!"

"No, Bella!!" I was lost over what to do to fix this situation. I wasn't really that comfortable with girls crying, but I had to say something. "I promise I will stay with you the whole time."

"Re-really?" She asked, still sniffing and hiccupping from all the crying, but the tears stopped falling.

"Of course, we all will. Alice, Rosalie, hell, Jasper and Emmett will be around all the time, especially Emmett, with you making your goddamn pickle juice cookies."

She gave a watery chuckle, and seemed to brighten, but then she glanced at the scale and started right back up again.

"But I'm going to be fat! And everyone will make Big-Bella Jokes!"

"Bella, listen to me. You won't get fat, it's just the baby. You will be completely healthy, and I will personally make sure that anyone who tries to call you fat will, I don't know, fall off a boat." I spoke quickly, doing anything I could to get the tears to disappear off her face.

"Ok," she murmured quietly and now she was completely calm again.

"THANK YOU EDDIE!" She suddenly shrieked, and with way too much energy, she bounded across the room and launched herself at me in a hug.

Still somewhat confused, I hugged her back, and tried my best not to think of how the dress-smock thing she was wearing rose up a bit higher.

Now is NOT the time, I reminded myself.

After a few more seconds, Bella let go and went back to sit down on her thing, now cheerily humming quietly to herself.

Whiplash is a confusing thing.

--

"So Bella, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Jackson said kindly after all the introductions were made. I was introduced as the 'good friend' and that made me do another little dance inside. Maybe there's something wrong with me after all. Alice could be right…

"Um, good, so far, normal I guess," she answered brightly. I snorted loudly.

Bella turned to glare at me. "What's so funny, Edward?" She asked politely, but her eyes were flashing, warning me that if I told, bad, bad things would happen.

"Oh, nothing, just something I saw on TV last night." I muttered casually, smiling, keeping my tone as pleasant as Bella's. She shot me another look. I mouthed 'what?', and she shook her head.

The doctor, who was watching this exchange, sighed, and continued her questioning.

"Do you live with anyone, Bella?" she asked. She shook her head no, and the doctor jotted something down on the paper.

"Well, it's nothing to worry about now, but I would prefer when we get closer to the due date, for you to consider staying with a friend or relative, just in case there are any problems with the baby, or you go into labor early."

"Will there be problems with the baby?" Bella asked, her eyes widening.

"It's too early to tell, we could do a sonogram if you want." She glanced down at her papers. "You are perfectly healthy, so we hope that the pregnancy will progress nicely. But after the first trimester is over, the danger of a miscarriage won't be that high anymore."

Bella nodded, but her eyes were still wide.

"I'll stay with Bella." The words came out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. "I mean, if you want me to, and when it gets closer to the due date." I backtracked slightly, flashing a quick smile, hoping to not make this any more awkward.

"Oh, thanks Edward! That would be great!" Bella said, her anger forgotten as her lips turned upward into a smile. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Great, now that that's taken care of, I would like you to lie down on your back Bella. I just want to feel your stomach to determine the position of the uterus. If Mr. Cullen wants to leave the room for the pelvic exam, that's fine. You can wait outside the door and I'll call you as soon as we are finished."

Bella obliged, and I left the room quickly, not even wanting to think about what that view would be like.

"All done, seems good," the doctor said cheerfully after a few moments. I returned back, and Bella was looking at me strangely.

I shot her a look that clearly said 'don't ask', and she let me be.

"Alright, only a few more things to cover, one, you don't have to, but I recommend that you take a course to help prepare you for the baby, and read some books on it. Most first time mothers feel like this really helps them prepare for motherhood."

"Great, we already are signed up for a class, and I'll get some books," Bella said, and I smiled at her encouragingly.

Well I guess it turned out to be a good thing that Rose signed us up for that class…

"Also, I would suggest taking a birthing class. Not for another few months, of course, but it really is helpful."

"Ok, I can do that," Bella said confidently.

"I think that's pretty much everything." The doctor smiled at Bella, and shook her hand.

"Thanks!" Bella said eagerly, and stood to leave.

"Oh wait one more thing. For every new patient I have, I make sure to give them the dos and don'ts list," she said smiling. I sat up straighter.

This could be very important! Alright, so let's see, the best way to make sure we follow it might be to make about a hundred copies, and hang them up anywhere Bella might be. Of course, I'll have to memorize it, and make sure Bella follows it exactly...

My internal ranting was cut off by Bella's voice. "Alright, that seems like a good idea," while taking the list from the doctor. I hurried over, and read the list over her shoulder.

There were so many things! We may have to make two hundred copies, just to be safe.

"Just be sure to keep this list handy. If you have any questions, feel free to call me either here or on my cell, which I'll have Julia at the front desk give the number to."

After thanking the doctor for everything, we made our way out to the reception area, and got everything Bella would need.

"Edward, why are you so tense all of a sudden?" Bella asked me as we started walking back out to my car.

"I'm not tense. And don't worry about me; you need to be completely stress-free." I said quickly, trying to give a breezy smile.

She nodded, and after a moment her eyes lit up. "Edward Cullen, please don't tell me that you are worried about me." I was surprised that she knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Bella, there are so many things on that list," I muttered. I hoped this conversation wasn't having any effect on her stress levels.

"I know, but weren't you listening to the doctor? She said to basically take it easy, and that I can have time for adjustment, to get used to being pregnant. I'm barely six weeks, remember?"

"I know, but we have to be super careful." I told her, as we arrived at the car. She was about ready to step in when I ran around and grabbed her.

"What the hell Edward?" she asked as I gathered her in my arms.

"You can't over-exert yourself Bella! You have to be careful!" I said as I sat her down gently in the car.

"Edward, I can make one step to get in the damn car." She muttered angrily.

"I just don't want anything to happen to the baby," I said.

"The baby won't get hurt if I go up ONE STEP!"

"It could, you never know. And what if you slipped, and fell, and landed on your stomach, and-, HEY! What are you doing!!!?"

"I'm getting out of the car and stepping in myself. You are being completely ridiculous."

"No, you're not!" I said as I went back around to her side. But she was already out of the car.

"Yes!" She glared at me when I made a movement to pick her up again.

"Don't you dare, Cullen," she said dangerously. I nodded, scared, as she stepped into the car and sat down, a smug smile on her face.

I breathed a sigh of relief when she made it safely, and I turned to walk around back to my side.

Once I got in, I turned to her. "That was unnecessary."

"Oh, it was VERY necessary."

"No, it wasn't. You could have been hurt, remember the whole slipping thing. And you can't hurt yourself; we can't risk anything happening to you or the baby, plus-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Yes, ma´am."

--

Shell: So hope you all enjoyed that chapter! It was more of a filler one, but starting next chapter the plot really starts to pick up!

So we are NOT abandoning the chapter, and for 2010 we promise to update at least twice a month and mybe somtimes more!!

Sweets: Okay, so I am really sorry for the long wait. it was all my fault. First I was in china, the I had some major stress with university but now I found some time during vacation to finish up my part. Hope you guys aren´t too dissapointed.

So, here are some fic rec´s

Progress by 107yearoldvirgin

www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5303005/1/Progress

- I love this fic! I think I never laughed so hard while reading and just to let you guys know.. It´s rated M for a reason! ;)

Emancipation Proclamation by kharizzmatik

www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5180793/1/Emancipation_Proclamation

- A very interesting and complex story, if you have the time, definitely give it a try. I promise, it's one of the most origional stories out there!

So let us guys know how you liked this little chapter.. I hoped it wasn´t too boring!

Until next time!

Love,

Sweets & Shellyfish