Fuck, I cannot believe its 2014. Which makes it two years since the last chapter! Thanks to everyone who is still here, and thank you everyone you has Favorited/followed and reviewed. Honestly, there is nothing more motivational than a review out of the blue! So please keep them coming :)

Yuffentine and this story has been on my mind so much, which makes the time between updates seem not so long for me, which of course is bullshit to you readers, so, my apologies and I won't keep you waiting any longer!

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Square Enix, despite me wishing for my own Vincent Valentine.


Sometimes being a woman sucks. I mean, I'm all for female empowerment, and believe that we woman are just as important as men and should therefore have total equality (as I quite emphatically demonstrate every time Cid or Barret or anyone come out with something sexist), but it's true, men don't have to deal with a number of things that woman do. For example, child birth. Men don't have to go through it, and I've heard it's the most painful experience there is. Despite this though, men still think that they are entitled to bitch and whine to each other about what they have to suffer during that 'magical time' when a woman is quite temperamental due to hormonal imbalances that happen because she's growing a human being, which for the record is half caused by said whining, ungrateful and immature man. I mean, let's face it, men have the easiest part in the whole reproductive cycle! They just get turned on, fancy a lil' bit of action, and so talk a woman out of her clothes and into bed, or any flat surface really, and then that's it, their part is over! And sure, woman can be as much to blame for the initiation of said deed. But do men walk away with the prospect of nine months of mood swings, morning sickness, and growing so large your own feet can't support you? Nope, men just walk away to go and brag to other men about the whole thing. The jerks just have no clue as to how good they've got it!

Not that I'm pregnant or anything. That was just an example of how ungrateful and ignorant men are of one of the many things woman have to put up with. We clearly have enough things to deal with without putting up with other shit. Quite frankly, it's unfair how much shit woman have to bear just because of the way nature is, if you get my drift…

No, I'm definitely not pregnant. For that, I'd need one of those ungrateful bastards. And I don't have one. And I don't particularly want one. Well I want one, and I mean one in particular. But I don't want him for a baby. No, that'd be Tifa. Who wants, Cloud, just to clarify. Not Vincent. If she wanted Vincent, I'm afraid I'd have to kill her.

Urgh, in fact, my body is telling me I'm the opposite of pregnant right now. Yeah, I won't go into detail. Groaning, I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, resting my head on top. So. Gawd damn. Unfair. Why does Mother Nature only favour woman? Her 'gifts' to the fairer sex aren't the good kind of gifts either. And which imbecile thought stomach cramps constitute a gift for gawds sake? Probably a man. Pulling my head from my knees, I glared at the cushion at the end of my bed, just out of my reach. Oh why was the cosmos conspiring against me?

At a knock at my door, I shifted my gaze. However, my gaze only intensified in its violent nature when a certain blonde spiky head poked itself around my door.

"Whoa!" Cloud exclaimed defensively when he caught my glare, throwing his arms up in surrender, "What did I do?"

"You're a man Cloud. What haven't you done?" I retorted, scowling.

"I'm one man. I've done a lot of things but I'm not responsible my everything my gender's ever done wrong," He answered, expression bemused. I bet he has no idea of just how many transgressions his gender is responsible for.

Incensed, I exhaled angrily. "What do you want Buster boy? It'd best be important or you'll leave with a dozen more throwing stars than you came in with,"

"I haven't come in with any throwing stars," He answered cluelessly. I closed my eyes; and he wonders why I call him birdbrain.

"Cloud, unless you're here to tell me that you found whatever created us and asked them why in the name of the Holy they designed cramps, please leave me the hell alone," I requested darkly.

He stared at me for a moment, before comprehension dawned, "Oh," he muttered, "That's why you're so cranky,"

I opened my eyes and glared. Right there. That exactly what I've been talking about. He's just proved everything I've thought, complained and said about men to be totally and utterly true. They just have absolutely no idea!

"Get out," I growled, "Get out, or I swear to Leviathan I'll make a widow out of Tifa before you're even fucking married!"

"Right, well I just came to say your dad's on the phone, he wants-" Vincent must be rubbing off on me (and not in the way I almost imagined last week), because the glare I gave Cloud cut him off mid sentence. "Right, I'll just tell him you've moved away," He muttered, wisely revising what he was going to say as he backed out of the room, "You moved to Northern crater and you're not coming back,"

Hearing that, well, maybe men aren't so stupid after all. They're still inconsiderate, thoughtless bastards though. The lot of them.

OOO

My dad called everyone. He called the bar and then he called Cloud. He called the WRO- Reeve's personal WRO number specifically, which is very difficult to get access to. Leviathan, he'd probably have called Rufus fucking Shinra if he thought it'd help. It's the routine we have: He'll email me first, telling me he needs to speak to me, and I'll email back saying fine, then he should call me. However, he knows that if he calls me, I won't answer my phone to him. Because that would be giving in, and a Kisaragi never gives in. No, so instead, my dad calls everyone else, telling them to tell me to call him. And eventually I will.

That's why my father and I don't get on though; we're both Kisaragis which means we're both as stubborn as hell, leading to the escalation of everything into a fight between us. But it's just our nature and we both know it. So we just get along by fighting however contradictory that sounds.

I even got a text from freaking Cid saying that my dad had called him to ask him to tell me to call him. Man I love texts from Cid though, because technological genius she is, Shera has meddled with his autocorrect function, which changes every absent minded cuss Cid types (because he must think in curses too) to something hilariously random. But anyway, I figured that this time, that was the point to end the damn game and call my old man. Especially because Cid wasn't best pleased by the time Godo had called him at because apparently my father doesn't appreciate time zones.

"TIFA," I yelled at the top of my voice, figuring she'd be the most likely to come running due to her such strongly honed mothering instincts "TIFA!"

No reply. She was probably in the bar and couldn't hear me over the rabble of the patrons. "DENZEL!" I tried instead. He'd have definitely heard me, but being a little shit was probably ignoring me. Which meant Marlene would follow his example. I sighed. Was Vincent even in?

Drawing air into my lungs, I started to call for him. "VIN- Oh hey Vincent," Clearly he was in, as he strode into my room, mid call, obviously having heard my previous screeches. I hadn't actually seen him very much since...the incident where I stayed the night with him to starve off hypothermia and then had very inappropriate thoughts about him in the morning because he's so damned attractive and, as if things hadn't been embarrassing enough, while I'd been standing the other side of his bedroom door leaning against it taking panicked breaths after hastily retreating from his bedroom, he of course opened it from the other side, and I'd gracelessly sprawled ass over tit to the floor. I'd almost curled up and died as I lay at his feet while he'd stared down at me, probably wondering if I was a demented Tonberry. So yes, I'd avoided him like the plagues since then, almost a week ago.

"What the devil are you screaming at?" he exclaimed. Gawds, he could be such a drama queen!

"I need a phone," I huffed back. He stared at me.

"What?" He repeated. Despite his impatience, that obviously wasn't what he' been expecting.

"I. Need. A. Phone," I enunciated, my gaze just as condescending as my tone.

He inhaled, closing his eyes. And I thought I was patronising! If that wasn't the answer he was looking for, then he should have phrased his question differently; If he was going to be pissy with me, then I'd just be pissy back! What's more, I had an excuse to be pissy: Because I'm a woman. Oh, and I dared him to make a comment about that. I'd tear him to shreds.

"Your own is by your elbow," He said with forced patience, exhaling.

"No fucking shit, Sherlock," I growled.

"Then why not just-"

"Oh fuck this," I muttered over him, and proceeding to bellow: "CLOUD!"

Vincent, interrupted mid-sentence, gave me a 'I'm done beyond the point of reason with you' look, then pulled his phone from his Batman utility belt or whatever the hell it is that he keeps his phone and high-road-patient pills in, handed it to me, and then left, pinching the bridge of his nose in a pained manner. Jackass. He throws bigger bitch fits than me.

He reappeared later on though, halfway through my conversation with my father, which had gone from forced politeness, to gritted-teeth-tolerance, to bickering, then to typical full out arguing.

Again, we were competing. Competing to piss each other off.

"I thought one would argue," Godo said, in his foreverly stubborn voice.

"You thought one would argue? Why would one argue? I mean one won't argue if another doesn't argue when having one's shruiken is shoved up one's ass!" I retorted angrily.

"Look, daughter, all I'm saying is you haven't been home is a long time, and it's about time you put in an appearance!" He replied in an increasingly frustrated voice.

"I get that! But I can't just up sticks and come over though; I have responsibilities here!" I answered, raising my own voice.

"And what of your responsibilities here, hmm? What of your country, your people-"

"Oh for gawds sake Godo, don't play that card, because I'm pretty damn sure that the people would prefer me here, actually making a real difference in the world, making it into a better place, through my position as head of an important division in the WRO, than being stuck in Wutai, where all I can do is argue with the council over the rights to my own fucking body because they want my ovaries!"

"Don't you damn well swear at me, impossible child! And we both know that half your time is spent working that bar your friend owns, so don't start preaching about your work in saving the Planet-"

"I did save the fucking planet you stupid old fool! Three fucking times! And yes I work in a bar, a bar that serves as a base for Avalanche, the group that saved yours and the councils' incredibly ungrateful asses from ending up in the Lifestream! A bar that in fact acts at a base so we can keep saving every ass here because shit tends to kick off here near Midgar because it's still so shit stained by shitty fucking Shinra!" I screamed down the phone, "So you stop preaching at me because I'll come back in good time on my own watch when I'm not damn well needed here!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

That's when Vincent knocked on the door.

"What?!" I yelled towards the door, and then to Godo: "I've got to fucking go!"

"Yes, I'm sure you do. No doubt Midgar is tearing into two, pouring out monsters and Mako and mad men," he grumbled. I scowled.

"It probably is. Give the council my customary regards of fuck you, fuck your plans, fuck you all," Hanging up I glared at Vincent who was waiting for me to finish. He looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Well?" I prompted rudely, my blood still up from speaking to Godo.

"…Cloud…said that you were ill," He answered awkwardly.

"Ill. He said that I was ill?" I asked, my tone shaking dangerously. What, had they been bitching about my behaviour like a pair of bitchy women or something? Were they that fucking stupid? Did they want their genitals pinned above the mantel piece by throwing stars?

"…Yes…" Vincent replied uncertainly.

"So now being a fucking woman is an illness? Are we fucking incapacitated in men's eyes or something?!" I yelled. Holy, I thought Godo had bad timing, picking the time when I was hormonal and feeling shitty; but Vincent! Well, he picked hormonal, shitty and angry to the extent of breathing fire to piss me off.

Vincent looked even more uncomfortable and uncertain, but to his credit (not that I could see anything positive in regards to the male gender at that particular moment), stood his ground and persevered.

"I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour earlier," He said, his tone slightly…By Leviathan, did I have Vincent Valentine on the defensive?

"So you're taking the fucking high road and apologising because right now I can't be expected to take responsibility for my damn right unreasonable behaviour? Is being a woman so debilitating that we can't be expected to account for our own fucking behaviour? Is that it Valentine?!" I shouted at him, my voice reaching higher and higher pitches.

"…No," The look on his face was what I imagine terror would look like, having never seen Vincent Valentine terrified before. Which was what probably stopped him from telling me that I was acting like a psychotic banshee. And by Jenova, there wouldn't have been a breath left in his body if he had made such a comment.

"Well you take your apology, stuff it down your scrawny neck and GET OUT THEN!" I hurled his phone at him, which he managed to catch. He clearly didn't need to be told twice, but being the socially awkward, uncoordinated gentleman he was, he paused before he left.

"Do you, um, need anything?" Despite never having heard the sound 'um' pass through his lips before, which was actually rather sweet, in my temperamental, irrational and frankly Sephiroth like state, I didn't take it that way.

"Umm, well actually, how about my shruiken? Maybe you could get that for me so I can SHOVE IT THROUGH YOUR SPLEEN!" This time he got the message, and took flight without hesitation.

I shuddered out an angry breath. He'd better have realised that by that I meant a hot chocolate with marshmallows. Heaven so help him if not, because I'd hit my limit break.

OOO

The next day, I was feeling somewhat...well not better, but less cantankerous. But I'd run into another problem.

"Hey Teefs," I greeted, shuffling into the closed bar where Tifa was washing glasses.

"Hey sweetie. Feeling any better?" She answered sympathetically. See she's a fellow woman. She understands our woes.

"Not really. Although shouting at Cloud on the stairs helped," I replied, leaning back against the counter.

"I'm sure it did," She raised an eyebrow, "You seem to have the men of the house, incidentally the planet's toughest, roughest brooding heroes, trembling at the sound of your footsteps," she smiled wryly. It was true; since our encounters yesterday, Cloud and Vincent were tiptoeing around me. If they saw me at all that was, considering they were also doing their best to avoid me: Vincent taking cover in his room, Cloud finding several errands that kept him at a five mile radius from the house at all times.

"Well they shouldn't be such insensitive and patronising dicks," I scowled.

"They can't help it honey, they're men," Tifa answered dryly.

"Yeah, well the sight of men is making me sick at the moment," I muttered. Tifa smiled, shaking her head at me, and wiping her hands on a dish cloth having finished washing the last of the glasses.

"I'm with you sister," She replied. I grinned, before noticing her reaching for the inventory book. That shit would engross her for ages.

"Hey Teef could you do me a favour?" I asked, looking at her hopefully, "Would you run down to the shop and grab me some you know, feminine hygiene products?"

She frowned sympathetically again, illuminating her inner mother hen, "Oh honey I'm sorry but I've got to do this before we go out for dinner,"

Shit, I'd almost forgot about that. The lunch we'd supposed to have had with Cloud and Tifa after the night I'd almost achieved a homerun in my mind with Vincent had been cancelled when a pair of bellowing gas fitters had arrived to fix the boiler. It'd been rescheduled today to coincide with Marlene and Denzel coming back from Elmyra's for the weekend.

"Gawds, please don't make walk and get them myself," I pleaded with her.

"I really have to do-" She looked conflicted, before appearing to have an ephinany, "Look, there's…there's a box under Vincent's bed,"

I stared at her.

And then stared some more.

"…Sorry, what?" I couldn't have heard her right. Why would Vincent…No. Not going there. I'd heard wrong. At least I really, really hoped I had.

"I, umm, well there's a box under Vincent's bed. Or there should be. I mean I doubt he'll have used them," She repeated, hesitating this time because she probably just realised what the fuck she'd just said. Or maybe she read my expression of whatthefuckinghell-whywouldtherebeaboxoffuckingfemininehygieneproductsunderVincentsbed- pleaseexplainrightnow- rightnowbeforemyheadimplodeswithterrifyingtheoriesofwhy- whyisthereaboxoffuckingfeminineproductsunderVincentValentine'sbed.

"Look, it's a long story, I was drunk, it was before Vincent had actually properly moved in here and into that room," She said in a rush, then under my stare of #judging, defensively continued: "Hey, it's better that having to walk to the shop!"

"Tifa, in what way could I possibly go into Vincent's room and explain that I need the Tampax that's apparently under his bed?"I asked incredulously.

"I don't know! Just go to the shop for them then!" She exclaimed, embarrassedly opening the inventory book and fiddling with a pen.

I turned away, still processing, and headed back into the main house. I bumped into Cloud in the kitchen who stiffened defensively when he saw me. Holy, I was putting everyone on the defensive recently!

"It's a good job you're the one marrying Tifa," I announced to him.

"What?" He was disconcerted, having probably been expecting onthewarpath!Yuffie or batshitinsane!Yuffie. But by Gaia, I was disconcerted!

"I said it's a good job you're marrying Tifa," I repeated, my baffled mind probably causing a wide eyed expression the same as the one on Cloud's face.

"…Why?" He asked uncertainly.

"Because she's just as insane as Sephiroth," I answered, "In a totally different way of course, but just as completely whack-oo,"

He chuckled. "I know," He smiled. I shook my head, bemused.

"Well good luck with her,"

"Thanks," He laughed before sidling out of the room, probably wary of my mood abruprly changing.

I glanced at the back door. I should just go to the shop. I should really just have gone to the shop. But I was intrigued and scared and I really wanted to know if there was a gawd damn box of Tampax under Vincent's bed, so instead I bounded up the stairs, despite knowing that no good could come of this. I mean, what if there was a box of Tampax under Vincent Valentine's bed? What the fuck does a person do with that kind of information?

I opened his bedroom door without thinking, but luckily there was no-one in there, so not knocking wasn't a problem. That should have been my first clue, because he was supposed to be in there hiding from me. Instead, I just though excellent!

There's nothing particularly special about Vincent's room, other than it's bigger than mine. Seventh Heaven is quite roomy, despite its cramped appearance from the outside; there's quite a few bedrooms as when it was built by Cloud and Barret, Tifa anticipated having various member of Avalanche coming to stay frequently. That however was before I claimed a permanent room, and then eventually Vincent (after the whole Deepground-Omega fiasco when he begun to unwedge the stick from his ass) moving in as well. Plus there was a lot of bedroom swapping since then, like when Tifa and Cloud became an item, and Tifa insisted he move into her room as his was 'large, bleak, empty and depressing,' which was true, but we give Cloud a break about that because hey, the guy had some pretty serious and spectacularly messed up problems.

Seventh Heaven is built in Edge though, which is a pretty gloomy place in its self (not so much anymore now that the world is getting back on its feet) with the buildings being constructed of mostly metal, wood, metal, metal, concrete and metal. That dismal effect is soon remedied though with some bright paint, cheerful curtains and a sunny and optimistic atmosphere. Cloud's old room now stands as a study and an office for his delivery service. And I'm saying nothing about the bookcases which if you pull the right book all move and swivel and twist to display Cloud's rather obsessive collection of rather really ridiculously large swords.

Everything became more settled (By which I mean Cloud sorted his shit out) after that and the atmosphere became more sunny and optimistic; of course due to myself moving in semi- permanently after Sephiroth: the sequel featuring the triplets who threw an almost-apocalyptic tantrum but just a major shit storm in the end, critically acclaimed as 'it turns out Sephiroth was a one trick pony singing the same song' and then permanently after The Clusterfuck: The triqual in which no one knew that there was actually even that much shit left for Hojo to fuck up, critically acclaimed as 'maybe it wasn't his mother's side Sephiroth got it from after all'. Then Marlene and Denzel separated into their own rooms. When he moved in, Vincent was given the larger room that I had been denied ('You're not having that room Yuffie, you'll only use the space to hoard materia!'), but I suppose he needed it for the cargo hold of emotional baggage he brought with him, but hey, he's been sorting through it all since Deepground and Omega to give himself room to move at least.

Vincent and I, despite different room sizes, both have the luxury of ensuite bathrooms. This key fact however eluded me as I was too preoccupied with the mystifying tampax. Gravitating towards the double bed (and ignoring thoughts of what happened there, or rather didn't happen, last time I was here) which was against the far wall, I didn't notice the golden skewers Vincent used for shoes sitting on floor next to the bed post. Nor the iconic red cloak slung across the foot of the bed, or even the accompanying long, winding, narrow strip of material of the same colour. I just knelt down, lifted the overhanging bedclothes and peered underneath. Nope, I couldn't see anything. I flopped down onto my stomach, wiggling into the tight gloomy space. Squinting through the dark, my eyes slowly adjusted: ammo box, ammo box, old WRO kit bag- full of ammo boxes- ammo box… Jeez, Vincent was boring! No secret magazines? No stolen items? It looked like this mythical box of tampax was going to be about the most interesting thing under here-

Ah-ha! Alcohol! Grinning (I was proud of him) I stretched my arm out for said bottle, to check he was at least drinking a decent brand. It was a decent brand. However that was because it was mine; the very bottle of vodka that he confiscated from me so long ago. And it hadn't been touched! Urgh, why do I even put up with the guy, let alone even like him? He has no sense of adventure: who takes someone's alcohol and doesn't even drink it? Not even my father head done that, and he'd taken plenty of my alcohol away from me when I younger.

Shoving the bottle away in disgust I wiggled deeper until I was practically entirely under the bed. Craning my head though, my efforts were rewarded: was that possibly what I was searching for? In the furthest, deepest, darkest and dustiest corner? Reaching for it, my fingers touched the edge of the box, and I managed to knock it toward myself. Wriggling back out, I paused when I had enough light to examine my prize. Yep, that was a box of tampax alright. Untouched, covered in dust, but a box of tampax. Under Vincent Valentine's bed. Momentarily distracted by my bemusement, I forgot where I was and lifted my head to shake it increduously.

"SHIT!" I cursed loudly as my head hit one of the lower poles that held the bed together. Shoving myself rapidly out, I stood up, rubbing the top of my head which was throbbing painfully. I glared at the offending box, and suddenly noticed something the gloom under the bed had concealed: something crouched on the side of the tampax box.

"FUCK!" I yelled loudly, flinging the box down and hopping back a few steps. Fuckfuckfuckfuckingspiders. I shuddered at the sudden crawling feeling dancing across my skin, hugging my arms to my body.

It had gone eerily silent since my wild shout. I glanced around surreptitiously, looking for the cause of the sudden muffled silence, which was revealed when the ensuite door opened and Vincent Valentine stood in the doorway against a backdrop of steam clad only in a dark towel, wrapped low around his hips.

I forgot everything. I forgot the fucking tampax, the fucking spider, Gaia I think I forgot my own name. I just stared, my mind gone utterly blank. He was damp, dishevelled and I swear to Leviathan, if that guy with the long silver hair and the long sword had seen the sight I was staring at he would have told his mother to shove it and refocused his efforts on not setting places on fire but drowning them instead to make sure Vincent Valentine was always so damp and dishevelled.

Vincent's skin was deliciously flushed from the hot shower he had obviously just had, and water droplets were rolling down from his broad shoulders, down his smooth chest over some lean pectorals and pretty well defined abs, before getting caught in a trail of hair starting just below his navel and disappearing down between his lithe hips beneath the dark borderline presented by the towel, which starkly contrasted with his pale skin. More water dripped down following the same mind melting journey from his midnight black wet hair which was tousled and haphazardly framing is face where two red eyes were narrowed into a level glare.

"Yuffie, what are you doing in here?" I swear his voice had never sounded like that before, so deep, so smoky, so sexy. I continue staring at him until I realised I needed to answer him. And I tried. I really did, but all that came out was a breathless, incomprehensible bubble of words that probably sounded something like "Izageniable floreeeash". Even I don't know what that was supposed to translate to.

He raised his eyebrows. Every minute movement of his body (or on his body) seemed to be magnified to my hyperaware state, so such a distinct movement sent me into over drive, my programmed choice responses changing from 'fight or flight' to 'swoon or jump him'.

SHIT, OR STOP HIM FROM NOTICING THE BOX OF TAMPAX ON HIS BEDROOM FLOOR.

That cleared my mind a bit, because I just had no clue how to go about explaining to Vincent Valentine of all people about such a bazaar scenario. So I sidestepped to block the box from view, under the guise of shifting nervously, a movement he followed, suspiciously turning his head.

"I didn't catch that," He said, staring unnervingly at me. I needed a cover story, a convincing excuse for snooping in his room while he was preoccupied…showering…naked…hot water cascading down his body…soap suds…

Well excellent. I was now in danger of another strangled and unintelligible outburst. Which was probably why my usual typical Yuffie response of some like 'Oh Tifa and I had a silly girl's bet, I just needed to see how well hung you are and the shower seemed the best time to do this' was proving just a difficult to get out as 'I was just checking to see if it was true that there's a box of Tampax hidden under your bed by the drunken logic of Tifa because I need tampax and I don't want to go to the shops. Hey, maybe you could go for me!'

Instead I just wildly yelled "LAUNDRY!" at him. This didn't really clarify anything other than the fact that I was crazy, guilty, lying or all of the above, but apparently was the best I could do. It was a start though, and my mind started to function again.

"Tifa is doing the laundry," I hastily garbled, "So I was collecting clothes from everyone's rooms, and when I heard water in going in yours I though now would be a great time to get your cloak and leather and… metal…apparel so Tifa can wash them,"

He did not look convinced. In fact he was wearing his 'detecting bullshit' expression. And taking a step towards me which was not good because shit he'dbeabletoseethetampaxboxovermyshouder-

I reflexively took a step towards him too, which made him stop.

He inclined his head. "…Laundry," He repeated doubtfully.

"Laundry," I confirmed. His eyes were roaming the room looking for something out of place, which there so very clearly was-

I took another step towards him, and his eyes snapped back to me, successfully distracting him; I just needed to keep his attention focussed on my very good self…

"Why?" I asked coyly, "What do you think I was in here for?" if all else fails, reverse psychology and seduction. I held his gaze, taking another step towards him, taking me right into his personal space, so close, that such was our difference in height, he had to look down to look directly at me- keeping his eyes off of any odd items that might be sitting casually on the carpet.

"To catch a glimpse of you in the shower maybe?" I breathed. This distraction was working very well if his deepening breathing was anything to go by.

"I think…that you have an attraction to mischief," he murmured slowly, gazing at me. I was now so close I could see his chest vibrating as he spoke, causing me to break my steady eye contact with him as a couple of dislodged water droplets rolled down his chest. I caught one, tracing the pad of my finger lightly back up his chest to where the droplet had originated from, on his collarbone.

"Oh definitely," I smirked, by now having his complete and undivided attention. Despite that though, he seemed unable to come up with a response, other than continuing to breathe deeply and stare at me. Maintaining eye contact, I leaned up, and of course, all in the name of keeping him distracted and absolutely nothing to do with being nothing short of turned on because he was practically naked, I kissed him.

A thrum resonate from his vocal cords where my hand was resting in his chest. Yep, he was definitely distracted. Feeling bold and encouraged, I kissed him some more, but keeping it chaste and playful, to go with the whole affinity-of-mischief thing.

After I felt I had delivered a kiss similar to the length and depth of the one he had bestowed upon me some time ago, I stared to move away. However, Vincent, who had acted as the more passive party in this endeavour, was apparently enjoying being kissed and was unwilling for this to happen, and I had to stop myself from grinning as he made a small noise of protest in the back of his throat, and instead of us breaking apart, he followed into my movement, becoming a little more proactive with his mouth. Now it was myself who was in danger of getting distracted from the purpose of this distraction, the hand that had been near his collar bone suddenly wandering across his chest, quite of its own accord, whilst my left had found its way to his shoulder, my mind slipping further away the more bare skin I touched.

Refocusing as much as I could on my original aim, I used this to my advantage though, slipping that hand around the back of Vincent's neck to quite unnecessarily guide him with me as I took a step back- he followed me anyway without any prompting needed. This took us closer to his bed and box of Tampax, and without him noticing (he was a little preoccupied, really getting into what was becoming a not so chaste kiss), I kicked the damn box that I knew was just behind me slightly to the right, back under the bed. Then, still being thoroughly kissed, I reach behind myself to his nightstand to grab a couple of materia orbs- to cover my tracks of being in here looking for 'laundry'. When I felt my fingers grasp them, I finally made myself pull away (instead of stumbling back another few steps onto the bed) but stayed right up against Vincent, letting the hand that had been on his chest slip down (I had to at least brush my fingers across those abs) off of him. I stepped away and held up the shining spheres.

"Thanks Vince," I whispered, grinning. He barely glanced at them though. He either didn't care, or was still too distracted to care- which ever it was didn't matter to me, as I half sauntered half scurried out.

Not that I regretted getting to kiss and be kissed by a damp Vincent Valentine in a towel, but I'd walk to the shops to get my feminine hygiene products. Once my knees stopped trembling anyway. Yes, I'd definitely just fucking walk.

OOO

So yes, being a woman sucks. However, I was in considerably higher spirits later that day, after I had gone to the damn shops. Yes, I was feeling so good that I even called Reno to meet up before dinner with Cloud and Tifa.

"What are you grinnin' at? Got the impression from Strife yesterday that's your time of the month," He commented suspiciously as he strolled up.

"Hi Rude," I greeted to the taller man behind Reno, who returned it with a nod. As usual, Rude was flawlessly turned out in his Turk uniform and his ever present sunglasses. Reno on the other hand was his usually scruffy self, shirt untuck and only buttoned half way up– making him look like he'd rolled out of bed this morning having slept in it. Luckily, it's a look he pulls off. Seeing him any other way would be laughable, much like seeing me in shorts longer than thigh length.

"It brilliant weather today isn't it?" I continued conversationally to Rude, deciding to ignore the immature redhead until he contributed something decent to the conversation. Not that I counted on it.

"That it's bitchy witchy week," Reno sniggered.

"Yes, quite usually lovely for Midgar,"

"So how are you? Still wearing shades I see,"

"…You're trolling for vampires…"

"Yes, they protect me from my partner's dazzling wit and good looks,"

"Or rebooting the ovarian operating system…"

"Ah, of course. Well you're looking good," I grinned,

"Panty shields UP, Captain!"

"Thank you Miss Kisaragi,"

"Oh come on, that one was a good one!"

"You know, I think the last time we saw each other outside of work was months ago, after I'd broken my wrist punching a drunk,"

"Fine, how about 'Arts and crafts at panty camp'?"

"Yes, you called me Rudie," He recalled.

"No? Work with me here guys!"

"Oh Leviathan, I did!"

"Yes. It most amusing to you at the time,"

"That's because she was as high as a fucking kite," Reno had finally stopped his one sided conversation, being incapable as he was of being excluded.

"Oh hey Reno! Glad you could finally join us," I greeted sarcastically. He grinned audaciously.

"You know you jumped on me as well," He continued in that languid drawl of his, leaning in close and cocking an eyebrow suggestively, "And you're welcome to jump on me again, any time you like darlin',"

I shoved him away, shaking my head. He laughed. "Oh sweetheart, one day you're gonna' wish for an invitation like that from me,"

"In your dreams…Rennie-kins," I retorted, amused though.

"Holy, you are in a good mood. Usually you'd have kicked my ass halfway to Cosmo Canyon by now for a comment like that," He remarked.

"Oh I am in a good mood. And I doubt even you will be able to change that today," I informed him.

"Well, what do we think Rude? Did she steal an ice cream from a kiddie? See a puppy chasin' a butterfly through a meadow? Get felt up in a store cupboard at the WRO?"

"I couldn't possibly say," Rude answered wryly.

"Oh, you're not even close Reno. It's better than anything you'll be able to imagine,"

"It must be to put that expression on your face. Unless you're wearin' vibrating panties,"

"Please Miss Kisaragi, be so kind as to put us out of our miseries," Rude requested flatly at Reno's response.

I grinned. "Well, what else could it be other than seeing Vincent Valentine in a towel straight out of the shower?" I sang.

"You were right. It was nothing I'd be imagining," Reno replied in the same tone Rude had just used after a pause.

"It was a sight that would have made even you insecure about your sexuality Reno," I sighed reminiscently.

Reno started spluttering indignantly.

"Perhaps we simply need ovaries to truly appreciate the thought of Vincent Valentine in a towel," Rude interjected dryly, over the strangled noises Reno was making.

"I don't want to appreciate vampy's body!" Reno recovered enough to exclaim.

"Oh? I thought this would be valued information to you, it being not so long ago you were lamenting over what Vincent Valentine has that you do not. I believe your main points of concern were your both being Turks and an obsession with red. It seems the answer lies in his flawless physique however,"

"'Flawless physique'?" Reno choked.

"Yes: Judging by Miss Kisaragi's dreamy expression, he has a very satisfying body,"

"Oh yes," I agreed, "Well, except all the scars. But that just makes him even sexier,"

"Reno you have scars. This could be the opportunity you have been looking for to lay your rivalry with Valentine to rest. Miss Kisaragi can you promise to remain objective in assessing whose scars add the most mystery and raw masculinity?"

Rude spoke with a totally straight face and without a shred of sarcasm or mockery in his voice. But it was the seriousness of the way he spoke and his image of flawless professionalism that made his humour so damn hilarious. That and the way he was effortlessly and completely undoing Reno.

"Rude-what the fuck-what are you doin' yo?" Reno spluttered incredulously.

"Being your wingman,"

"You're not my wingman anymore!"

"Oh? Why not? You haven't informed me of this development,"

"Because you keep stealin' all the women you're supposed to have my back on!"

"I do not steal them,"

"Yes you fucking do! They speak to you and suddenly they're all over you, telling you their life stories and givin' you bedroom eyes!"

"I have no idea what you are talking about. It must have something to do with how I treat them as human beings with emotions and interests who exist for more than fulfilling your carnal needs,"

It was at this point that I almost doubled over, laughter bursting from my chest uncontrollably.

"I think we have broken Miss Kisaragi," Rude observed, diverted.

"Holy Ifrit on a stick," I gasped, still doubled over laughing, "Rude, I love you,"

Reno made a strangled noise, throwing his arm up. "What the fuck Rude, you've fucking done it again!" He cried in frustration.

This only made me laugh harder.

"Arghh, let's go see this fuckin' movie before I shoot myself," Reno muttered. I couldn't say anything. I was too busy clutching my sides and gasping for breath.

OOO

I was the last to get to the restaurant a few hours later, and I was still reeling from the double act of Reno and Rude. Gawds what a pair; the horror movie we'd been to see probably would have been a hell of a lot scarier had I not been distracted by Reno's quick witted-whispered comments and Rude's dry responses throughout the entire thing. Leviathan, I never knew Rude was so freaking hilarious, and the man never spoke in anything but a straight tone of voice!

"Was the film good Yuffie?" Tifa asked after I'd sat down.

I disregarded the question completely: "Tifa ditch Spike and marry Rude. He's brilliant, he had me laughing myself to tears. He and Reno bicker like an old married couple,"

"Well I daresay Rude could do much better," Vincent observed dryly.

"Shots fired!" Cloud responded, bemused.

"I don't understand," Marlene frowned

"No one understands why Rude puts up with Reno," Vincent muttered.

"Vincent and Reno don't like each other Marlene," I told the puzzled girl, "Vincent doesn't like that Reno is charming immature playboy who is good at his job, and Reno doesn't understand why Vincent is such a social stick in the mud and still manages to attract women,"

"Oh," She replied, still looking baffled. Tifa scowled at me, no doubt for corrupting her little girl with the word 'playboy'. To prevent me from saying anything else inappropriate, she engaged Marlene and Denzel's attention by asking them about Elmyra.

I was by no means done on the subject though, and turned to Vincent, cockily telling him: "Plus they're all macho-man competitive because they're the same in some ways," He almost choked on his drink.

"Excuse me?" He asked incredulously.

"You both have a fixation with red, both have the privilege of having me as your best friend, and both are, or were, a Turk-"

"They are coincidental similarities, which in no way make us the same-"

"-and you both resent your connection to the Turks," That drew him abruptly short. I continued, "Despite the shitty way it happened, you got out of the Turks, and before shit really started hitting the fan at Shinra. So you, despite having probably done some shitty things as a Turk to, which is why you resent it, don't have the responsibility of being part of Shinra when they were destroying the Planet. Sure, that's Reno's fault for choosing to work for Shinra and carry out their shit, and it's no excuse for that, but you can't exactly just up and leave at Shinra, especially in the department of administrative research, right?"

"Did he tell you that?" Vincent asked quietly, a moment after I'd hit him with that Meteor of a truth bomb.

"No. But I'm perceptive remember?" I reminded him, "No, he never shuts up, but he never says anything about his work really. I've noticed that about Turks," As if to prove my point, Vincent said nothing when I paused, "The only sensible word I've got out of him about it, or you for that matter is that you're one lucky son of a bitch to have left outside of a body bag. And I get the point there that you're alive to be despising him and all, but it pisses me off anyway because you did sort of leave in a body bag, but that another story for another time and none of Reno's business,"

"Yes, it is none of Reno's business," He remarked with a glare. I ignored it.

"Point is, you both have baggage. You just deal with it in different ways. Very different ways." Planet, yes, one became antisocial, guilt ridden, and consumed by angst, moonlighting as a vampire with dramatic tendencies whilst the other became a serial womanizer who is probably in a unspoken psychologically co-dependant relationship with his partner, "And for the record, both ways really fucking suck and piss me the hell off, so either get over each other, or just lay 'em out on the table," I finished. Unfortunately, Marlene caught the tail end of our private conversation.

"What does 'lay them-" She started.

"ANYWAY," Tifa interrupted loudly, whilst Cloud spluttered around the mouthful of water he'd just gulped "What else did you get up to at Elmyra's?"

Unfortunately it wasn't long into the meal that the conversation once again moved into awkward territory; this time it was Marlene herself who came out with the inappropriate phase. Well, unintentionally inappropriate.

"It couldn't have been that cold," Denzel commented when the conversation had turned to the week before and the near-arctic conditions of Seventh Heaven.

"You'd be surprised. Even the 'Great undefeatable ninja Yuffie' couldn't handle it and ended up staying with Vincent," Cloud told him. I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous tone.

"Aunt Yuffie slept with Uncle Vincent again?" Marlene piped up suddenly.

I choked on my food. I'm pretty everyone else did as well. Including Mr Calm and controlled at all times because of his degree of unflappable calm except when it's windy because of his dramatic cloak of drama.

"WHAT?!" Cloud and Tifa both exclaimed. I blushed crimson. Slept with Vincent? I had never done such a thing. Sure, I had wished it on an increasingly regular basis and very nearly pushed that towel off of him earlier before dragging him backwards onto his bed-

I blushed even more.

"I believe Marlene's referring to the time when I was ill and Yuffie stayed the night with me," Vincent explained. Pretty hurriedly for Vince who didn't seem to be as unflappably calm as he usually was.

Ahh of course, it must have been. But how…?

"How do you know about that Marlene?" I asked her.

"Well I woke up early and went to check on uncle Vincent because he was ill , and you were in there with him," Marlene grinned, only too happy to supply the details.

"What are you laughing at Denzel?" Tifa asked, her eyes narrowed. Denzel immediately stopped sniggering, obviously not wanting to explain himself.

"How the hell did you sneak up on us?" I asked incredulously to Marlene. She shrugged.

"You were asleep. I sneak up on people all the time. It's not my fault they never notice me," she replied, all too innocently.

"What other occasions have you snuck up on people Marlene?" Cloud asked, his eyes narrowing. HA! He had obviously realised that she wasn't the little angel she seemed!

"Like when they were kissing!" She grinned, again, once again only too happy to give out the information. She was such a little shit-stirrer!

"WHAT?" Cloud yelled.

"WHEN?" Tifa shrieked.

"Don't you believe her!" I cut over the indignant squawking of the pair, "She's lying!"

"I'm not lying!" Marlene exclaimed, with a affronted expression, "I wouldn't lie!"

I scoffed, "Yes you are!"

"Marlene doesn't lie Yuffie," Tifa frowned, "She's completely honest,"

"A word I doubt you know the meaning of," Cloud accused.

"Fuck you Cloud," I spat at him vehemently.

"Hey!" Tifa warned, "Language Yuffie!"

"No! That was a cheap shot and he knows that!" I retorted angrily, "How long is everyone going to keep dragging that up? Yes, I was a thief and I've lied to you in the past but that's because I haven't always had the luxury of telling the truth! I'd get killed on the job if I didn't lie, back in the past, and now! And how many times have you used the Intel I've lied my ass off to retrieve? And incidentally the Intel I get is usually a hell of a lot more important than those packages you deliver! So I think I'm entitled to tell him to go fuck himself!"

"Well that escalated quickly," Denzel observed in the silence following my tirade.

"No, she's right. It wasn't fair for me to bring that up. I'm sorry," Cloud answered contritely.

"Damn right you are," I said, glaring at him, then adding less severely "Dick,"

"I didn't mean to upset you Aunt Yuffie," Marlene said tentatively, "But I'm not lying. I saw you,"

"There's nowhere to hide in Vincent's room, other than under the bed and I know for a fact you weren't under there!" I said impatiently, without thinking. Well now, that didn't sound suspicious or incriminating at all

"I didn't see you kissing in Uncle Vincent's room. I saw you kissing in the hallway. Ages ago, before you were about to go out with that WRO guy," Marlene replied, frowning.

"Oh," was all I could say after she dropped that bombshell. Well it was all about to hit the fan now. "Shit. I forgot that time," I mumbled.

Vincent turned to look at me, somewhat affronted. "You forgot?"

Opps. "No! Well yes, sort of, but not because-that's not what I meant-" Gawds, what was this? Gang-up-on-Yuffie-day? Now really wasn't the best time to have a domestic with Vincent. As Tifa then reminded us.

"That…That was four months ago," She interrupted in a dangerous tone of voice. I was too nervous to be impressed by her exact memory of the timescale of past events.

"I was going to tell you," I hastily replied, "Today, funnily enough,"

"Oh really?"

"Hang on Aunt Yuffie, when you say Marlene didn't see you kissing in Vincent bedroom…" Denzel said slowly, an evil gleam in his eye. I narrowed my eyes at him. The little shit.

"Oh yes, do tell about that time too. Unless you were planning on telling me about that one today, as well," Tifa answered flatly.

Fuck. My. Life.

"You're very quiet," I said, turning to Vincent, "Haven't you got anything to say on the subject? You were there to after all,"

"You are doing a fine job all on your own," Vincent said. Bastard. Judging by his tone, he was still a little sore over the whole forgetting our first kiss thing.

"You're supposed to have my back when we're fighting battles," I said in the same light tone.

"I do have your back. But sometimes that requires staying back for fear of getting in the way and putting you in more danger," he answered.

"Putting me in more danger? I've dug my own fucking grave here!" I hissed at him. He smirked.

"It appears so. If only you hadn't forgot to tell Tifa,"

"Oh for gawds sake, let it go already! What are you, a girl?" Apparently that domestic couldn't wait, "Maybe I did forget, but that's only because the slightly more intense episode that happened this morning is sort of preoccupying my mind at the moment and not…-" I trailed of, once again realising we had an audience. Who were listening intently.

"If it's not too much trouble," Tifa asked acidly when it became clear I wasn't going to continue, perhaps pissed off that she'd been side-lined by Vincent and myself, "What did happen this morning, in Vincent's bedroom?"

Leviathan, what a pair of vultures! I know it's a thing for couples to become nosey busybodies about other people and their relationships, but I didn't think this would have been such a big deal for a couple such as Tifa and Cloud who seemed to be so wrapped up and distracted by each other. Clearly they need to get laid more.

"I believe her purpose was to distract me," Vincent fed the salivating animals. Clearly my earlier retort at him had soothed his wounded pride and he was back on my side and not acting like a teenage girl.

Cloud scowled "Oh for Planet's sake, we should have guessed; I swear, if you've touched my materia Yuffie-".

"It had nothing to do with materia!" I snapped, pissed off by the assumption.

"…What?" Vincent asked, thrown as I'd contradicted his interpretation of the events earlier this today.

"Yes, the materia was just to cover myself! And it had nothing to to do with you being in the shower either, that was just…a bonus..." I mumbled the last part, to which Cloud to raise his eyebrows. Tifa on the other hand guessed it spot on.

"Oh Holy, you didn't,"

"Of course I fucking did!"

"Did what?" Cloud interjected.

"You can't just tell someone something like that and expect them to just be able to leave it alone!"

"Well I've managed just fine, why do you think they were still there?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well I guess have a sense of adventure Tifa, and curiosity, so if someone tells me something downright bazaar, or disturbing and frankly weird, forgive me for not being able to resist investigating it!"

"Because I have some self-control!"

"Am I even part of this conversation?"

"No Cloud, clearly you aren't!" I shot at the frustrated swordsman, at the same time as Tifa, also clearly fed up with him interrupting, exclaimed "There's a box of Tampax under Vincent's bed!"

Which as you can imagine, killed the conversation. For quite a few awkward moments.

"This is the first I've heard of it," Vincent responded defensively at Cloud's expression.

"I put them there," The accusatory and disturbed gazes fell on Tifa, "I was drunk, I was hormonal, and I was upset with you Cloud Strife, because you had your head so far up your arse that I thought I was going to be forever alone, so don't you damn well judge me for it!"

The focus had whirl-winded from myself, to Vincent, to Tifa and now to Cloud, who looked suitably embarrassed. The appropriate responses from Marlene and Denzel at this point would have been to be open mouthed or snickering at the revelation about their guardians. Guardians, who as adults, are traditionally supposed to be responsible and mature. Leviathan, Marlene's next phone call to Barret was going to be interesting; maybe he'd decide that Seventh Heaven was no a suitable place for his innocent little girl to be raised after all between the four of us, the responsible adults.

And Barret would be sure to spread this around to the rest of Avalanche, creating a game of Chinese whispers which would ensue that the already crazy stories became even wilder and bazaar. Yep, they were going to have a fucking field day with it all.

"Marlene, Denzel, how do you manage sneak up on people without them noticing?" Tifa eventually asked after an appropriate amount of bewildered silence. She either wanted to change the subjects or was on a roll to solve all the unanswered questions brought up at the dinner table today.

"Aunt Yuffie taught us," Marlene, ever the personification of honesty replied.

"Yeah, she taught us so we could give her the dirt on you and Cloud before you were properly dating," Denzel betrayed.

"What?!" Tifa exclaimed.

"Traitors!" I hissed. How? How could this have got any worse than it already was?

"Yuffie? Care to explain yourself?" Cloud asked, in a dangerous tone of voice.

"It was good tactics," I muttered, "You expected me to be spying. You didn't expect Marlene and Denzel,"

"I don't believe this! It just keeps getting better and better!" Tifa said sarcastically, mirroring my thoughts exactly. Forget Jenova, kids were the true calamity of this world. Fucking tale-telling kids!

"Vincent?" Tifa asked, her tone commanding the truth but also desperately begging for there to be nothing else to add to this clusterfuck of a dinner.

"Don't involve me with her. I had nothing to do with it," Vincent said. I turned to face him, disbelief written across my face.

"What? That's not true! You were always keen to hear what I'd dug up!"

"I had no wish to know what you were up to," He denied.

"Just because you didn't want to know how I did it didn't mean you didn't want to know the details!" I hissed.

"I never once asked to know what you'd found out," He glared back.

"Well I hope you like the taste of your own medicine Yuffie," Cloud interrupted, a gleam in his eye the same as the one he used to get fighting Sephiroth.

"Oh no! No, no, no. Marlene and Denzel work for me," I retorted.

"But we pay their pocket money," Tifa smiled devilishly.

"They won't help you. I taught them the principles of being a ninja," I said confidently, more than I felt anyway. Marlene and Denzel's track records gave me reason to be uneasy.

"But Aunt Yuffie, you said a ninja works where the best rewards are offered," Marlene suddenly recalled.

"And a ninja holds pride over prize and also knows the penalty of breaking their oaths," I hissed at her.

"Our new employer would let anything happen to us though," Denzel smiled, the same sardonic look as Tifa. Gawds like mother like son.

I closed my eyes. Leviathan give my strength.

"You'd better be careful where you and Vincent next…kiss or sleep together," Cloud smirked.

Apparently Leviathan didn't care.

"If Yuffie taught them morals and principles, you'll already be aware that what you pay in pocket money is going to be tripled for any information," Vincent hadn't abandoned me. I grinned widely, seeing Marlene and Denzel already nodding at what he'd said. Cloud glared at Vincent.

"And you should know that they're both blackmailing little schemers," I added.

"Excuse us, I need to borrow Yuffie," Tifa declared abruptly, seeming not to have not heard the latter parts of the conversation. Getting up, she almost yanked my arm out of its socket.

"OWWWW! TIFA THAT HURT!" I yelled as she dragged me out of the chair to the ladies room.

This was all Marlene and Denzel's faults. I was never having any kids if this is how they repaid you.

"What the fuck Yuffie?" Tifa asked as soon as we were safely inside the wash room.

"Look, I'm sorry, I should have left the tampax alone, and spying on you via Marlene and Denzel I now realize was wrong, I have no moral compass I know-"

"No! I mean what is going on between you and Vincent? Are you sleeping together? Are you friends with benefits now? Or are you actually together and keeping it a secret despite the fact you were the first person I told when Cloud and I first-"

"Tifa will you be quiet! I don't want it getting into the newspapers that I slept with Vincent!" I hissed, glancing around at the cubicles for other woman. Gawds, the council would have simultaneous strokes if that made the headlines. And my father would personally drag me back to Wutai to deal with them.

"You slept with Vincent?!"

"Not in the way that you think!"

"How many ways are there when it comes to Vincent? You two are having eye sex all over the place, and I know the whole 'just friends' thing is getting pretty difficult for you as of late-"

"What so you think I'd just seduce him?" I exclaimed, falsely affronted, despite the fact that she was right.

"Well, that's pretty much how Cloud and I got together," She admitted bluntly. Was that really true? Wow, go Tifa!

"Be that as it may, Vincent is not Cloud. I don't think that method would work out in the long run with Vincent," I replied flatly. "We don't really have that same connection you and Cloud had, you being childhood sweet hearts and all. Our history is a little less profound, him being in a coffin and me not I being born."

Tifa gave me an unimpressed look, "Whatever, as damaged as Vincent is, he's still a man. And the way you two shamelessly flirt sometimes…he is definitely over most of his issues. Have you not noticed how possessive he gets over you around Reno, or when you mention all those arranged marriage schemes?"

"You say possessive, I say protective,"

"Well, then honey, you're kidding yourself,"

"Of course I am! This is Vincent Valentine we're talking about! I'm not going to get my hopes up when he could randomly take off tomorrow because I somehow manage to trip over his cloak and knock myself out!"

"Wow. And I assigned all the insecurity issues to Vincent," Tifa muttered.

I made a strangled, frustrated noise. Tifa seemed to take a measure of pity on me.

"Fine, whatever, take me though these occasions where you slept together without sleeping together despite all the sexual tension you'd need a damn fucking chainsaw to cut through. The first time…?"

"Vincent had been severely ill with the flu for the first time in over thirty years, and I was completely exhausted from handling the bar and the kids single handedly which was totally worth it because many miles away, Cloud had strapped on a pair and was making an honest women out of you. Nothing happened,"

"And the other night?"

"I was so fucking cold I couldn't sleep. I went to share body heat, not bodily fluids. He was pissed at me for being pissed at him for interfering via Reeve with my job and landing me with Reno. But he accidentally scratched my arm so naturally nothing happened because he has an melodramatic drama queen for a guilty conscience which I imagine was a total turn off for him. It may have been the opposite for me, but I assure you, we did not warm up the way you and Cloud did outside of my mind,"

Tifa at least had the good grace to blush slightly at the latter comment about Cloud and herself, but was not put off.

"Fine, what about the kissing Marlene was talking about?" She ploughed on diligently.

"Ratted me out on more like," I muttered, answering: "And anyway It wasn't kissing, I was kissed Tifa. There is an important difference between kissed and kissing,"

"Sure," she replied sarcastically, "And what inspired you to be kissed by him, or am I to assume he just randomly grabbed you in the hall as you passed and lay one on you-"

"He didn't just lay one on- it wasn't that sort of- yes it did happen in the hall and I was just about to go out with Shane if you remember and earlier on we'd had-"

"Just about to go out with Shane and you're saying Vincent's not possessive? Oh for fuck's sake Yuffie!"

"You didn't let me finish damn it! And it wasn't like that! We'd had a row earlier because as usual he'd pissed me off being a brooding bastard so I'd given him an earful on taking chances and seizing opportunities, developing a taste for the flavour of life-"

"Well he developed a taste for you alright!" Tifa cried, every inch indignant.

I sighed with the long suffering of a Saint, crossing my arm. "It wasn't like that," I stubbornly maintained.

"And Vincent's supposedly the blind one. Fine," It was her time to sigh, in frustration and disbelief. "Right, and the time today in his bedroom of all places?"

"That…that was genuinely to distract him from the tampax," I told her truthfully, still not over that whole scenario.

"And? Was he kissed or was he kissing?" She demanded, "According to you that's an important distinction,"

"It…I- There was…kissing," I admitted haltingly. At her triumphant expression, I defensively added "Fine, it went a bit beyond only distracting him, but it wasn't my fault! He was damp and dishevelled and only in a towel! What would you have done?"

"Let me think…in a situation where we're both two consenting adults and the practically naked guy is unmistakably kissing me back, next to a bed? I think I'd have taken it as an unambiguous sign from the Planet and made the most of that God-given opportunity by-"

"You know what? Don't answer that. It was rhetorical," I interrupted, unwillingly amused. "Look, I get what you're saying,"

"So?" Tifa prompted, "What's going on with you? Why didn't you go for it? You clearly wanted to and I don't think Vincent would have stopped it,"

"I guess…well, I know it's not like me, but I'm playing this one close to the chest Teef. I want to take this slow. And I'm sort of enjoying that. I want Vince to know I'm not going anywhere. And you're right, he has changed, and it's nice to know that for once, he's not going anywhere either and I don't have to tread eggshells around him; I mean can you imagine him a couple of years ago if any this had happened…"

"I used to think that a lot about Cloud," Tifa admitted, "It's crazy to think about all that's happened to us in these last few years, and where we are now in spite of it. You're a big part of why Vincent's changed, and changed for the better. And so have you. Cliché as it is, you've done each other a lot of good,"

"Urgh, this is getting awful chick-flickish Tifa," I complained, pulling a face.

"Okay, maybe you haven't changed that much," Tifa smiled, "But honestly, none of us ever imagined you two getting on like you do, let alone anything beyond that. But now none of us could imagine you without each other, or with anyone else. I mean it Yuffs,"

"I know. It freaks me out a lot of the time," I admitted.

"Well I guess I can understand that," Tifa conceded, "But I just need you to bear something in mind okay?"

"What's that?"

She grinned. "Soon I'll be a married woman and have nothing better to do but play matchmaker," I laughed.

"Oh Tifa, you are going to have so many better things to do," I waggled my eyebrows suggestively.

She snorted, shaking her head, "Don't I know it?"

I grinned at that. "But really Teef?" I said in a more serious tone, "Congratulations…really. We're all so happy for you guys,"

I hope she understood the meaning behind that. The volumes that simply couldn't be put into words. Of everything that we'd gone through in these past years, of how the world had changed because of how hard we'd fought, despite our pasts, despite the lives and people we'd lost, we'd given up, we'd sacrificed. Of all those times when it seemed we'd never win, and we'd been so ready to give up, because the future we'd been fighting for just never seemed in any way imaginable in the reality we were living.

Tifa looked down at the ring on her finger, and I knew she understood though. It was a symbol of her and Cloud's happiness and future together, but it was more than that. It was the symbol to the rest of us that that world we'd dreamed of was real now. That we'd started living that future. We'd done it. We'd made it. That's what it meant.

Tifa looked back up and nodding pulled me into a hug.

And it didn't matter that it was a chick flick moment, because her and Cloud really was a real life happy ending.

O

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O

"Yuffie?" She asked after a few moments, still embracing me, "Keep any dirt on you and Vincent like this to yourself again and they'll be hell to pay,"


Just over 11,000 words there, so I hope it was worth the wait...although two years really is a long time, and I'm really sorry for that. Life just gets in the way sometimes, and a lot has happened; I finished school and I'm a first year student at University now! Last summer, I had a lot of time off because of it, between finishing A levels and starting university, so really I should have updated then, as this has been sitting for at least a year almost entirely finished, its just the ending that I had to finish, so that's why it might come across as a bit rushed. And I know it went from quite comedic to serious very quickly... But I was desperate to get it up, and like most of my creative outbursts, it came right before a deadline...so I'd better go start the important assignment that's due in for tomorrow now...

A point I want to make is that I started writing this when I was 13, which shows in the earlier parts of this! Now, having grown up, I have a much clearer and more coherent plot for this, and I cringe at the immaturity of some of the earlier chapters content and writing wise. Still, I hope they gave you a laugh, but I think I'll be sticking with the adult comedy that has becoming more apparent later in the story as I've matured myself, although saying that, I still can be very immature! I mean, i've joined the Universities Officer Training Corps, which is quite a mature thing, and it is great fun and very challenging, and quite unexpected for a person like me! I feel out of my depth a lot of the time considering I'm a quiet girl who daydreams about the fictional characters of Yuffie and Vincent!

Before I go (I've really got to get that assignment done!), another reason this is so late (excuses, excuses I know), is last summer I was also working on another Yuffentine project that took up all of my focus. I can't wait to get it up. Its a long threeshot that's two thirds of the way done, and I sort of wrote myself into a corner...and then started uni. Its about 16,000 words long at the moment, and way more serious and mature than ITNOYK, as i've been exploring some other themes. I want to avoid what I keep dong here though, so I want to write it all before I post it and not make you wait, especially due to the nature of the story. Hopefully I can focus on getting the last chapter finished this summer. I always feel more creative when its summer and sunny- although in Scotland those things are mutually exclusive. But anyways, until then, thanks for reading and staying with me, I really appreciate your patience and support! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!