Disclaimer: Well, considering I'm not richer than England royalty, I don't own Harry Potter. Or Twilight.
Story: The books happened. And then Harry decided to happen. So he did, living his life and traveling the world. Then Teddy comes into his care and he decides to settle down in Forks, somehow drawing attention even when he doesn't want it. Teddy is just exasperated and having his own fun.
Set after book 7, AU Epilogue and slightly altering the final battle.
Spoilers: Books 1-7 probably.
Warnings: ?
Pairings: Harry/Marcus, Bella/Carlisle, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Esme/Charlie, Teddy/Leah, Sam/Jacob, Garrett/Kate, Diego/Tanya, Fred(Twi)/Bree, Riley/Renesmee…

Stranger Happenings
Chapter Twelve: Stupidity Catches

"So –introductions!" Harry exclaimed, as Jasper and Alice cautiously sat down next to each other in the midst of this mix-matched group, who they weren't sure how but had somehow all met and was together in this crazy place.

Or more this crazy town.

Forks sure got a whole lot interesting once they left, the two of them mused. Which, in hindsight, kind of sucked. They missed all the fun and chaos.

"Alice, Jasper, this is Harry," Bella introduced him first, and then went around and started introducing the others, landing on the Volturi brothers last. "And that's Aro, Caius, and Marcus."

Alice stared at the brothers and then slowly reached to grasp Jasper's hand.

"O…kay. This is a lot to take in, Bella. Carlisle, glad to see you and Esme made it here, though I've been remised on the general happenings and what is…going on," Alice, for once, was clueless and not chipper, like she usually was.

"You haven't seen anything, really?" Bella asked in astonishment.

"No, strangely enough," Alice admitted, feeling disconcerted. It bothered her that her Sight hadn't been working in Forks.

"Must have something to do with Harry," Aro interjected himself into the conversation, nodding surely.

He was stared at by Alice and Jasper, both of whom were still not used to the Volturi being there.

"And the Wolves," Harry added. "I'm more than sure that they block your Sight too."

Caius hissed at the mention of the Wolves until Marcus painfully yanked on his ear in warning, almost ripping it off.

"Not real 'Wolves,'" Marcus rolled his eyes.

"Ah, who cares!" Aro threw up his hands, looking irritable. "It doesn't matter. And dear Alice, as much as I like you and would love to have you join the Guard, there's more important business to attend to! Carlisle! I need you to give my Bella a checkup!"

Carlisle actually growled at him. "Your Bella?"

"Well, of course! She's having my baby after all!"

At that, Alice blinked and gaped openly, while Jasper's eyes widened just the slightest (and he pulled every trained instinct as a soldier he had to keep it at that).

"B-baby?" Poor Alice could only stare at them.

"Ohhh, you really are out of the loop," the group of humans there all muttered like gossips and huddled together, while they kept sending glances over at the newcomers.

Jessica and Mike briefly broke away from the group, lifting their heads up from the huddle to sniff haughtily at Alice and Jasper.

Mike snapped his fingers sassily. "We are so in on the secret now."

"Damn straight," Jessica huffed, and then the two were back with the other humans, murmuring together and enjoying the show.

Teddy was next to Harry and handed him a bag of popcorn, after taking a handful himself. Harry slowly reached in and grabbed some, starting to eat it without looking away.

"Merlin, this is like a soap opera," he commented in entertainment. Harry then grinned and shook his head. "Well, it's alright. You two bicker like alpha males. I'll take Bella and give her a checkup. Esme, do me a favor and catch up Alice and Jasper, so they can stop feeling the world spinning out of control for themselves."

"It's a normal reaction here," Esme sympathetically reassured the two in pity.

"Come on, Bella, let's have a look," Harry cheerfully led her away, though she was disappointed in missing the mini-apocalypse going on. Particularly when Carlisle just punched Aro in the face and Alice had actually fainted…

It wasn't long until the two of them came back after Harry had given her a full checkup, despite her complaining that she didn't need one (it was just Aro's insistence!) since she just found out about the pregnancy that day and Harry had already checked on her at the same time.

Alice and Jasper looked marginally better, though Jasper looked rather disturbed for some reason.

"Jasper, you alright?" Bella asked in concern, alerting the others to his odd state.

"I'm…concerned that my own powers aren't working," he revealed, barely holding back a grimace.

Harry nodded. "Nah, it's all good. I just made sure to block your powers for the moment, so you don't get overwhelmed with everyone here and their emotions flying around. I'll start to just leave it dim for you once you get used to everything, and then end up leaving it completely for you to deal with when you're finally settled down."

Jasper still looked uncomfortable, but he gave a nod to show he understood.

"I think it's time I tell everyone why Jasper and I are here, and what's happening," Alice began, entirely serious.

This made everyone straighten up and focus on her. She was a bit unnerved, given the intense stares included being from the Volturi Kings, a whole pack of Wolf Shapeshifters, humans that knew but were still humans and alive, and that in general the staring from them and by all of them wasn't something she thought anyone would be able to handle –minus this Harry person, it seemed.

"Due to my inability to see anything about Bella at all, and with how long it has been since I saw anything, Edward," Harry and the rest who knew about Bella's problem with him, were glad to see her fine and not flinching at the vampire's name, "has grown into a frenzied state and believed that it means Bella has died and he's gone to Volterra to see…the Volturi," Alice's gaze drifted towards the Kings again in uneasiness.

"Why would he care about what happened to me?" Bella scowled, and a tinge of bitterness could be heard present in her voice.

Alice sighed and looked at her in sadness. "Oh, Edward was so stupid…," the pixie-like vampire murmured. "You see, Bella," she said louder. "Edward broke up and left you here because he believed he was protecting you. He wanted to keep you human and save your soul, and that involving you with our kind had endangered you. He thought by keeping away, and keeping the rest of us away, that you would be safe."

"That's just dumb shit," Caius surprisingly said, in a deadpan voice no less. "As you can see, she still somehow got involved with even more vampires –and even other supernatural beings!"

"You said it, brother!" Jessica praised, leaning over and raising her hand for a high-five that Caius (again surprisingly) reciprocated, restraining his vampire strength.

"And not to be a buzz kill," Aro added blithely. "If you once again noticed…we're not exactly there to see poor Edward, and help with his problem," he gestured to himself and his brothers.

"Nor their wives," Marcus said sarcastically (and wasn't it strange to Alice and Jasper to see the older vampire being so alive for once). "Athenodora and Sulpicia decided on their own vacation here."

Aro hmmed. "I suppose there's always Demetri…Felix is more kill and ask first, despite his lighthearted and flirty nature, and Heidi would ignore Edward and his presence and claim it was not her problem. There's the twins...but Jane would probably just go and entertain herself by torturing Edward with her power, while Alec would egg her on. The other guards in our main group aren't high enough to deal with seeing visitors, and generally busy scattered around the castle anyway, doing their own business."

"Demetri is on a job," Caius informed him. "He's currently scouting out rumors of a newborn army being formed."

"Blasted," Aro said, though rather carelessly. "Ah well. Edward's on his own then. Sorry."

"Er, well, although he won't be able to see you three, we should at least go and inform him Bella is actually alive, that he doesn't have to be there or ask to be killed, and get him off your doorstep so he won't bug you upon your return," Jasper stated rather dryly, though he had started out uncertain.

"Well, then he can wait," Caius huffed. "I'm in no hurry to return and have to deal with him. I'm still on vacation."

"At least they're finally admitting they're on vacation," Carlisle muttered, fully heard by everyone.

"And I must stay and support and care for my baby mama," Aro said cheerfully, drawing stares to himself again.

"Please, Aro, you don't need to stay," Carlisle had a stiff smile on his face. "By all means, return home. You have business needing to attend to."

Aro sniffed haughtily. "He's your son."

"He's asking for your help."

"Your son."

Before Carlisle could say anything else and the two devolved into another fight, Harry took over and addressed Alice.

"Alright, obviously Aro and those two aren't going to go, considering once they're back in Volterra, vacation's over and they would have to stay there, seeing as they'd already returned. At least a few of us need to go see this Edward kid and screw his head on straight and shove sense back into it," Harry felt a headache coming on. "Bella is definitely going, since it's easier to prove she's alive by her going. Plus, she's who he wants to see the most and whatnot, and the one most probable to talk sense into him. Carlisle should go in place of Aro for being one of the two baby daddies, and being a doctor and all. Alice, it would help with you coming, since you know the most of this situation and be a guide."

While Alice nodded, Charlie Swan raised his hand and had a bland expression on his face.

"What is up with this whole Carlisle thing with my Bells? What do you mean one of two baby daddies?" the man twitched.

Harry inwardly blanched. "Uh…Esme. Could you…would you…uh, please bring Charlie aside and gently explain to him about it?" since he remembered the two had been getting close since her arrival to Forks, and they seemed to equally like each other.

Esme nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, and he marginally relaxed.

"And I'll go as backup since I can already see Charlie and Aro opening their mouths to ask me," Harry gave them a look, while Charlie looked smug as he was led away by Esme, and Aro looked ecstatic and relieved.

"There's really no need to hurry," Bella sniffed disdainfully, still sore about having to go and not really wanting to go see Edward and see him in any capacity. "He's not exactly going anywhere."

Harry hummed an agreement. "You know, I've not been to Volterra before. I've been to Florence and Venice though. Yes, yes…so it won't be a problem then. I'll get us to one of those cities, whatever's closest to Volterra, and travel the rest of the way by car or something…" he was rather vague and plainly confusing everyone with what he was talking to himself about.

"But we need to book a plane and be ready to board it when it sets!" Alice protested.

The wizard waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry, we have lots of time to spare. We don't need to go on a plane or anything. We'll be there in no time."

"But how are we getting there so fast, if we don't get on a plane?" Jasper was rather incredulous.

"I said I got it!" Harry grumbled.

"When are we going to leave then, Harry?" Bella was just fine with the delay in going.

"Monday," Harry nodded surely.

Alice and Jasper weren't sure at all, considering that it was currently Thursday night.

"That's…a long delay," Alice said weakly, wondering what in the world.

"Nah, it's fine," he waved off her concerns. "He really isn't going anywhere, and it's not like anyone over there is going to bother with him."

When Alice looked like she was going to protest again, Harry added one more thing.

"Plus, it gives Bella time to get used to the idea of seeing Edward again, and let her prep herself for the confrontation and maybe even use the time to gather what she wants to say to him," he gave Bella a wink, and she gave him an appreciative smile, feeling less irritable now.

Alice quieted down and nodded in agreement finally.

When Alice found Bella later, the chaos in the place had finally dimmed to a small quiet. The human girl was quietly sitting in the kitchen of the inn, curled up on the floor in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of cocoa. Tentatively, she approached the other and made sure her steps were a little louder to alert the other to her presence.

"It's nice to see you again after all this time, Alice," Bella suddenly said, surprising her. She was still watching the fireplace, the flames dancing almost hypnotically. "Are you staying?"

"Yes," Alice said firmly. "We have no plans on leaving," 'you,' "ever again."

Bella finally looked over to her, and she could see that the other girl looked extremely tired. But she smiled slightly and Alice felt something inside of her relax and she finally felt at ease after what felt like forever.

She walked on over and sat next to her, leaning sideways and laying her head on Bella's shoulders.

"I've missed you so, so much," she confessed to the other.

She heard Bella sniffling. "Me too," she said back, after muttering about 'stupid pregnancy hormones.'

Alice smiled wryly. "That is still really weird. I don't think I can get over you having a vamp baby. And especially Aro's baby."

Bella giggled. "Yeah, I know…And, well, I really, really like Carlisle, and yet…there's this amazing thing Aro does with his tongue…" and then the two of them giggled and gossiped over rather x-rated topics that shouldn't really be said out in the open.

And with so many vampires in the vicinity with their oh-so-perfect hearing.

However, needless to say, guys aren't the only ones that liked to brag and talk about lovers and sex, so ah well.

This did mean that Carlisle was glaring murderously at Aro, who was smugly beaming proudly in his seat.

"Come on! I would be perfect for the job!"

"No! Absolutely not!"

What ensued was a perfectly justified fight.

One in which Jacob Black started because he was adamantly campaigning to be godfather to the "vambaby" (as everyone was now shortening it to –courtesy of Luna of course).

And Caius was adamantly protesting.

"Harry's an awesome godfather," Teddy piped up, a rare moment in which he and the other kids were hanging around the grownups and not playing around with each other (or learning and studying either their Muggle work or magical stuff).

Really –it was just awesome everyone was there. Teddy now had tons of playmates and wasn't so lonely or didn't have to be so mature all the time, even though he was the oldest of the group and had to lead and take care of them. And all the chaos and things always happening around the inn and their home made things lively and not boring, and Teddy just really liked how they were just one big family.

"Yeah!" Scorpius agreed. "He got me a copy of his jacket."

Everyone totally remembered Harry's version of MJ's Thriller jacket.

"And when I'm hungry, Uncle Harry makes the tummy ache go away and cooks yummy food," Hugo gave a toothy grin. Rose nodded rapidly, adding, "Uh huh~ Hugo and I wake up sometimes and Uncle Harry makes hot cocoa and tells us stories and sometimes sings to us and then we're all warm and fuzzy and then we're sleepy and we have pretty dreams~"

"And then the Super Secret Room!" Scorpius butted in excitedly.

Rose squealed and clapped. "Ohh! The Super Secret Room!"

"Eh? What's the Super Secret Room?" Ben scratched his head in confusion.

"It's secret," Teddy said solemnly.

"Where –"

"Secret!" all the kids chorused together.

Draco snorted. "Yeah, Harry is, I regret to say, a good godfather. My own child prefers him to me –his own father!"

"That settles it –Harry, you're godfather to my kid," Bella declared, grinning mischievously at the wizard.

"Geez, really? I have so many godkids already," but Harry was grinning and didn't sound reticent about the appointment at all.

"Aw, it'll be fine, Harry!" George snickered.

Bill clapped Harry hard on the back. "Yeah. You should get used to it! Don't forget we'll be naming our future kids your godchildren too!"

"Alright, Bella, Carlisle, Aro," Mike focused on them. "Seriously –Harry, officially godfather or not?"

"Okay, all in favor of Harry as godfather to the vambaby?" Jessica called out to those three.

They all raised their hands…but so did everyone else, regardless of it not being their baby, and they're not being the ones asked and opinions mattering.

"There you go, Harry. Matter settled. You're godfather," Sam laughed at him.

"I approve," both Caius and Jacob agreed to the alternative choice, though they glared at each other when they realized they'd said it at the same time.

Harry rolled his eyes, before looking at Bella. "Are you really sure about this?"

"Of course. And besides –you're outvoted. Really, severely outvoted," Bella said dryly.

Everyone's hands were still in the air and they waved it a little, reiterating to Harry that he had no choice. Not that he really minded.

"So little Renesmee isn't going to lack for anything for sure now," Jacob sniggered.

He was stared at.

"Renes-what?" Bella looked at him strangely.

"Er…Reneé́ and Esme put together?" he explained in a weak voice. "The two mother figures for you?"

Aro shook his head. "No. Noooo –I will never endorse that name for my little princess."

Harry cringed. "Okay, I will threaten to refute my godfather claim if you name the kid that. I swear."

"That is weird, though I don't mind if it was 'Carlie,' you know mine and Carlisle's name combined," Charlie started before looking at Carlisle, who had coughed and was looking up uncomfortably. "Right. Not a father figure. Just so you know –soooo freakin' lucky I'm refusing to process that right now, Carlisle. Otherwise, I'd be focusing on a way to create vampire-proof bullets."

Carlisle flinched.

"Name him or her after me!" Harry excitedly exclaimed, turning all the focus on him. "Me, me, me!"

"Well…" Bella hesitated.

"Like –something pretty like Henrietta! Harry's a nickname for that, you know. Ohhh, and if it's a boy, something fancy smancy like Hadrian –nothing boring like mine; it's not short for anything! I'm named just Harry," Harry was now definitely eager.

"Actually, Henrietta's not bad…" Bella murmured.

"I like Hadrian," Aro turned almost as earnest as Harry.

"I'm guessing this means that yes, the baby will be named after you, Harry," Carlisle raised his eyebrows slightly.

"Yes!" Harry pumped a fist into the air. "Harry Jr., come to God-Papa!"

It was Friday and still not yet Monday, their deadline far off.

And yet all of this was already happening, and there were plenty of days left for more chaos to come up.

Finally, finally was the day they could finally leave.

Alice was sure that if everything that happened in those past few days was a normal thing, then she could understand how everyone simply brushed off every strange thing that happened next. Needless to say, once she got over the strangeness and stopped getting weirded out and shocked every few seconds, she could see herself enjoying the chaotic mess Forks had become once she was used to it.

In hindsight now, she could say it really was her cup of tea.

"Ready, everyone?" Harry cheerfully asked the group going.

"Ready, Harry," Bella ascertained for everyone.

"Alright! Let's go!"

"Wait, what –" Mike was cut off as Harry grabbed everyone going and seemingly teleported them out of the foyer of the inn.

Everyone left behind blinked and stared in shock at the area that had once been occupied.

In the meanwhile, the group with Harry was at once out of their minds and panicking at whatever the hell just happened to them. They freaked out even more when they saw their different settings.

"Harry! What in the world?" Bella screeched out.

"Not to worry," Harry hummed cheerily. "We're in Florence, Italy. Told you we didn't need no stupid plane."

"Did we just teleport?" Bella muttered to the others.

"I don't know," Alice replied, eyes wide.

Carlisle coughed and brought them to an attention. "We should head out to Volterra now then. Might as well get going?" He, also, was a little out of sorts, but not willing to question it right then.

Harry began to lead the way, and they walked a bit until they finally caught a bus.

"Harry, we have like two vampires with us," Bella whispered to Harry, though Carlisle and Alice heard her just fine. At least the other people in the bus didn't. "Why is no one noticing their sparkly-ness?"

Indeed, Alice and Carlisle were glittering on the bus and shining like they were holy angels sent from heaven…to mingle on a crowded, torn up bus full of bored and tired people.

"Notice-Me-Nots," Harry smirked smugly.

No one, other than Harry, understood that at all.

It was a very long and awkward bus ride. And after that bus ride, they ended up taking a taxi and crowding into it. Needless to say, to fit into it, the girls had to sit on the guys' laps. Harry thought it a great achievement of his to maneuver Bella onto Carlisle's lap, while gentlemanly offering his to Alice.

That was an even longer taxi trip.

Thankfully, they finally made it to Volterra, where the city was crowded with people in red cloaks.

"Ooh, is there a festival going on?" Harry looked around, excitedly watching the preparations. "I want to join in!"

The taxi driver chuckled. "It is St. Marcus' Day, in celebration for when St. Marcus drove the vampires out of this town centuries ago."

"Ahah! Is it my Marcus?" Harry asked.

The taxi driver blinked before answering in amusement. "I doubt it, sir. St. Marcus lived a long time ago."

Harry pouted and crossed his arms, sitting back. "Shows what you know," he muttered, though his group heard him.

The vampires sweatdropped, while Bella leaned over and patted his back in sympathy.

They were let out into the town center, and were by the fountain when they focused in on an entrance to a building right across the center to them. Carlisle and Alice were still blindingly shiny, but no one looked their way or batted an eyelash at them.

Suddenly the doors to that entrance they'd been briefly watching opened, and they all gaped as they saw Edward walk out and close his eyes, about to reveal his sparkly-ness to the people as he stepped out into the sun.

"Oh hells no –what is he thinking?!" Bella growled.

Carlisle twitched, while Alice continued to gape as she inwardly wondered about her adopted brother's brains.

"I got this," and Harry promptly prepared his body and shifted into a throwing position, holding a football that seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and threw it with an inhuman speed that not even vampire eyes caught.

It smashed into Edward's middle and violently vaulted him back through the doors to that hidden entrance, which slammed shut after him and the space he'd been was empty as if he'd never been there and no one the wiser.

Everyone with Harry blanked out and just stared.

Started 1/2/14 – Completely 1/15/14

A/n: I really, really love that everyone's is laughing and enjoying themselves. That's what's important to me :D Thank you, everyone, and I hope you'll still keep enjoying and laughing! Please leave a review!