Disclaimer: Well, considering I'm not richer than England royalty, I don't own Harry Potter. Or Twilight.
Story: The books happened. And then Harry decided to happen. So he did, living his life and traveling the world. Then Teddy comes into his care and he decides to settle down in Forks, somehow drawing attention even when he doesn't want it. Teddy is just exasperated and having his own fun.
Set after book 7, AU Epilogue and slightly altering the final battle.
Spoilers: Books 1-7 probably.
Warnings: ?
Pairings: Harry/Marcus, Aro(?)/Bella/Carlisle, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Esme/Charlie, Teddy/Leah, Sam/Jacob, Garrett/Kate, Diego/Tanya, Fred(Twi)/Bree, Riley/Renesmee…

Stranger Happenings
Chapter Thirteen: Jerk Move

They quickly moved through the courtyard and reached Edward's side. Alice firmly shut the doors behind them to make sure they weren't seen or noticed, and Carlisle reached his son's side and attempted to see how he was doing.

Edward was a bit out of it.

Not that Alice could…blame him. At least for that. Harry had, surprisingly, hit him rather hard. But well…Alice shrugged to herself. He kinda deserved it for everything anyway. He started it.

She mentally stuck her tongue out at him.

"Well…he's intact," Carlisle stated wryly.

Harry sighed in disappointment, and Alice could swear that Bella was pouting. It seemed Bella was going to be holding a grudge against Edward for a very long time…It wasn't Alice's problem though. So long as she and Bella were good, she was fine. Edward could save his own ass and beg for forgiveness.

"C-Carlisle?" Edward groaned as he refocused and saw his adopted father crouching above him as he lay on the ground. He looked around in confusion, frowning as he saw his sister and a strange man. But then he saw Bella and his eyes lit up and a large, hopeful smile spread across his face.

"Bella," he whispered reverently, causing Carlisle to twitch and Harry to scowl.

Bella just looked blankly back at him.

Without warning, Edward sped up and towards Bella, only to crash into an invisible barrier an inch away from her. Bella blinked, this time in bemusement, before glancing at Harry curiously. He smirked at her and Alice could see visible relief on Bella's face. Alice mentally started snickering in her head, and was also ecstatic that Harry's presence seemed a guaranteed barrier in itself against Edward's mind reading abilities.

And also a physical barrier for Bella too.

"Carlisle, what's going on?" Edward asked firmly, pursing his lips as he glanced suspiciously at Harry.

"What do you mean what's going on?" Alice could barely hear the tinge of exasperation hidden in Carlisle's tone. "We're here to save you."

Edward looked confused. "Save me?"

"Yeah, you know –from your impending death at the hands of the Volturi. Who aren't here by the way. At least the Kings aren't," Bella frowned at him.

"I only wanted to die because I thought you were dead," Edward grimaced. "I didn't want to live in a world where you weren't in it. And how would you know about the Kings and if they weren't here?" he started at that, just noticing how she seemed to know about the Volturi and sound so familiar with them.

"They're currently vacationing in Forks," she deadpanned. "In the inn where I work at."

Yeah, Alice could totally hear the 'Idiot, there goes your plan to protect me from your big bad world by disappearing –oh, oops it didn't work out too well' coming sarcastically in waves from Bella.

Edward was so not going to have an easy time of it.

"So, introductions?" Harry cut in, looking bored.

"Edward, this is Harry. Harry, this is Edward…that guy I told you about," Bella introduced dryly.

Ouch. "That 'guy.'" Alice almost felt sorry for her brother. Almost.

You reap what you sow, right?

Poor Edward looked terribly lost and confused, but no one seemed keen on enlightening him any time soon. In fact, Bella looked like she was trying to be subtly inching away from the male vampire, all the while cringing as if Edward had cooties.

She wished Jasper was with her to see this. He would have gotten a kick out of this. Alice knew she sure was.

Edward was cautiously prodding at the invisible layer that was keeping him away from his beloved, but nothing seemed to work. He was finding no weak points in this oddity and it seemed to completely keep around Bella, and therefore him away from her. The frustration was visibly rolling off of him and everyone could see it.

Alice could see that Bella didn't mind being petty enough to enjoy it. Quite frankly, it was very amusing to Alice too. Harry wasn't even making an effort to hide his enjoyment of Edward's aggravation, that sadist. Carlisle, as much as he loved his first son…was looking pretty torn at that moment.

"I don't understand," Edward muttered to himself, staring at Bella like a lost puppy. And not the cute golden retriever look Mike seemed cursed with either…At least, that's probably the thought going through Bella and Harry's heads.

Bella ignored him and looked around. "Hm, not bad, Aro…The Kings got good taste."

"That they do, my dear," Harry agreed cheerily. "That's my Marcus!"

"You don't suppose Aro will let me have a painting from here, if one caught my eye, huh? Maybe I can put one in my room…" Bella hmmed as she looked around.

"I think one in the entrance hall of my inn would be fabulous," Harry added on. "Come on then. Let's take a look."

He took Bella's arm and started to escort her away. Alice looked at their backs in panic, while Carlisle was startled and Edward's confusion grew.

"W-wait, where are you two going? What about us?" Alice blurted out.

Harry waved backwards at them, and neither of the two looked back.

"We're going to check out the castle, see if we can meet this guard Aro talks so much about, art browse, and see about grabbing some sort of necklace for Sulpicia that she asked us to get for her while we were here. This is a family matter, so y'all can deal with it together, right? Right. Bye."

"Ohh, I like this one. I'm going to keep this in mind," they heard Bella say before the two disappeared around a corner.

"Why haven't I been hearing anyone's thoughts?" Edward finally noticed, asking in alarm.

Well, at least Harry's little mind shield trick seemed to work for them, even when he wasn't there. Alice could be somewhat calmed down by the knowledge that Edward still wasn't able to read her mind. Privacy at last.

On the other hand, Carlisle was staring at Edward and looked like he was at a lost at what to say or do. She could just imagine how that conversation (the one about Bella) would go.

'Hey, son! I'm dating your ex-girlfriend, who's also knocked up by the Volturi King Aro, and you're really just going to need to let this and her go or else, alright? So how are things on your end?'

Alice really needed to see if Harry had something that could relay memories to others.

"That's…fascinating," Jasper muttered, while Aro had pressed his face right up to the glass.

"What is this sorcery?" Caius cringed back.

"It's science!" Mike and Jacob snickered.

Of course, the two of them just had to show the leftover vampires the chemical experiment they'd worked on at school, which their teacher had seen from Youtube, involving something about chemicals in a fish tank and the creation of a snake-like fire thing moving around in it.

"If you're looking at sorcery, Caius, you should look to Harry and his brood," Marcus said blandly, watching the science experiment with some interest, though he was still miffed with having to be left behind.

But he really didn't want to cut off his own vacation either.

"Huh? Them, magic? That's funny!" Mike chortled, shaking his head. "Good one, Marcus."

Marcus raised an eyebrow at him, but stayed quiet as he watched Hermione mischievously sneak up on them. Standing beside Mike, she lightly shook his shoulder to get his attention. When he turned to her, Hermione gave him a wink and then tapped his blond head with a stick.

Immediately, there was a golden retriever sitting right where Mike had been and the subject of everyone's wide-eyed gaze.

"It really is magical," Aro whispered in amazement.

Hermione giggled, as her children gathered around her. She was starting to feel much more lively these days, and she enjoyed the her she was now than she had been before.

"Mama, can we keep him?" Rose wrapped her small arms around Mike the Dog's neck.

If Mike could blush, then he would be doing so right then.

Hermione smirked. "If Mike barks and says so."

Mike was definitely glad that the form he was in didn't show how badly he would be blushing at that moment, especially considering his crush was the one saying such things.

"Bark, Mikey," Jessica was another female smirking at him. "You know you want to."

And then everyone's eyes were on him and Mike whimpered before letting out a little bark. Everyone "awwed."

"That settles it," Hermione said decisively, actually going to Mike and picking him up. He yelped and then when he was actually being held up, embarrassingly crossed his hind legs when he realized what was going to show if he didn't. "We'll keep him."

"So…magic?" Marcus brought up again, giving her a somewhat interested look. She wasn't fooled; she knew he was completely interested and wanted to know already, so he could finally hold it over Harry's head and harass him about it.

"Yep, I'm a witch. My kids are magical. Harry's a wizard. So's Draco. Luna is part of the group. The Weasley's, of course," she started listing off nonchalantly.

"How is this possible?" Caius demanded abrasively.

Luna pointed her own stick at him and he was unable to talk.

"Be nice," she admonished, though her voice was airy. "Or I'll put you in timeout."

Aro quietly snorted (though his brothers and some others heard anyway), but he found the image of Caius in a corner in timeout amusing.

Laurent looked at Luna in admiration for that though, and she patted his head before handing him another Blood Pop. He looked around shiftily before grabbing it and sidling up closer to her.

"Uh huh," George chimed in. "We got wands, broomsticks, hocus pocus –"

"Don't tease them, George," Bill rolled his eyes. "There are spells and stuff, which is how we're getting away with a lot of stuff. Harry is Harry, though, so magic is only a part of the explanation on that dolt's actions."

"Ohhh, sounds fascinating! May I hold one of your hands and maybe see what you're talking about?" Aro asked, nearly giddy with excitement.

Knowing about his power, the magical group shared a look.

Charlie of the Weasley clan shrugged. "Well, if you want the whole story of us and the background stuff, Hermione is the best one. Hermione?"

She shrugged as well and moved one arm away from holding doggy!Mike up, and held it towards Aro. Ecstatic, Aro rushed forward with vampire speed and grabbed hold of her hand eagerly. Afterwards, though, he lost his smile a little and looked at Hermione speculatively. However, his smile brightened up again.

"How wonderful! I would dearly love to see this Quidditch especially," he beamed happily at her.

The boys started talking excitedly at once, while Hermione rolled her eyes. "You might want to ask Harry about that. He might be able to get some tickets easily."

"What's Quidditch?" Sam asked curiously, and George took it upon himself to regale them with the sport. Most of the boys there, Muggle or not, grew excited about it, and Aro was really itching to get a hold of Harry and demand to see the sport outside of memories. Even Caius seemed interested in it.

"Flying broomsticks? No way," Jacob shook his head.

"Bloody hell, yeah," Bill grinned wickedly. "You should see Harry in the air. Awesome shite, that is. All the professionals wanted him to sign on to their teams."

Mike barked, feeling left out and wanting to voice his own eagerness to see this magical sport. Hermione blinked and remembered she still had Mike as a dog and in her arms, and set him down gently. She tapped his head again, and the reverse nonverbal spell had him back to normal. He sat sprawled on the floor, looking a bit disoriented, before looking around and blushing bright red.

"Um, yeah. I wanna see this Quidditch too!" Mike just focused on instead.

"I'd like to see more magic," Caius said, Luna having finally removed the Silencio. "What other things are you all capable of? What kind of things can magic do?" He actually, for once, sounded a bit eager –and it didn't have anything to do with violence.

Aro was so proud. His brother was becoming a changed man. Casino gambling, human bonding, calmer attitude (sometimes…), etc. Ah, bless Harry and Bella (his beloved baby mama).

Marcus shook his head at his brothers.

"So, to not be so greedy, we've both settled on two pieces each, right?" Harry addressed Bella. "That's four altogether."

She nodded. "I really liked that Mona Lisa. I mean, it's the original. They have the original here! That would be so awesome to have hanging in the foyer, yeah?"

"Oh yeah. Good choices for both of us, hm? Good job to you and good job to me," he grinned smugly.

"Who…are you two?" a large burly vampire interrupted (finally; they were beginning to wonder when they'd run into one –although, the place was rather large).

Harry waved cheerfully. "Hullo! We're tourists, browsing the art collection. We'd like four specific ones, and hope to get it delivered home before we get back."

The vampire blinked and stared at them in bemusement.

"Oh, if you don't mind, I'd like a picture!" Bella grinned, taking her camera out of her purse and handing it to Harry. She rushed over to the burly vampire and sidled up to his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and holding up the other so she could form a V sign.

"V for peace, victory, and Volturi!" Bella smiled for the picture, and the vampire automatically smiled for the camera. And then he processed what she said and stared down at her, his head moving rapidly.

"How do you know about the Volturi?!"

"It's a long, long explanation, Felix. You are a Felix, right? According to Aro's descriptions, you look more likely to be this Felix," Harry said, heading over to them and taking Felix's other side. "Let's take a walk and we'll show you the paintings we want while we tell you the whole story."

The two forcibly grabbed hold of one of his arms each and began dragging him around.

Harry held up the camera and faced it towards them, and the two humans pushed up against the confused vampire (who automatically smiled for the camera again) to fit for the picture.


Jane was not sure what she was expecting when she set out to retrieve that errant of a fool Cullen, but the scene she walked in on was certainly not it. Edward Cullen was there alright, but so was Carlisle and Alice Cullen as well.

The latter was standing off to the side in boredom, leaning against the wall as she read some book. Carlisle was looking irritable (that…was strange. She'd always known him to be a rather calm and composed individual, with the patience of a saint). Unknown to her though, after Carlisle had explained a little more thoroughly to Edward what was going on and what had been going on, minus Bella's current marital status, he'd had to put up with Edward's moping about being unable to be near Bella and that she'd unexpectedly disappeared off to somewhere (and with some strange guy who Edward didn't know at all, didn't trust, and was starting to really not like).

He'd also had to put up with Edward harping to them about them not supposed to see Bella and that they should never have gone to her. They both refrained from forcefully reminding Edward that there had been other (human-drinking at that) vampires in her vicinity first, as well as wolf shapeshifters (and whatever the hell Harry and his kind were), making Edward's reasoning moot points.

"I was going to retrieve this simpleton to make sure he didn't go off and do something stupid," Jane said blandly, staring expressionless at the group. "But it seems that it wasn't needed." Well, she did take her time on it too. She and the others hadn't really cared and basically wrote Edward off as a nuisance, and that they'd take care of him and make sure he wouldn't be dumb when they felt like it.

"Come, I will escort you to the main chamber, so that the Kings can decide whether or not to meet with you," Jane lied at the end.

"I doubt they could, considering they're all the way over at Forks, Washington, enjoying their vacation," Alice stated without even looking over at the younger-in-body female, yawning after.

Jane stared and frowned. No one outside of the Volturi knew of the Kings' absences (and the main guard eventually found out the three weren't in 'seclusion' after all), and it was alarming that they did. She hadn't known that at least Carlisle and Alice were still in Forks, since according to Edward they had all left that place permanently. She also hadn't known that that place was where the Kings were currently at either.

"Regardless, I shall bring you to the main chamber, where I will gather the main guard and discuss what has been happening and the Kings' whereabouts," she hoped they were alright, and that especially Master Aro was doing well.

Carlisle stood up immediately and nodded, and for some reason she had the feeling that he was glad for her interruption and demand to go to the main chamber…and to be getting away from Edward? Alice, too, just shrugged and pushed off the wall and headed towards her and Carlisle. Edward grumbled a bit, but ended up following their lead.

Jane felt a bit lost in translation.

Felix, the more time spent with the duo, began to lighten up and actually started to like the two. The two showed him each painting they liked and really wanted, and he actually decided to keep the paintings in mind –though he doubted he could do anything to actually send them over.

They also took more pictures that Felix more often than not participated in. Still, he wondered about the two. Especially, if they were human then why…

"I can't smell you two anymore," he said in confusion. He'd noticed before that he hadn't felt the urge to drain them, but at least he could smell them, hear their heartbeats and blood rushing, feel the heat radiating off of them…

"Oh, you can't?" Harry asked in exaggerated astonishment.

Felix blinked. He'd stopped hearing their hearts and the movement of their blood in their bodies too!

He eyed the two warily, wondering what the hell was going on. He tentatively reached over and couldn't even feel if they were hot or cold anymore! What was going on?

Bella rolled her eyes. "Harry, stop messing with Felix. It's not nice."

Harry pouted. "Take all the fun away from me, why don't you?"

"And I will. Leave poor Felix alone."

He sighed and gave an apologetic grin to Felix. "Sorry, sorry. Just having too much fun with you."

Felix didn't understand at all. He also didn't get how Harry could have anything to do with why his vampiric senses being all wacked out, and he was still at a lost on how two humans had managed to get into the castle unnoticed and stay undetected for so long as they explored it.

"Hey, we're nearing the main chamber, aren't we? Come on, Bella! Let's go see where Aro, Marcus, and Caius make all the big decisions at," Harry grabbed her hand and the two ran for it.

Felix kind of just scratched his head and then shook it, following after in a leisure pace.

Once inside, he watched the two excitedly look around and really act like the tourists they were claiming to be, taking lots of pictures of the interiors before taking pictures of themselves around.

"Felix, Felix, come on!" Harry waved him over.

He was taking pictures with them again, when the door once again opened and admitted Jane, with three surprising additions. There was Carlisle and Alice Cullen, and that idiot from earlier that was begging them to kill him and had even dared to threaten to expose them all just to risk death. Felix had been tempted to just do it, if only so he didn't have to listen to the other anymore.

"Felix?" Jane looked at him in confusion, before her eyes trailed to the humans he'd picked up. Her infamous scowl made it onto her face and she opened her mouth to lecture him no doubt, when Harry unknowingly came to his rescue.

"Oho! You must be Jane! Come on then!" Harry marched over to her and dragged her back to his group, shoving her next to Bella in the middle between him and Harry, and Felix just smiled for the…floating camera as Jane was bug-eyed at this new development (and probably from being squeezed by Harry, who also squished her into him and Bella).


Carlisle's lips twitched up and Alice giggled quietly. Edward?

Well Edward was horribly, horribly lost, and would very much like to go back to before he'd ever left Bella and things were much more normal.

Started 4/21/14 – Completed 5/5/14

A/n: Gosh, I really love all the comments! They're hilarious –honestly, I enjoy making you all entertained and love being just as entertained by everyone's reviews. And to those who left ideas and suggestions, I'll definitely consider them and will try to fit them in! I really liked a bunch of them :) A few points –I changed Tanya being with Edward because I liked her in the movie when I finally actually saw her character, rather than all the fanfiction I've been subjected to where she usually cheats with Edward, so I wasn't going to make her deal with him in here. To Roehemo, I love your questions and they really have given me some ideas.

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Please remember to review!