I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.
This is my version of what would have happened if Alice hadn't seen Bella jump off of the cliff.
Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. If I turned my head to the side----if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder. I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. But could I?
He could never replace what I had lost but maybe, just maybe, he could patch the hole in my heart. I would never be the same person that I was but hopefully I could be the person that he would need me to be. I would never be whole but part of something was better than nothing. Right? Slowly, timidly, I placed my hand on his bare chest. I tilted my head up and lightly brushed my lips against his. Hope flashed in his eyes and he deepened the kiss. He placed one hand in my hair, pulling my face closer, and tried to coax my lips apart with his tongue. I froze, my body stiffened.
"Sorry," Jacob gasped, pulling away.
We sat there for a minute, trying to slow our ragged breathing. My heart was screaming as it started tearing in two. Half was crying out to keep going and let Jacob be happy. But could I make him happy? With my heart and soul ripped to shreds, did I still have the ability to love him the way that he deserved to be loved? I wasn't completely sure. He loved me and I knew that it didn't matter to him. Jacob knew how much pain I was I but he didn't care, he wanted me broken and all. He wanted me more than he did.
The other half of my heart reared its ugly head, shouting, "TRAITOR." I cringed internally. How could I be a traitor? He left me, he didn't want me anymore. I couldn't betray something that wasn't there. A part of me would always belong to him but I had to get on with my life just like he did. Maybe it was easier for his kind to be "distracted". Maybe that's what I had to do.
Jacob placed his warm hand on my cheek, brushing away a tear. I realized that I was still stiff as a board so I took a deep breath to steady myself.
"I can do this, would do this," I told myself.
I gave him a slight smile and leaned into his hand, it felt so good, so warm on my cold face.
"It's okay, Bella. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he apologized.
"No, it wasn't you. It's just hard for me. I still don't know if I can..."
"Bella, it's okay. If it's still too soon, then I can wait," he whispered, brushing my hair behind my ear.
I smiled timidly, sighed, and reached for the door.
I turned and looked into his dark brown eyes.
"Look, I know this is hard for you but I love you and no matter what happens, nothing will ever change that," he promised.
"I know that Jacob. You are too good to me. You don't know how much I have relied on you to get me through these past few months. I don't deserve a friend like you," He started to interrupt me but I put up one hand to stop him.
"Listen Jake, I don't know if I can do this. You deserve so much better than me. I just want you to be happy and I don't know if I can do that. I mean, my heart is broken, I am broken, and I don't believe that I will ever be whole again. If we did do this and something happened, I don't know..."
He interrupted me this time, reaching for my arms that had wrapped around my torso, trying to hold myself together.
"Bella, I would never hurt you like that, ever" he exclaimed.
"I'm not worried about you hurting me. I'm more worried about me hurting you," I gave him a weak smile.
He placed his warm hand on my face again and ran his thumb over my cheek
"It hurts me to see you in so much pain. I can see that you're unhappy and I want to make it better. I know I can if you just let go of him and try. That's all I'm asking, for you to just try." He smiled but the pain in his eyes was overwhelming.
I had to make it better, no matter what it cost me; I would try to make him happy. I would just have to bury all of my other feelings when I was with him so that I could be what he needed me to be.
"I can try," I smiled, leaning in and brushing my lips against his quickly.
"I have to go," I told him, turning and hopping out of the truck.
I had to get away from him before I totally broke down. But he was out of the truck and by my side in an instant, intertwining my icy fingers with his warm ones. They felt like they were on fire. He walked me to the door, handed me my truck keys, and placed a light kiss on top of my head.
"I love you Bella," he whispered in my hair.
"I know," was all I could say as I unlocked the door and stepped inside.
I turned to look into his eyes; I no longer saw the pain that was there only a few moments before. Now they looked happier, somewhat.
"Goodnight," he smiled and turned to the forest.
"Night," I replied as I closed the door.
No longer able to hold myself together, I ran to the kitchen sink and vomited noisily into tears started streaming down my face, I couldn't breathe. I wrenched open a drawer and jerked out a paper and pen. Quickly, I scribbled a note to Charlie telling him that I wasn't feeling well and I was going to bed early. I stuck it to the refrigerator with a magnet and ran upstairs to my room, locking the door.
I stood there for a moment, gasping for air. How could I be so selfish? I wasn't good enough for him. What made me think that I would be good enough for Jacob? Him...Him... I looked at my bed and recalled all the nights I had slept there, wrapped in his arms. I sank to my knees, the room spinning. I wasn't able to slow my breathing, I was hyperventilating. The last thing that I remember was the darkness surrounding me, slowly engulfing me until I felt no more.
Well I hope you liked it. Please read and review. The next chapter is short but it is from Edwards point of view.