Another semi-domestic situation with Joker and Harley. This is a very random story, with humor, drama and downright silliness...but that's how we love Joker and Harley, right?

The Joker had told Harley that if she wanted to start joining him on his jobs that she would need an outfit that was both useful and easy to get around in, as her dark jeans and tight red shirt didn't exactly, as he had said, look 'professional.'

"Since when have you ever been professional?" she had asked him as they were getting ready for bed.

"Always been, baby," he replied as he pulled off his undershirt and climbed into bed beside her. He moved closer to her side as she turned off her lamp, and when she had gotten comfortable on her back, The Joker wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "I just want you to be…I don't know…I want you to look your part."

"My part?" she giggled as she put her temple to his forehead. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know," he shrugged as he shut his eyes. "It's just that…jeans and a t-shirt aren't really…you know…"

"Are you trying to say that you want me to dress sexier?" Harley asked bluntly.

"That's it. I mean…this is your job we're talking about, baby." They chuckled and finally dozed off into a deep sleep.

The next morning, as The Joker was getting ready to leave on a bank job, Harley took out her sketchpad and drew a few designs of what she thought would look sexy and be comfortable. She lay on her stomach on the bed and bit the eraser of her pencil as she looked down at her different doodles. Harley groaned in frustration every time she would erase a certain detail of her costume and sighed heavily as she stared off into space.

"What's the matter, Groany?" came The Joker's voice behind her. She turned and saw that he was wearing a slate gray blazer with matching pants with a blue shirt. He smirked at her as he put on a pair of black leather gloves and looked over her shoulder.

Harley suddenly covered her drawings with her hands. "Don't look," she giggled. "I want it to be a surprise."

"Oh, I see," he said as he backed away and started to tie his shoes. "One of those outfits, huh?"

"Yes," Harley grinned. "I'm gonna go into town today and buy fabric for it. May stop by the costume shop that's on 40th and Main, too. I haven't been in one in a while."

The Joker grunted as he straightened his back and rolled his shoulders. He had slept on his side all night, which was sometimes bad on his joints, but he couldn't fall asleep without being close to her warm body. In the few months they had been together, he had to fight many feelings that would arise from nowhere when it came to Harley, but he decided that he couldn't fight the urge to curl up next to her in bed every night.

He had never realized how warm his bed could be until she came along.

"Be back before dark," he said.

"I will. It shouldn't take me too long." She paused in her sketching and quickly said, "Hey, Puddin'?" The Joker put a duffle bag over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow as she asked, "Pick a color: orange or red."

"Hmm," The Joker mused playfully as he set down his duffle bag and walked over to her. He knelt beside the bed and played with her ponytail as she giggled. "Red, I think."

"Why red?"

He suddenly pulled the tie from her hair and grabbed a handful of her blonde locks. He forcefully pulled her head back and she moaned as he put his lips to hers. "It's…a very passionate color. And…you're a passionate kinda gal…not to mention a sexy kinda gal, too." He let go of her hair and gave her a deep kiss as he stroked her neck. He pulled away from her and winked at her. "Can't wait," he whispered as he stood up and grabbed his duffle bag as he headed out of the bedroom.

Harley strode confidently into the costume shop that was near her favorite deli in downtown Gotham City. She smiled broadly as she headed to the racks of colorful bodysuits. She remembered having to wear bodysuits during her gymnastic trials and dance recitals. The only thing she remembered about them was that they were sometimes uncomfortable and would ride up in certain embarrassing crevices.

Not that Mistah J would mind, Harley quietly thought as she traveled to the back of the store where different latex masks lay on a shelf.

She chuckled silently at a few of them, particularly the clown masks. She wondered if The Joker had gotten some of his masks here. Harley put on a sad clown mask and looked at herself in the nearby mirror. She giggled as she traded her clown mask for a Richard Nixon one. Harley laughed even harder and made 'peace' signs with both her hands as she hunched her shoulders. She then found a gorilla mask and pulled it over her head and laughed loudly as she looked at her reflection. The man at the counter couldn't help but stare at this crazy blonde who was laughing at herself as she tried on every mask she crossed.

Still wearing the gorilla mask, Harley pulled out her cell phone and took a picture of herself. She attached it to a message and typed "Think this mask will do?" and sent it to The Joker. She giggled after she sent it, but she knew that he probably wouldn't look at her message until the bank job was finished. However, she heard her phone chime and saw that he had replied instantly, "What mask?"

Harley gasped and smiled. "Jerk," she said under her breath and shut her phone. She turned and walked over to a tall rack that held many different hats and as she was reaching for a black fedora, her breath stopped in her throat when she spied a black and red jester's cowl at the very top.

"Excuse me? Mister?" she frantically called to the man at the counter. "Customer in need of assistance!"

The man sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked to her. He had seen her trying to reach the cowl at the top of the rack. "Here," he said in annoyance as he yanked it from the rack and shoved it in her hands. "Now, buy something or get outta here. This ain't a toy store."

Harley pursed her lips and bit her tongue to stifle a come-back. She was still wary about causing a scene just in case the cops were nearby. She decided to be good and paid for the cowl and walked toward the door, stopping to grab a black mask and put it in her purse as she walked outside. "Prick," she said as she stepped out.

She went into a fabric store and went straight to the spandex. Her hands glided over the black material that she found in the back of the store. The fabric was deep ebony but also had certain sheen to it. Harley didn't know the first thing about sewing together a bodysuit or about how much material to use. She had made her own skirts before, but making a costume for herself was going to be trying. However, she knew that she could do it, especially if it was what The Joker wanted.

The silence in the fabric store was suddenly interrupted by the loud chiming of her phone. Harley rummaged through her purse, catching the disgusted glances of the older women who were also looking at different fabrics and shaking their heads at her for doing something so gauche as to keep her cell phone loud in a fabric store, of all places.

She flashed them a quick grin and opened her phone to find a text message from The Joker. "hey doll."

Harley couldn't keep the smile from growing across her lips as she replied, "hey pud!"

"im bored"

"lol shouldn't u b robbing a bank?"

"shouldn't u b cookin my dinner?"


"u lol too much"

"u make me!"

"stop shouting"

"miss me pud?"

"y should i?"

"cuz I no u do"

"maybe u miss ME"

"i do"

"then we're even ;-)"

"aww so sweet"

"shut up"


"i have a question to pop to you"

Harley's jaw dropped. He didn't just say that to her, did he? "Uh..." she muttered as she tried to hold the phone in her now shaking hands. She text back, "what do u mean?"

"o u no what i mean baby"

She thought for a moment about a few nights before when they were talking about matrimony.

"Why would anyone get married, anyway?" she mused as they sat on the sofa, her feet in his lap. "Everyone I know that has gotten married turned out miserable and ended up getting divorced, like, a year later."

"Doesn't work for everybody," The Joker said, caressing the soles of her feet with the tips of his fingers.

"What about you?" she asked him as she closed her eyes and relaxed under his touch. "Would you ever wanna get married?" When she didn't get an answer, she opened her eyes and met his gaze, which was surprisingly calm and endearing. "What?" she asked.

He grinned at her and looked down at her feet again. "Nothing, baby doll." He lifted one of her feet to his lips and kissed her toes gently while she giggled.

Harley gasped loudly as she clicked her cell phone keys. "DO NOT PROPOSE TO ME WITH A TXT MSG!"

"stop yelling at me!"

"Oh, my God," Harley whispered as she put the spool of black spandex under her arm.

"i just wanted to ask…"


"Harley Quinn?"


"will you…do me the honor…"

"puddin dont!"

"of…picking up some ice cream on the way home?"




"daddy has to work now"


"bye sugar"

"bye daddy"

"Miss?" came a voice behind her.

Harley turned and saw one of the clerks looking at her with a disapproving expression. "Please turn down your phone."

Harley put away her cell phone and sneered as she mumbled, "Is this a store or a library?"

"What was that?" the woman asked.

Harley smirked. "I asked if you had this in red, too." She held up the black spandex."

The woman came around the counter and smiled at her. "Oh, yes, dear. How many yards?"

Harley looked at the black spandex and bit her lip, unsure. "Uh…I'll just take both spools, please."

Later that night, The Joker arrived back at their home from a successful heist and was in high spirits. "Cupcake? Daddy's home!" he exclaimed as he climbed the stairs to their bedroom.

"Don't come in!" Harley shouted from behind the door.

The Joker smirked. "Why?"

"Give me a minute!"

"And then what?"

"You can come in!"

"I can? Thanks!" he said as he opened the door and walked into the bedroom. He looked around and spied strips of red and black fabric that were strewn across the floor as well as papers that were ripped from Harley's sketchbook. "Harl?"

"I said don't come in, Puddin'!" came her voice from behind the curtain that concealed her walk-in closet.

"Did not. You lie," The Joker replied, grinning. He took off his gray blazer and kicked off his shoes as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Oh, man," he groaned as he plopped onto his back and removed his gloves. "So, where's this surprise outfit?"

"It isn't done," Harley replied, still behind the curtain. "I just have the top half finished and I'll add the bottom of it tomorrow."

"I didn't know you were making a bikini," The Joker quipped, rubbing his tired eyes and smearing his black greasepaint. "Not that I mind, or anything."

Harley giggled. "Actually, it's gonna be like a full body-suit."

"Even better," he said. "Let me see."

"No! Not till it's done," Harley insisted.

"Harl, you've already told me what's it's gonna look like and I know what color it is, too, because of all the fabric on the floor. So…it's not like it's a secret or anything." He lifted his head and looked toward the closet to see if his coaxing was working.

"Well," came Harley's timid voice. "Okay…but remember it's a work in progress."

"Of course," he said as he raised himself up and put his hands on his knees. After a few seconds of silence he said, "Well?"

"Hold on," replied Harley. The Joker could hear her grunting as if she were trying to pull something over her. Finally, "Okay, Daddy. Close your eyes."

"What?" he sneered.

"Come oonnn," she cooed playfully.

The Joker sighed and covered his dark eyes. He heard Harley's anxious voice, "Are they closed?"

"Yes, geez. Come out already," he answered in an annoyed tone. He heard the curtain open slowly and then Harley's soft footsteps coming closer to the bed. Then, in a sultry voice, she said, "Take a look, big boy."

He slowly uncovered his eyes. "This better be…whoa…" he muttered. His lips parted slightly as he eyed the sexy, petite frame that stood before him, her hands on her hips and her smile wide.

She was wearing only half of her costume prototype, which was split, one side red and the other black. It looked like a long-sleeved shirt, but the fabric was hugging every curvy inch of her upper body. She was also wearing black spandex panties that accentuated her round bottom, and, to literally top it off, she was wearing her prized new red and black jester's cowl and black eye-mask.

"You like it?" she asked softly. "As I said, I'm still designing it and it'll look much better as a full suit. I don't know though; do you think the cowl is too much?"

The Joker just continued to gaze up and down her body and when his eyes rested on her big baby blues, he blinked and said, "Um…I'm sorry, what?"

Harley threw her head back and laughed. "So, I take it that you like it, huh?"

The Joker chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "'Like' is hardly the word, baby. It's…wow. I mean…I know I said sexy, but…" He sighed. "God, it's getting warm in here."

Harley smirked at how he was trying to fight what he really wanted to say, and she decided to turn it up a notch by slowly turning away from him so he could get a good look at the back of her outfit. All she got in response was another deep sigh from The Joker and him clearing his throat. "There's…one tiny problem, though, sweetness…" he said.

Harley turned her head and furrowed her brow. "And that is?"

"How in the hell…am I gonna be able to keep my hands off you while we're working? I mean…damn…" he took a deep breath and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his blue shirt.

"So," Harley said, turning her face away from him and arching her back. "If 'like' isn't the word for it, then what is the word?"

The Joker licked the corners of his mouth and smacked his lips as he placed his hands gently on her hips and pulled her to his lap. Harley giggled when she sat and felt his excitement growing in his slacks and his lips tickling her left ear. "I…really don't think…we need words right now," he whispered. "What do you think?"

She could feel goose bumps on her skin as he breathed on her neck and wrapped his arms around her waist, one arm encircling her while his other hand gently cupped her breast. "I 'spose we don't, Puddin'," Harley replied, and then squealed as he held her tighter and plopped himself onto his back with a growl, taking her with him.

The next evening, Harley was making her way back home from the fabric store. She didn't like the idea of putting white ruffles on the ends of her sleeves, but The Joker insisted that it would add a cutesy, sarcastic tone to her outfit. She also had stopped in a thrift store and found a pair of old costume shoes that were pointed at the toe and slipped on, but they were black.

I guess I'll find a way to dye the other one, Harley thought to herself as she took a shortcut through a back alley.

She juggled her shopping bags as she tried to find her cell phone but was caught off her guard when someone suddenly jumped out of the shadows and slammed her against the cold, brick building.

"Hey, there, baby," came a raspy voice that was accompanied by the stale breath of alcohol. Harley's eyes adjusted and she saw that she was face to face with a dirty man that looked to be in his late twenties with a five o clock shadow and white, powdered stains around his nostrils.

Oh, shit, she inwardly panicked.

"You got any money, honey?" he roughly asked as his hand traveled to her neck.

"Yeah, sure, mister," she said innocently. Harley really didn't care about giving money to this poor man, but she wasn't about to let him force it out of her. "Just…let me go, man…it's cool…"

"Ha! Nah, it ain't cool, sistah," he growled and sniffed wildly. He took a switchblade out of his pocket and put it to her throat. "I need some money, bitch! Now!!"

"Okay, okay," Harley's voice quivered a bit as she put down her bags. "Let me just…"

The man swiped his knife across her thigh, making her scream, but he stopped her by putting his other hand over her mouth. Harley tried to stop her panicked breathing as the bum began to leer at her. "Ya know, toots?" he said as he brought the knife away from her and held her against the building. "I don't think I want your money. I'll just take that pussy instead."

Harley's eyes grew wide and she tried to struggle out of his grip, but he delivered a swift blow to her cheekbone and she paused momentarily before she started to scream again. However, he placed his hand over her mouth again and shushed her as he reached up her denim skirt and ripped off her panties. She began to whimper as he started to unzip his pants and, out of the corner of her eye, she saw his other hand still holding the switchblade, but his grip was beginning to relax.

Harley stopped whining and kept her eye on the blade. "That's it, girly," the derelict sneered and stepped closer to her. "Take every bit of it like the whore you are…"

She suddenly felt a surge of energy burst through her body and she shut her eyes tight as she quickly shoved the man back, ripped the blade from his hand, and swung the weapon in his direction. She couldn't tell if it had hit its target because she kept her eyes closed and hid her face.

Suddenly, she heard a loud thump and then nothing. She slowly uncovered her face and gasped loudly. She had gotten him, definitely…right in the temple. She stared at him as he laid stock still on the ground, his empty eyes staring at her.

Harley had never killed anything in her life. The very thought of killing something made her stomach turn. She knew that The Joker had killed many times before, but she was fine with that because she knew that's who he was and she also knew why he did it. However, as she stared at the lifeless body that was once a living human being, Harley was suddenly struck by the fact that she had made him that way.

She knew she had to defend herself, but she never planned on killing him. And yet, she did. She had killed a homeless drunk that was trying to have his way with her, and as relieved as she felt that she was able to stop him, she felt guilty for taking away his life.

Harley looked around and saw that no one had come by the alley and noticed what had happened, so she crawled over to him and pulled at the blade. The man's head moved a bit, causing Harley to flinch away, but then she gripped the knife again, this time closing her eyes and quickly pulling it out of his head.

"Oh, shit," she whispered as the blood from his brain and dead muscle mass began to pour from his wound and onto the concrete. She threw the knife into the nearest dumpster, grabbed her bags, and hurried home.

"Harley?" The Joker called through the bathroom door. He gently knocked and put his other hand on the knob and turned it, but found it to be locked. He sighed, aggravated that she would lock him out of his own bathroom, but, licking his lips, he said, "Harl, you've been in there for almost two hours now. Didya fall in?"

"I'm okay, Puddin," came Harley's meek voice.

He smirked. "Then let me in, huh? I've been gone all day and I come back to find you locked in the bathroom. What the hell ya doing in there?" He paused and thought for a moment, looking at the door with a raised eyebrow. "You don't have a pregnancy test in there, do you?"

Harley managed to smile and let out a soft giggle. "No, baby," she sniffed. "I'm just…taking a bath."

"For two hours?" She heard him sigh and then forcefully pull the handle. "Harley, unlock this fucking door," came his eerily calm command.

Harley didn't care at this point what he would to her if he forced his way in now. She tried to enjoy her warm bubble bath, but the bubbles were now disappearing and the warm water was turning cold. After a few minutes of silence, she heard a grinding sound and knew that The Joker was sliding his knife between the frame and door handle in order to open it. When he finally did, he pocketed his knife and closed the door behind him.

He looked down at her and threw his arms at his sides to gesture for an explanation. "What the hell, Harley?" he said as he closed the lid on the toilet and took a seat. "I come home from a long day and I find you hiding in the bathroom."

"I'm not hiding," she mumbled.

The Joker sighed and popped his neck. He was wearing his hexagonal shirt with vest and tie and pinstripe pants, which he pulled up slightly to take off his shoes. He glanced at her and then threw his shoes against the wall. "Harley, what happened to your leg?" he asked and then feeling his scars on the insides of his cheeks with his tongue.

Harley looked down at her thigh and noticed that it was still slightly bleeding. She tried to find another explanation, but all she could do was put her face in her knees and sob.

"Geez, baby. I was just asking," The Joker said, trying to make her laugh, but when he saw that it didn't work, he got onto his knees beside the tub and stroked her hair. "What's going on, darlin'? The outfit giving you a hard time?"

Harley shook her head. "No," she managed to choke out. "I'm…almost…done."

"Then, what's the matter?" The Joker said, slightly annoyed. He really didn't like it when she cried. He had made her cry several times and never let on that it bothered him, but it did.

Harley sniffed and looked into his eyes. He flashed a quick grin and wiped her smeared mascara from her cheek. She bit her lip and thought about what happened earlier in the alley. She knew she would have to tell him. "Daddy?" she mumbled.

He smirked. "Yes, Harley Baby?"

She gulped the hard lump in her throat and spat out, "I…I killed someone…"

The Joker gave her a blank stare and then shrugged. "So?"

Harley huffed in frustration, but she corrected herself and looked at him again and bit her lip. She should have expected this type of reaction from him since killing was second nature to him and didn't faze him. "Puddin'? I…did you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," he said, stroking her ear. "You killed someone."

"Yeah, but…that doesn't…I killed someone."

She received an amused chuckle from him as he sat on the floor and put his arm on the edge of the tub. "Yes, Harley. You did. So what?" They stared at each other for a moment, Harley with an irritable look and The Joker with a relaxed expression. Then, he blinked and put his hand to his forehead. "Oh, yeah, that's right. You've…never killed anyone, huh?"

"No!" Harley shook her head, relieved that he was catching on to what she was trying to tell him.

"Sorry, I'm just so used to…you know…" He shifted himself closer to the tub and motioned for Harley to come closer. She did so and rested her chin in his hand. He sighed. "Tell me what happened. What's so horrible about it?"

She told him about what had happened to her in the alley and, all the while, he listened as he caressed her chin and nodded his head. When she was finished, she looked into his eyes and noticed that his nonchalant expression was still there, and so was a…approving grin. "Harl…" he began. "I understand that…you're probably…surprised at yourself…believe me, I was too when I…first killed someone…but this dickhead tried to steal your money and rape you. It was self-defense, right?"

Harley sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, I know, but…I just can't help but feel…guilty."

"Well, because you are guilty. You killed a man."

"That isn't helping, Pud," said Harley, her voice beginning to crack again.

"Hey, it's okay," he said, wiping a tear from her cheek. "You were gonna have to start eventually. I mean, you didn't expect to just be at my side looking pretty, didya? Although, you are good at that." He smiled at her and she managed to give him a grin. He chuckled and said, "I know you feel…weird about it…but trust me…it gets easier."

Harley nodded, although she still felt uneasy. The Joker could sense her tension and he cleared his throat. "Baby…it isn't that bad. You have to admit…you felt…powerful, didn't you? Powerful to know that you could instantly take away…a person's right to live…in a split second. You felt it; I know you did. It'll come back to you…the more you do it."

She sighed and rested her head on her knees again. "Hey?" she heard The Joker's voice. She lifted her eyes to his and he licked his lips and said, "What's Harvey Dent's favorite fruit?"

Harley raised her head and gave him a confused look. "How am I supposed to know that?"

"Come on, baby. What's Harvey Dent's…favorite fruit?" he smirked.

Harley shrugged. "I don't know."

"A pear." When Harley gave him an even more confused expression, he sighed. "A pear…ya know…like a pair? Because there are…two of him…?"

"Puddin'! That's mean!" Harley exclaimed, but couldn't hold back her laughter.

"I'm being mean? You're the one laughing," he pointed out to her. After her giggling died down, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Come on, get outta that tub and get into that sexy cowl again."

"You find that silly hat sexy?" she said as she pulled the plug from the drain.

"What can I say? Silly looks sexy on you," he said, licking his lips as he watched her climb out of the bathtub.

Special thanks to Joker'n'Harley for the Harvey Dent joke. Haha! XD