The Fairly Oddparents in "Timmy Turner and Hootch"
Chapter 1: This Bud's for you!
Note: I DEFINATELY do not own Fairly Oddparents... the word "Stupid Juice" was taken from "Moral Orel"
This fanfic was inspired by something I saw online that I just realized, I guess the fairies need to check up in "Da Rules" throughly or else this would happen...
"Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this chapter in no way endorses underage drinking."
Despite what the Thriller warning parody says, I am against underage drinking and this is not meant to be taken seriously until the final chapter.
A Rod Serling like narrarator shows up and says, "This is the story of a average kid who no one understands...well you know how the song goes, well anyway this is the story of what if one day a young boy named Timmy Turner discovers something no kid should ever get into but does anyway since boys will be boys... so Timmy Turner will open that bottle and end up in a one way ticket into... THE CHROMAZONE!" Cosmo then says, "Hey you! Get back to your own show!" And with that the narrarator just vanishes.
One day, Wanda was playing with baby Poof while Cosmo ate a eggplant panini...with his feet. Timmy was busy reading "Da Rules", a large rulebook that contains rules of what children can and cannot wish for. Wanda asks Timmy, "Timmy are you looking in the rulebook so you can find loopholes in wishes... again?"
Timmy then continues reading and says, "AHA! They don't cover it!" Cosmo then asks, "Cover what? The rule about eating sandwiches with you feet?' Cosmo is then eating a sandwich with his feet once more. Timmy then says, "Ok... what's the one thing a kid should never get but is never told why?"
"Access to "The Naughty Boy Channel"? asked Wanda.
"A pet monkey?" asked Cosmo. Poof just giggles.
Timmy then says, "Not those... although access to "The Naughty boy channel" does sound sweet, I'm talking about "Hootch", "booze", "lager", "browar", "chmiel", "une mousse", "cervesa", "birra", "brewski", "ein bierchen", "pint..."
Cosmo then asks, "In english please."
Timmy then shouts, "I WISH FOR A ROOM FULL OF BEER AND ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!!!"
Wanda is shocked and says, "TIMMY! You're waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too young to be drinking that sort of garbage! And second..." Timmy interrupts her, "But Wanda I checked the rulebook and is says NOTHING about wishing for beer... so make with the razzle dazzle... please?" Wanda speed-reads the rulebook and says to Timmy, ".... You're right! I guess we have no choice... plus you did say please."
With a depressing look on her face, Wanda as well as Cosmo make the wish come true. Appearing in a poof of smoke with the word "BOOZE" on it. Timmy's room is surrounded by ludicris abounts of alcoholic drinks and beer, especially beers from around the word.
Timmy then opens a bottle of Duff Beer and at first he didn't like it but then... he downs it while Cosmo chants, "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" Timmy downed it and shouts, "I LIKE BEER! BUUUURRRRP!"
Wanda then shows Timmy Poof and says, "Do you really want to set a bad example for your fairy godbrother?" Timmy then says in a drunken stuper, "Bite my pink fleshy butt! HA HA HA!" Wanda then says, "I sure hope Timmy learns something from this... right Cosmo? Cosmo? ... COSMO!"
Cosmo is holding a beer in his hand, covered in cotton candy and says in a drunken stupor, "Lookit me, I'm a fluffy pink cloud!" Timmy turns on the TV and says, Hey Cosmo... I have a idea... let's play a drinking game! Ok... everytime the little blue guys on TV say the word "Smurf"... we drink! Whoever has to go peepee loses!" Cosmo then says, "You're on!"
(5 Minutes Later)
Timmy loses and is holding a bottle of Budweiser and says, "Looks like I lost!" Cosmo then grabs Timmy's bottle of Budweiser and says, "Hey Timmy... gimme a swig of that!" Timmy looks at the bottle and says, "Umm because my dad had cornbeef and cabbage the bathroom is used all day... so this bottle is my bathroom!" The two just laugh themselves silly.
Wanda is changing Poof and says, "This is more disgusting than the "Supertoilet" incident." Cosmo then drunkenly says, "Forget that jerk! He owes me $3.50! If he was here I'd make him into a pile of porceline!" Wanda then says, "Look behind you! It's Supertoilet!" Cosmo is worried and asks, "WHERE?"
Timmy hands cosmo a can of beer while Timmy puts his hand over his can of beer and chants, "Ziggy Socky, Ziggy Socky, Hoy, Hoy, Hoy! Ziggy Socky, Ziggy Socky, Hoy, Hoy, Hoy". Cosmo then says, "You know Timmy, since we're surrounded by all this hootch how about we sing our favorite song!"
Wanda puts earplugs on Poof and herself and says, "Oh no! Not that! Anything but that!"
Timmy and Cosmo then sing:
99 bottles of beer on the wall,
99 bottles of beer,
You take one down, pass it around
98 bottles of beer on the wall!
98 bottle of beer on the wall,
98 bottles of beer,
YOU KICK THE WALL, WATCH IT ALL FALL,
NO MORE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!
They laugh hysterically while Wanda asks Cosmo, "Hey isn't that cheating?" Cosmo then says, "Hey! The rulebook has nothing on "99 bottles of beer on the wall!" Suddenly they hear the door open and Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof morph into a green bottle, a pink bottle, and a purple bottle.
It's was Timmy's father Mr. Turner. He sees the room surrounded in beer and alcoholic beverages as well as Timmy in a drunken stupor. Mr. Turner than looks around and says to Timmy, "Gasp! This room is full of enough liquor to support a french family of four... Ok son... where did you get this liquor?" Timmy drunkenly replies, "Umm... the internet?"
Mr. Turner then says, "Ok young man I will not use my rarely used fatherly skills to punish... HEY! Isn't that "Schwarzenlager: the beer of German actors"? Can I please have it? I'll be your friend!" Timmy then makes a stupid drunken grin and asks, "I dunno... will you let me drink some more and not tell mom about it?" Mr. Turner then nods his head while making begging puppy noises and Timmy just passes the bottle of "Schwarzenlager: the beer of German actors" to him.
(5 minutes later)
Timmy then says to his dad, "So THAT's your real name? No wonder why you rarely mention what your name is." Timmy's dad then says in a faux-canadian accent, "HA! I'll drink mooshead beer to that you hoser, eh? Ka-roo-koo-koo-a-koo-koo-koo! Good Day, eh?"
Timmy's dad then sees Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof and says to Timmy in his faux-canadian accent, "Hey I see imaginary fairies you hoser, I really am that fit-shaced eh?"
Timmy then says to Cosmo, "Cool, dad thinks you guys are hallucinations! Now bring out the Samuel Jackson beer!" Then Samuel Jackson appears with beer and shouts, "DRINK MY BEER YOU MOTHER F&^KERS!"
After Samuel Jackson vanishes Timmy watches a internet video of Chris Crocker shouting, "LEAVE BRITNEY BRITNEY ALONE!" Then laughing until he spilt his Samuel Jackson beer and Cosmo drinks it.
Timmy, Mr. Turner, and Cosmo are then drinking Alamo Beer. Timmy then says, "Yup!" Mr. Turner then says, "Yup!" And Cosmo says, "Yup... What does that mean anyway?" Timmy then says, "It means I better drink this!" Timmy pulls out a can of "Pawtucket Patriot" beer and says to Cosmo, "It was prescribed to me by Dr. Hartmann"
Dr. Elmer Hartmann gives Timmy a six-pack of Pawtucket Patriot and says to him, "There you go! That aughta make those cooties go away, Now I got to give a six pack to my next patient Carter Pewterschmit"
Timmy then says to his dad, "You let me drink beer... and you let Vicky tourture me when she babysits me... you're a bad father ha ha ha!" Timmy's dad replies, "I know I am son... I know I am... AHAHAHAHA!" Timmy then says to his dad, "I love you man!" Timmy's dad then says, "You're still not getting my beer!" Then the two and Cosmo pass out.
Wanda and Poof turn into fish and puts Poof to bed in the fishbowl, thinking, "I hope Timmy sees that this loophole in the rulebook will spell out doom for us all..."
TO BE CONTINUED...