I was finally out of school for the summer. There were eight glorious weeks of freedom to look forward to spending with my adorable boyfriend Teddy before I'd have to start worrying about my life and where it was headed as I plunged into the great unknown. My parents, Bill and Fleur, were worried to say the least about the career path I wanted to travel in pursuing Healing. I was definitely smart enough, there was no doubt about that, but it was a difficult road for any witch or wizard who wanted to become a Healer, let alone their little girl.
I was tired of being their little girl though. It was if it had skipped their notice that I now wore makeup and dressed classier and more stylish, that I spent increasingly more time with Teddy than I did under their roof and that I no longer looked twelve years old anymore. It certainly hadn't escaped Teddy's notice as he continually told me how beautiful I was. When I was with Teddy I felt special and like a woman and no longer a girl. When I was with Teddy I felt loved.
My parents never even knew I was gone because I just Apparated out of my room and into that of my boyfriend's. I'd began to worry about Teddy because the year we'd spent apart while I was in my Seventh year at Hogwarts had given him more time by himself to stress about where his life was headed. We were together now and planned to stay that way, and that was fine but he wanted to be an Auror. The rigorous training regime and endless amount of work he had to complete constantly left him in a bad mood and that made me sad.
'Victoire,' he said as I appeared beside him, his voice softening as it formed around my name. I saw his eyes travel over the suggestively risqué silky black top I was wearing that slit right down the middle and barely covered anything. I'd squeezed into the denim shorts that were truly short in the sense that my long legs were bare and slid my feet into too-high heels. I was desperate to be close to Teddy, rather than his textbook and thought that maybe if I dressed up a little more he'd finally pay more attention to me.
I wasn't saying I wasn't happy with Teddy because I was. There were just needs, cravings and desires that Teddy wasn't fulfilling for me, even though I knew in my heart he could. I loved Teddy and of course I wanted the best for him but when did we get time to have fun? When did we get a break? If I was destined to remain dutifully by his side and never feel the closeness I so desperately yearned for then I didn't want a bar of it.
'Why don't you take a break? I know something that will make you feel better,' I purred, tapping into all my powers of seductiveness that I could muster and running my hand down the length of bare skin my top exposed. Teddy's eyes watched me hungrily and he closed the distance between us in one step. As he pressed his lips to mine I felt the desire, the passion that had made me fall in love with him to begin with. I felt myself falling for him all over again as he pressed me against the wall, his firm hand resting at the small of my back. I moved my body closer to his, desperate to feel the closeness and warmth of being in his embrace. His kisses grew more frantic as his other hand explored my body eagerly. I loved the feeling of him touching me that he loved me for who I was and was ready for this as much as I was.
My heels were left behind as he lifted me off my feet, my legs wrapping tightly around his body as I ran my hands through his hair. I let out a gasp of pleasure as his hands roamed my breasts and desperately covered his mouth with mine again. He carried me over to the bed and lowered me into the sheets. He ripped his shirt off but didn't move to take off mine as he lowered his mouth down to mine, his firm, muscular body warm to my touch.
I ran my hands over his chest eagerly as our tongues intertwined and Teddy broke away only to moan in delight. I moved so I was positioned over him, reaching one hand down to the bulge in his pants as he groaned. He moved his body in time with my hand as I pleasured him, hoping he would return the favour for me. But just like that it was over and he was reaching for his shirt, placing me gently down beside him and getting to his feet. I sat there feeling lost, confused and unsatisfied. What had I done wrong?
I purposely distanced myself from Teddy over the next few days, instead spending time with my cousin James. The two of us had always been close, being the same age and all and he was my one confidante. I could tell him anything and knew he wouldn't judge me so I spilled to him all my worries about Teddy and how confused I was in hope he could somehow shed some light on the situation.
'Vi, you didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you did everything right. I don't want to be mean but Teddy's got a stick shoved up his ass and is afraid to loosen up for a bit because he doesn't want to lose out on becoming an Auror. He's got something terribly wrong with him if he can't relax for one night when his beautiful girlfriend practically throws herself at him,' James explained.
'You think I'm beautiful?' I asked shyly. Apart from my father, the only boy to ever tell me I was beautiful was Teddy and I hadn't heard him say it in so long that I was beginning to wonder if he still thought that; if he still felt the same way about me that I did about him. James's expression softened and he looked at me in a way I couldn't describe.
'You're more than beautiful, Vi. You're stunning,' he whispered, his hand reaching out to brush a stand of blonde hair away from my face. On some sort of crazy whim, I leaned over and pressed my lips softly to his. He kissed me back eagerly, his lips conveying what Teddy's had not. Instead of worry and anxiety hidden beneath the passion and desire I felt hunger and desperation, the same way that I'd felt. James pulled my body towards his and I suddenly realised what was going on. This was my cousin! Here I was making out with my cousin and liking it. James made me feel loved in a way that Teddy never had.
'We shouldn't be doing this,' I said between kisses, breathing heavily.
'Yes we should,' James said hoarsely, silencing me with his lips. I ripped his shirt off and ran my hands up and down his smooth chest, loving the warmth I felt there that wasn't tensed like Teddy's. I lifted my arms as he pulled my pink halter top over my head. He pulled his jeans and pants down as I shimmied out of my shorts. He gently pulled my panties down and over my legs, leaving them in a pile with the rest of our clothes.
All that was left was my bra. I giggled as he tried to unfasten the clasp at the back and eventually helped him out. He moved so he was on top, his strong arms holding himself above me.
'Are you sure you want to do this?' he asked me softly, his eyes filled with something that had always been missing from Teddy's as he viewed me in a way that made me feel truly beautiful. I didn't need any more convincing. He gently moved my legs apart as he lowered himself down, easing himself inside me. I moaned as he moved up and down, the pain I felt ignored because of how glad I finally was that this was happening, even if it wasn't my boyfriend's hand caressing my breast or rubbing my thigh.
As he kissed me I felt my body explode. I wanted James. I wanted him like I'd never wanted anything before. I tilted my body upwards to meet his and he supported my back with his hand, lowering his head to my breast and taking it in his mouth. The pleasure I was feeling was beyond anything I'd ever imagined. I groaned as his tongue washed over my cleavage, gasping as he took my nipple in his mouth and bit down.
I couldn't bear it. I pulled his head up to mine and kissed him hard and long, pushing my tongue inside his mouth and feeling it touch his. He wanted me like Teddy never had. He'd given me something that Teddy never could. What he'd given me far outweighed what he'd taken away. I felt beautiful. I felt loved. I felt James.
It wasn't until after my night of pleasure with James that I felt guilty. I'd betrayed my boyfriend but somehow I couldn't feel upset about that fact. Teddy could have given me what I wanted but he didn't. James on the other hand had made me feel loved whereas Teddy had made me feel rejected, unwanted. I knew what I'd done was wrong, not only because I'd cheated on Teddy but also because James was my cousin. I just didn't know what to do now. I couldn't tell Teddy. It'd ruin his plan to become an Auror because he wouldn't be focused on his training, but on how his loving, honest girlfriend who had always stuck by him had betrayed him. He'd get angry with me, and more importantly, James, who wouldn't stand a chance if Teddy came at him with a wand.
I carried on like everything was normal, supporting Teddy with his work and spending lazy afternoons making out with James in the barn but never allowing him to go any further. I'd lost my virginity to him once and I wasn't about to do it again, not that what we were doing now was any less wrong.
I was holding on until the next week when Teddy finally found out whether he'd gotten the results in the training program and could become an Auror. I anxiously awaited his return home in his room, busying myself with reading the thick magical medicine textbook I would be quizzed on during my interview.
It didn't take long for him to appear in the room, beaming, and the joy evident on his face.
'You passed!' I cried, running over to him and wrapping my arms around him. His lips found mine and all of a sudden he was kissing me like he never had before. He tore his shirt off and something inside me screamed in delight. He was finally ready to loosen up and love me. I tore my clothes off eagerly as he did the same, lifting me up and lowering me into the sheets just like he had done so before, only this time it was for real.
As much as I enjoyed being close to Teddy it wasn't the same as it had been with James. Something felt missing and as much as I tried to find it I couldn't. I had to stop this. As he pushed himself inside me I moaned but tried to focus.
'Stop,' I panted as I tried to move myself away from him. He immediately pulled away and held himself up next to me on one arm.
'Are you okay? Did I hurt you?' The concern in his voice only made me feel worse as I considered what he'd be like when I told him. He wouldn't be the Teddy Lupin that I knew. That would be gone, ruined when he knew the truth.
'No, I'm fine. I just, I can't do this,' I said, still catching my breath. His expression changed from worry to one of confusion.
'I thought you were ready. I thought you wanted this,' he said, obviously wondering what had changed in the week since we'd felt such passion and desire and desperate to be together. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to lose him. But I knew I couldn't go on like this. I'd never be able to be with him without James's face coming to the front of my mind.
'There's... there's someone else,' I said hesitantly, my mouth quivering as I saw his eyes burn with anger and his face contort with rage.
'You cheated on me?' he asked his voice low but filled with anger, disappointment and betrayal. I didn't even have to say anything. He saw the look in my eyes which confirmed it. He stood up and started getting dressed as I lay there alone, wrapping myself in the sheets to cover my naked body. My eyes swam with tears as I sat up and he spun around, his face accusatory.
'Who was it? Do I at least get the common courtesy of knowing who you ran off with while I slaved away trying to achieve my lifelong dream?' he questioned angrily, his voice cracking.
'James,' I whispered, my eyes swimming with tears. I didn't think it was possible for him to be even angrier but he literally blew a fuse when he finally knew who it was I'd betrayed him with. Who it was that had taken my virginity when I'd willingly offered it up to him first on a silver platter.
'James! You were off fucking your cousin while I studied harder than I have in my life so we could have the life you'd always wanted and dreamed about? You are disgusting! I thought I loved you but whatever we had is gone now that I know who you really are. You're just a dirty whore who can't keep it in her pants,' Teddy yelled as I sobbed, clutching the sheets to my mouth.
'Don't pretend to be upset. You must be so happy now we're over so you can have what you always wanted with James. I hope you two have fun together,' Teddy said before Disapparating. I tried to stop crying as I fumbled over my clothes, pulling them on over the body that now felt dirty and disgusting to touch. Teddy was right. I was a whore who couldn't keep it in her pants. I didn't deserve someone was as good as him. I didn't deserve anyone.
As soon as I was dressed I Disapparated, reappearing in the Hog's Head. I bought a bottle of Firewhisky of questionable origin and went outside, sinking to the ground in the alley. As the tears continued to roll down my cheeks I kept drinking, ignoring the burning of the liquid in my throat. It didn't matter anymore. I didn't matter. I was broken.