How To Care For Your Lizard

Another CHACK one-shot that was begging to be written by over-active plot bunnies. It's pretty long, but I hope you like it anyway!

Plot: When Chase becomes inexplicably moody, Kimiko gives Jack Spicer a book to help the teen genius out.

Disclaimer: Xiaolin Showdown and it's characters belong to Christy Hui. How To Care For Your Lizard tips and reptile facts provided by and Wikipedia.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, slash, love and romance between two men. Don't like, don't read.

Once again our story begins in the basement lab of evil TEEN genius Jack Spicer, who is busy working on the designs of his new Jack-bots. The tech wiz had long grown tired of watching his current models be trashed by the Xiaolin monks, showdown after showdown - it was time for a serious upgrade. Unfortunately, robotic upgrades cost money and his funds had temporarily(and unfairly in his scientific opinion) been cut off.

Honestly, how was he supposed to know his parents were having a garden party on the exact same night he decided to test the new kick-ass laser security network he had just installed? Was is really necessary to hit a young high tech genius where it hurt, in his wallet? It's not as if anyone got killed or lost an appendage, just some third degree burns and a few singed dresses . . .

ANYWAY, none of that really matters as it isn't the reason for Jack Spicer's current state of vexation.

The brooding scowl on the teen's face is caused by the one and only Chase Young - The Heylin Dragon Prince of Evil himself.

Not that the two had a fight or anything, Jack was just once again confused beyond all reason by the immortal's behavior. Lately, Chase had become very irritable, his temper would flare up at the slightest provocation. Though it was never directed at Jack, it still worried him. Very few things had the ability to upset the Heylin lord and even fewer to the point where they affected his demeanor.

Hell, even the Xiaolin monks noticed the newfound ferocity in which Chase competed in showdowns, as he would often join the fight in his reptilian form. A vast contrast to his normal position on the sidelines, only competing when he felt that a particular wu needed to stay out of the monks' possession.

Lost in these thoughts of his dragon's behavior, the teen barely acknowledges the presence of Jack-bot Alpha. The automaton glides over to his master with a small, green book in it's metal grip.

"Master Jack, this was just dropped off by Miss Tohomiko." -informs the robot in a mechanical tone.

"Kimiko was here?"

"She seemed in a hurry, however she recorded a brief message."

The robot's chest opens to reveal a small monitor. On the screen is Kimiko Tohomiko, her hair has been dyed burgundy and styled into a messy bun. The Japanese girl is wearing a blue graphic-print dress over black leggings and ankle boots.

"Hey Jack, sorry I can't stay long. I know you're worried about Chase, so I hope this book helps!" - with a smile, the fire monk on the screen waves goodbye as the video message ends.

Yes, in his desperation, the teen had even spoken to Kimiko, hoping a female's perspective could shed some light on his lover's current disposition.

Picking up the aforementioned book, red eyes widen in disbelief as they read the title.

"The Responsible Pet Owners Guide to Iguanas, Bearded Dragons and Other Lizards by C. R. Darwin . . . Kimiko can't be serious."

Rolling his eyes, Jack tosses the book on a nearby table and returns to his work, quickly dismissing the pet care manual. However, precisely fifteen seconds later, his natural curiosity kicks in and against the genius' better judgment he opens the paperback book. Quirking an eyebrow, the hopeful teen begins to read the first chapter of the guide.

"I must be more desperate than I thought . . ."

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CARING FOR LIZARDS

CHAPTER 1: CREATING AN IDEAL HABITAT

As a responsible pet owner, you must constantly make sure your pet's environment is clean, sanitary, and satisfactory to it's needs. After all, reptiles are ectothermic creatures(they are dependent on environmental heat sources). A few precautions should keep your sensitive friend living comfortably and stress-free.

- Make sure the temperature is between 80 - 100 F.(As it aids in digestion)

- Provide areas for basking(sunlight is preferred, but a reptile light is a suitable alternative).

*The healthy absorption of UVA and UVB rays will help prevent bone disease.

- For 6-10 hours each night, set up a DARK room for your reptile free of natural and artificial light.(The cool environment will encourage the lizard to rest)

- Clean your pet's environment REGULARLY!(Scrub down the entire area at least twice a month)

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" Jack, what on earth are you doing?" -asks Chase with a raised eyebrow.

Upon hearing the familiar voice, the teen stands up from his task with a sheepish grin plastered on his face.

While the warlord had been out, the young genius had spent the better part of the morning dusting ancient antiques, cleaning out cobwebs and scrubbing the vast marble floors of the evil lair. To Jack's credit, the entire place is completely spotless and a faint scent of Lemon Pledge lingers pleasantly in the air. Contrary to the newly cleaned citadel, the albino himself is covered in dirt, dust, and who-knows what. Flame red hair is protected with an old bandana that matches his ratty t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants have been tucked into large, rubber boots. Over all of this, he is wearing a white apron that is stained with various cleaning agents.

"Um . . . spring cleaning? - replies the youth as he wipes sweat from his brow with a yellow-gloved hand.

"As it is currently well into the summer months, spring cleaning would be rather pointless. Care to try the truth this time?" - asks the warlord, his tone clearly indicating his dwindling patience.

"I just thought it would be a nice surprise for you to come home to a clean lair that's at a balmy and comfortable 82°F. I even cooled down the bedroom so you could take a nice, relaxing nap."

With a nervous smile, Jack looks up expectantly at the immortal dragon. Piercing gold eyes meet large ruby ones with a hardened gaze. A moment passes and a small smirk tugs at Chase's lips as his large hand removes the bandana to pet soft, crimson hair.

"The thought is appreciated, Jack. However, you are my mate and apprentice, not my servant. You do not have to do such chores."

"I know."

As he answers the evil master, Jack looks up to see amber eyes once again trained on him.

"What, is there something on my face?" -inquires the ablino as his hand rubs at his face.

"Well, actually you do." -answers the elder as a gloved thumb removes a spot from an alabaster cheek. " However, I was simply pondering how you still manage to look enticing despite being covered in dirt and rags."

With that compliment and a quick kiss to the forehead, Chase walks towards his quarters in a much better mood. Once the dragon is out of sight, Jack takes out his newly-acquired manual from his apron pocket and flips to the next chapter. His brilliant mind running a mile a minute as it sorts out the recent course of events.

[I can't believe this thing worked! That was the first time Chase has smiled ALL WEEK! Maybe Kimiko actually knew what she was doing with this whole pet guide thing . . . ]

With that, the teen goes off to find a comfy spot to continue reading.

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CHAPTER 2 : HEALTHY FOOD AND DIET

Making sure your reptile is well-nourished and receives enough food and water is crucial to its over all health. After all, the correct amount of vitamins and minerals will prevent disease and help your pet live a long and active life.

- A diverse diet will decrease your pet's chance of malnutrition, so make sure they eat a plenty of fresh produce.

* Some Suggestions - Leafy lettuces, Carrots, Green Beans, Zucchini, Apples, Pears, Bananas, Cherries, and Strawberries

(AVOID HIGHLY ACIDIC AND CITRUS FRUITS!)

* Whole Grain Foods(breads or rice) provide needed vitamins and minerals.

* Calcium supplements will provide your pet lizard with the vitamins it needs to ensure bone health.

- If you can, try growing your own organic garden specifically for your reptile. That way you can ensure it has a diet free of pesticides or growth hormones.

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Unknown to most "visitors" of Chase Young's mountain lair, the dragon kept a large collection of exotic plants - each botanical wonder a souvenir from his world travels. The expansive garden was located in one of the far wings of the warlord's citadel, where large skylights allowed the natural sunlight to pore in. On occasion, the Tai Chi master would practice his stances there instead of by the large waterfalls in the main hall. The soft scents of extremely rare Thailand parrot flowers and Bauhinia tree blossoms soothed the ancient master as he focused on his training.

As Chase shifts into a new stance, a new addition to his botanical collection catches an amber-toned eye. Walking over to a newly dug-up patch of dark soil, the dragon notices the addition of fully mature vegetable plants. Taking a closer look, he easily recognizes carrots, green beans, zucchini, and even a healthy looking vine of strawberries. Before the Heylin mastermind can ask where they came from, his young mate enters, wearing a ridiculously large sunhat and carrying a watering can.

"Here you are Chase! I was wondering where you were."

"Jack, I've never had to ask this question so frequently in the entirety of my life, however-" begins the immortal. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Gardening,"- replies the tech wiz, as if his new hobby was an everyday occurrence. "It never hurts to grow your own organic produce. Nowadays, everything you buy is full of pesticides, growth hormones, and who-knows-what. I don't really have a green thumb or anything, so I just 'borrowed' some plants from the garden at my house."

As he speaks, the evil apprentice begins diligently weeding his garden, the dark master simply watching the bizarre behavior. An aristocratic eyebrow quirks upward only when Jack encounters a particularly stubborn weed and then proceeds to threaten it out of the ground.

"If you don't come out of the ground right now, I'm going to rip all of your stupid leaves off!"

"What is the reason behind this new agricultural interest of yours?" -states Chase as he comes to his mate's aid and easily plucks the offending weed. "You eat produce as often as I ingest those pudding packs you are so fond of."

"And the only green thing I've ever seen you eat is your soup. So maybe it's time we both start eating better." - states Jack as he proceeds to water the small vegetable patch.

"I do not require the nutrients, so ingesting produce would be a waste of time."

As the reptilian warlord speaks, Jack spots a plump, ripe strawberry and an idea quickly forms in his head. Picking the fruit, the genius innocently bites into the berry causing the juices to trickle down his chin. Savoring the sun-ripened sweetness, crimson eyes drift shut.

"Are you sure about that? These strawberries are really good . . ."

Watching him devour the fruit, the dragon moves closer to the youth within a few strides. Strong fingers grab the pale wrist and bring the strawberry to Chase's lips - gold eyes never leaving garnet ones. After taking a bite, an approving sound leaves his throat. Jack is frozen in place as a faint blush stains his cheeks after watching the sensual action. A knowing smirk appears on the elder's face as he uses two fingers to raise his apprentice's chin. The dragon's tongue languidly laps up the remaining juices from his mate' lips before claiming them in a bruising kiss. Parting from the teen's warm mouth, a gloved thumb traces Jack's bottom lip.

"Hmm, perhaps I should eat more produce." - muses the overlord.

"Yeah . . . they're full of vitamins, and uh . . . minerals . . ."

Clearly amused by the distracted ramblings from the evil genius, Chase grins as he resumes his morning Tai Chi exercises. Jack simply stares at the dragon lord in shock as he realizes how well the Heylin Prince was actually responding to the basic lizard care suggested by C.R. Darwin . . .

And internally kicking himself for not asking for the fire monk's help sooner.

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CHAPTER 3 : MAINTAINING HEALTH

All pets need proper exercise and have their own individual health concerns. Be wary that different types of lizards have health issues that are specific to their species, so make sure you are prepared to care for them.

- Make sure you provide your reptile with plenty of objects to climb and room to roam. Lizards need lots of exercise!

- As a good pet owner, you can aid your pet in shedding it's skin(A healthy pet will shed every 4-6 weeks in warm weather).

*NEVER pull off skin that isn't loose. It will hurt your pet and cause unnecessary stress.

*Massaging the skin will help remove the excess skin, especially around the spikes if your lizard has them.(Your pet will LOVE the attention!)

- Keep the skin moist to avoid dehydration and dry skin.(It also aids in shedding)

*Daily baths are recommended.

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Returning from a rigorous, two-hour training session, the evil master and apprentice enter the mountain abode - both males covered in sweat. Earlier that day, Jack had suggested the exercise to relieve some of Chase's aggression after the dragon had violently snapped at Wuya during a recent showdown. With surprisingly little coercion, the Heylin had agreed, eager to let out some pent-up anger.

After the impromptu workout, the ancient warrior begins shedding his armor and stretching his worn out muscles. A darkly handsome face twisted as a deep scowl returns to his features. Noticing this, Jack walks over to the taller male to help with the intricate task.

"Are you okay, Chase?"

"It's nothing to concern you with." -replies the elder, his attitude quickly improving. "Although I suppose I should be asking you that question. What possessed you to initiate training? Normally you avoid it like the plague."

"Well, it never hurts to stay in shape right?" - states the youth as he removes the last of the ancient armor, leaving the elder standing in a simple black mandarin-style shirt and matching pants.

" . . . Are you implying that one of us is not in shape?"

Noticing the edge to the dragon's voice, red eyes widen frantically at the misunderstanding.

"Chase, I didn't mean it like that-" -exclaims the teen.

"I know, Jack."-interrupts Chase, as he acknowledges his mistake. "Forgive me, I don't mean to lose my temper with you."

To prove his sincerity, the warlord brings Jack to his chest and rests his chin on soft, scarlet hair. A keen nose inhales the intoxicatingly-sweet scent of his mate as a large hand rubs his lower back in a reassuring manner. Relaxing into the soothing gesture, the young genius is reminded of a particulary fun tip from the manual.

"It's okay," -begins the evil teen. "But, you've given me an idea . . ."

Taking a large hand, the apprentice leads the Heylin master to one of the nearby marble staircase. A pale hand on a broad shoulder wordlessly tells Chase to sit down on one of the steps. Climbing a few steps, Jack sits behind the taller male, his long legs on either side of a narrow waist. Long, dark hair is swept over the warlord's shoulder to expose the well-muscled back. Trying to remembering the tips he read online, the teen's surprisingly strong hands begin massaging tense muscles. Once he realizes what the youth is up to, the dragon begins to relax.

"Well, aren't you just full of surprises . . . "

"It's just something I picked up . . . I'm not hurting you or anything right?"-questions Jack, earning a smirk from the man before him.

"No, you are doing quite well."

Once he receives Chase's praise, the amateur masseur becomes bolder and firmer with his strokes. Pale hands rub the area around the Heylin prince's shoulder blades in deep circular motions before making their way up and down his spine. As Jack's palms mold themselves to the subtle curvature of defined muscles, low growls of approval are heard from the relaxed reptile. The steady, deep breathing of his mate indicates that the deep tissue massage was a much-needed treat. Finishing the sensual treatment with a final stroke, the teen genius is surprised when the Heylin turns his body to face him. Before he can question the action, Chase reaches up and kisses the pale youth's pink lips, slowly trailing to his long throat.

"Now that I'm relaxed, would you care to join me in the bath?" -inquires the warlord between teasingly soft kisses.

"Do you have to ask?!"

With Jack's enthusiastic answer, the two stand and make their way to the private bath.

"Um . . . go on ahead without me Chase, I'll be there in a second, okay?"

Raising an eyebrow at his consort's increasingly odd behavior, the dragon lord complies before continuing on his way. Wasting no time, the albino pulls out his responsible pet owner's guide and frantically flips ahead to the next chapter. He skims a few pages before tucking it into his side pocket and running after Chase.

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CHAPTER 4 : SHOWING AFFECTION

Play with your lizard. They might not look soft and cuddly, but reptiles need just as much attention as a dog or cat. Showing your pet that you care is essential to being a great owner.

- Talk to your pet.(Eventually the lizard will become accustomed to your voice and relax upon hearing it)

- Spend time playing with/holding your reptile.

*Daily interaction encourages bonds to form between you and your pet.(Pay attention to what it likes to do!)

*By spending time with your pet, you will be able to pick up on it's body language and learn it's moods.

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After their bath, the Heylin couple is lounging on a small, secluded level of the citadel. The normally hard floors have been covered with soft pillows to cushion the two males as they enjoy the other's company. Behind them, cascading waterfalls and glistening pools reflect the low candle light illuminating the lair. Chase is resting his head in the albino's lap as pale fingers lazily thread their way through long, inky strands of hair. Unashamed of his body, the immortal is clad only in loose, black pants while his mate is wearing a blue oversized robe that falls seductively off one ivory shoulder. As a relaxed sigh escapes the elder's lips, Jack smiles.

"Feeling better?"

"Were you under the impression that I was ill?

"Well, you have been acting kinda strange for the last week or so, what am I supposed to think? "

Hearing the worried tone, the warlord sighs and sits up to face Jack. On the warrior's face is a troubled expression as he thinks of the right words to soothe his young lover's anxiety.

"My intention was not to worry you unnecessarily, however I can see my efforts were in vain." -begins the dragon. "Today marks the anniversary of the day I first imbibed Lao Mang Long soup."

"So that's why you've been so moody?"

"Yes, though I despise the legume, I in fact owe him everything. I don't regret my decision, however every year around this time I tend to get very irritable. My warriors are well aware of this and normally stay out of sight, I'm sure you've noticed their absence."

Finally learning the reason behind his mate's behavior, and the lack of feline servants, a wave of relief washes over the evil youth. An grin appears on Chase's face as he returns his head to Jack's lap.

"Although I never imagined my change in temperament would drive you to such ridiculous methods."-muses the Heylin.

"What do you mean?"-asks the teen as he cutely cocks his head to the side.

At that, Chase reaches into his pocket and pulls out a familiar green book.

"You dropped this on the floor in the bathroom."

Seeing his Responsible Pet Owner's Guide currently in his boyfriend's possession, Jack's eyes bug out of his head. The genius' usually sharp mind is blank as he tries to think of a believable excuse for the dragon currently in his lap.

"In the future, you should be more careful with your things, Jack."

". . . Are you mad?"

"No, I actually find your efforts, and you in general, quite amusing. However, I am curious as to where you acquired that manual."

"I told a friend of mine that I was worried about how moody a certain reptile had become recently and she thought reading it would help."

"Tohomiko, then." -guesses the overlord, completely unsurprised. "Well, perhaps you should finish reading the guide she so thoughtfully purchased for you."

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CHAPTER 5 : BREEDING REPTILES

If you should ever decide to breed any species of lizard, there are a few tips you need to know.

- Most male reptiles are EXTREMELY territorial and aggressive.(NEVER put more than one male in the same habitat!)

- Since many reptiles have aggressive mating habits, it is normal for males to bite or mark the female during intercourse.

- Ideally, if you intend to breed lizards, one male should be co-habitating with 2-3 females.

**It is vital to remember that Lizards only mate when they are completely comfortable in their surroundings.(Allow the reptiles plenty of time to adjust to their new environment)

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As he reads the last section of the guide, a disapproving frown appears on the Goth's face.

"Why did Kimiko give me this? The guy who wrote this book is a complete hack!"

"You see Jack, real dragons like myself mate for life. If I were truly like the lizards in that book I would need at least two of you to satisfy me."

"I know what you're thinking, and you can forget it." -states the evil teen genius. "You know I would do ANYTHING for you Chase, but every time I create a clone of myself it tries to take over my life and I'm not about to let that happen again. It's bad enough as it is that I have to keep Wuya and almost every other female off of you -

Interrupting his ramblings, Chase silences him with a deep kiss. Red eyes widen with shock and then drift shut to enjoy his dragon's oral ministrations. A large tongue invades the youth's mouth, sensually exploring at a tortuously slow pace. Moaning into the passionate assault, Jack returns the kiss with his own tongue yet giving his draconic mate the dominance he demands. Finally parting for air, Chase's hand begins to remove the offending robe off of the youth to reveal pale skin. The elder kisses the soft, creamy skin covering a long neck and bare shoulders as his mate catches his breath.

"I prefer the original Jack Spicer to any facsimile, even if it was one fabricated by you."

Shocked into silence by the dragon's statement, the genius allows his body to be gently pushed onto the pillowed floor. As the Heylin lord resumes exploring the willing body beneath him, an arousing moan escapes from Jack's throat. White hands then begin their own exploration over well-defined muscles, the teen never tired of feeling them shift beneath warm skin. Subconsciously, he spreads his legs further apart to accommodate the lust-driven lizard between his thighs. The silky, black fabric of Chase's pants glide over Jack's exposed lower body and draws out a small whimper.

"Ch-Chase . . . maybe we should move this to the bed room."

"No, I think I'm comfortable enough right here."

Vaguely remembering that last part of the long-discarded book, the teen squeals in delight as the dragon makes his way down an alabaster stomach and over sensitive hip bones . . .

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The following morning at the Xiaolin Temple

The monks have just returned from a victorious showdown against Wuya over the Ginsu Blade(A wire-thin dagger that can cut through anything like butter). By using a Shen Yi Bu dare, Raimundo had also successfully acquired the Silk Spitter and the Fist of Tebigong from the ancient witch. It had been a tough battle to start the day, but the young leader of the Xiaolin monks had won due to his mastery of his wind element. He had even been able to successfully test one of his newest moves, a swirling vortex of opposing winds, on the sorceress.

"Way to go Rai, that last move sent Wuya flying like a four-winged bird tied to a rocket!" - congratulates Clay with a hard slap on the Brazilian's shoulder.

"Yes, Raimundo you have once again made a jester of Wuya!"

Ignoring the small monk's excuse for slang, the shoku warrior acknowledges the compliments with a large smirk as he rubs his now-sore shoulder.

"Thanks, I guess the old hag is getting pretty slow in her old age!"

"Don't get too full of yourself Rai, or your head won't be able to fit inside the temple." -jokes Kimiko in a playful tone.

"Greetings monks."

The teens stop their conversation at the familiar voice of Chase Young and move into defensive stances. Rolling his eyes at the action, the Heylin begins to speak.

"I'm not here to fight you . . . at least not today."

With that, the monks relax and take more normal stances. The group of adolescents now curious to learn the reason behind the dragon's visit.

"If you're not here to attack us, then what's up?" - asks Raimundo, still wary of the dark warrior's presence.

"I'm here to return something to Tohomiko, as Jack has no further need of it."

Upon hearing her name, the fire monk's ears perk up. She is further surprised when a small, green book is dropped into her hands by dark magic.

"Wait a second, . . . are you telling me that Jack actually used this thing on you." -begins the Japanese girl in disbelief. "I only gave it to him to cheer him up, I can't believe he took it seriously . . ."

Not bothering with a response, the warlord turns to leave the grounds of the temple, but not before he is stopped by a single question.

"Hey Chase, did any of the tips in that book actually work?" -inquires Raimundo.

The proud warrior doesn't turn around as he makes a parting comment.

" . . . You'd have to ask Jack."

The immortal then vanishes before the monks, his words leaving them with varied looks of surprise on their faces. The awkward silence is broken as Raimundo begins laughing hysterically as the others stare at him. Tossing the green book at the "incapacitated" Dragon of Wind, Kimiko shakes her head in exasperation.

"I doubt Chase would be as amused as you are if he knew this book was actually your idea, Raimundo."

"Hey, I was genuinely trying to help Jack!" -protests the practical joker. "But COME ON Kim!. . . even you have to admit that the idea of Jack using this book on Chase Young is pretty damn hilarious."

THE END

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Thanks again for reading the randomness that flows out of my head and into my computer! (I'll be writing a bunch more CHACK one-shots in the future, so keep an eye out for them)

**This fic was inspired by a similar idea in one particularly funny episode of Okane Ga Nai(a yaoi series) written by Hitoyo Shinozaki and illustrated by Tohru Kousaka. Basically, after failed attempts by the seme(Kanou) to earn the uke(Ayase)'s trust, A friend gives him a hamster raising guide as a joke. Desperate, Kanou uses it with some interesting results. You can read the manga on and/or watch the OVA episodes on Youtube.

AUTHOR'S NOTES/REFERENCES:

* The author of Jack's guidebook (C.R. Darwin) is actually a homage to British naturalist Charles Robert Darwin and his work in the Galapagos islands.

*Thailand parrot flowers and Bauhinia are both gorgeous and rare flowers that grow in tropical areas(you can find pictures on Google, just type in the names!).

* The Ginsu Blade is a little homage to the Ginsu brand kitchen knives.

By the way, since I actually had to research all the information in this, I want to give a big shout out/plug to ! (It especially helped with the massage part!)

LATER DAYS!

NINJA-RENKA