Good afternoon or whatever time frame you are reading this at...did that sound british to you? Nevermind. This is my first story so don't burn me, please...Aw dammit my "I" is capitalized


Snake, Dog, Deer, Fox

Ch#1: The New Line up

The sun rose as it always did as if none of the events of the previous night had ever occurred in the peaceful village. The betrayal, the fight, and the injury were all forgotten and ignored; something Naruto was very happy about. Plus, now he was an official ninja! He couldn't wait to see the looks on everyone's faces!


Shikamaru was nearly asleep when he noticed a certain blonde haired loud mouth walk into the room. On closer inspection, he realized that the "dead last" also wore a headband.

"Oi, Naruto, didn't you fail the test? Why do you have a Hitai-ate?" The blonde gave him a smug grin and leaned onto the older boy's desk

"I got to take a make up and passed with flying colors! Now I'm a ninja just like everyone else, believe it!" the orange clad ninja declared (also, I am never attempting to write that catchphrase ever again.)

"A make up?...Ahhh, whatever, it's too troublesome to ask. Congrats…"

"Geez, Shikamaru, what kinda attitude is that? We're ninja! Be a little more enthusiastic, will ya?"

"Oh *munch* good morning, Naruto! I didn't know that you *munch* passed."

"Heheh! Of course I did Chouji! I am gonna be the Hokage after all!" Naruto boasted loudly. His yelling couldn't continue, though, because of the muffled shouts and a thunder of feet that had come into listening range. Suddenly Ino and Sakura, the leaders of the Sasuke Fan Club, flew through the doorway claiming that they "got there first."

Iruka quickly (and violently) quieted down the group with his Big-Head jutsu and explained the life of the ninja to encourage his many students to progress without him. Afterwards, he began to call out the teams.

"…In team 8 Uchiha Sasuke, Aburame Shino, and Haruna Sakura, your sensei will be Gekkou Hayate." No one missed the loud groan of girls complaining about not being with their "precious Sasuke-kun" along side the triumphant screech of the "lucky" bubblegum blonde.

"Stop complaining, Ino. You shouldn't be ogling over a boy when you're a ninja anyway," Shikamaru drawled, annoyed by the interruption of his nap.

"Hmph! Easy for you to say! I just feel bad for anyone who gets stuck on your team!" the Yamanaka retorted.

"…team 10 will be lead by Yuuhi Kurenai including Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji," Ino sighs, "and Hyuuga Hinata." This time Hinata sighs. "Now, the last team is team 13 with Nara Shikamaru, Uzumaki Naruto,"

"Ah. What a drag, the loud mouth."

"…and Inuzuka Kiba—"

"EH?? Why am I with the idiot and the lazy ass?!" Kiba barked (Hee).

"Hey! What was that, Dog-breath!?"

The orange clad ninja and the dog user quickly shut up at the killing intent radiating off their teacher. Note to self: warn next generation not to interrupt Iruka-sensei.

"Continuing, your teacher will be…oh dear...uh, Mitarashi...Anko?"

Suddenly, the class' side window smashed open, a large banner hanging itself across the whole front of the class "New Jounin Sensei Mitarashi Anko" written messily on top. Infront of the banner was a woman whose clothing left nothing to the imagination, spiked purple hair, and a shit-eating feral grin oddly similar to a certain blonde.

"Morning, Maggots! I'm Mitarashi Anko, special jounin!" The crazed woman turned to the teacher, grin firmly in place. "Ey, Iruka! Which three are mine?"



"Hokage-sama, you can't be serious!"

"You can't make her a jounin!"

"She has no discipline!"


"Stop kidding with us!"

"Enough!" The room quieted down at the Hokage's shout. The reason for the outburst was his announcement that one Mitarashi Anko, former student of Orochimaru, was being promoted to jounin.

"Ah, c'mon. I ain't that bad," the woman in question said, a smug grin stuck to her face. "I'd like to thank you for finally seeing my talent, Hokage-sama, though it did take you a while."

"Your welcome, Anko, but as most of your colleagues seem to disagree, I've decided on a sort of training program to assist you in sharpening your abilities." An audible sigh of relief filled the room causing the purple haired woman to growl at the disrespect.

"So, Hokage-sama, what is this test?" Anko asked sweetly. Sarutobi hesitated a moment, realizing how mad the woman would be when he told her.

"As of now, Anko will be captain of a genin team of the recent graduates."

Even though the walls of the hokage tower were supposed to be sound proof, people within a two-block radius heard the malicious yell.


To the present

"Oh. Um, team 13, please come to the front. You will be leaving now," Iruka announced, eyebrow raised at the loud woman. Since when did Anko become jounin?

Ten minutes later found the new team 13 sitting in a dango shop with their odd sensei drooling over the counter. Kiba and Naruto exchanged glances before Naruto spoke up.

"Um. Anko-sensei? What are we doing here?" The fresh jounin stared at him blankly before nodding her head and turning back to the counter.

"Mitarashi Anko. New jounin. Irritated by being a 'sensei' so just call me Anko the Sex Goddess. Love dango and torture techniques. Hate a certain snake and other big mouth jounin. Dream of killing Certain Snake and big mouth jounin. Whiskers, you're next."

The genin trio blinked.


Anko growled.

"Do I have to spell it out? I can't eat my lovely dango!" Kiba was seriously thinking of sending this lady to a psych ward. "Ugh! Introduce yourselves! Name, Likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, etc, etc. Rrrg! This is why I hate kids."

"O-kaaay. Uh, well. My name's Uzumaki Naruto. I like Ramen, Iruka-sensei, and the old man. I hate stuck up bastards, the time it takes for ramen to finish cooking, and traitors."

Anko smirked bitterly at that.

"My hobbies are—"

"Say anything about ramen and I'm sending you back to the academy."

"Uh…Spending time with Iruka-sensei and thinking of new pranks to pull."

"Alright, you're up, Pup."

"snort. I'm Inuzuka Kiba. I like my family and training with Akamaru. I hate fangirls and weak crybabies. My hobbies are training with Akamaru and tutoring my younger cousins. Eh, I guess my dream is to be the strongest in my clan."

"Mmm, dango. Oh, uh. Lazy ass, wake up it's your turn."

"How troublesome. I'm Nara Shikamaru *yawn* I like sleeping and watching clouds. I want to grow up with an average life, a daughter, then a son, and have average ninja rank, then die before my average looking wife. Can I go back to sleep now?"

The other three loudmouths stared at him until Anko turned toward her oldest student.

"Uh, Pup, is he always this…enthusiastic?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh, oh! Anko-sensei!"

"Whiskers, wha'd I tell ya about the 'sensei'?"

"Uh. Anko The Sex Goddess?"


"Well, what're we doing in a dango shop? Aren't we gonna go on a mission like, oh! Like rescuing a princess or—"

"No." Naruto stopped mid-thought.

"Huh? Was that a 'no' to the princess or a 'no' to the—"

"UGH! You aren't going on any missions!"

"Whoa whoa, hey! Don't go crazy cause the idiot's irritating you! We're ninja. We have to go on missions," Kiba interrupted.

"No, no, you don't, because you three brats are not officially ninja yet and I will make sure that you never will be while I'm your sensei. Comprende?"

The three not-quite-genin were slowly inching away from their supposed sensei who had begun to look at them like a snake after a helpless mouse. Seeing that her little guinea pigs were trying to break for it, Anko grabbed them by the arms and shunshined them to an open training ground. Tying them to three trees, she decided to explain before they screamed for ANBU.

"You crazy-lady! What's wrong with you?!"

Oh. Too late.

"Just let me explain and then I'll let you run as far away from me as you want, 'kay?" The three exchanged glances and nodded. "Perfect. The genin test you did was just for show, really. Only nine graduates will actually become ninja. Interrupt me and I will castrate you."

Kiba and Naruto immediately closed their mouths.

"The real genin test is decided on by the sensei's preferences of a good student. And they will decide if the team will pass or be sent back to the academy. You gettin' all this? If not, I'll make you run ten laps around the village." Once again the nervous genin nodded without a word.

"Well, my test will start tomorrow morning at 7 am sharp. If you are late I will give you a present and not the kind you get on Christmas. It will be at the entrance of training ground 44. Bring anything you think you'll need. Ja ne!"

Anko once again shunshined away, untying her students in the process. Shikamaru dropped his head and sighed.

"Why did I get stuck with such a troublesome sensei? My mother probably bribed someone. What a—"

"Uh, Shikamaru, please don't say it, having an insane sensei and the idiot on my team is bad enough without your catchphrase."

"Dammit, Dogbreath, stop calling me an idiot!"

"What a drag."


What do you think? Took me friggin' forever to publish this, but here it is. Some things to keep in mind are that I will be trying, repeat, TRYING to get Sasuke out of avenger mode. This won't be a super naruto or anything, but they will be pretty strong. Also, please don't tempt me to bash or I will murder the story.