The Twilight-Maximum Ride Parody
By Haley G
The Haley & Kaitlyn Show
We will cast the characters later because we only have a few people to work with.
But for now:
MAX VOICE OVER: I'm Max. I'm 14. I live with my family who are 5 kids not related to me by blood, but still totally my family. [Zoom out on MAX with hair blowing] We're kind of amazing actually. Like nothing you've ever seen been. We're nice, smart, cool and not average in anyway. [Zoom into MAX's face] Let me just get this out of the way. We pwn. We are way better than any of you normal humans out there. [Showing the flock] Me, Fang, Iggy, the Gasman, Nudge and Angel were the results of an experiment by the sickest scientist where we ended up only 98% human, and 2% bird. We have freakin wings! WE ARE LIKE ANGELS!!!! We're awesome! WE HAVE SUPER POWERS!!!! [While MAX was speaking, clips of mock flying and power using]
This is the story of my family but it-- [MAX VOICE OVER cut off by BELLA VOICE OVER]
BELLA VOICE OVER: I'd never given much though to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like the right way to go. It seemed Noble, even-
MAX VOICE OVER: HEY! THIS IS MY MOVIE!!!!!!
BELLA VOICE OVER: NO! THE STUDIO GUY TOLD ME IT WAS MY TURN!!!
MAX VOICE OVER: You already had you chance. It's our turn for a movie. Twilight's over! You're already making eclipse!
BELLA VOICE OVER: So what? Wanna fight bird-girl?
MAX: Bring it! [Camera zooms out on MAX doing the bring-it gesture]
BELLA: Oh! It's on!
[MAX kicks BELLA with a round house to the chest. Bella grabs her leg and knocks her down. They both fall to the ground and continue a hair-pulling cat fight]
MOVIE DIRECTOR: Cut! Nice job girls! But less hair pulling next time, okay?
MAX & BELLA: Okay.
[In the forest]
MAX: You have wings on your back. Midnight black feathers, and can almost become invisible and an affinity for black. I know what you are.
FANG: Say it.
[MAX pauses to think]
MAX: An emo.
MAX: A goth?
FANG: Not that either.
MAX: The angel of death?
[FANG shakes his head, no]
MAX: C'mon! I'm running out of ideas! I give up! Give me a clue at least!
MOVIE DIRECTOR: Cut!
[BELLA butts in]
BELLA: Max, let me show you how it's done. [BELLA stands in front of FANG] You're unbelievable strong, and fast…
FANG: Mhm… [FANG looks at BELLA with a Huh? Expression and then toward MAX]
BELLA: And you skin is pale white and ice cold.
FANG: I can explain that. I haven't been out enough, and it's usually olive. Oh, and I kinda fell in a lake earlier.
BELLA: I know what you are.
FANG: Say it!
FANG: Seriously, Bella. Just because I wear goth stuff and my name's Fang doesn't make me automatically a vampire. Plus, I have wings. What kinda vampire has wings, I mean, c'mon!
BELLA: Fine. [pouty face, then speaks in a bored bored-snobby tone] You're an avian-human Tran-genetic hybrid. Are you happy now?
EDWARD'S VOICE: I heard that! Don't you go thinking about kissing my girl!
MAX: Enough already! [Breaks them up]
MOVIE DIRECTOR: Cut! Next scene.
[In the house]
FANG: Are you afraid?
FANG: Then let's fly! [Spreads black towel as wings, BELLA holds his shoulders]
BELLA: Fang! You forgot to--
[FANG slams into sliding door and falls]
MAX: I am so sick of Fang hanging out with Bella!
EDWARD: Tell me about it! He keeps thinking about banging her.
MAX: Really. He is so gonna get it!
[5 minutes later, ARI sneeks up on MAX]
MAX: OH NO!!! Eraser! Quick, Fang! Do something!
EDWARD: Fang's not back yet! Don't worry Max! I'll save you!
ARI: No! Wait! Max, it's just me. I won't hurt you.
MAX: Ari? But…we buried you!
ARI: Jeb brought me back again.
MAX: Okay…what's with your voice?
ARI: He couldn't fix it.
MAX: What ever.
ARI: I lied.
MAX: About what.
ARI: I'm actually here to kill you. [Grabs MAX in a choke hold]
MAX: Edward, help!
EDWARD: Don't worry Max! I've had a lot of experience with the werewolves and Jacob could tell you that--
MAX: Just help already!
[EDWARD zooms over and beats ARI up and saves MAX]
[In the park]
ANGEL: So you can read mind too?
EDWARD: Yeah. It's my power.
ANGEL: Can you read mine?
EDWARD: Not really. That's strange…
ANGEL: Well, I can read yours!
EDWARD: Don't tell anyone what you heard, please…
[GASMAN comes up to them]
GASMAN: Hey guys! Whatcha doing?
EDWARD: You stink, dude!
ANGEL: That's his power. Super farts.
[GASMAN makes a fart sound]
[On the couch]
MAX: So you're from Forks?
BELLA: That's right.
MAX: Have you ever been to Spoons?
BELLA: No, but I lived in Pheonix--
[ANGEL runs in]
ANGEL: Forks and Knives, Forks and Knives…
MAX: Shut up! [ANGEL pouts] Where were we? Oh, yeah. I'm from the School.
MAX VOICE OVER: And so we lived happily ever after….hey, who wrote this script?
THE VOICE: I did, Max.
MAX VOICE OVER: Screw you, voice. Come see our movie, 2010, here we come!
BELLA VOICE OVER: Buy my movie, Twilight and see New Moon this November.
THE VOICE: Enough with the advertising. We have a real parody to make. We'll call it: Fantasy Movie!