Title: Those Working Blues
Characters: Kid-san, Conan-chan, and Dragon-sama
Rating: M, for quoted scenes ;)
Warnings: As mentioned in the rating, there's a few quoted scenes from yaoi lemons. Shouldn't be traumatizing (unless you're Conan or Kid), but be warned that it's there.
Disclaimer: Because Tsu-chan asked if I'd do it, and I noticed she'd posted hers. Thought I'd crank this out while waiting for a response from my beta-read about 30 cases!
Thanks to those who came before: Existentialist Conversations" by DireSphinx, "Who's got the power" by 66ButterflyOfDarkness99, "Some Have Trouble In Paradise" by s2lou, "Computer Viruses" by katiesparks, "Special Message" by AngelRoy , "Email 1412" by Zeodyme Delacross, "I Got Cursed" by moonlit-vampire-13 , "Too Early in the Morning" by Kolidescope, and no thanks at all to TsugumiWinter and her "Me Against My Pairing"! I did it for you, darling~!
And now, on with the crack!fic!
It's too early in the morning for it to be early in the morning.
Mentally grumbling, Dragon-sama slumped in her office chair, idly pushing the headset microphone out of her line of vision. Another day, another dollar, and why couldn't it be tonight yet?! Transfoooormeeeers~!
"I don't know what's more ridiculous; the fact that they're giant robots, the fact that they're giant robots that turn into cars, the fact that they're alien giant robots that turn into cars, or the fact that it only took one movie to turn your brain into mush ..." came a sardonic voice from the computer.
Blinking, Dragon-sama focused on the screen, seeing a small figure tapping it's foot impatiently in the corner.
"Well...hello there Conan-chan. What brings you to my work?" she asked, rubbing her eyes in annoyance. Late nights are not good for one's health when you have to get up at 4am...
"Excuse me? What gives you the right to call me that so familiarly!" Conan snapped in annoyance. She grinned sheepishly, before jumping as the phone rang.
"Hold that thought." Reaching over to the laptop with one hand and the phone with the other, she quickly connected to the caller while switching to 'Not Ready'. "This is **** at the helpdesk, how can I help you?"
Conan wandered idly across the taskbar, ignoring the mouse cursor as it moved by him and began filling out forms.
"Uh huh...did you try resetting your computer? It won't boot? Just to be thorough, did you check the power cord? Is it plugged in? What? Well sir, I'm sorry to say that if there's a black out, your computer won't turn on without a power supply. I understand sir, but there's nothing we can do until they restore power to your office. Uh huh. Sorry sir. Thank you, bye."
Pressing the end call button with a little more force than necessary, Dragon-sama resisted temptation to fill out the form with 'User is an imbecile.'
"Found it!" a muffled voice said, causing her to blink at her computer again. She'd forgotten about her little visitor, who'd disappeared behind the active window at some point. Quickly minimizing said window, she saw Conan tugging a folder across the screen.
" Is there a reason--aside from the obvious--why you're dragging my Writing folder to the recycle bin?" she asked, snagging the folder with the cursor and putting it back in it's place.
"You had Kid--KID!!--doing...things to me! I've seen what you wrote!" the detective cried a little hysterically, pointing an accusing finger at her.
"To be fair, I had him doing them to Shinichi, so shouldn't you at least be happy about that?" she retorted with a smug grin. Ignoring the unintelligible snarls, her grin faded as a thought occurred. "Where is Kid, anyway? He's the one who's been visiting authors..."
A cloud of pink smoke obscuring the screen made Dragon-sama turn from her monitor to the laptop next to it. Kid appeared in all his white-caped glory, grinning smugly as he perched on top of the open phone client window.
"Greetings milady," the thief said with a gallant bow. She sighed, glancing from one screen to the other.
"Did you have to bug me at work?"
"It's where you're keeping your files," Kid said, minimizing the window he was perched on so he could get to the desktop. "Ah, here's your other backup!" Snapping his fingers, the thief grinned smugly as another folder labeled 'Writing' vanished in a puff of pink smoke.
"Pink is the devil incarnate," she muttered, but shrugged. "As for that folder, I haven't actually been using it lately, so it's not up-to-date.
"No matter, it's gone now!" Conan said, once again tugging his Writing folder to the recycle bin. She snagged it back, causing the shrunken detective to stagger as it was wrenched from his grasp. "I will destroy that thing!" he cried, causing her to grin in amusement.
"Even if you do, these computers are automatically backed up a few times a day, and I can restore it at any point. Plus I have copies on a flash drive, plus I have copies at home, plus I've already posted the chapters, plus I have the files in multiple emails, plus I have hard paper copies printed out, plus I always write things in a note book first, so that's where all my notes are. It'll be a little hard for you to get it all."
Both boys slumped dejectedly.
"Damnit, I was hoping we could stop at least one of these crazy yaoi fangirls..." Conan mumbled, kicking the Yahoo IM smiley face out of the task bar. He began dribbling it like a soccer ball, and Dragon-sama rested her chin on her hands as she watched to show. The icon changed from the smiley face to a pained face each time the boy's foot connected. Kid walked to the edge of the laptop screen, then leapt, appearing on the main monitor as well.
"You should be glad I'm not into writing lemons." Yet.
"Yet?! Yet! Not yet! Not ever!" Conan cried, fumbling the icon in his distress. Kid watched the dizzy icon roll by, falling back into it's normal place. She chuckled, having forgotten their peculiar ability to read minds. Then again, it was the internet, so doesn't that explain all?
"You should really be careful with that ability," she warned, blanking her mind as best she could. No need to distress them further, after all. "You never know where a fangirl's mind might go."
"There is nothing you could think that could possibly be more traumatizing than what I've already been through!" Kid said emphatically, before glancing cautiously at the computer's background. He sweatdropped. "Uh..."
"I am at work, so no explicitly yaoi pics for my computer!" she said cheerfully, grinning at her shiny shiny background. "Subtle yaoi pics are fair game, though."
"That's physically impossible, you do realize?" Conan asked dryly, as he also surveyed the picture. She shrugged, staring starry-eyed at the picture of Kid, Kaito, Conan, and Shinichi all on and around a couch(1).
"A girl can dream, can't she? Besides, blame Tsu-chan for that one, as she's the one who found the sites!"
Conan shuddered. "I don't want to know!" he said, clamping his hands over his ears. Kid may or may not have let out a whimper, but when she looked at him his expression showed none of his distress. In fact, his attention was captured by something on her desk, and he was peering curiously down at it. Following his gaze, her eyes came to rest on her iPod.
But it was too late, as the thief leapt off the computer screen, and the iPod whirred to life with one grinning Kaitou on it.
"Damn it, Kid, be careful!" she cried, scooping up her precious device. Conan was smirking at her as she shook the device, causing Kid to grab at the sides of the small screen to keep his balance. "This thing is already on its last legs! You erasing anything aside, it may freeze on you!"
"Aw, you're concern is truly touching!" Kid said gaily, ignoring her muttered curses as he brought up the movie folder. "Ooo! You have all the Detective Conan movies on here, and the OVAs!"
Resigned to losing all her data yet again (probably, that is. Who knows with how unstable that stupid device has been lately...), Dragon-sama let out an exasperated sigh.
"Yes, yes I do. And before you try anything, I have the original movies and the converted movies saved on cds." Kid looked affronted.
"Why would I erase these? Not only are they official, they were fun too! Well, at least the ones I appear in," he said, scrolling down the list. Bored with that, he flipped it back to the main screen, selecting the playlist folder.
"Kid, wait! Don't--" she cried as he pressed 'play' on the fourth playlist, but it was too late as the song started (music barely heard from the connected head phones), and the picture associated with the song appeared on screen. Kid reeled back in horror, before making a flying leap back to the safety of the main computer screen and the laughing Conan. "I tried to warn you," she muttered, powering down the iPod. Watching the extremely intimate picture of Phantom and Danny disappear(2), she turned back to her computer screen where Kid was whimpering pitifully in a corner. Conan was giving the thief a disgusted look despite the amused smirk still on his face.
"Why would you have something like that on your music player?!" Kid wailed.
"Well, I like my fanart collection, but I don't exactly carry a computer around where I can stare at it all day. So...I just changed the album art, is all," she explained, shrugging sheepishly. Conan shot her a sharp glare.
"You don't have any of us on there, do you?" he demanded, and Kid whirled around, looking as if he was going to leap back into the small device to do some 'damage control'.
"Nothing like that. Just one of Kid holding up a rose to Shinichi (while being clung to by two women, I might add), and one of Shinichi and Kid falling," she reassured, quickly snagging the thief's cape with the cursor to prevent him from messing with it. Conan moaned, putting his head in his hands.
"That's bad enough... What makes you people think me and the idiot thief would ever be a couple! We. Are. Enemies! Detective and thief! I want to arrest him!" Kid was nodding emphatically, trying to free his cape from the clinging cursor.
"...Are you serious?" she asked blinking. " I can think just off the top of my head of at least two series where the romance works out. And if I really thought about it, I'm sure I'd come up with more."
"But those are just stories!"
"...Yes. And?" she asked, deadpan. "Besides, Kid had better hope those kind of romances work out if he ever wants to get together with Aoko-chan!" Kid finally freed his cape, sending the cursor spinning across the screen as he tossed it away.
"It's not the same..." he mumbled, but gave up trying to destroy the pictures. Conan had ducked to avoid the flying cursor, but managed a sympathetic grimace in the thief's direction. Kid perked up suddenly, turning back to Dragon-sama. "By the way, why is your pen-name 'Dragon-sama and/or Starling', anyway?"
"Eh? Oh, my brother used to write with me. He's Starling," she explained, a little thrown at the sudden change in topic.
"Aha! Does he know you're posting this filth under his name too?" Kid demanded, a triumphant gleam in his eyes.
"See! Now you have to take it down or--wait, what?!" the thief said, aghast. "How could--but why--"
"Starling darling doesn't particularly care about my yaoi obsession," she said, grinning smugly. "He even wrote 'Slytherin Business' with yaoi undertones for me. And he was the one who suggested 'He loves me, he loves me not...' in 'Harry's Last Day at Hogwarts'. I've also had him give me feed back on my stories about you two as well!" The mounting horror on the two boy's face abruptly morphed into outrage.
"That's it!" Conan cried, "If you won't stop writing me and Kid together, then we'll mess with your work and get you fired!" He made a leap for her email client, while Kid raced across the screen to dive back into the laptop.
"Hey! NO! Don't you dare--!" she cried, scrambling desperately with both hands to try and stop the destructive duo.
Trying to right click on Conan, she was distracted as Kid began fussing with the phone client. As she rushed to catch the thief, Conan easily slipped by and opened up an email, entering her boss's email into the 'To' field.
"Alright, that's it! You asked for it!" Dragon-sama cried furiously, then clenched her eyes shut and remembered.
... His tongue trailed across Shinichi's stomach and into his navel before Kaito pulled away, purring as Shinichi shivered and whimpered under his piercing gaze(3)... Slender fingers slid down his sides, and he arched into the other with a faint moan(4)... Kid slowed his motions and leaned back to study the detective. Kudo was flushed, his eyes glassy and half-open, and his breath came in little whimpering gasps(5)...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" came the twin cries of pain and trauma. One cloud of pink smoke later, both Conan and Kid had vanished.
Nodding in satisfaction, Dragon-sama quickly dismissed the dangerous email, and fixed the phone client again. "Take that, foolish mortals!"
"Hey, *****? Who are you talking to?"
The new voice made her jump, and she whirled to see her co-worker leaning against the cubicle door. Was it that late already?
"Eh heh heh...no one? Just...some unhappy customers, is all," she laughed nervously, waving the other woman off. "Been kinda busy today, no worries." Raising an eyebrow, her co-worked shook her head as she wandered off to her own desk, clearly wondering about Dragon-sama's sanity (or lack there-of).
Wiping her brow theatrically, Dragon-sama turned back to her computer. Slumping in her chair again, she sighed. Why couldn't it be tonight yet? Traaaansfoooormeeeeers~!
(1) - Check out my story "Chatty Plunnies" chapter eight for details (and a link) on the picture mentioned.
(2) - Used to be in metalbeast114(dot)deviantart(dot)com's gallery, but she took it down. ;_; But she still has some nice ones up, even if they don't include a bed! :D
(3) - Quote from "Shower or Bath?" aka "Dazed" by nataeiy1. Can be found on : http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4375912/2/Shower_or_Bath
(4) - Quote from "Twincest Smut" by Clover_magic. Can be found on her livejournal: http://clover-magic(dot)livejournal(dot)com/23171(dot)html
(5) - Quote from "Working Some Magic" by candy-chan/candyfics/Candyland. Can be found on dc_yaoi on livejournal: http://community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/dc_yaoi/46238(dot)html#cutid1
A/N: It's all Tsu-chan's fault, I swear! Okay...maybe not. It was fun to write, and if the authors I borrowed quotes from protest, I shall remove that section with great haste! So...who's next?