Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl.

Stan was the smartest guy in the class. No question. And this was saying something, because it was an elite school. He took his title very seriously, and no one even tried to challenge it.

Then, like Stan's own personal demon, Artemis Fowl was transferred into his school.

Suddenly, Stan was only second. Second was good, but it was a second that might as well have been last with how far away it was from first.

Artemis could (but didn't) answer the question before the teacher was done asking. He completed tests before the teacher was finished passing them out, and of course had yet to get less than 100 percent. His handwriting was beautiful. He didn't study, and he finished all his homework, always, in class. He'd already read all the books they had to read for English class. He already knew French and Spanish like a native. And Russian, and German... His essays were worthy of publishing. No one talked to him, but no one bothered him, either. And of course, to top it all off, every guy in their all-boys school that swung that way was completely crazy for him. But of course Artemis wasn't interested. Naturally. Stan lost to a guy who didn't even want all the other guy's attention.

After class, Stan marched up to him. The only way to beat him would be to get him flustered. If he said no, he'd at least be caught off-guard. If he said yes, Stan's status would go up a LOT. Win-win situation.

He put both hands on Artemis's desk and stared him in the eye. "Go out with me."

Artemis stared back. To Stan's horror, Artemis looked completely calm. "Why?"


"We're the two smartest people in this school, including the teachers. It's only natural."

Artemis steepled his fingers. His icy blue eyes pierced Stan's brown eyes. "You are so far from my type that I can not begin to explain it to you. You are male, firstly, and secondly, there is nothing about your personality that I could find even moderately desirable."

Okay... ouch...

"And, of course, you are human," he added, as if to himself.


"Never mind. It is immaterial."

Stan fumed. This had not gone his way at all.

"That is all," Artemis said.

Stan nodded and stalked away.

Stupid sexy Artemis Fowl.