Title: A Casual Observer

Author: Angela a.k.a. coonassblondie

Recipient: jadecharmer at LiveJournal

Pairing(s): Bill/Hermione/Charlie

Word Count: 3,494

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Bill and Charlie run into Hermione in a muggle pub during their night out on the town.

Warnings: Anal sex, including use of anal toys, oral sex, multiple partners, mentions of sexual bodily fluids.

A/N: I tried to work in most of your kinks, and I really liked the idea of using sex toys, so they probably make the most prominent appearance. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. This was beta'd by the lovely Oddnari and Psyche29

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. I just borrow J.K. Rowling's toys and do naughty things with them.

A Casual Observer

Late one balmy evening, a man leaned against a lamp post outside a pub to have a smoke. No sooner had he lit the tip of his fag, two men seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Had the observer been any less pissed, he would have questioned this, but he merely noticed that the duo were tall, although one was much taller than the other. They were both fit as fiddles, but the shorter brother – for they had to be brothers, there were too many similarities for them not to be – had more bulk in his shoulders and chest, belying that he either played a heavy sport, perhaps polo, or worked with some sort of large animal, maybe large horses, like those in that Yank ale ad. What where they called again? Oh right, Clydesdales.

The most obvious similarity of their appearance, however, was that they both had red hair. The thin one had long, dark red hair pulled into a queue with a black rubber, and the shorter one's hair was almost orange as though he had been in the sun often, or so the man thought to himself. He had a passing thought that if he swung that way, he would consider them both rather handsome. But he was no poof. They also had similar facial structure, and freckles covering every square inch of bared flesh, although the taller of the brothers' freckles were more obvious. The stranger thought perhaps he worked inside somewhere, behind a desk, considering his skin-tone was a bit paler. He had to withhold a gasp when he saw the scars running down the man's face from his brow, down across his cheek, and continuing down his shirt collar. He wondered what kind of fight the man had gotten into to receive such a damaging blow. Perhaps he had been travelling in the north and come across a bear? Ah, well, it was none of his business.

The two were steadily getting closer, the taller one's arm slung around the other's shoulder for support, and the stranger realized that the two were considerably more pissed than he was, as they had to lean on each other for support. They were both loudly singing some song, although the observer didn't recognize it. Perhaps they were tourists, and decided to sing, almost shout, a drinking song from their own country. Either way, it was catchy enough, and the man caught himself singing along. He took the final drag off his cigarette and ground it out with the toe of his boot as the two men entered the closest pub, still singing raucously. The stranger stumbled off towards his flat and his bed, humming the unfamiliar tune and wishing the brothers luck with the pretty bird at the bar he had tried to entice, to no avail.


Bill looked around the dingy Muggle pub before settling on an empty booth in the back corner, where they could have some privacy. He gestured towards the table and Charlie nodded his assent. The two men made their way to their seats, dodging the odd table and attempting to not fall over in the process. At the prospect of a dull evening spent at home, as everyone else seemed to already have plans, the two had decided to go out on the town. They were too easily recognizable in the Wizarding pubs, and neither cherished the idea of a scolding from their mum on top of a hangover, so they had agreed to pub-crawl in Muggle London. During the course of the evening, they had ventured into several shops of an adult nature, between visiting drinking establishments, and each man had a large bag of assorted goodies that had struck his fancy. By unspoken agreement, the brothers had kept their purchases secret, and would show the other his purchases at the end of the night. When they got seated with two pints they had been provided with by a roving waitress, they looked at each other for a few minutes, and then burst into hysterical laughter.

Bill, calming his outburst first, said in a voice filled with amusement, "I can't believe we did that."

"You have to admit it was fun, though." Charlie replied, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head, still chuckling.

"That last fellow acted as if he wanted to ask if we were partners. I'm not sure I would've been able to answer him with a straight face."

"Me neither. I didn't notice, I was too busy wondering what half of the items were for, along with if any normal person ever bought any of it."

"So what did you buy? I'll show you yours if you show me mine."

Charlie just grinned at his brother's mixed sentence as he grabbed the brown paper bag at his side while Bill did the same. "On three," Charlie said when they both had their bag on the table in front of them.

At the third count, both men upended their sacks, letting their new toys fall in a heaping pile all over the table, much to the amusement of the patrons furtively watching the handsome young men, who were trying to be secretive and failing miserably. Their conversation could easily be heard in the Netherlands.

They both fumbled through the other's purchases, as they repeatedly held up one toy or another, then burst into hysterical laughter. Neither man noticed the brunette from the bar heading for their table. Bill was trying to put the batteries into a purple rabbit and Charlie was inspecting a set of shiny anal beads when they both heard a clearing of a throat and a soft feminine voice ask,

"What in Merlin's name are you two up to?"


Hermione Granger had been sitting at the bar getting thoroughly drunk, having long since been deserted by her two best mates for their beds. She hadn't had the greatest day, as she had not only been passed over for promotion in favour of a man who had only worked in her department less than a year, but she also had her desk perpetually piled with paperwork she had no hope of finishing before the end of the week, much less the day. Upon leaving the Ministry, she had apparated to Harry and Ron's shared flat and asked if they were interested in a night on the town. At the miserable look on her face, the boys had quickly dropped what they were doing and followed Hermione from pub to pub, listening to her rail about the injustice of the Wizarding world's view on everything from women to Muggle-borns to their apparent abhorrence of the light bulb. When they finally landed in a pub close enough to her own flat for her to stumble home after running out of money, the boys had each given her a tight hug in turn, kissed her on the cheek, and dragged themselves off to their respective beds, both dreading the thought of working the next morning.

By the time Bill and Charlie made their entrance in the pub, Hermione had long since stopped brooding and was looking for a new diversion. The tequila she had spent the evening shooting back had created a nice haze of unconcern for the cause of her actions or their subsequent effects. When the two redheads Hermione immediately recognized came bursting through the doors of the pub, laughing hysterically and supporting each other, loudly singing a bawdy rendition of Ode to Uric's the Odd's Balls, she had turned in her stool to watch them stumble their way to the booth in the most private corner of the pub. She watched, interested, as each grabbed the nondescript brown paper sack they had clutched to their side and turn it out on their table.

Hermione's brows shot up and she giggled quietly, or at least she thought it was a quiet laugh, at the amazing array of sex toys that were now covering the table. Curious, she hopped off her stool and made her way to the back booth, trying not to trip over the many chairs between her location and her destination. Or was it deliberation and determination? Or abomination and declaration? Hermione shook her head slightly to rid the cobwebs as she reached Bill and Charlie's booth, heart pounding and adrenaline rushing in her ears. She hadn't thought past getting to their table to see their purchases, and blurted the first thing that came to mind, promptly turning red.

"What in Merlin's name are you two up to?"

Charlie's head shot up at the woman's voice. He hastily dropped the joined beads that were supposed to be for "anal stimulation", according to the package, and plastered his most charming smile on his face.

Bill also looked up from his new toy, after establishing that one unscrewed - snorting in laughter at the term - the end to insert - he snorted again - the batteries. Hermione's brows rose when Bill burst into gales of uncontrollable laughter, banging the rabbit on the table as he shook his head at his internal monologue.

Hermione grinned at Bill uncertainly as she slid into the booth next to Charlie. As she turned to face him, tucking one leg under her, she grabbed him by the chin and forced his gaze out of her cleavage.

"My eyes are up here, luv. My boobs don't speak."

"Oh, they're speaking volumes to me." Charlie grinned in response as he put one arm on the back of the booth and leaned toward Hermione before continuing, "Don't I know you from somewhere."

Hermione internally rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth to reply when Bill interrupted her.

"Merlin's saggy pants, Charlie, this happens to be Hermione Granger, one-third of the famous Golden Trio, and your younger brother's best mate of almost ten years."

"Which younger brother, I've four of them." Charlie asked, puzzled, as he mentally counted up his siblings in his head. "Yea, four younger brothers and a baby sister."

"I ap...apolo...apologise...." Bill started, stumbling over the word, then laughing at himself again, "For my brother here, Hermione. He's a bit thick-headed when he's had a bit of drink."

"Oh, it'sh no problem." Hermione giggled, fuzzily thinking to herself that she never giggled, as she picked up a set of dice with naughty suggestions on them. "Do you two want to tell me something I don't know? I know the Wizarding world is not as narrow-minded as the Muggle one in regards to relationships, but incest..."

Bill interrupted Hermione's monologue with another gale of laughter, and Charlie leaned over to whisper in her ear, "I don't fancy my brother, nor does he me, at least I hope not. We're both very, very, straight." Charlie waggled his brows at her suggestively before continuing, quietly, in her ear, his hot breath sending hot sparks down her spine, "but we have been known to share partners. Do you like our new toys?"

Hermione tossed the dice across the table, one landing on "kiss" and the other on "neck". Hermione leaned into Charlie, taking a deep whiff of his cologne and unique scent, before kissing him right on his pulse point. She let her lips drift up his neck to his ear, then nipped at the lobe before whispering, "Why don't you find out for yourself?"

Bill cleared his throat, getting both of their attention, and they both saw that his pupils had dilated with lust at the display. He coughed into his hand, gently, then spoke in a low voice.

"As much as I'm enjoying the display, why don't we take this somewhere more private? Are you game?" He asked Hermione, challenge evident in his voice.

Hermione didn't reply, but waggled her brows at Bill before sweeping the toys into the bag in one motion, miniaturizing it with her wand, shoving it into her pocket, grabbing a hand of both of the men and disapparating to her flat.


"You do realize you performed magic in front of a pub full of Muggles?" Bill asked in between heated kisses as he and Charlie passed the young woman between them, steadily working their way downwards, disrobing her one article of clothing at a time.

Hermione was left in her purple bra and knickers when she replied, breathlessly,

"No one will remember. Or they'll put it down to too much liquor."

"What about the bartender?" Charlie asked, wrapping his arm around her waist from behind after casting a locking charm on the door of Hermione's bedroom.

"He's a squib, which is why I frequent that particular pub. He knows I'm a witch and how to get me to somewhere safe if I get in trouble. So, gentlemen, am I in trouble?" Hermione asked, a twinkle in her eye as she started working on the buttons of Bill's shirt, licking each part of freckled flesh she uncovered, working her way down to his belt buckle.

When Hermione was on her knees, eyes level with Bill's belt buckle, noting with some amusement it was moulded in the shape of a griffin, she turned her head to find Charlie still standing behind her, having divested himself of his tee-shirt. She reached around to Charlie's back pocket and pinched his bum, causing him to jump. She used the distraction to pull his wand out, vanishing the men's trousers and pants. She flicked his wand, summoning the forgotten sack to herself, then tossed the wand across the room, into the pile of discarded clothing.

She left the brothers standing facing each other, starkers, identical grins on their faces, as she rummaged through the bag and pulled out a blue anal plug and a tube of lube. She shook her head and tossed it to the side, then reached into the bag of tricks, as she dubbed it, again. This time she pulled out a deck of cards, grinned and shuffled them once before splitting them and handing half of the cards to each of the men.

"I will do whatever those cards say. It's up to you to decide whether I do it to you, the other gentleman, or to myself. However, you have to take turns. You two will have to decide who starts." At this, both boys made a fist on an open palm and at Hermione's count of three, Charlie threw stone and Bill scissors. Charlie smiled in triumph at his brother and with a leer at Hermione, pulled the first card off the stack.

"It says to pleasure yourself in front of your partner. I suppose I'll have to choose both of us."

Hermione simply shrugged and grinned as she reached behind her to unhook her brassiere one-handed. Both men gave her impressed looks as she accomplished this, and she rolled her eyes in response. Only men would have problems with the eye-and-hook women dealt with every bloody day.

Hermione yanked her bra off, pulled it down her arms, then tossed it across the room. As she twisted and tweaked her left nipple, she ran her right hand down her tummy towards the hem of her knickers. Instead of removing them, she moaned quietly as she cupped her mound over the violet lace. She backed up a few steps to sit in the chair in front of her dressing table, draping her legs over the handles, exposing the damp lace crotch to both men.

The last sight she had of the two before throwing her head back was of them both sitting on the edge of her bed, Bill palming his slender member while Charlie watched her avidly, leaning forward, his hands on his knees. Hermione didn't remove her knickers, but rather pushed them impatiently to the side as she ran one slender finger through her folds, pausing to stimulate her clit before dropping her hand and pushing two fingers, then three, inside of her. She heard the sound of the cards being tossed across the room, then footsteps coming toward her. She wasn't sure which of the brothers had given up on the game, nor did she care, as the sensation her palm was making against her bundle of nerves was getting to be too much to handle.

Hermione felt a strong, large, hand grip her wrist and pull her up, pushing her knickers down to the floor to pool around her feet in the process. Hermione kicked the undergarment across the room, and then opened her eyes slightly to the sight of a broad freckled chest, each muscle standing out, and a dragon peeking at her tentatively over one pectoral. She ran her finger slowly across the dragon's nose, and he whiffed a small snort of smoke at her touch. She heard a deep chuckle and felt rather than heard Charlie say,

"Watch it, luv, he's a bit ticklish."

Hermione nodded in understanding as she felt Bill walk up behind her and put both large, slender hands on her hips. He led her backwards till she was straddling him in the chair. Hermione groaned as she felt his prick being engulfed by her: long, hard and hot. She grabbed Charlie's hips and pulled him forward, running her tongue around the head of his cock as she had once seen Lavender lick a lollipop in the candy store. She grinned at the groan that escaped him, and made a mental note to file that particular image away for future reference.

Bill, using Hermione's hips as leverage, began a steady rhythm, bouncing her more and more quickly on his lap, until her pert arse was hitting his groin every few seconds. He could feel the small twitches inside of her, and knew she was close to coming, and decided it wasn't time for that yet. He pushed her off of him, effectively pushing her mouth forward, engulfing Charlie.

Hermione relaxed her throat a bit as she surged forward, so that she wouldn't gag, and wondered briefly what Bill was up to until she felt the cool slick of lubrication against her puckered arse-hole. She moaned slightly around Charlie's cock as Bill slowly worked one long, slender finger into her, up to the knuckle, and her eyes rolled back into her head when he twisted his hand and removed it, then pushed two fingers into her. Bill scissored his fingers, stretching her, preparing her, then removed his fingers and quickly replaced them with the blue plug she had pulled out of the sack earlier.

Hermione was lost in sensation as she slurped, licked and sucked Charlie's cock. When she felt his balls start to draw up in her hand, she removed her mouth with a pop and pushed him backwards until he fell onto the bed. She straddled him, falling onto his member, noticing idly that he was shorter, yet thicker than his brother. As she leaned over Charlie to support herself on her elbows, Bill removed the anal plug and replaced it with the same rabbit vibrator he had had battery issues with earlier in the evening. As soon as Hermione raised herself from Charlie, Bill would shove the rabbit a little further into to her arse, making her feel fuller than she had ever felt in her life, the toy's vibrations against the walls of her anus sending shivers up her spine. They kept this rhythm until Hermione felt herself explode, falling completely on Charlie's cock and tensing every muscle in her body as she let out a loud, long keen of pleasure.

Bill pulled the toy from Hermione's arse and replaced it with his cock, slowly working the head in past the tight ring of muscles. Hermione whimpered as he impaled her, lost in the pleasure of feeling so full. Bill stopped for a second, controlling himself against the tight heat of Hermione's arse, then began moving again. Charlie bucked his hips, again creating a rhythm, and Hermione fell into oblivion. She wasn't sure who was above or below her, nor which way was up. All she knew was pleasure, and after a few minutes, the explosions behind her eyelids.

When Hermione tensed around him, Charlie lost himself to sensation also, coming with a moan and a grunt, Bill following shortly behind him, pulling out of Hermione's arse and shooting a jet of hot come across the small of her back. Charlie quickly summoned his wand to himself and muttered contraceptive, cleaning and cooling charms across the three of them, then glared at his brother, who had a grin worthy of the cat that caught the canary.

"Did you really have to do that?"

Bill simply shrugged in reply, then yawned, before replying, "Cleaning charms in the arse don't exactly feel pleasant, you know."

"No, I don't know, and just how would you know?"

At the challenging question, Hermione groaned and reached out with both hands, covering the men's' mouths.

"I don't care. I'm sleepy, and I'm pissed. Shut up and turn the lights out already."

Charlie waved his wand one last time, and the room fell into darkness. A few minutes later, the sound of snoring could be heard across the hall, where the casual observer lay in his bed, wanking off to the sounds of the threesome coming from that pretty bird's flat.