Yay, new story! This takes place when Edward is gone in New Moon, but Bella doesn't have Jacob to ease the pain. She finds another way to release the anguish she is feeling. This is rated M for cutting, suicidal thoughts, and language. It's not overly dark, but it will get bad, so you've been warned.


He doesn't love me. Maybe he never really did. I sob escaped from my chest as I lay on the floor, curled up into a ball. I let myself scream and cry until I feel someone warm at my side.

"Bella?! Honey, what's wrong?" Charlie's voice is sleepy but still urgently frantic in my ear, and I want to scream even louder. How does he not understand what has happened to me? How can he not grasp how hard this is for me? My soul mate, the man I love; gone forever.

Because he doesn't love me.

"Bella, please." Charlie is pleading with me now, trying to pull me to my feet. I yank away from him, my hands clawing at my face.

"He doesn't love me." I choked out, more tears flooding down my cheeks. Saying it out loud makes the realization sting that much more, making me frantically pull away.

"Bella, it's alright." Charlie tried to comfort me, but I only became angrier. How dare he. No one can fix my life; no one can fill the hole he left in me. I couldn't even speak his name, let alone think it. Charlie's feeble attempts at comfort eventually ceased, and I heard him leave the room, pausing at the doorway. I hadn't realized that my tears had finally stopped.

"Bells, I'm going to work." Charlie said softly. "Call me if you need anything. I'm here for you."

I was alone again. I stumbled into the bathroom, one thing on my mind. I need to feel again. Since he left it's been like nothing registers in my mind; I'm numb and broken.

My usually clumsy fingers locate what I need in seconds, ripping open the package of razors. In a split second, a fresh, gleaming blade is in my hand, poised over my quivering arm. I need to feel again. I plunged the cool, silver blade into my forearm, delighted in the feeling. I wasn't completely numb. I could still feel physical pain.

After make a jagged cut on my forearm, I stopped. The feeling left too. Desperate, crying, I shoved the blade into my skin again, over and over again until I was satisfied. Actual pain. It made me want to be happy and scream all at the same time.

His face ran through my mind, harsh and disapproving.

"Don't do that." His voice crooned, sweet yet angry. "Don't you dare hurt yourself because of what I did to you." I pulled the blade away from my skin, and his voice was gone. Letting out another sob, I slashed myself with the blade again; rejoicing when his velvet voice sounded in my head.

"What happened wasn't your fault, Bella! Stop, stop hurting yourself!"

The voice eventually faded and I dropped the blade on the floor, staring at myself in the mirror.

So much blood.

I snapped into action, finding rubbing alcohol and gauze in the medicine cabinet. I eagerly doused the rubbing alcohol over my fresh wounds, feeling the sting and relishing it. I then securely wrapped my arm in gauze, pleased when the blood no longer seeped through. I scrubbed the floor with bleach, rubbing all traces of my blood away. I wrapped the blade is tissue and threw it in the trash, under a pile of tissue and an old magazine.

I can feel again.

And it feels good.

So, kind of a short chapter. But I will update ASAP. The other Bella's I've written deal too well with rejection and pain, so I decided to make this story just to relay a different emotion. Please review.

Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie