Disclaimer: I own nothing of Marvel. Do they have stock? Or Playboy. Or the concept behind reality tv shows. Or VH1 or TeleCom or whatever the heck owns that. And.. And Joe is mine. Not like THAT, but in all honesty, I ripped him off of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But renamed him Joe instead of Carl. So picture Carl. :)

FYI

means telepathic thoughts that other telepaths can read. In this story, you will be a telepath! Mmmkay?


Author's Babble: Honestly, it was way better in my mind. I do have a sick sense of humor. But review. Review. REVIEW! Tell me you love it. Tell me you hate it. Tell me you think I have some "problems"! I WANT IT ALL! .. because if you don't, I will not continue this. I seriously won't. Don't test me. :)

Also, I will shamelessly pimp someone every chapter since I can. I will dedicate this one to an awesome person and writer named Kinetically Charmed. Nevermind the Darkness is awesome. And it's now finished. I suggest you go read it and REVIEW once you have. Plus, I also suggest you click through her awesome blog of KITTY! Omg, it's AMAMZING. It's the best. I am pushing you to go read it. Now shoo! Go read! :)

Also, this was up earlier. You may have seen it. I deleted it in a fit of anger seeing HOW MANY PEOPLE READ IT AND DIDN"T REVIEW. ...wtf? I'm so mild mannered like Logan. SO uh, yeah. Review. I don't care if you just want to say "dude, just no." Totally okay with this.


Xavier eyed his top right desk drawer. He hid the Xanax there. A single, well six really he did use more of his brain than your basic person, of those little pills and he would be able to handle this. Mutant relations, at best, was a tension filled baby daddy talk show. However, it was currently starting to resemble the middle of Gangs of New York. The clash between humans and mutants was on the brink of nuclear war. Politicians were pushing for legislation that would make life for mutants eerily reminiscent of the Holocaust. Something needed to be done.

Snapping back to reality he eyed three of his former students who were currently venting their frustrations in higher octaves as their stories progressed. Scott Summers, Hank McCoy, Jean Grey and Ororo Munroe were his four most level headed students. Their education and poise were the exact reasons they were selected by him for this delicate situation. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough. The stress from press conferences and speaking with Washington officials was starting to show. These four were on the verge of agreeing with his friend Erik Lehnsherr and his mutant philosophies. Something needed to be done.

"Friends, mutant relations has never been the most simple problem of the world. Society fears the unknown. The stigma of being a mutant is a difficult pill to swallow. I asked the four of you to be the face of mutants. To let the world know that mutants can be completely normal in appearance, or even if they appear quite different, are gentle and intelligent individuals. I wanted to show the world that there are evil humans, Hitler and Charles Manson come to mind. And yet there are also wonderful humans, such as Mother Teresa or Gandhi. To judge an individual based on "mutant" or "human" is unfair. I felt if anyone would be able to make the most closed minded individuals rethink their position on mutants, it would be you," Xavier began, speaking in a smoothing voice. Hank nodded in agreement while Scott's jaw twitched.

"However, I realize now that the most logical path is not always the correct path," the elder mutant sighed, looking at each in turn.

"What are you suggesting, professor?" Scott shouted. Jean turned to him, flashing him a small smile while slipping her hand into his.

"I'm not suggesting we start a war against humans."

"Oh" Damn.

"I feel the path we have underestimated is the understanding of the common people. Politicians are meant to serve their constituents. We must appeal to the people."

"Professor, I do hope you reconsider this approach. I feel that the most prejudice we experience is from the everyday person. I, personally, have had things throw at me and insults tossed at my face. The experience is humiliating, especially for the numerous occasions we have saved humanity," Hank retorted, "I do not feel this is the safest option."

The weather witch nodded, "Charles, Hank is correct. Our lives will be threatened. We will be a target for Friends of Humanity."

Charles nodded, noting every objection that was presented. Their concerns were legitimate. Alas, something drastic needed to be done.

"I've discussed this with VH1. I feel the best way to smooth mutant relations is to allow cameras into the Mansion and allow humans to see how much alike we really are" Charles spoke with an air on finality. He tented his fingers and viewed the four over the tips.

The collective gasps was expected. The jaw dropping was anticipated. The paused followed by loud objections was planned. Charles merely smiled and wheeled himself out from behind his desk, "I must speak to the students. I will need signed permission, yet seeing as they must sign it in order to attend and live at the Mansion, I suppose this will not be difficult."

"I will have the contracts ready in the War Room," he called over his left shoulder, "And do mind the swearing, Scott. This is a school where children attend."

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"In conclusion, I feel that the best way to improve mutant relations is to put a face on mutants, so to speak. The mass public enjoys reality television shows; Playboy has had improved sales on their clothing line and record breaking numbers of sales when the girlfriends pose on the magazine. I am not suggesting an X-Men clothing line, however, I feel that allowing the public to be able to view our daily interactions would only benefit us. Let the world see us as how we really are: we behave very similar to humans. They can see how we train extensively to use our powers to save the world. We will be able to finally connect with the masses in a way we haven't be able to before!" Xavier smiled, looking around the shocked faces at the table. His students were.. speechless to say the least. He understood that this was a large undertaking, but improving mutant relations so that all would be able live in peace was his dream.

"Chuck, why do you know so much about Playboy?" Logan asked slowly, after the several minute silence. Did he read my mind again?

"Research, Logan, research. Totally did. Oh, I sound like Kitty! Also, since cameras will be allowed in all areas of the mansion, I will need signed forms from every single one of you if you intend on living in the mansion. You will be able to be an X-Men and join us in battles and training, however, the free room and board will cease."

An explosion of voices as the doors closed behind Xavier. He smiled and rolled himself to his office. He knew they would sign the papers. This was their home, plus most of them were free loaders and wouldn't want to risk it. Being a telepath had perks, of course.

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"I still think this is a failure"

"Shut up, Logan. The professor feels this is the best chance for peace."

"Damn boy scout."

"LOGAN!"

"We're going to be famous!"

"Oh mah gawd!"

"Dis can't be good."

"Like, whatever! You are SOOO going to get the ladies!"

"Ah... Ah'm gonna sign it. This is mah home and ah trust 'im,"

"I've watched VH1. They put cameras in the bathroom."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"ENOUGH!"

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Xavier handed the signed permission forms over to the sleazy looking executive. Quite frankly, he looked like a cross between Ron Jeremy and a vat of Crisco. The man, apparently just named "Joe", looked like if you touched him, one's hand would come back oily. It was, to be completely honest, repulsive and alluring. Like when someone gets pulled over by a cop, one cannot help but watch with excitement. A thick gold chain was around his neck, abet it was awful tight looking. Barely noticeable due to him fifth chin. Charles couldn't help but stare.

"So, uh, we have a deal?" Wonder if the purple haired broad is single. Joe began, staring at Charles through his gold aviator sunglasses.

"Of course. We will be portrayed favorably, correct?" I hope he won't hit on Betsy. That could get violent.

"Well, some will. We will show the personalities and let the public figure that one out."

"Correction: I will be shown to be caring and non offensive," Charles bit out crisply.

Joe didn't bat an eye, "Of course, Charlie. We are understanding that. We are also going to state at the beginning of the episodes that all pay is directly given to charities, no names, but 'charities'." This whole school is a tax write off.

"Good, we need a new hot tub. Forge turned the old one into a time machine."