In your wildest dreams, you knew this day would come.

They're finally together and it's oh so fucking perfect.

After all his years of chasing, she finally stopped running.

You've never wanted to beat the shit out of someone this badly but you can't help but restrain yourself when you see how happy he makes her. You should have seen it coming. The tech nerd and perky web star? Match made in cardboard cut out heaven. Both college bound and dark haired, you never stood a chance with your aggressive high school drop out mentality. It's so damn boring and sugary sweet. You want to permanently erase the smirk on his face when he catches you eyeing them, knowing how jealous you are.

And it's kinda weird that you feel betrayed by it all because you can't decide who you want to be with more: Carly Shay or Fredward Benson.

You kick a crushed can of Peppy Cola out of your way as you walk home, knowing that tomorrow will be just as jank.


It fucking sucks that they're in love.

It was expected, it was destined, it was meant to be.

You still hate looking at them make out at Groovy Smoothie.

They ditch you every now and then, with Carly setting you up with guys you don't want (Gibby, Rueben, Shane and even her ex Griffin) so you won't feel lonely. It's always the same old thing where you fuck them and leave, trying to make up for the emptiness you feel inside. Well, you didn't give Gibby any but you figure the coma you put him in for touching your thigh is enough.

Griffin was the only one who fucked you and stayed, both of you knowing that an eighteen year old Carly still wasn't over him. It lasted for a couple of months until Carly called you on your shit.

And sometimes you'd find yourself waking up next to the bad boy just to piss her off in a way she'd never know.


Fredward Benson is a waste of life.

You've hated him since the day you met him.

It was a mixture of wanting Carly to yourself and wanting him to like you more than her. The kiss had to mean something. But it didn't.

When you first realized Carly wasn't a virgin, you wanted to sock Freddie so hard his balls would finally drop. It was upsetting but you kinda (not really) expected it. Carly's all quiet and blushing, expecting you to ask for details but you just shrug and tell her you've done things with Griffin she couldn't imagine doing with Freddie.

She doesn't talk to you for weeks and from your talks with Spencer, you find out that she spent those weeks with Freddie.

Spencer then finds out that his baby sister is no longer a baby.


It hurts to think about but you've gotten over it.

Well, you had until you find a wedding invitation in your mail box.

You knew it was coming but never anticipated it. You're still living at home with your drunk mother and, to make you feel even worse, Carly has a mini mansion in a gated community that she shares with her husband to be. You 'ooh' and 'ah' at the extravagant furniture and hope they can't see the green eyed monster that you've become.

The wedding is in a church, of course, and you want to vomit when you see Carly emerge looking virginal in a white dress. You want to rip it off of her and ravage her in front of Freddie because a part of you knows that she's always wanted you in the worse way. But, there is Freddie waiting for her at the alter looking incredibly handsome in a tux. It crosses your mind that you should've crashed his bachelor party just to get him drunk and fuck him like you mean it.

You cry in public for the first time since you were born when they exchange vows.

All the emotions inside of you combine and tears are the result. You can't believe you actually are happy for them.