A/N: Three oneshots written in three days.... I'm so proud XD If you have time you may also want to check out my other one; Documentary. I made this because it was time that everyone see that Carlisle does funny things too. He's just a vampire too you know.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any aspect of Twilight. I own this oneshot and a few really weird OC's that have yet to see the light of day. I'm making no money off of this.
Title: Home Video
Author: Neon Chandelier
"In 1898 all cheerleaders were male. Now 3% are." -pg. 293 of Uncle John's UNSTOPPABLE Bathroom Reader
I sat on the Cullens' living room couch. The whole place was, as usual, sparkly and clean and as I sucked halfheartedly on my chocolate milkshake, I couldn't help but be terrified that I would spill. It was practically inevitable.
Jasper was crouched down a few feet from where I was sitting, in front of a very high-tech (and expensive) looking DVD player. He was fiddling with the home video that he and Emmett were planning on forcing me to watch.
Emmett was sitting like a big heap in his favourite chair. The lazy boy was squeaking unhealthily with each excited movement he made.
I supposed that it was my fault that I was stuck here, asking anyone in the Cullen family a question as simple as "Do you know where my toothpaste is?" would always eventually come to include everyone in the family, including at times, certain members of the FBI.
In this case I had asked Emmett what everyone used to do in the old days, before me, and colour tv, and all of those other wonderful things.
He had then started jumping up and down, looking as excited as a kid on his way to Disneyland before grabbing Jasper to help him pick a movie out of the giant case of home videos. They had picked one that looked to be at least a hundred years old and had quickly burned it onto a DVD with some sort of high tech piece of machinery slightly similar to the Homework machine I had designed in the second grade. Now they were snickering quietly to each other.
I wasn't sure that I wanted anything at all to do with what they were forcing me to watch. Edward had already confiscated the family scrapbook from them due to "ex-rated theme unsuitable for my innocent eyes", or something like that. Trying to escape from two vampires, however, one the size of a bear and one an ex military strategist, was anything but easy.
Jasper came to sit lightly on the couch cushion next to mine and smiled at me good naturely. Soon I felt myself heating up and feeling much more enthusiastic about about our quality time. No doubt this was due to Jasper's influence in response to my uneasiness earlier.
"Here we go!" Emmett cried out, similar to what you might hear someone yell when they were on a roller coaster and were going up the hill to the nearest drop. He then went to press the play button, hitting it with enough force to break through the remote, his finger sticking straight through from one side to the other.
I laughed and Emmett grinned at me sheepishly, shrugging his giant shoulders as if to say "Well, what are you gonna do about it?"
"Really Emmett," Jasper scolded, pulling a second remote out of a nearby drawer. "We're down to the last three remotes here. Try to be a little more careful, OK?"
"Well, Jasper, I'm sure Alice would be happy to go shopping for some new ones as soon as she gets home with the others."
"Emmett!" Jasper and I cried simultaneously. "Don't say the S-word! She's going to here you and come looking for us!"
Emmett laughed. "Come on guys, she's like a hundred million miles away in Canada right now. They're hunting for caribou and cougars, remember? There's no way that she could have possibly heard what I was say-"
"Hey guys, I'm home!" Alice came sprinting into the house and grabbed my arm. "I had a vision that someone wanted my to go shopping with them, so I rushed back ASAP."
She flopped down onto Jasper's lap and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry though, I saw what you were watching so I came alone."
Everyone else looked shell-shocked before I finally broke the silence. "So, Jasper." I began. "What else do you have in there?" I was curious to see what they had hidden in their living room. My fiance's family never failed to disappoint.
"Anything we need that could possibly get broken. Remote controls for the tv and stereos, controllers for the PS2, PS3, X box, Game Cube-"
"You don't have a Game Cube." I made a point of saying. Unless they were hiding it somewhere....
"That's because Emmett's excitable and we gave up after the third one." Alice answered my question. "Super Mario Smash Brothers isn't really supposed to be smashed."
Emmett growled menacingly from the arm chair and Jasper shrugged at his wife.
"Let's just watch the movie." I realized that we had deviated quite a bit from our initial purpose of coming into the living room in the first place.
Jasper clicked the play button more gently this time.
The first things that I noticed were that the quality off the movie was bad, it was in black and white, and that there was no sound.
The second thing that I noticed was that Carlisle was in tights in what seemed to be a very large, and slightly dark room. Two things that slightly resembled pom poms were held loosely in his hands.
"When was this taken?" I blurted out, clearly confused.
"Ummm.... I'm not sure." Emmett admitted through his laughter as Carlisle kicked up one of his legs and made a "V" shape with his arms.
I was surprised with how good he was, even though I shouldn't have been. I couldn't help but imagine what the nurses at Fork's hospital would say to this little display, and the clothes that he was, or was not wearing. If Carlisle wasn't like a father to me, and he didn't look so funny in those tights, I could almost picture myself having the same response that I was sure they would have.
Jasper laughed again, no doubt in response to my emotions and I turned back to the screen as quickly as I could without spilling my frost beverage in hopes that I could hide my blush. Carlisle was now doing the worm across a balance beam... Or was that a ceiling beam? I didn't know. With the Cullens you never could tell. Apparently Carlisle wasn't exempt from that rule.
"Wow." I breathed.
"Yeah," Alice began. "I'm pretty sure that this was taken back when cheer leading was just starting to become popular. Back then only guys were allowed to participate."
"What year?" I asked, perplexed. I guess I had assumed that women had always reined in the cheer leading department.
"Hmmm.... 1895, maybe. Perhaps a decade or so later."
"They had video cameras back then?" Emmett looked as lost as I felt.
"The Volturi had just designed them, I think." Of course Jasper would know all about the Volturi's influence on the world. "I think Carlisle was taped as one of their test subjects during a trip there."
"The tape just said, 'Carlisle, the Early Days'." Emmett responded. "I didn't recognize the handwriting, so it must have been Aro's."
"Yep." This time it was Alice that spoke. "This is definitely the earliest record of him that we have here. I doubt he even knows that it exists. Video cameras weren't released to the public until about 1956, and even then only professionals were allowed to have them. They were way to expensive for anyone who wasn't rich and didn't have a passion for film making."
"Our Dad." Emmett was choking on air now, he was laughing so hard.
I chuckled too and turned back to the tv where a second figure had joined Carlisle on stage.
The two were performing an intricate series of back flips across the floor at a more human speed. They crossed each other every other landing and the new comer's white hair created a long blank spot on the screen.
"Is that Aro?!" I screamed out suddenly.
"It would appear so." The three vampires beside me all looked paler than usual. It wasn't everyday that you witnessed secondhand an all powerful vampire lord with paper-like skin in a leotard performing a cheer leading routine with the man that you considered your second father.
The two figures were now finishing up. They cartwheeled simultaneously, never missing a beat, from opposite ends of the room to meet in the centre of the camera. They were both on their hands, their legs spread apart to form two identical "V"s for Volterra or Volturi, or something along those lines.
Jane was sitting in the corner, making faces at them with a scowling face.
That made me loose it. It was impossible to ignore the sudden need to laugh, especially with the three vampires around me all but shaking me off of the couch with their own laughter.
I was still laughing, gulping for air, my milkshake at my feet with it's remaining contents spilled across the white floor when I heard a loud snap. Emmett was holding the left arm of his chair up and it was quickly crumbling to pieces under his heavy laughter.
"So, Bella," Jasper was still choking back chuckles. "Are you glad that you came to spend some time with us today?"
"OH yeah!" I was trying not to choke. "Now my only question is; just what do you have on Edward?"
"Ha! Bell's, you should see that scrapbook!"
A/N (again): So there it is, I never really went over it and revised it properly because I didn't get a proper chance and now I'm kind of bored with it so bear with me. And yes, I do know that cheer leading and gymnastics are not the same thing but cheer leading is made up of basic components of dance, and gymnastics anyway, right? I also couldn't find any references of what a uniform would have looked like back then so I stuck with what I knew from again, dance and gymnastics.
Please remember to R&R!