Title: The Journal of a Widowed Mother

Rating: G

Author: MacGateFan

Disclaimers: All characters are property of Paramount Pictures.

Notes: While I have written Voyager fanfics, this is my first time writing Kirk and the gang. I have not seen much of the Original Series so this is definitely from the movie. Please let me know what you think! :)

1 Year Later

Our boys are growing up, George, and I wish very much that you were here to see it. Sam just started kindergarten and the teachers talk about how bright he is. James is wild, but he is such an amazing little boy. I gave him your father's name too because I couldn't bear not having a part of you with him always.

5 Years Later

Sam is still doing well. The teachers are so impressed with his work that they're thinking of moving him up a grade. I believe it will be better for him. James is becoming uncontrollable. His in kindergarten now and was already almost expelled for bad behavior. I have decided to work in the shipyard so I'm closer to home. I need to try and be there more for our boys.

Also, George, I've met someone. His name is Frank and while I tried hard not to fall in love, I couldn't help it. I know you just want us to be happy but sometimes I feel as if I'm betraying you. I love you, George, never forget that!

12 Years Later

I married Frank this past year and we are very happy together. Sam is going to be applying to the Academy this year. While a part of me is worried sick about our son sharing your fate, I am very proud of him.

As for James… I just don't know what to do about him. He has a rebellious streak a mile long. Frank and I have tried everything, but nothing seems to work. Last week he drove Frank's sports car right off a cliff. It's a wonder he wasn't injured or killed!

James later told me that he resented Frank and that's why he stole the car. He misses you terribly and doesn't understand why you had to leave him. I know this isn't your fault, but it's difficult when James comes home crying after the children in his class talk about going camping with their fathers. He is invited but he won't go with Frank.

With Sam leaving for the Academy soon, I'm afraid at how much more reckless James is going to become.

15 Years Later

Sam is getting married this fall to a wonderful woman named Aurlean. He is on the fast track in engineering and I wouldn't be surprised if he became a chief engineer on a starship one day.

And yes, that does scare me, George. I love my children but to think of them losing their lives the same way you did… I know I have to let them go, but it's still a frightening prospect.

James was arrested for underage drinking and vandalism along with a few of his friends. While most mothers would give up on their sons by now, I just can't and thankfully neither can Frank. He is very patient with James, more than I am.

George, our James is so smart! I just wish he would use his brains for something other than stealing, drinking, and getting laid.

22 Years Later

We're grandparents, George! Sam and Aurlean had a daughter two nights ago. Her name is Angel and she's beautiful. I was speaking to them late last evening when the most amazing thing happened. Once I ended the call, seeing our bruised and battered younger son enter the house, I could see determination in his eyes.

"James?" I ask. "Are you all right, sweetheart?"

He nods. "Mom, I'm going to enlist in Starfleet. The shuttle leaves tomorrow morning."

I stare at him completely stunned and finally my voice came back to me, "What made you change your mind? Frank and I have been trying to convince for the past few years."

"I heard a whistle."

To this day I'm not sure what that meant and while I was afraid for him, like I was afraid for Sam, I have never seen him more happy or determined about anything in his entire life. George, I know he's going to make something of this one day!

25 Years Later

Talk about giving your mother a heart attack! When I heard about what happened to Vulcan, I somehow knew that James would end up in the thick of it. It's in his nature. When I was sent word that his mission was completed at that the Enterprise was limping back home, I immediately acquired time off because I wanted, no I needed to see our baby boy.

I wasn't privy to the exact nature of his mission until I arrived at the Academy a few hours before he was due to return. It didn't matter to me that he stowaway on that ship, what mattered was that our son was alive, George!

I am so proud of him and I know you would have been too. I cry as he comes into view, the whole of Starfleet cheering James and the crew of the Enterprise. He looks a bit camera shy, which is unusual for him, but I'm not surprised. I know James loves attention, but he can be a very modest young man.

I am waiting for James and the rest of the senior staff to arrive in the lounge where I and the other families are pacing in anticipation. When the door opens, tears well in my eyes when I see James standing there looking just like you, George. He's so handsome despite his tired appearance.

James makes his way to me, ignoring everything around him, and soon I'm wrapped in his wonderful arms. "Oh, my baby," I whisper, crying as I kiss his cheek. I see that he's crying as well and he looks ready to fall over so I lead him to one of the couches, away from everyone else.

"I'm all right, Mom," he says, but I can tell in his eyes that he's in pain… emotional and physical.

I look around the room. "Where's your friend? Dr. McCoy, was it?" Before James could say a word, I spot the physician, who was speaking animatedly with a little girl. "Excuse me, Doctor?"

Dr. McCoy turns, smiling. "You must be Winona Kirk, very pleased to meet you," he replies.

"And you, Doctor," I say. "I hate to interrupt you reunion, but I was wondering if you look over James. I'm pretty certain he hid some injuries from you."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Daddy, is Uncle Jim hurt again?" The little girl asks concern etched on her face.

"Seems like it, Jojo. Wanna come with me to check him over?"

Nodding happily, the pair follows me over to James, who was now lying back and seemed to be sleeping. I watch in fascination as Dr. McCoy whips a hypospray out of nowhere and places it on James' neck.

"Bones!" James exclaims which causes Jojo to crack up with laughter. He looks down at her. "What's so funny, Jo?" he asks allowing the girl to climb onto his lap.

Watching James interact with these two is unbelievable, George. I am so grateful for Dr. McCoy and little Jo. And our son is amazing as I will found out while the two of us were sitting alone in our temporary quarters at the Academy.

It seems with the backing of Admiral Pike as well as his crew; James is to become Captain of the USS Enterprise. An honor I know he deserves. He's very emotional though as he tells me about Nero and I don't blame him since he is the Romulan who took you away from us.

James looks at me expectantly once he's finished and he has the same expression on his face from when he was little and uncertain. "Do you think dad's proud of me?" he finally asks.

I smile, kissing him softly on the forehead. "Your father is definitely proud of you, James, and so am I."

25 Years and 2 Months Later

The USS Enterprise is officially leaving for their first mission today. I am very nervous and scared for James, but I know he'll be all right, George, because you'll be there to guide him and watch over him.