Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I wish I owned Sakura and Ino however.

AN: This story is set in a version of the Naruto universe that begins to diverge with events during the Invasion of Konoha. The details of these divergent points will be explained as the story continues.

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Naruto: The Rebirth of the Ero Sennin

Prologue: The Return

It was a bright sunny day when Naruto and Jiraiya returned to Konoha. The pair had been gone for almost six years, traveling the world and training while doing so. They had had a few run ins with Akatsuki over the years, and while Jiraiya's reports had assured Tsunade that they had handled it and that Akatsuki was no longer a threat, the blond Sannin-turned-Hokage was still feeling anxious. She had been sitting down to her afternoon sake when the bottle suddenly cracked and shattered, spilling sake all over her desk. However, the sake had miraculously soaked the latest pile of paper work from the Council, while leaving the rest of her desk high and dry. Then an ANBU had arrived with a pile of letters for her. Most of them were from debt collectors, but what they said surprised her. Apparently her debts had ALL been paid in full, every single one of them. It was the last letter, and the last piece of good luck, that cinched it for her. Even as she read the words telling her that she had just won six hundred million ryo from a mail-in drawing she began to shake in fear.

Something absolutely horrendous was about to happen.

Meanwhile, at Konoha's main gates, a pair of travelers had just come into view of the gate guards. This particular pair of guards were career chunin, not from any particular lack of ability but rather because they were simply to lazy to try for jounin. One of them lazily waved the pair of approaching travelers over to check their papers, not really looking at their faces as he quickly confirmed the authenticity of their travel papers and handed them back, before returning to the game of Go he had been playing with his co-guard. Said co-guard hadn't even looked up from the orange covered book he had been reading, not even when the travelers commented on it.

"Good series. Which one are you reading?" The younger of the pair had asked. His voice sounded like he was in his late teens to early twenties, and carried an air of elegance mixed with rakishness.

"Icha Icha Revolution, Volume II." The preoccupied guard had replied.

The young traveler chuckled.

"Yup, that's a good one alright. Tell me, do you like the series better now that a new writer took over with Icha Icha Revolution, Volume I, or do you prefer the older Icha Icha Paradise, Violence, and Tactics books?" He asked.

"Personally I like the new style. The sex isn't quite as gratuitous, but the stories feel more real. You can actually imagine them happening to someone in real life now." The lazy quard replieed as he turned the page.

The young traveler nodded and walked through the gates into Konoha dragging his older companion along by the ear. The lazy guard didn't even hear the young traveler telling the older one to pay up.

The two guards' replacements arrived mere moments later. As Izumo stretched and packed up his game board the two new guards walked over to Izumo with awe on their faces.

"Tell me you got his signature!" Inuzuka Kiba crowed excitedly as Kotetsu pocketed his book. The career chunin looked at the Inuzuka with confusion evident on his face.

"Who's signature?" He asked looking between the excited face of Inuzuka Kiba and the more stoic face of Aburame Shiba, an older cousin of Kiba's old teammate Shino.

"HIS man! The greek god of sex and love himself! The slayer of women! The new author of Icha Icha himself! That was him you just let through the gates!" Kiba yelled back.

Izumo blanched.

"Y-you mean I just let him through the gates, and I didn't get his signature?"Kotetsu stuttered.

The lazy chunin spun to look through the gates but there was no sign of the two travelers.

"Nooo!!!" Kotetsu cried as he dropped to his knees in despair.

The book he had been reading dislodged from his pocket and landed on the ground with the front cover up. Beneath the title was a stylized picture of a young blond man making out with a woman with long fiery red hair. Beneath that the name of the author glittered in gold ink.

Namikaze Naruto.

AN: And here you go patient readers, the prologue of Rebirth of the Ero Sennin. This story was chosen from my poll by you readers, and this is your reward. Chapter 1 is currently be written alongside chapters for several other projects, but is likely to be one of the first completed. Stay tuned to see just what form the reborn Ero Sennin is taking.