This is my 2nd story so give me a little leniency if/when you review it.
P.S. When Soifon talks, it'll be baby-talk; when she's thinking, she'll be articulate again.
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership to Bleach in any way, shape, or form.
Daddy's Little Girl: Chapter 1
Forest of Seireitei…
Captain Soifon of Squad 2 was out Flash Step training. She'd set up targets at various spots in the trees and timed herself to see if she was improving her speed by trying to hit the bull's eye with her Suzumebachi and leaving her Homonka. The tricky part was that the targets were designed to teleport to a different location once one round was completed. So far she was able to hit all 50 targets in 37 seconds; but being the perfectionist she was, she kept trying again and again to be faster.
'I have to be better,' she thought, panting slightly, 'I must show Lady Yoruichi that I can be--' before she could finish her thought…
"NEMU!!! HURRY UP, YOU USELESS SACK OF BONES!!!"
Frustrated at the interruption, Soifon Flash Stepped to give Captain Kurotsuchi and his assistant/lieutenant/daughter a piece of her mind. However, when she got to the clearing where they were in, she was met with an explosion and dosed in unknown liquids.
"Be careful, you idiot!" Kurotsuchi yelled in her face, shaking Nemu by her hair. "Who knows what could have happened if those chemicals had hit someone, especially me?!" Before he could continue with his rant however, a child's voice broke the pause.
"Ya mean wike it did ta me, dumbass?" Turning to look down, both Kurotsuchi's saw a little, 4 year old girl with dark hair tied up into two braids ending with gold rings and draped in clothes that were too big for her, frowning and with her arms crossed, though the effect was ruined with the large flowing sleeves of her haori completely covering her arms.
"How strange," Nemu said, cocking her head in confusion. "That child looks very similar to Captain Soifon."
"I am Soifon, so fix me now bafore I get angwy!"
"I'm sorry Soifon, but I'm afraid there is little that can be done to fix this situation at this time since you technically aren't injured," Captain Unohana said after she had completed her examination, looking at the newly mini captain. Thankfully, they were able to borrow some of Yachiru's clothes (though Zaraki couldn't stop laughing for a good 5 minutes before he agreed to the request). "At least, not with what we have here in the medical ward."
"Well, who am I supposed ta go to den?!" Soifon complained in her new baby voice. " 'Cause I wefuse ta go da nut who did dis ta me in da first pwace!" she said with a pout. This made Unohana smile; after all, how many times has anyone ever seen a Commander of the Stealth Force act like a real child?
"There is one other person who could probably be able to help you go back to normal, Soifon," she said peacefully, "That is, if you're willing to do anything to end this within the week." hearing this made Soifon's eyes go wide with hope.
"Who is it, Unohana? Who da ya tink--?" but then, she figured out who they were discussing and her face dropped. "Ya kiddin', wight?"
"Unfortunately, not. I'll go tell the Head-Captain to open a senkaimon and to give Kisuke Urahara a fair warning that you're coming. Now, I'm trusting you to behave, so be good." With that, she left the room, leaving Soifon alone with her thoughts.
'Only two things are certain with this outcome: I'll get to see Lady Yoruichi and Kisuke will never let me live this down.'
Urahara Shop, 15 minutes later…
"We-well," stuttered Urahara, waving his fan in front of his face with a big grin on his face, barely containing his laughter, "This is d-definitely something ne-new for ya, isn't it C-C-Captain Soifon?"
"Don't you patwonithe me, Uwahawa; I know yer enjoying this!" she growled. Her gigai, dressed in a yellow-and-black striped T-shirt under a pair of blue jean overalls, was as small and baby-looking as she was in her spirit form.
"Oh come on Kisuke, be nice to her," Yoruichi chastised as she wiggled the tip of Soifon's nose with her index finger. "We both know she looks absolutely adorable." This made Soifon's cheeks start to go a light pink color. Thankfully for her, Tessai came in with a piece of paper in one hand and a tray of teacups, teapot and a juice box in the other.
"Kisuke, the blood work is finished," he said, placing the tray on the table in the middle of the room and handing the papers to Urahara. Turning to Soifon, he put the juice box in front of her. "Drink up, Captain Soifon. A growing girl needs her vitamins."
"Will somebody tell me how wong I'm stuck wike dis?!" After this shout, everyone went quiet, though Yoruichi and Urahara were still sporting smiles.
"Well Soifon," Urahara said seriously, "From what I can tell of the chemicals that Mayuri used, there's good news and bad news. The good news is" he said happily, waving a sign that read 'GOOD FOR YOU!', "The effects from these chemicals are not permanent, so you're gonna be back to normal within the next couple of days!"
"And da bad news?" she said cautiously. Soifon knew from their past that any bad news that came from Kisuke Urahara, you knew there wasn't a storm coming; it was a hurricane.
"The bad news is that, since the chemicals seem to only be reversing themselves while you're here in the Living World and we're going to be busy until you're back to your normal self, you're gonna need a babysitter," he said solemnly, his hat covering his eyes. Soifon just sat there before looking over at Yoruichi and Tessai to check that this was a joke. The look the older woman and the gigantic man had plainly said there was no joke.
"I JUS GET HERE AN YA ALWEADY GETTIN' WID O' ME?!?!" she screamed in disbelief, slamming her tiny hands on the table and making the teacups shake.
"Relax Soifon," Yoruichi said, laying a calming hand on the smaller girl's head. "We trust this one very much and we know he'll take very good care of you until you're better." However, Soifon only heard one word out of the whole sentence.
'"He?" Who is this "He" person?' Before she could open her mouth to ask the question out loud, there was a knock on the door before a preteen boy with bright red hair and an angry expression on his face opened it.
"Hey Mr. Kisuke," Jinta said lazily, "Spiky head's here for Captain Brat." Hearing the word 'brat', Soifon fixed a deadly glare at Jinta, who in turn pulled down his lower eyelid and stuck his tongue out at her. While he was busy with this, a teenager with orange hair walked up behind him, his hand scratching his head in confusion.
"All right, Mr. Hat-and-Clogs, Yoruichi," said Ichigo Kurosaki, the substitute Soul Reaper of Karakura Town. "Now what's so urgent that I needed to come over here right away?" Then, he noticed the little girl in front of him. For a few moments, they stared at each other, neither blinking and then…
"Since when did you two have a kid?" he said pointing at Soifon while looking at Kisuke and Yoruichi. Everyone else in the room fell over in shock at this. "What?" he added with a confused look. "What'd I say?"
"So let me get this straight," Ichigo said with his eyes closed and his arms crossed in a thinking position. "Because of an accident in the Soul Society, Captain Soifon here is now a toddler." Urahara nodded at this.
"And she'll only get back to normal as long as she stays here in the Human World," he continued slowly. This time, Yoruichi nodded in response to his question.
"And instead of being responsible adults and taking care of her, you called me here so that I can babysit her," he finished before opening his eyes and looking at everyone in front of him.
"You got it!" Urahara said cheerfully, his fan open and a grin on his face…until Ichigo threw the table and hit him in the head, knocking him on his back.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!?!" he hollered, his face contorted in rage.
'You know, I'm starting to feel like I could get along with him,' Soifon thought.
"OUT OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW, WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE STICKING HER ON ME?!?!"
'Then again, maybe not.'
"Ichigo," Yoruichi intervened, "I'll admit, it's not fair but honestly, who else is there with your experience with handling kids? Look at your sisters."
"What about Orihime? She loves kids," he argued.
"Yes, but the only people who like her cooking are Rangiku Matsumoto and Tessai here," came her counter-argument, "You don't want lil Soifon to get food poisoning, do you Ichigo?"
"Why 'm I bein' used as a guilt twip?" Soifon muttered.
"There's Chad, he loves cute things so a kid will be no problem."
"Except there might be some people who might mistake him for a kidnapper if they saw a big, muscle-y guy like him carrying a little girl," Urahara added his own opinion.
"He's an only child who lives alone and although Rukia is 150 years old, she's completely hopeless with how to do deal with kids."
'Okay, I'm ending this right now, if only to stop the fighting.' And Soifon put on the saddest look on her face and looked over at Ichigo. " 'm I weawy so bad dat you don't want me?" To complete the look, she secretly pinched herself so that her eyes started to well up. After all, you didn't get to be the Commander of the Stealth Force just by being a skilled assassin; you also had to be a master at acting when you were in disguise.
Looking over at the little girl he was supposed to be in charge of, he saw her looking at him with big eyes that looked like they were about to spill over with tears. Her lower lip was trembling and her hands held together over her chest. The overall effect on Ichigo: he felt like a real jerk. 'Oh damn it. She's a way better actor than Rukia; guess it helps she looks like Yuzu did when she was 4.'
"All right, I'll do it," he said, hanging his head in defeat; he could just feel the victorious smiles that Yoruichi and Urahara were wearing. "Just tell me how long it'll be before she's back to normal."
"Oh, don't worry about that," Urahara said casually, waving himself with his fan, "Her gigai is specially designed so that when her spirit form returns to normal, it'll become an adult form as well."
"W-wait, what if a hollow shows up?"
"We're gonna tell Rukia and the others about this; heck, we'll even join in if need be."
"But what about her clothes? If her body grows then…" he didn't even finish his thought; his face went red in embarrassment though.
"Oh don't worry, they'll grow alongside the gigai. Now, you two go on and have fun now." Without giving Ichigo a chance to change his mind, Urahara tossed Soifon into Ichigo's arms and shoved them both out the front door.
"Actually, Kisuke, there's a bit of a problem with the clothing that Soifon's gigai is wearing," Tessai said, turning to his employer.
"Oh? And what problem would that be?"
'Okay,' Ichigo thought as he walked down the sidewalk, holding Soifon's little hand in his own. 'Where am I supposed to take her? I've got no clue what she'd like to do.'
Turning to look at her, he opened his mouth to speak but was cut off. "Before ya stawt sayin' anytin', 'm gonna make it known dat neither of us wants to be in dis situation; I only went wit you 'cause I know dat Kisuke would never stop making fun of me. So don' twy anythin' wit me, ya a--" her mouth got covered by his hand before he looked around before turning back to look at her.
"First off, little kids here don't say stuff like that and second, OUCH!!" he hissed, the latter because she bit his palm, making him remove his hand before using it to point between her eyes. "You do not do that ever. Now, until you grow up again, you're gonna have to pretend to be a 4 year old."
"Well, I don' know how ta do dat," she said, crossing her arms and looking at him crossly. "So yer gonna need ta teach me how to."
Ichigo sighed heavily, scratching the back of his head. "Well to begin with, if someone you don't know talks to you, you gotta act shy; you know, hide behind my leg until you know them better. You with me so far?" She just cocked an eyebrow at him as if to say, 'Do I look like an idiot?' "Next, if someone asks you your age, don't just say your age, or in this case the age you're supposed to be, you holdup your hands like this," he stopped to hold his hands up, the left with jut his index finger extended and his right held the ring, index and middle finger extended, "and say, 'I'm this many!'"
"Why?" Soifon asked, really not getting the point of what he was doing.
"Because people think it's cute when little kids do that; don't know why, it's just one of those things." Unconvinced, Soifon just shrugged and started to walk off before she felt herself being picked up by the underarms and lifted up into Ichigo's arms.
"HEY!!!" she cried. "I can walk by myself!"
"Another thing about kids is they like being carried by grown ups," he explained, placing her head on his shoulder. "We're like moving pillows to them. So just lie down and enjoy the ride, OK?"
Soifon pouted, but shifted around until her head was comfortable and started to drift off. 'If this is how I'm going have to live until I'm normal, I guess I had better get used to this. I wonder how he would take it if I told him he was a really comfy moving pillow. Wait where'd that come from?'
This is a late Father's Day thing I thought up. I hope you all like what I've started, cause next time, Ichigo's gonna face a new problem: his family meeting his new little girl. See ya, and be on the look out for my other story, "Shadows Are Rising."