Play House Epilogue

By PaBurke

Spoilers: All of Pretender, Season 2 of House (that's all that's on DVD.), the thirty chapters of the "Play House' storyline.

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine and no money is being made.

Distribution: The Nook

Rating/Warnings: PG-15 for language and sexual insinuation, if you shouldn't be watching House, you shouldn't be reading this. This one is definitely grosser than the rest of the series I wrote. I have a really morbid sense of humor sometimes. (You probably shouldn't be eating anything while reading this.) My beta thinks that I should included a stronger 'Squick' warning, but I was mostly vague.

Word Count: 550


"House!" Cuddy stomped into the diagnostic office in full fury. She was mad as hell, dressed to kill and she had her crosshairs focused on Doctor Gregory House.

It was quite sexy.

House had to grin as he responded to her. "Yes?"

"You said that the Christmas caterers were excellent."

"I grudgingly admitted that the food was above average," House argued.

Cuddy reached over and grabbed his sleeve and dragged him to his feet. She offered his cane and didn't give him any choice but to follow along. "I assumed that meant that the food was really good, so I hired them."

House schooled his features into something bland. "You hired them again?" How did she even get in touch with them? The boys were still supposed to be hiding in Brazil, vainly doing good and fighting corruption.

"For the fundraiser tonight, which you were already supposed to be attending."

If he had known that Cuddy had hired his nephew and grand-nephew for the food, he would have shown up earlier. Obviously the Jarods had avoided being seen by any of the staff or Cuddy would have mentioned that. They must have considered Cuddy's job too good to pass up, no matter the risks. What had they done to get her dander up?

Cuddy stopped at the dinning hall entrance and shoved House toward the food.

Or what was supposed to be the food. An adult Caucasian male, opened for autopsy, lay there. Even the top of his head was sawed off so that the doctors could see the grey matter inside. Dr. Lane, the hospital's night coroner, poked inside the opened chest with a toothpick and stabbed something. He brought it to his mouth and ate it.

Then he grinned. "Tofu," Lane announced.

House burst out laughing.

The Jarods had created an edible corpse!

Dr. Lane had added himself to the few doctors that House grudgingly liked. Other doctors were hovered around the 'food' and poking and awing about the artistry that had created it, but few were actually trying out the parts of the body.

"You didn't know," Cuddy realized.

House ignored her and limped to the side of the 'corpse.' He pushed his way through the crowd and it obligingly parted for him. He shared a grin with Dr. Lane and picked up a toothpick. He poked at the (very realistic) eye, but the pick slid to the side. House tapped it a couple times. Then he pried the eye out (it was attached with some realistic type of blood vessels and nerves) and popped it into his mouth.

"Well?" asked Lane.

"Hard candy. Peppermint."

"Well, they are green eyes," murmured an intern.

House laughed again. He looked around. Most of the Big Bucks People were on the other side of the room, eating the 'normal' food and blatantly ignoring the 'dead body.'

House knew where he was staying for the rest of the night. Wilson showed up at his elbow and shook his head. "If I didn't know that they were related to you before," he whispered. "I'd most certainly know now."

House cut a piece of brain out and popped it into his mouth. Some sort of seasoned and moist rice cake, he guessed. It still tasted good. "My family is the greatest," House bragged.