Car Wash

A Transformers Fanfiction

By Hibana

Set in the Movieverse, between the first and second films. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or any other snippet of dialogue from movies or the radio.


Sam whistled as he walked out to his garage one Saturday morning, the keys in his hands (not that he needed them, with Bee being able to drive himself and all, but it felt cool to have them). He pulled up the garage door.

"Morning Bee! Whoa!" he stopped short, looking at his car and Autobot friend.

Bumblebee was absolutely filthy, covered in streaks and splashes of mud. Apparently that joy ride last night in the dark, going over 100 miles an hour down empty dirt roads, hadn't been such a good thing for Bee.

"Dude, you need to be washed," he told the car, setting his keys down on a shelf.

"Wash?" said Bee, picking up that word from some unidentified source.

"Yeah, you know, like a bath. I wash all the dirt off of you, get you all shiny. I mean, I can't let you go out like this. I got a reputation to maintain." Sam started rummaging through the garage for the cleaning stuff. "Go on, get in the driveway, I'll be there in a sec."

Bumblebee rolled forward, curious to know what the human was going to do. Sam emerged a few minutes later with a bucket, towels, and some bottles of liquid. Then he grabbed the hose and turned it on, spraying Bee all other. Bee made some indignant clicks. "Sorry, man, you gotta get wet first."

Then Sam put soap on the sponge and approached Bee. "All right, here we go! Operation Clean Autobot." He started scrubbing at the car with the sponge.

But Bee had other ideas. His back tires started to squeal as he whirled away from Sam. "Whoa whoa! Bee! What're you doing!" He chased after the car, which did wheelies in the driveway as Sam, starting to laugh despite himself, chased after him.

It quickly became a game, with Sam having to leap on top of the car's hood just to get him with the sponge or dive for the side.

Finally Sam sat down in the driveway, exhausted. "Whew. That was more exercise than I needed." He leaned his head back. "Whew!"

Bee edged forward, bumping him gently with his bumper. "Oh, what, you sorry now for making me run? Well, I got something to say to you about that." He grabbed the hose behind him and sprayed the car in the grill.

Bumblebee wheeled back, shocked, and Sam got to his feet, grinning. He advanced on his defenseless prey which was backing up towards the garage, where he would then be trapped with nowhere to go. Sam, laughing, shouted, "Not so tough now, are you?"

Which, in retrospect, was never a good idea to say to one's sentient robot car. Bumblebee declared all out war as Sam approached the passenger side door, spraying the soap off. However, Bee suddenly opened it so that the water bounced off the car and splashed all over Sam. "Hey!" Sam backed up and away, but Bee got him in the side with the water spraying out from the windshield wiper jets.

Then the two of them were racing round and round in the driveway, Sam taking cover behind bushes, Bumblebee getting clever and rolling on top of the hose so that Sam's ammunition ran out, and then Sam running for it as Bumblebee chased him. Before long Sam was soaking wet and Bumblebee was clean.

A few neighbors walking by with strollers stopped and stared. Sam, water and soap dripping off of him, looked over at them, and then pointed at the car. "My, uh, friend's in there. He's a real comedian."

The ladies looked at each other, shook their heads, and went on.

"That was too close, Bee, too close! You gotta be more careful."

"Me? What about you?" Came a female voice, borrowed from a movie that Sam had seen before but couldn't quite remember.

"Hey, I'm just a boy washing his car. You're the alien robot in disguise," he told the yellow Camaro, wringing the water out of his shirt and then getting out the wax and the rag.

"Okay, check this out, Bee. There's a method to this. Wax on, wax off. You polish like this—I got it from this movie I saw when I was a kid."

"Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off." Came Mr. Miyagi's voice.

"Hey, you know about The Karate Kid? That was Mister Miyagi!"

"Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off," Bee repeated the voice over and over like a chant.

"I get it, I get it! Jeez, I wished I hadn't said anything."

"You missed a spot," came a different man's voice, probably pilfered from some movie or TV show.

"Hey!" Sam exclaimed. "I did not."

"Yes you did."

"Did not—hey, why I am arguing about this? And you shouldn't be giving me any lip, I don't have to be doing this.

"I got a reputation to maintain," came Sam's own voice out of the radio.

Sam dropped the rag. "Okay, that's not cool, not cool at all, Bee."

"Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off."

"All right, all right! Just to get you to stop."

Bee sent a message later on that day to the other Autobots who were working at the NEST base. It read, "Sam washed, waxed, and polished me!"

Ironhide, who had had to deal with Bumblebee as a youngling and remembered those horrible times trying to get the young Bee to sit still to do that very service, did the Transformer equivalent of rolling his eyes.


The bit about Ironhide and Bumblebee's relationship (and about baby Bumblebee and bathtime) is from Karategal's wonderful stories! Check it out!