Disclaimer: Don't own the characters.
AN: Set in Season four some time after the tag duel. Asuka thinks about her feelings for Juudai and why she didn't talk at that perfect moment. Actually, I wrote this ages ago and never meant to upload it, but I was in a discussion and thought about it again, so in the end, I did upload... obviously. So, anyway, enjoy.
It was the perfect moment to say the words.
Three meaningful words.
I love you.
I could have said it right then before you left – the atmosphere was so perfect… The stars, a slight breeze, our talk of old times…
Can it be that I only noticed during the duel? How could I have been so blind?
It hurt to see you hiding from anyone… it hurt more to be ignored. I thought it was my pride, after all I am the queen of Obelisk Blue – certainly nobody that you could just ignore like that. Certainly nobody that would just accept being ignored like that! And certainly nobody that could be replaced with some self-centered fangirl!
I was always too serious, wasn't I?
Maybe that is one of the reasons why I'm unable to imagine being with you… or being your girlfriend…
I don't think I could do it. You are like the wind, appearing and leaving whenever you please, racing through all of our lives, turning them upside down… but never staying.
I need security. If you are the wind, then I'm earth – strong and calm, hardly changing, but reliable…
I knew that you didn't love me. It was obvious from the start that you never even thought of things like that. Maybe because you couldn't take the responsibility. You need freedom, any relationship would be like a cage for you.
But still, this evening was the perfect moment to confess my feelings for you.
However… what good would it have done? Do I really need to hear you say what I already know? That I am one of your closest friends? That you can't return my feelings?
I don't even think it would have hurt… after all, I had figured it out on my own already. I would have accepted it and we would have been friends like before.
But what about you? Would you be able to go back to normal that easily? Or would you feel guilty for making me miserable? Not that I'd be miserable, but would you know?
At that perfect moment, I understood.
Telling you wouldn't make me any more happy or sad or anything. To me, nothing would change. But I can't risk you to feel guilty. I don't want to risk that our friendship weakens because you don't know how to act around me.
That's why I kept silent, and that's why I'll never tell you.
I love you.
Three meaningless words.
It was the perfect moment to keep quiet.