Title: A Fair Transaction

Rating: T

Summary: Dick with a hooker? Shocker! … One-shot

Spoilers: None really, but it's better if you have seen all three seasons.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


Dick practically ran into the bedroom, shedding his shoes and shirt along the way. He left his pants on, though. Let her unwrap the prize, he thought with a salacious grin.

He then sat down on the edge of his bed, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

A moment later, she was standing in the doorway. She wore a shirt so low that he could see the lace of her red bra peeking out. Her skirt was so short that he had to tightly grip the corners of the bed so that he would not pounce on her right then and there.

She sashayed toward him on six inch heels.

"Do you like what you see?" she asked as she straddled his lap.

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak, while her hands slowly caressed their way down his abs and finally stopped at his pants. She undid the button and was just about to unzip, when he stilled her hands with his own.

"Wait," he commanded. "Dance for me."

"Why?" she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"I want you to strip first. You know, do a sexy little number right there," he said, pointing to a space in front of the bed.

"I'm not a stripper," she reminded him, flipping her shiny hair behind her back indignantly as she pushed away from him.

"Well…" He pulled her closer, with what he considered his sexiest smile, so that she was once again pressed up against his body. "Tonight you are."

"You know what? Forget it!," she snapped as she once again pushed him away and began to walk out of the room. "I'm done."

"You can't do that!" he cried petulantly. "You can't leave! We had a deal!"

"Deal's over," she flatly informed him.

"No," he argued. "You signed a contract! You swore that if I manage to have dinner with your parents without making any innuendos or saying 'That's what she said', you would do anything I wanted. And I did it, so now you have to do your part!"

"Dick," she said in a warning tone. A tone that he had learned to heed over the past year and a half as a warning that he was about to lose an argument. But he did not care, he was annoyed.

And horny.

Especially horny.

"C'mon," he pleaded. "It's dirty. It's kinky. It's fun."

"This is ridiculous," she muttered under her breath.

"It's my fantasy!" he defended.

She glared at him. "Your fantasy is to dress me up like a hooker so I can strip for you? And by the way, where did you get these clothes?"

He blankly stared at her for a moment, pausing because he could not comprehend why she was not having fun with this too. And, because he really could not remember where he got those clothes from. Probably some chick he slept with left it in his room back when he was still living at the Grand. Not that he was going to tell her that. "Please, Mac," was all he could muster.

"Idiot," she muttered as she shook her head and stormed out, probably to go change into the t-shirt and sweats she usually wore to sleep.

He watched her ass as she left and sighed. Even if he would be sleeping on the couch tonight, it had still been hot while it lasted.


A/N: So, yeah. That was short and there was not much point, but it entertained me. I hope you liked it. Please review.