AN: I was working on the final chapter of "I'll Tell No Lies" and then this started to flow out of my brain. It was supposed to be my attempt at a drabble, but I never know when to shut up and thus, I just kept going. I hope you enjoy it and it holds you over until I get the other chapter out. Please review and tell me what you think!
They celebrate every day they're together.
Each day is an unspoken anniversary of the miracle that no one saw coming.
It's wasn't supposed to be like this—especially not from them.
Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck.
It was decided long ago that they were not meant to be. She had his best friend, and he had any willing, blue-blooded female his inheritance could buy.
But then one night they found each other, really found each other. And for the first time in both their lives, they found something real. Together.
And now looking back years later, all the bullshit that they once put each other through is just a thing of the past. They have grown and evolved together.
To the world around them, they are happy.
But in secret, they are miserable. Terrified.
They are terrified because they know that everyone—strangers, friends, family, the world—is waiting for them to fail. For them to mess up, to destroy each other.
As she watches him loosen his tie with weary hands after another late night in the office, she is paralyzed with the fear that maybe tonight is the tonight he decided to cheat on her. She doesn't want to check his collar for lipstick or smell a perfume different from her own on his clothes, but she doesn't know if she can stop herself from doing so the moment he steps into the bathroom either.
He promised to be faithful and she believed him. She still does. But part of her will always be afraid that he'll resort back to his old ways. That maybe tonight was the night their life together would be over.
One day he'd wake up and realize that he was not husband material. He'd realize that he didn't want to be tied down to one woman and that even if he did, he would never settle for someone as ordinary as her. He was Chuck Bass, she reasoned, he could easily have any super model or royal heiress he wanted. It was just a matter of time.
As he brushed his teeth in the bathroom sink, he absently fondled her pink toothbrush in the glass where he kept his. He himself wondered when the day would come that that toothbrush would be gone—along with his wife and all of her possessions.
It was inevitable. As inevitable, in fact, as them getting together in the first place. They were too special, too beautiful, too self-involved, and far too fucked up to stay away from each other for long. They say opposites attract, but the truth was that nothing was more mesmerizing or alluring than finding someone who an equal in every single way like they had.
But they were not so much alike that certain differences were not glaringly apparent. Chuck was, for all intensive purposes, playing the role of husband quite well—in the eyes of the public at least. While he had been faithful to his wife in every sense of the word, he could not help but feel that he was punishing Blair by marrying her.
She was so much better than he'd ever be and it was just a matter of time before she realized that. He had always wanted her to be his and only his…and so, he made it happen. When they were younger and hopelessly, naively in love, it had been almost easy to convince Blair to marry him.
It almost felt like a crime for someone like him, with the past he had, to possess a woman like Blair. Their marriage certificate gave him the right to make love to her, to come home to her every night and spend time with her in a way no one else ever had. It was karma out of whack. He didn't deserve her. And yet…he had her.
A life with Blair was a perfect life.
But nothing so perfect could ever last forever. One day, someday soon, Chuck was convinced that Blair would wake up and realize that marrying him had been a terrible mistake. She'd shake herself out of her lovesick coma and come to her senses about him. The real him. A former womanizer was not the type of man a Waldorf should marry. He may have desperately wanted (and even at a time believed) that Blair belonged to him, but he's always understood that a politician or prince would have suited her so much more.
And so that day would come when she would leave him, for the simple fact that he was dirt and she was a goddess. They could pretend to be something other than they were, but in his heart he knew the truth.
And it terrified him.
"Chuck?" she called out, unsure. God, he hated to hear the uncertainty in her voice.
"I'll be right there" he called back, chancing one last glance at their toothbrushes before leaving the bathroom.
He froze in the doorway as he caught sight on his beautiful wife climbing into their bed, donning a light pink silk chemise. He leaned against the doorjamb, admiring the way it clung to her body as she pulled back the covers and slid in between them.
She caught him staring and suddenly felt self-conscious.
"What?" she laughed nervously.
"You're precious to me, you know that?" he said, admiration flowing out of him as he realized how true that statement was.
She smiled and his insecurities shattered.
"Come to bed" she beckoned, outstretching both hands towards him.
That was all the invitation he needed. Wordlessly, he crawled into her arms. Kissing her soundly, he slid in bed next to her and buried his face into her chest. He nuzzled at the swell of her breasts, feeling the silk tickle his mouth as he pressed soft kisses there.
Blair sighed contently. It was one of Chuck's all-time favorite sounds right up there with the sound of her laugh, her orgasms and when she tells him she loves him. In response, he held her even closer.
"How was your day?" she asked quietly, rubbing circles into his back with one hand while the other massaged his head lovingly.
She felt him shrug against her.
"Predictable. Uninspiring…" he said after a moment.
This isn't the life he wanted his wife surmised with dread.
"…Until I saw you just now and remembered why I get up in the morning and do what I do everyday" Chuck told her "Everything I do is because of you. And for you."
"Do you resent me for that?" she asked.
He considered this question as he slid his hand over her silk-clad stomach.
"How could I resent the one thing in my life that gives me meaning and purpose?"
Blair closed her eyes as she felt them well up with tears.
"You mean that, don't you?" she asked.
"I do" he responded without hesitation, just like on their wedding day.
I do. I do. I do.
"I love you so much" she whispered into his hair.
Chuck turned his head to look into her eyes and kissed her in response, telling her how much he loved her without saying a thing.
"Make love to me?" she whispered.
"With pleasure, Mrs. Bass" he smiled, leaning down to kiss her once again.
They kept their fears bottled up inside of themselves—put on masks during the days they spent apart for the world to see, only to take them off at night when their vulnerability was exposed to each other and each other alone. Simultaneously ostracized and fused together by their deep need for each other's love, they fantasized their worst nightmares during the day, only to be reassured by the intimate moments they shared each night.
They existed as two damaged souls, terrorized by their own insecurities that made them believe that no one would ever love them enough to stay. To love them forever. Until death do they part.
Forever was a long time.
One day, they were both convinced, the cruel world would come between them and their perfect union world cease to exist.
But tonight was not the night. Tonight, not even their darkest fears could touch them.
And so, they would celebrate.