TITLE: Of Cats and Tricks (And Twin Weasley Wheezes)

PAIRING: Fred/Hermione

TIMELINE/SPOILERS: Until last book (Hermione's job)

RATING: T, I think. Could be lower, but meh.

WARNING: The form is a little experimental. I've never tried all-dialogue before, and I hope it doesn't get too confusing (except the last part, it doesn't matter much who's talking)

DISCLAIMER: JK Rowling owns anything and everything within the Harry Potter universe. I'm not making a profit out of this, except maybe reviews and faves (if given).

Of Cats and Tricks (And Twin Weasley Wheezes)


"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"It's not funny."

"I wasn't laughing! We're not laughing, right, Harry?"

"I look horrible."

"Well… it's an interesting bit of magic; you had said so, yourself."

"I didn't want it on me! Honestly, what's so funny about having a tattoo of a cat moving all over your skin?!"

"Oh. It's disappeared under your—."

"Nice observation, Ron. Care to let Luna hear that?"


"I swear I am going to maim your brothers for slipping in that potion in my tea!"

"She's angry."

"She'll come off it."

"She said she'd maim us."

"She did admit it was really interesting when we were describing that invention to her."

"Of all the cups, Fred, why hers?"

"Sorry, mate, I meant to put it in Ron's, but he picked the wrong cup."

"How long d'you reckon till it wears off?"

"Well… it disappeared from yours after two hours, and three on mine. Two and a half?"


"What was that?"

"It sounded like her."

"There can't be a spell to take it off, can there?"

"The spell doesn't sound familiar, but I doubt it'll help."

"Err… she's in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, isn't she?"

"Oh. D'you reckon we should hide somewhere else? I'm thinking she'd find us here in—"

"She's tearing the whole place apart! This is madness! What else is it going to turn her in to?!"

"Oh, sure, shout your lungs out, Ron."

"Yeah. We haven't been hiding in the cellar so an angry witch wouldn't hex us into the next century."

"You might want to turn it up a couple of notches—."

"—because it's most likely she hadn't heard you."

"She's grown cat ears, you dolts!"

"So this is where you all are."

"Hello, Harry. Care to help our brother in letting Hermione know where we're hiding?"

"It's… quite horrible. She's gone completely furious. Kept trodding on her tail. It's like what happened when we took the Polyjuice Potion back in second year, except she's not furry this time."

"Has mum found out?"

"That would be the end of the world—"


"We didn't mean to put the potion in your tea, Hermione, we swear."

"Ron was supposed to be our test subject—"


"— but he grabbed the wrong tea cup."

"That's why you, er, got the end of the joke item."

"Then why didn't you show yourselves immediately when you found out the mistake?!"

"Well if you hadn't been screaming that you'd hex us into the next century—"

"—and if you weren't the witch that you are—"

"—we could've strode in and rectified the situation—"

"—and freed you from your dilemma."

"You had better be grateful that Mrs. Weasley was around. When she fussed on me I couldn't run down to the cellar to blast you two off."

"We'll thank mum, then."

"If she isn't thinking of cursing us, herself."

"By the way, Hermione, were there any side effects of you having cat ears and tail? Any dizziness, nausea, bleeding, dementia?"

"Fred Weasley, I swear if Harry didn't hide my wand I'd blasted you through the walls of this house!"

"I was just curious! For references! Besides, you kinda, er, look cute with cat ears and tail. So, how was it?"


"Bloody hell, two hours passed and I still can't control my body. Now I know what a puppet could possibly feel like— GAH!"

"Stop moving around; you're crashing everywhere. And it's damn well you fault, Fred. You should have asked her about the effects when she's calm enough to laugh at it."

"But you wanted to know the results too, George."

"But I still don't think I deserve having albatross wings flapping on the sides of my head. These bloody things just won't stop—"

"Well that's damn tolerable; look what I've got for my arms!"

"Calm down, Ron. It doesn't make any difference anyway."

"I have octopus tentacles for arms, you dolt!"

"Well think of it as this— next time someone pisses you off, you can easily smack them because of your extended range— OUCH!"

"Thanks for the suggestion, Fred."

"Don't expect you'd get away for that, Ickle Ronniekins. As soon as I can move my whole body…"

"Where's Harry?"

"I think he's somewhere near the bed— yeah, there he is."

"Blimey, I can't believe she turned him into an overly large snail."

"Well, he did stand between Fred and the spell Hermione sent him."

"Thanks for saving me, mate. I'll get back to you one day."

"His feelers actually drooped, hahaha..."

"How's the pathetic squad?"

"Do you mind not rubbing it in, Ginny?"

"How long is she making us stay like this?! And Harry and I didn't do anything wrong, why do we have to suffer as well?!"

"Well you did try to stop her from hexing Fred and George. How's Harry?"

"Still oozing on the floor."

"Oh, Harry… Anyway, I'm surprised none of you four were able to stop her— two pranksters and two Aurors, defeated by a single witch?"

"This is Hermione we're talking about, dear little sister."

"I think I can move my fingers—"

"Nope, sorry, mate. Your face is just turning purple with the effort. Ginny, can't you do something about these things sticking out of my head?"

"Even if I could I won't. I don't want her anger to turn on me. If you'll excuse me, I'm heading back downstairs. As all of you are currently incapable of being help, mum just made me do everything else. I'd hex you all as well, but Hermione's bit is better. Try fixing those yourselves and see the results."

"Blimey, they're all mad…"

"Hey Fred, mind if I try fixing your curse?"

"DON'T! I swear George if you try anything I'll—"

"Finite Incantatem!"


"Look, I'm really sorry about it, alright? I didn't mean to put it in your tea cup."

"But that doesn't mean you should spike anyone's drink with your joke shop tricks! At least, not on your friends!"

"Hmm, friends? Maybe that's why it ended up in your cup?"

"Funny, Fred. Funny."

"It's getting cold, Hermione…"

"Well that wouldn't be my fault, would it? Be thankful I reversed the curse effect on you."

"I am, now please I'd like to get in and have a warm mug of tea. I'm freezing in here."

"Camp out at George's or at the Burrow. You're not getting in."

"Don't try with my patience, 'Mione. You may be an extremely talented witch, but I'm among the world's best pranksters."

"Well what a way to pride yourself upon— FRED WEASLEY!"

"Reckon she's let him in already?"

"I doubt it. Hermione's really sour about that Polyjuice Potion mishap so having her reminded of that is something not really advisable."

"You still look a little pale, Harry."

"I can still vaguely feel something on my back, like I still have that shell…"

"Blimey, Hermione really should've become an Auror."

"Well her talent's not actually wasted, since she's at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"D'you reckon she's hexed Fred again?"

"Knowing my twin, I'm guessing after unsuccessfully appealing to her usually forgiving nature, he'd do something about getting in and making her forgive him in... other ways."

"Maybe we should check up on them?"

"I wouldn't worry about it, Harry. Either Hermione's cursed him once more, which would mean he would be back here any minute now,"

"Or he's currently distracting Hermione with something else, which would mean we wouldn't be seeing my dear old twin back here again."

"Ginny, I'm afraid you're taking on after Fred and George."

"Well that's loads better than taking after you, Ron, don't you think so?"

"Bloody hell!"

"Fred! What happened to you? You… er… look…"

"Like a cross between a werewolf and a troll! Hah! Wait, that's a nice idea for the joke shop…"

"Alright, what did you do, Fred?"

"Now you awfully sound like mum, Gin."

"Shut up, Ron. Now, what did you do?"


"You tried to 'charm' your way out of it, didn't you?"

"Shut up, Gin."

"Ha! Just as I thought!"

"You as well, George."

"Well, we really can't blame anyone but you."

"Yeah, you tied the knot with someone who could very well hex you into the next week without even batting an eyelash."

"I'm quite ashamed, actually, to see my twin so whipped—"


: END :

Author's Notes: I hope it wasn't too confusing XD It was fun writing it, especially since I had to make an effort to make it known who's speaking. It may sound a little weird that some are calling others by name, but meh.

And as always, reviews, comments, and bursts of fangirling squee are most welcome. :)