Author: Bruna F.
Warnings: Implied Incest and drugs use.
Summary: And she just wishes everything to be simple.
Look at you, Effy Stonem.
You told yourself that you'd be fine, just fine. You thought of this year as a year where you'd just sit still and stare, manipulating the world around you quiet and distant. Don't get involved; don't show that you actually care.
And maybe it'd ended up just fine. Maybe when he returned he wouldn't find you in the same way he left you.
He wouldn't see a stupid and dependent Effy, the girl who pretends she's strong and independent but actually knows that, when stuff turns out bad, her elder brother will come up and rescue her.
And fuck, that happened so many times that you ended up ashamed of yourself. You'd never never liked the idea that there was someone who knew you, someone who didn't believe the play you rolled, someone that - even if he himself didn't care much about the people around him - truly cared about you.
Above all, you hated the idea of being his younger sister.
So you knew the huge failure that calling him and asking yourself for his help was. You only realized how awkward the situation was when you remembered the way he answered the phone, asking what had happened, the concern deep in his voice. At the time you were so relieved by hearing his voice that you didn't think of how transparent your weakness was and just cried out for his help.
Later, while getting desperate about what you had done, you realized that the biggest problem wasn't the possibility of having killed a girl, but the fact that he knew it.
Once again, the bloody bastard knew all about you.
It kinda was a good thing asking the whore you used to call your mother to say you weren't home when he called. For that moment, you forgot everything else and tried to find out something about him by her replies on the phone. You could have been able to do it if you hadn't heard it, a moment before, Freddie saying that Katie was in the hospital.
When you got there, after every single one of your friends had turned their backs against you, you secretly thanked him for helping you once more.
Even if they never looked in your eyes again, at least you knew that, even if he was far away and minding his own business, he would always find some time for you, if you asked so.
But then, the one by your side was Cook.
So now you're sitting in the stairs with him, not so far away from bitch Katie, surrounded by the ones you would call your friends. You're looking at the other side, obviously paying attention to the bunch of crap she's saying, so you listen very clearly when she gasps and says:
"Bloody hell, who the fuck is that guy?"
You felt like your heart skipped a beat for a moment, because you were lying to yourself, pretending that you weren't abusively anxious for that day. And your expectations get confirmed by stupid Pandora's voice saying:
"Weezer! That's Effy's brother!"
You give a quick peep, only long enough to see Katie and Pandora's amusement faces while looking at Tony.
You feel the warmth of his body when he sits by your side. You don't wanna look at his face, so you say:
"You didn't invite me."
There's something climbing out your throat, and that makes you unable to speak. You hate the fact that this stuff only happens when you're with him, and you ignore the fact that this stuff only happens when you're with your brother.
"So this is the new me?", Tony says, and Cook laughs while greeting him.
You remain quiet, less for not wanting to say anything than for actually not knowing what to say.
"I am sorry I am late, Miss Stonem. The question is that I was in London, visiting Maxxie."
You can't stop laughing.
"A fuck is more important than your own sister, then."
"I can't fuck my sister, you know."
Dark clouds come up in your face, and you pray that no one notice will it.
"Let's go, Cook. See you home, Tony."
You two go out and you make sure you use every fucking shit you find. You make sure you're high enough so Tony can be "your brother", so he can act like he used to when you both were younger and things were simpler.
When you get home, at night, you sneak silently into the house, even if you don't need to do it anymore. You go to your room and find Tony asleep in your bed. You get yourself into your underwear and sit in the bed next to him, staring at his face, his clean and bright skin, so different from yours, all dirty in black, and his dark shiny hair, spread all over in your pillow.
You lay by his side, getting under the blanket and placing yourself so you can look at his peaceful sleeping face. You run your fingers through his hair, so soft, and then close your eyes and finally whisper:
"I've missed you, you know."
"I've missed you too, Elizabeth."
You frown when you hear your name, not because you hate it, but because you kinda think that it doesn't sound that bad when Tony is the one who is saying it.
He enlaces you in the same way he would have when you were a little kid who was afraid of lightning. And you let go of all your worries, all the messy stuff going on your life because there was Tony, lying in the same bed as you.
"Would you mind if I slept with that Katie?"
"Not really", you say, knowing that is true.
Because the nighttime hugs and the peace of mind were all yours. Tony was your brother, you were his sister, you two belonged to each other and, no matter what, nothing and no one would be able to change that.
And that was what you called simple.
N/A: Gotta Thanks Kath for being my beta!