Disclaimer: I don't own the dances or songs or references mentioned in this chapter.
Snape sauntered up to the elevator, convinced that this time, this time, no one would bother him on this ride. After he pressed the button, he rocked back on forth on his feet, looking anxiously around for someone to come.
Seamus Finnegan strolled up to the elevator.
Snape tried to hide the alarm on his face.
The doors dinged and the two stepped in.
Snape started to look around the too-familiar elevator, trying to avoid Seamus' gaze.
Unfortunately, Seamus was already occupied.
Snape glanced over at him. Seamus was bobbing his head back and forth from side to side, his face in a stupid grin.
"Do you hear the music, Snape?" Seamus whispered excitedly.
"Come on, Snape, I know you hear it."
"It's pulsing through your veeeiiins, Snape," Seamus said, his face dead serious.
"COME ON, SNAPE, THIS IS MY MUSIC."
And with that, Seamus grabbed Snape and started to tango with him.
Snape tried to fight back but still found himself tangoing across the elevator with a slap-happy Seamus Finnegan.
Seamus, who was now dipping Snape, dropped him to the floor.
"The music has changed…" he said, a strange glint in his eye.
Snape watched in horror as Seamus began to scream, "I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!" and wave his head around wildly.
"WHIP YOUR HAIR, SNAPE! DO IT!"
Snape, who felt oddly obligated to do so, shook his hair back and forth.
Snape did it more intensely this time, feeling as if he, too, were hearing the music.
"FEEL THE MUSIC, SNAPE! WHIP YOUR HAIR!"
Snape got up and shook his hair wildly around. He didn't stop, feeling very intense about whipping his hair. He started to scream, "YEAH!" when he realized Seamus had paused and was no longer dancing.
Seamus had paused, looking like a deer in headlights. A large grin spread over his face, and he whipped off his robes. Snape looked away, horrified, only to see Seamus wearing almost the exact same outfit that Slughorn had worn when he had done leg lifts!
Seamus started to dance and punch the air.
"It's Jazzercise, Snape. Come. Join."
Snape stood and watched as Seamus sashayed around the elevator, waving his arms around as if he were trying to fly.
"Snape, you must join. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3…"
He watched, disturbed, as Seamus started to do leg lifts.
Snape, who was trying to resist the urge to join in, wondered what could cause this insanity. He looked up disdainfully at the number showing what floor they were on and saw it was at -30, nowhere near the -99th floor, where his room was at.
Snape suddenly started to do leg lifts. He realized he was like Slughorn, but he, thankfully, wasn't singing opera.
"Now for the opera singing portion of our lesson…" Seamus sounded as if he were in a trance.
Shocked, Snape opened his mouth and belted out a very, very loud opera song.
"I LIKE TURTLES!"
"I LIKE TURTLES!" echoed Snape, horrified at what he was saying.
"My name's Snapette and I love Slughorn."
"My name's Snapette and I love Slughorn." Snapette? What? That wasn't true!
"We should get married, Seamus."
"We should get married, Seamus," Snape said, appalled. He tried to shout, "I don't mean that!" but was somehow still doing leg lifts and singing opera.
"Snape! That is inappropriate!" Seamus shouted, stopping doing the leg lifts. Snape gave a sigh of relief as he stopped, too.
"I didn't…I don't…"
Seamus rolled his eyes. "I know that I'm very irresistible, Snapette, but I'm dating Lavender Brown."
"I don't want to marry you," spat Snape.
Seamus looked around and began to bob his head from side to side.
"What on Earth…50 points from Gryffindor…"
Seamus got an excited look on his face.
"Snape…Snape…teach me how to Dougie."
Snape, as if Seamus' words were his commands, began to sway back and forth.
"This is how you start, Seamus…"
He began to move his arms around wildly.
"This is the Dougie."
Seamus began to Dougie.
"You're a great teacher, Snapette!"
"Do you think I could be a gangster, Seamus?"
"Like…wear chains that said 'Snapette' on them."
"If that's what you wanted…"
Seamus looked around.
"You look really funny, Snapette."
Snape looked more bat-like than ever, his black robes flying wildly around while he was dancing.
"We should do a square dance, Snapette."
Snape promptly stopped dancing.
"How are you doing it?" he demanded. "I am not doing these…dances…willingly."
Seamus winked at Snape. "I'm just that awesome. I command everything Snape."
His eyes got misty.
Snape edged away from Seamus. He hopefully stared up at the floor number but was utterly disappointed: they were on floor -59.
"Snape, it's square dance time."
Seamus pulled out two cowboy hats and handed one to Snape.
Snape, although he didn't hear any music, began to square dance wildly.
"Swing your partner round and round!" Seamus shouted exuberantly, his face alight with delight.
He linked arms with Snape and danced dragged him around in a circle. Seamus began to run, actually, while still running with Snape, and Snape flew backwards and hit the wall.
"Again, Snapette!" Seamus screamed, "Again!"
Snape unwillingly got up and dragged himself over to Seamus. Seamus then pulled Snape around similar to the way a dog would pull its owner on a leash.
"Stop!" Snape managed to scream.
Seamus, with all the strength he could muster, turned in a way that forced Snape to hit the wall-again.
"What is wrong with you? Why are you making me do all these strange…dances?"
"They help open up the sooouuul, Snapette…the sooooullll…"
Snape gave him a dirty look.
"I will be telling the Headmaster about this."
"Then I'll tell him you want to marry me."
Snape slammed his hand against the wall. "I didn't say that! I didn't mean it! FIVE THOUSAND POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"
Seamus looked appalled.
"How dare you? Take points from your own house? I never thought, Snapette, in all my years of teaching, that it would be you…" Seamus shook his head with disgust.
They'd made it. The -99th floor. Seamus strolled out as if he was on a cat walk, and Snape heaved himself through the doors.
He muttered to himself, "Never. Taking. The. Elevator. Again."
Hi! I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO sorry that I haven't updated this story in FOREVER, but I've had a HUGE writer's block for it. :/ This chapter is the longest in the series, I think, so I hope it makes up for the long time without updates! This chapter is also for Project PULL. I hope you laugh (and like it)! Please review!