Dead Memories

Matty MacGregor Devory

Mai 2009

Beta reader: Sin-GE on DeviantArt

Warnings: Mature content, sex, three-some, bad language, the fact that English is not my first language, PWP

I could not remember how the idea bloomed in my mind. All that I remember was sitting alone in the conference room with Antonio, talking about a glorious past when we used to be strong and feared. Mostly, the usual things we talk about when we meet. I had asked about his relationship with Lovino, had teased about how it was about time he got the poor kid to bed and other silly things making him blush. I swear, he used to be such a pervert and now he was blushing like a maiden at the mere thought of having the Italian in his bed. How people change!

Then, Alfred had run into the room, shouting about something interesting he had to tell me. Poor Matthew was panting behind him, his hand captured by the American's iron grip. He somewhat seemed a bit ashamed, judging by the red on his cheeks and the way his purple eyes were glued to the floor. My first reaction was very typical of me: I assumed they had finally slept together and now they were going to tell me about it.

A mischievous glint in Alfred's eyes told me I was wrong. His lips were parted in a wide smile. It was not a smile of happiness but a smile of triumph. Mon dieu, qu'avait-il fait cette fois ?

When the words left his lips, I thought he was making fun of me. There was no way in hell it could be true. But then, I made the mistake to let my glance slides from Alfred to Matthew. The boy had a somewhat serious expression, telling me that his older brother was saying the truth. I had heard correctly the first time. But my brain could not register nor accept what I was hearing.

Ludwig and Arthur together? That fucking Nazi with my precious little baby? It can't be true! But my logic was already telling me otherwise. Matthew and Alfred had seen them kissing a few minutes ago, outside the building.

My heart broke. I could almost hear the sound of it breaking, like the sound of a window exploding after someone threw a rock at it. I could almost see the reddish shards falling from my chest right down into my toes. My chest felt so empty and so cold at the same time.

Then, my brain decided to kick in. I was still in the conference room with three pairs of eyes looking at me, waiting to see my reaction. I could not let them know how I was affected by this news. I could not confirm to them how much I had loved Arthur, even though they probably already knew. Arthur kept saying that we were not really together, that we were only lovers. Nothing more. He wanted us to be more but was too afraid of the public reaction. We used to be enemies after all. What would everybody think to see him holding his enemy's hand? Kissing him ? Holding him ?

Well, they probably wouldn't give a fuck.

''Oh my God! Maybe that's why they were acting so weird towards us before they went outside?!''

It was all Antonio needed to say to make me realise something else. Ludwig and Arthur had not only been kissing outside, right?

My eyes fell on the table standing in the room. I remembered saying how stupid it was that the table was not in the center of the floor, that one of its end was closer to the wall as if someone had pushed this side, only to grow tired and stop before the whole thing was standing against the wall.

Oh my God.They had fucked on that table.

The thought seemed to hit us all at the same time. Quickly, Antonio got up as if he had sat on burning metal. His hand went to his ass that he started dusting off. ''Oh my God! Do I have some strange white stuff on my ass?!''

He then turned around so I could look at his behind. C'mon Francis, act normal, goddamit!

So I did pretend there was so kind of gluee stuff on his behind only to grope it. In other times, I would have loved the situation but now, the only thing that was on my mind was that Ludwig had fucked my Arthur on this table.

It was so unlike Arthur to have sex in public places. We had been lovers for thousand of years, and I was also positive that I was his only lover, that he had never slept with someone else beside me. And we never had sex outside his bedroom or mine. The thought of getting caught scared the hell out of him. And it was fine with me. I loved him so as long as I was with him, I could not ask for more.

Furthere more, he had never liked rough sex. Even when he used to be a fearsome pirate, he did not want it to be rough. Because in bed was the only time he was allowed to be soft, he liked saying.

So why did he let Ludwig fuck hin that hard? I could tell it had been hard, by the way that heavy table had been moved. Had he layed on it with his legs spread or had he bend over it?

Stop thinking before you murder someone, Francis. You still have to pretend everything is fine. So I kept pretending.

When Arthur and that fucking Nazi came back a few minutes later, I could not look at them. Alfred then told them that everybody knew they had been kissing. The Englishman went mad and started to punch his used-to-be son. For once, I almost felt bad for the kid. When we finally managed to stop them, Ludwig punched Alfred and the fight started again. That had been a long day.

But after talking for a while with Matthew and Alfred about some random stuff – which included Matthew getting fucked by that Cuban friend of his (the picture had been hot in my imagination)- I finally took a decision that I wished I would not regret for the rest of my life.

So that is why I'm sitting in this chair, a glass of wine in my hand and waiting. I am anxious, which gives the drink a bitter taste. My brain keeps playing what happened earlier today, how I imagine Ludwig and Arthur kissing. Was their kiss passionate? Or lustful? Or only a chaste kiss? I had not dared asking Alfred about it. He was already making enough fun of me because of my broken heart.

The door opens, making my heart stops pumping and my breath halting. Almost shyly, Arthur comes into the room. His eyes evade mines but I don't really mind. He had been reluctant to agree to this after all. Then it is Ludwig's turn to enter the room. He also tries not to look at me. He is a bit embarrassed if I interpret correctly the red on his cheeks.

The door then closes shut and clicks locked. It is now the only three of us in the room that gets hotter by the second. It was not my first time doing something like that so this so why was I so nervous? Because it includes Arthur, of course. He can make me feel things that nobody else can.

I make the first move. I carefully set my glass beside the couch, and then rise to my feet. Gorgeous green and cold blue eyes are now fixed on me. God, how I'd love to kiss Arthur right now. How cute he looks with his red cheeks and pink lips looking so tasty. But I don't do anything of that. We agreed that we would not show any signs of love. Only lust. Because it was the only reason why we are all standing here right now.

Me and Ludwig had feelings for the same man. My feelings were about love and his about lust, I was sure of that. He could not love Arthur. Arthur, trying his best to make us forget about our old hatred had agreed to my idea.

Because what's better than a good fuck to forget about our problems and make peace, eh? Nothing.

Before I knew it, we are all getting undressed. Even if I am a pervert, I cannot manage myself to look at them. So I let my eyes wander on the floor as if it is the most interesting thing in the world, because if I look at Arthur right now my resolve would break and I'll run to him to hug him and kiss him and tell him how I love him.

Then we move to the bed. I lay down on my back, feeling a bit nervous. Maybe this is ridiculous. Maybe this will make things worse. Maybe. Maybe…

I stop thinking when Arthur gets on top of me. This time, even with all my good will, I can't look away. Our eyes met. My breath gets caught in my throat. My mouth gets dry. He looks so fucking beautiful right now, more beautiful than words could express. His face – only a few inches from mine – is all red and sweaty. His full lips are closed tight together, making me want to kiss that frown away. His blond hair is messy and falling on his forehead, almost hiding those big eyebrows. But his eyes, oh god his eyes! glazed over by lust and resignation and fear. This time, I can't stop myself. My fingers brush against his hot cheek, only to be pushed away by Ludwig. My eyes meet his above Arthur's right shoulder. They are not cold as I am used to see them. But he is still my enemy. No, he is now my rival, because no matter how hard he tries to deny it, I am sure he loves Arthur much more than he ever loved Feliciano.

''Do something so we can get this over with.'' Arthur's voice is thick with lust and his words make me hard.

We agreed not to touch more that it was necessary, not to kiss, not to talk. Seeing Arthur's expression, I could tell Ludwig had already started to work. I do not look at what he is doing, but I can imagine him pushing those thick fingers inside Arthur's behind. The Englishman bits his lower lip, trying to muffle any sound. I feel useless, but this sight is so arousing that I do not move. I can guess all the German's moves only by looking at Arthur's expression. His green eyes are half closed and fix on the wall. He is trying not to look at me, which is good because if he did look at me, I would kick Ludwig out of my room and just make love to Arthur.

His expression becomes more relaxed, so I guess it is now my turn. With surprisingly still fingers, I reach behind Arthur to let my hands roam over this part of his body. I know very well how to push my fingers inside him so it won't hurt him. He squirms a little, but his mouth is still stubbornly closed. Great, because I do not want him to moan. What if he said Ludwig's name instead of mine?

Then again, my hand is pushed away. With care, the German rests his hands on Arthur's hips, lowering him. It was a useless move, because we had done this so many times before. And as before, the feeling of Arthur's heat around me when he is completely seated on me is beautiful. We seem to fit together so well. How can he not see that?

His eyes are closed and his brows furrowed. He is probably preparing himself for what is coming next. He then leans forward as much as he can without me slipping out of him. We are almost face to face now. I grip the sheets tightly to prevent myself from touching him. My will is starting to weaken.

When Ludwig enters him, Arthur can't stop himself from gasping. His eyes close tighter and he tenses. But god, that feeling is so overwhelming. The tightness almost hurts. That hurt is soon replaced my pleasure.

We stay like this for a second. Somewhere in my mind, I tell myself how ironic this situation is - me and my worst enemy are sharing the same man. But then all my thoughts flow out the window when Ludwig starts to move - slowly at first not to hurt Arthur who was not used to those kinds of things. He tenses around us, making the pleasure more intense. I can feel his hands shaking on each side of my head. It must be tiresome for him to stand on his four with Ludwig moving quite hard behind him.

I feel the pleasure building inside me, making me grit my teeth. We agreed not to make any sound, but Arthur is starting to whimper. After a few seconds, his hands give out and he catches himself on his elbows. Our noses are touching now and I can feel his hot breath against my cheek.

I reach between us and start stroking him, because I want this to end fast. I love every second of this, but he is not. I can tell that pain is more intense in him than pleasure. And I can't stand seeing him suffering.

He comes in my hand with a small cry. His muscles clench around us, but it is the fact that he falls into my arms that makes me come. I'm not sure when Ludwig came but I don't give a shit right now. He gets out of bed and probably goes for the shower.

Trying to catch my breath, I allow myself to touch Arthur's hair. As Ludwig did before him, he pushes it away while muttering something about how it was not part of the deal. I don't insist, letting him rests his head against my chest. For a short moment, I feel like trying to be romantic. Maybe I should tell him that the heart he hears beating beats only for him…But I don't. He never really fell for those kinds of talks after all.

I was falling asleep when he gets up. I try to ignore how painful it seems to be for him to walk. Ludwig is standing beside him, fully dressed. I can't remember hearing him getting out of the shower.

Arthur gets dressed, his eyes never looking at mines. But he looks at Ludwig and manages a small, tired smile.

Then I realise that what happened was a consolation gift for me, a way of telling me who his heart chose.

When they finally leave my room, I feel too miserable to cry.

Thankfully, sleep comes rapidly, stopping me from feeling heartbroken and betrayed.