disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the cash... JK R does.


Harry was eleven, and he certainly looked eleven, at first. He was short, too thin and his hair stood up in a mess as if permanently stuck in a whirlwind. The glasses he wore were round and metal. Far too uncool for the savior of the world at least Razor Powers thought so.

So he fixed it. Harry was now the tallest 11 year old in Hogwarts history. He stood a good 6 feet and had a chest like a truck. His hair was lengthened so it was tons cooler. The glasses were gone because of course Razor Powers always carried a potion for eye correction and now Harry was almost ready to join Hogwarts School of Badassness and Asskicking.

His supplies were bought at the only store for real asskicking wizards, The Bleeding Whore. His swords were well stocked as were the throwing knives. His book was bought at a different place in Killer Alley.

The shop was small and smelled of well, blood. It was there that Harry, now calling himself Rocket, met Draco Malfoy. Draco was being measured for his holsters. Razor took Harry to the back where he too got measured.

"I'm Draco Malfoy." The blonde said to the raven haired boy.

"I'm Rocket Potter." Harry said in his now much deeper and smoother voice.

"I'm getting mine done in silver." Malfoy boasted.

Razor looked at Rocket and lifted his brow. Was Rocket gonna let the bitch punk him?

"Imma get mine in--" Then Rocket shot him... in the face with his newly invented charm, Pantus Disapearus. "platinum."

Draco stood proudly as he had wisely chosen to wear double pants that day. "I'm going to be in Slashers hope to see you there." Draco walked out of the store as Rocket high fived Razor.

"I've trained you well. Now lets go this store makes me wanna do the dongus elongus" Razor walked away with Rocket close behind. That wasn't the last time they'd visit The Gory Hole.

Too soon the day was over and Rocket Potter was fast asleep in the master bedroom. He was eagerly waiting for the next day to start. Razor said he'd be back to deliver him to the school. He was so famous he'd need guarding. Rocket sighed as he thought about how much his life had changed since he'd become freaking awesome. It was a good change and he slept peacefully until the next morning.

A loud boom woke him from a good dream. Razor was there and he'd blown the door off its hinges with a bomb. "Wake up Rocket we need to go." He said with a winning smile as he pointed to the black bike of smex outside the room. He'd driven it up the stairs.

In just a few minutes he'd be on the train and making new friends.

As predicted 6 foot Rocket Potter met two new friends. Slasher Rippens and Megabust McAss were the coolest people on the train. After pushing aside a few redheads and pulling a few big haired girls out of the way they got to meet Rocket Potter.

"Hey your knives are awesome." Slasher said as he compared them to his.

"Yeah they shine." Megabust said while she bounced up and down.

"I know I bought them with my fortune." Rocket punched them in the face and a friendship was sparked.

It wasn't two hours later when they were already on boats heading towards a giant castle called Hogwarts. Once there the new asskickers were lined up to be sorted.

The school had three houses: Slashers, which were smart and cunning almost ninja in their movements. Rippers, who were fast to act and quick to kill. They attacked without doubting themselves for a second. The third house was Busty this is where the mega hot chicks went to learn how to wear leather and get out of it without getting stuck in under 5 seconds flat.

Rocket and Slasher both got into Rippers while Malfoy made it into Slashers. The war was on. In just a few months they were getting the hang of it. Throw knives in the morning. Kill something in the second hour and cook it in the third while the fourth hour was to eat it. During fifth hour they had to help the Bustys study and the rest of the day was spent practicing their skills in badassing.

It was Megabust who first brought up their mystery during their practice.

"Hey Rocket have you heard of the sorcerer's gun?" She whispered while stripping herself of her leather shirt.

"No." Rocket said as he helped unzip her.

"Is it that revolver that shoots a couple of thousand bullets with each pull?" Slasher asked.

"Oh I heard of that." Rocket said. "It comes after the dongus elongus charm." He said confident in Razor's teachings. He wasn't the headmaster for nothing.

"No--" Megabust said slowly. "Its a gun that shoots out a bullet,a green bullet, called Avada Ka-die." She said now working on her leather pants.

"Woah, does it kill you?" Slasher asked.

"Yeah does it?" Rocket added.

"Totally." She said while working off her leather socks.

"I need it." Rocket said quickly "Look its destiny." He pulled back his hair and there near his hair line was a perfect gun shaped with a thin scar line. "I was shot with it before and I need it now to get my revenge!" Rocket smoothed his hair back into place and started to pace as Megabust worked on her leather bra.

"We need to find it." Slasher said. "We'll help you."

With a quick search in the awesome section of the library Megabust found the book that said where the sorcerer's gun was hidden. It was in the safe near the sorcerer's dog. It took a long time and a lot of awesome things to happen for Rocket to get a hold of the dog, but he did it with tons of awesome tricks and awesome powers he only found out he had until he did them. He was Rocket Potter of course he could do awesome ass kicking things.

"We have the gun now what?" Megabust asked Rocket months later.

"Now I need to find The Chamber of Stunts!" Rocket yelled out.

"I read about that." Slasher said unexpectedly.

"Yeah me too, but isn't that for the next book?" Megabust asked.

"You're right. For now lets savor in how awesome and hot I became in the first paragraphs." Rocket said as he contemplated his quick change from awkward and lanky to mega awesome and hot.


Why? Because I can and also because I hate it when Harry Potter stops being Harry Potter just to be Harry Potter in a fic.