Okay, so I decided to start a new fic becaus ei simply ADORE Phineas and Ferb. This was based off a dream I had after watching porn. Yes. Yes it is.

Pairings: Doofenshmirtz/Human!Perry

Warnings: GUYYYY LOVVVE do not want, do not read plz


"Ferb," Phineas cried, "I know what we're going to do today!"

While Phineas was explaining his and Ferb's new big plans for the rest of the day that would ultimately lead into the usual disaster that turned out well in the end with Candace still unable to "bust" her brothers, Perry glimpsed at his two beloved owners and shifted his eyes to make sure they weren't looking. When he felt safe enough, he crept away silently behind the tree in which they sat upon everyday and a random hole suddenly appeared in the ground, quickly reforming back into it's usual covered grass area like nothing never happened.

"Hey, where'd Perry go?" Phineas asked, looking around. Ferb simply shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well, he knows his way back home."

As soon as Perry slid down the long range of chutes, he wound up in his secret underground base. He placed his trademark fedora on and ran over to his large screen sitting in his equally large chair. As soon as he did, Major Monogram appeared onscreen.

"Agent P, we have a very important mission for you today." he inquired. "It appears Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz has mixed up a concoction in which he will have the ability to change thousands of adorable little critters into seductive humans, charming them with their cuteness and ultimately taking over the entire Tri-State Area under his every command. It's your job to stop this before he succeeds with this plan."

Perry saluted his Major with the upmost respect, accepting his mission. "Good luck Agent P, and be careful. Doofenshmirtz has a giant barrel of the potion and-" before finishing, he realized the little platypus was already gone.


Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

"Well, I must say that THIS is my most ingenious plan EVER! I call it, "The Humaninator"!"

The maniac doctor glanced over at all the kittens in the very large cage. "Soon, your cuteness will stop even the army of this country itself, because you're so cute! Yes you are! Yessss you are!" he coughed and turned away from the litter of kits and put on an satisfied smirk. "And this time, Perry the Platypus will NOT-"

As if my coincidence, Perry suddenly burst through the door to his main lab, a look of determination flashing on his facial features. "Aaaah, Perry the Platypus!" Heinz said. "I was just talking about you and how you won't stop me this time! You see that big metal barrel right there?" Perry looked over to the right side of the lab.

"N-no the other side..."


"No! The big barrel! It's right there!"

The confused look of a platypus secret agent.


Perry saw exactly that, in which Doofenshmirtz grinned again and continued, "Yesss, see the adorableness of it all? How their big saucer-plate eyes just gaze at you with that look of "please love me" and the softness of their fur and their-" he began to ramble off, getting lost within his own summary of the pets. Perry rolled his eyes, 'What a moron...' he thought and ran after his arch nemisis, slapping him over the head with his tail.

"GAH!" Doofenshmirtz cried, "You little-! I can play dirty too!" With that saying, he ran up to the side-stairs of his lab, Perry hot in pursuit of him.

As they began to brawl it out, Doofenshmirtz grabbed a hold of Perry's tail and pinned him on the railing of the high stairs. Perry looked down desperately, realizing he was over the dreaded liquid. He gulped and realized he had no hopes in escaping this time. "Sooo, Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz smiled, "It finally ends here!" As he let go of the smaller animal, Perry, at the last second, regained his balance, managing to jump on the man's head and knocking him to the floor. The platypus landed on the railing again, this time on his feet, but lost his balance once again on account of the railing being to thin for his webbed feet.

A loud splash was heard as Doofenshmirtz picked himself up and rubbed his head. "Perry the Platypus? Where'd you go?" he searched around his lab and when he saw the kittens still in their cage, Heinz realized that Perry had not escaped. He ran down the flight of stairs and looked around once more. "Okay, look, Perry the Platypus," he cried out into the lab, placing his hands on his hips, "you obviously want me to continue with my evil scheme, so, I send my eternal gratitude out to you on behalf of-"

Before he could finish he heard a loud splash of water come from his barrel of the potion. He looked up at the top and saw two arms reach out and cling to the sides. "What the-" Doofenshmirtz began, but froze when he realized what must have happened. "Oh no. Don't tell me... that that's-"

The human figure slid down onto the floor, coughing up liquid and trying desperately to reach air into his lungs. Doofenshmirtz could not help but stare long and hard at what sat in front of him on his laboratory floor.

The skin was soft and Caucasian-looking, a very slender, young-looking body with a straight body frame. The hair was what looked like Perry's exact fur color, and was cut rather short but had rather long bangs and reached down to his neck. The fedora rested by his side, after pulling it out along with himself. After he ceased coughing, he looked up at Doofenshmirtz, his eyes pitch-black, panting from his near death experience of nearly drowning. Good thing he was platypus though, even if he did feel suddenly heavier after dropping into the barrel...

Doofenshmirtz kept staring at him, mouth agape. "P-Perry the... Platypus? Is it really you?" Perry gave him a confused look in return. 'What does he mean by that? He looks and SOUNDS even stupider than usual with that look on his face...' As Perry reached for his fedora, he glanced down only to find something a little off with his appearance. His eyes widened with shock and disbelief as he stared at his hands and then soon his entire body. It was when he realized he was wearing absolutely no clothes, which struck him as strange since, well, he was an animal. But somehow, this felt a little too embarrassing.

Perry quickly grabbed a hold of the fedora and covered his nether regions, blushing heavily, still facing Doofenshmirtz square in the face with the expression of anger, humiliation, and helplessness.

"You know," Heinz finally said, "I didn't really think that potion would actually even work."