Male Is As Male Does

Authors Note: Blame the new 2009 movie and optimus prime 007 for this! I read her new fic, put movie!Arcee and Optimus Prime together in my head... and just look at the result. Warnings for swear words and 2009 movie spoilers in this. This is just a little thing I knocked up, fuelled by seeing the movie. Ain't it awesome?

Lennox waited patiently in the hangar the Autobots used as their own personal quarters at the NEST base. They had two hangers, one for business used jointly with the human members of NEST, and one for personal use when the bots felt they needed 'time out' from their human allies. Lennox shifted his weight from one hip leaning on the bench to another, his arms folded across his chest, his fingers tapping impatiently on his upper arms. His eyes restlessly scanned the hangar, taking note of what the other Autobots were doing.

The Twins were mercifully absent, off on a mission in another country. Lennox winced. He'd found them funny at first, and then the irritation had set in. Bumblebee obviously felt it as well since the last time he was here, the silent bot had taken them in one hand each, carried them out to the beach not far from the hangar, and dropped them in the sea. With no apologies.

By the time they'd come back – with water and sand dripping down their chassis – they'd been swearing at Bee, calling him a 'mother-fucking, dipstick, joy-killing, loser hard-ass with no jive', and 'an Optimus-wannabe'. Then it had been a growling Optimus' turn to carry the mischievous bots to the beach, except he didn't drop them in the water, he threw them. Hard. The trash talking Twins had screamed like girls. That was Prime taking out the trash.

Lennox's eyes roamed the room again. Ironhide was seated at a bench across from him, tinkering with his cannons while keeping one craggy optic on his friend. Sunlight streamed in through the opaque windows just below the roof. It glinted off the Autobot's scratched armor.

"He said he'd be back soon?"

The black mech raised his head slightly, considering his words. What Prime was doing theoretically shouldn't take that long. Even if Optimus was in a mood to draw it out. "Yes."

Across the room, Ratchet snickered, shaking his head.

Ironhide slide his gaze to the medic, "Shut it, Ratch."

Ratchet made a sound suspiciously like a fart, then fell silent. Then another round of snickers from the Hummer. Lennox raised his eyebrows. Something was up. His analytical battle-tuned brain turned over. Right, who else wasn't here? Sideswipe. Nuh uh, that sexy dangerous silver mech was off impressing some of the higher-up Army bad aft's with his moves. He'd passed him on the way in.

Arcee? The triplet of femmes?


"Ironhide? Where's Arcee?" Lennox inquired.


"Where?" Lennox prompted again.

Ironhide couldn't tell a lie. And dammit, if Optimus insisted on his current actions, he wasn't going to cover up for him any more. Their Prime may have been exercising his 'Prime' rights, and as their Leader of course he had every right to do so, but hell, couldn't he find a better place or time to do it?

His CPU made up, Ironhide smirked openly, "She's with him."

The human soldier arched an eyebrow. Arcee? With Optimus? That was strange, he really hadn't thought the two of them; no, wait; the THREE of them – or was that four? - had gotten along. Hardly a word or glance ever passed between the massive Commander and the sexy trio of femmes. While the humans had thought the only female Autobot in the group would receive just about every virile male Autobots attention in bucket loads, the reverse had been the case. All of the males acted as if she didn't exist. Sideswipe never made a move. Bumblebee acted as if she wasn't there. Ratchet talked about her but not to her doing her medical physical. Even the hyperactive Twins barely had a rude word to say to her. She was persona non grata. Or Autobot non grata...

Lennox's attention was drawn to the rear of the hanger when a loud, 'big robot' sounding thump followed by a long groan echoed around the building.

The man snapped his gaze back to the bulky Ironhide. Suspicious. That groan sounded like their very own illustrious flame-patterned Commander. Ironhide's expression made it appear as if he'd swallowed something indigestible. Oh yeah, something was up.

Lennox stood thinking.

Then another groan sounded out, and following on its aft was a high-pitched yelp. Lennox knew where Prime's room was, in the middle of the group of barricaded 'rooms' assigned to all the bots as private space. He'd seen him coming out of it a few times. And damn, while those noises sounded like Optimus, they also appeared to be coming from the direction of his room.

Lennox frowned. Did robots...?


Another groan. A series of yelps. A deep chuckle of the type that ONLY Prime did.

Wait. Hadn't the debriefing after the Egypt battle talked about Prime having brothers, and ancestry and 'the future of Autobot sparklings'? That they had some sort of family relations? If all that was correct, they must have a way of -

Lennox smacked a hand over his face. Oh God.

His comlink earpiece crackled, "Lennox, the President is waiting. What is Optimus Prime's response? Hurry it up, would you?". The voice of his own General sounded in his ear. Geez. The mother-loving President. With a sigh and a roll of his muscled shoulders, he took hard strides across the hangar to Prime's private room. He heard Ratchet begin to say something, heard Ironhide's abrupt response to shut him down. He ignored both of them.

Reaching the giant door, he firmed up his shoulders again (cripes, he wouldn't be needing any extra weights in the gym today the way he was going) and rapped in a no-nonsense fashion on Prime's intimidating door.

"Optimus, it's Lennox. I need to ask you something for the President."

Used to the deep but loud digital tones of the Autobots, his own voice sounded pathetic in comparison.

He heard two heavy Optimus Prime feet hit the floor.

In bed? Lennox thought amused. Then his brain failed. Oh hell, Ironhide said Arcee was with him!

The door opened. Optimus Prime stood there in all his familiar-but-still-awesome glory. Lennox eyed him from his position at his ankles. He knew some of Prime's armor had changed since the Egypt battle, but hadn't the robot had MORE armor not LESS? Optimus looked strangely... in a word or two.. somewhat naked.

"Yes?" Intense blue optics stared down at him patiently.

Lennox squinted back at him, "The President wants to know what your answer is to the question he asked last night. Yes or no?"

Optimus shifted his stature minutely, and then Lennox saw it. On the huge slab of padded metal the robots used as beds, two of the Arcee femmes were reclining on it in what could only be described as 'come hither' poses. Not that Lennox was any sort of prude.

The man snapped his eyes back to Prime's face. Yowza. There was no need to guess what was going down between the big Leader and his, gulp, opposite sex underlings.

"Tell him I agree with his proposal."

"Yes Sir. Sorry for disturbing you like this."

Lennox turned to go, but his eyes caught the flash of a piece of armor on Optimus that was a different color from red or blue on his lower mid-section, and moving. Just as Optimus closed the door, he realised what he'd been looking at. The third Arcee robot had been caressing Optimus from behind, hiding herself from his direct line of sight while letting her fingers wander just above his crotch region.

His eyes widened. His feet ground to a halt. Missing armor. Three females in the room. Touching the huge male robot THERE. Oh fuck. Was he the first human to witness alien robot mating behaviour?!

Seeing his expression, Ratchet and Ironhide broke into raucous barking laughter.

"A Prime has many duties, Lennox, and you've seen just about all of them now..." Ironhide rumbled with a smirk. "Get used to it."