Summary: Haruhi and the most influential people to her are going to be interviewed by a veteran teacher of Ouran High School. But when her father couldn't come, she did not expect the Host Club to fill for her father. HUMOR.
Author: fiftysix-luver
Rating: K+
Pairings: Hints of Host Club x Haruhi
Words Count:3,021
: Very, very slight spoiler of Ouran's principal.
Disclaimer: If this truly happens, all smart and sane teachers will not apply to Ouran.

A/N: In this fic, Haruhi is referred as a 'he' because Hiroko thought Haruhi was a boy. In Haruhi's file, she is written as a boy too—let's just say it has something to do with Kyouya and we'll leave it at that, okay?


Hiroko Asama sorted her pile of documents for the sixth time today as she waited patiently for Haruhi Fujioka to come.

When the school's principal Suoh Yuzuru had requested her to interview the school's rare scholarship student, she was not surprised. After all, it was normal to interview a scholar once in a while, especially when this scholar had full scholarship and, interestingly enough, having no important linage visible.

She had expected this interview to be slightly different from usual interviews since this scholar was a commoner, but being a veteran and respected teacher of the school, she had a full confident of herself. Nothing could ever go wrong.

Click. Suddenly, a small sound could be heard from the door and she looked up to see none other than Haruhi Fujioka, peeking his head into the room.

"Asama-sensei?" Fujioka said, his tone sounded more like a question to her than statement.

Hiroko smiled encouragingly. "Haruhi Fujioka-kun, I presume? Please, take a seat."

"Yes," he nodded and took the seat in front of her, "thank you."

"Fujioka-kun, I'm going to be straight forward, and I'm hoping you'll be the same," she stated. "Please take in mind, though, that this interview is merely a—how should I put it?—a check up of some sort. We just want to know how a boy like you managed to get the rare scholarship and some few details about your life and future." Then adding, "this interview will not affect your scholarship."

She could see Fujioka's tense body relaxed. "Now," she took a file from her folder piles and opened them, "I see you've always been on top of your class in every test."

Fujioka nodded.

"Not only you are on top, it seems that most of the times you get perfect scores…" she said as she flipped through the files, "…except once."

The small boy gulped. "Er, about that…"

"Don't be nervous, Fujioka-kun," she flashed another smile, "you've taken the make-up test and you got a perfect score. What I want to confirm is the fact that you're getting help from Jonouchi Ayame of class 2-A."

Fujioka nodded again. "Ah, yes. Ayame-senpai is a great tutor."

"May I ask how you get to know Jonouchi-san?"

"Kyouya-senpai introduced her to me."

"Kyouya? Kyouya Ootori from class 2-A?"


She took down some notes, espescially the fact he refered Ootori in a very friendly manner, then looked at the file once again, searching for Ootori's name. "Ah, I see, Ootori-kun is your… club mate."

Fujioka seemed to resist the urge to huff. "I guess I may say so."

After that, the interview went fine. Hiroko concluded, Fujioka was indeed very intelligent. And well-mannered, to boot. His voice was a bit too girly for a boy, sure, but his tone was always firm and confident, his answers were fast and accurate. He always answered truthfully and there was no hint of arrogance or vanity. This scholarship student was perfect.

"I see you're indeed very smart, Fujioka-kun," she said again for the third time that day after Fujioka explained how he managed his time despite the heaps of housework and a great amount of club time. He only smiled sheepishly. She smiled back.

Just like everything about the scholarship student, this interview was perfect.

Unfortunately, perfect things tend to last.

"Now, Fujioka-kun," she said, "I know you are not informed about this, but I actually have invited some people for this interview too."

The boy quirked his eyebrow. "What for, Asama-sensei?"

"As I said before, this interview would be about your life, so I decided to invite the most influential people in your life. This is not only benefiting the records, but also benefits you, as these people can change your future."

"So… you invited my father, sensei?"

"About that… I actually did, but your father informed me yesterday that he couldn't come. So I checked your records and found out that you were in this club called…" she paused for a while, doing a double-take at some certain words in the file, "…the Host Club?"

She could see the scholar's face turned pale. "I—about that, I—"

Click. A soft voice could be heard once again from the door and Hiroko quickly put her professional smile. "Ah, you've come. Please, take a seat."

Fujioka's eyes widened in horror as he saw a group of six boys he was very familiar with stood at the entrance. One by one, they entered the room, bowing slightly as greeting to their teacher. Hiroko smiled.

"Yes, welcome, Suoh-kun, please take a se—ah, Ootori-kun, welcome, welcome—Hitachiin-kun, just take that seats over there—Morinozuka-kun, Haninozuka-kun, yes, thank you for coming, make yourself comfortable."

Fujioka couldn't believe his eyes. He blinked. And blinked. And blinked again. He wore a very devastated face, the words 'Why!? WHY!?' written all over his face. Hiroko merely waited.

After all of the boys took their seats, Hiroko turned back to Fujioka who was now glaring back at the smiles—smirks? Idiotic smiles?—the other boys gave him. "Since your father can't come, I decided to invite your closest friends instead. I called the Host Club."

Fujioka threw a dismissive glare at the boys. "I'm sorry, sensei, but I don't think the Host Club has anything to do with my future."

"Fujioka-kun, I know you might want to say that studying is influential to your future, but," she pushed her glasses up as she put an emphasis to the word 'but', "I want you to keep in your mind that your social network—which is composed by the people who surround you every day—is just as influential to your future."

"There goes my future," she heard Fujioka muttered.

She blinked. Wait, did I just hear Fujioka-kun muttered sarcasm…? She quickly erased the thought. No. A kind-hearted boy like Fujioka would not have said such a thing. She must've misheard.

"So, Fujioka-kun, what do you think?"

"I think it's a bit… unnecessary, Asama-sensei, after all, I have been able to manage myself before…"

"But you heard what I've said. People around you are influential to your future."

"Well," he glanced accusingly at the group of boys beside him, "I can't really comprehend why they are the ones who come."

Hiroko smiled calmly at him. "Usually, we would invite your friends from your class, but," she consulted her file, "I see that you seem to hang with these club members a lot more, especially in your free time."

"…my apologies. I wonder why."

The boys coughed.

She frowned. That was not another sarcasm, was it?

"Ah, then…" she took another set of files from her desk and opened it, "let's continue. You entered the Club a few weeks after entering this school. Is there any reason why you decided to enter the Club despite your—at the time—small knowledge of the club and its members?"

Fujioka opened his mouth, "deb—" but Ootori cut in, "a certain reason."

The shorter boy glared murderously.

Hiroko blinked, slightly deterred. "But they are your friends, aren't they, Fujioka-kun?" She looked at the taller blonde from the group, "For example, Suoh-kun is your friend, isn't he?"

Before Fujioka could answer, Suoh corrected, "family."

She frowned in confusion. "I'm sorry, Suoh-kun, but I thought you were Fujioka-kun's friend—"

"Family," he corrected again. "Family. I'm her—I mean, his—father." He turned at Ootori, "right, mother?"

Ootori merely pushed his glasses up and somehow, the act seemed to be ten times more threatening when he did that. "Ah… so… but I thought…" she trailed off.

When she saw the raven-haired boy's glasses glinted with malicious intent, she decided to ignore the comment. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Very well." She finally managed to say. "Now boys," she glanced at them—finding herself unable to truly look at them—and asked, "what, do you think, is the secret for Fujioka-kun's success and intelligence?"

Hiroko had been doing this before; when interviewing more than one person at a same time, ask the simplest question. The one who answers most correctly will be the one most capable to answer her next questions, and the others will just be the clarifier. This method, also called "Hiroko's Special Method of Interviewing #56", had 100% success rate.

Which is why she was being unreasonable if she felt anxious. "So? What do you think?"

Morinozuka shrugged, "hn."

Haninozuka cried, "Cake!!"

The twins' snickered, "Us."

Suoh exclaimed, "Commoner's will!"

Ootori pushed his glasses up again, "Merits."

She blinked. And then made a mental note to change the success rate of the method from 100% to 99% as soon as she got home, because the hell if she could decipher what they were saying. Cake? CAKE? And merits? What merits? And 'us'? Them? Did they mean…that? And how could she decipher a 'hn'? And, most of all, what the hell is a commoner's will??

Everything was not going right, and judging by Fujioka's expression, nothing ever was when these boys were involved.

She tapped her chin for a while, trying to erase her nervousness that came out of nowhere. Who was she going to ask? Morinozuka seemed silent and Haninozuka didn't seem to possess more knowledge than a 5-year-old boy. The Suoh heir—even if he was the chairman's son—seemed… idiotic. She was going to ask either of the twins, since they were in the same class as Fujioka, but something told her they were not going to answer truthfully.

Which leaves her to… Kyouya Ootori. He seemed intelligent and normal enough, albeit more intimidating...

She gulped. Well, here goes nothing… "Ootori-kun?"


"May I ask you a few questions? About Fujioka-kun?"

All eyes turned expectantly to the bespectacled boy. He took another minute to answer, since he was busy silencing Suoh ("No fair! Mother gets to answer questions about daughter!"), but after the blonde finally calmed down, Ootori put a very professional smile that somehow identical to hers. "Sure."

She flipped through her files, ignoring the tremble of her hands. "Okay, Ootori-kun, you've known Fujioka-kun since he entered the club."


"Which means, you've known her for more than six months now."

"That's correct."

"May I know, Ootori-kun, to Fujioka-kun, you are…?"

Ootori gave her a cool, amused smile that sent shivers down her spines. "Alongside his friend and fellow club member, I may say I'm his… mentor."

"Tormentor," Fujioka threw in.

"I'm the one to keep check of her problems."

"Financial problems, I might add."

"As Tamaki had eloquently put in, he already thinks of me as a mother."

"A bother, senpai. 'B' is the key letter."

Awkward silence.

Seeing the situation getting tense after the banters, she quickly consulted her file again, even when she didn't find the need to. "You guys… get along very well, I see."

"Of course!" The Suoh heir suddenly exclaimed, throwing his fist into the air, "we get along very well, madam! We're almost inseparable!"

"Sure, senpai," Fujioka muttered under his breath tonelessly, but loud enough for Hiroko to hear, "You all drive me to insanity and I force you to get out of my life. Teamwork."

Hiroko decided to be selectively deaf this time. She could feel her head started to feel dizzy. "Anyway, Hikaru, Kaoru…" she turned to the twins, "you're Fujioka-kun friends, right?"

""Actually, sh—he was our toy,"" They said in chorus.

"Hikaru! Kaoru! You shall not call your own sister 'toy'!" Suoh exclaimed.

""Ooh, Milord is angry!"" they replied in a sing song voice. ""Run!! Run for your life!!"

"Ha, real funny," Fujioka mumbled, his voice without intonation.

She could feel her mind started to beep alarmingly and died with a soft click. Something was wrong with this group of people and suddenly, Fujioka Haruhi looked like an angel instead of a student. Of course. Any other explanation why he could be that calm through this?

As she heard a voice of something smashed—most probably the vase—to the floor, she thought, scratch that. He is not a mere human being—he's god.

When she finally gained the courage to look up from her files—she never realized her files were that interesting—she had to retain herself from stumbling. The twins had somehow found their way to the window on the right side of the room and were threatening to drop something that looked like a teddy bear. A teddy bear with an extremely weird face, to be precise.

Suoh cried dramatically from the other side of the room. "BEARY!! NOOO!!"

The twins smirked deviously. "You know, Kaoru, maybe now we can figure out if Beary can fly or not."

The other twin snickered. "Or if Milord's can."

Meanwhile, Haninozuka was climbing up Morinozuka to sit on his lap, ranting about cakes. Ootori only observed, taking down some notes. Fujioka stared at her, as if saying, 'welcome to my world.'

Her mind could only register three words: What. The. Hell. Her head hurt like hell now. She tried to massage it.

"Fujioka-kun, aren't you…amazed?"

The boy glanced at the chaos behind him, then shrugged. "Not really. I guess I'm getting used to it."

"'Getting used to'!? Are you telling me that this happens a lot!?"

"Every day, actually. At the club."

"And you still managed to study!?"

He shrugged again, plastering a somehow desperate smile. "I survived, didn't I?"

And that was it. This boy was truly in need of help and she was not going to stay quiet about it. She stood up, looked into the unfortunate boy's eyes, and declared firmly.

"I'm sorry Fujioka-kun, but I must forbid you from coming to the Host Club ever again."

Her words made a greater impact than she'd expected. The room went from total chaos to dead silence. Everyone was taken aback, unable to do anything but blink.

After a few seconds, all the boys finally absorbed what she'd just said.

Dead silence turned into apocalypse.

"ASAMA-SENSEI!!" The blonde leaped on his feet, "Haruhi can't leave the Host Club!!"

The first twin glared at her, "Milord's right!! She—I mean hebelongs here!! You can't—You can't—"

"—you can't just take her from us!!"

"I'm afraid I will have to do that. After all, Fujioka-san here has a big responsibility that you boys seem not to be aware of. And you should. Whether he is your friend, or your, club mate, or your," she took a second pause, "daughter, or toy, you could've—should've—been supportive of her. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are nothing but hindrances. This is why, I'm afraid, I must not let you all go near him—"

"I beg to differ, Asama-sensei."

To everyone's surprise, the words came from Haruhi. The room went silent; even Kyouya raised his eyebrow in surprise. Hiroko? Well, let's just say her files were not supposed to be on the floors, were they?

Dubious, she squeaked, "I'm afraid I don't really understand you, Fujioka-kun...?"

"I think I've made myself clear, sensei. I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but I don't think the Host Club are nothing but hindrances to me."

Fujioka's voice was clearer than ever, and he looked straight into Hiroko's eyes. She could feel all her persona shrunk and disappeared under those determined eyes.

"But Fujioka-kun..."

"Well, I must admit that they are, in one way or another, are annoying. And selfish."

The twins surprisingly nodded in agreement and self-consciousness.

He continued, "and they are also idiotic. They make the worst of the plans and nothing good has ever come out from those plans. In short, they are just a bunch of imbeciles. And they make troubles. Lots of troubles"

The twins still nodded, albeit a little bit slower.

"And," he still continued, "they are irritating. They are not aware of their surroundings, and they live in a delusional world where they themselves are kings. They force everything to happen as they want. They create riots. Did I mention they are idiotic? They are really idiotic—"

""Haruhi, I think she gets the point already.""

He stopped, his eyes widened, then looked at the boys apologetically and muttered something that sounded like 'oops.' He coughed, his face slightly reddened but looked at Hiroko with no less determination. "What I'm saying is, they might cause a lot of troubles and drawbacks to me and, as you put it, my future..."

His eyes softened and a soft smile crept on his face.

"But I think of them as my family."

The room went silent again, but this time, in a completely different atmoshpere. Hiroko could see Suoh, the twins and Haninozuka blink back tears dramatically and Morinozuka and Ootori actually smiled. But what surprised—and truthfully eased—her most was the fact that Fujioka Haruhi smiled back at them.

She tried to regain her composure and cleared her throat. Everyone looked back at her, and she didn't let the opportunity go.

"I apologize, Fujioka-san," she said as she found herself unbelivably smiling at the boys, "apparently, this—as you put it—bunch of idiots are all you need in your life."

Fujioka beamed. "Maybe they are," she said softly, so soft that Hiroko was sure she was the only one who heard it, "maybe they are."

She immidiately dismissed them and, as she saw the group going out of the room—Suoh crying childishly ("Daughter finally admit her status!"), The twins throwing their arms on both of Fujioka's side, Haninozuka and Morinozuka walking out together, both smiling at the scholar, and Ootori and Fujioka sharing a secretive smile—she tried to think what she'd just done again.

She had just let some unsupportive people pulling back a very brilliant student. But as she had put it herself, a pull to the back once in a while is what the sharp student really needed.

Though all the rationales were going against her, Hiroko Asama had just felt that she was making the best decision in her almost life-long career in being a teacher.

And judging by the way the group was smiling, she was not going to regret it anytime soon.


A/N: Well, it's done. Hope you enjoy it :)

I see that this is yet another humor, gen host club fic. And I'm calling myself a KyoHaru shipper here.

Haruhi is blunter in this fic, I know, but without that where can I put the humor? Let's just say it's because Hiroko can hear more clearly than other normal people. And... what intended to be a fic full of humor became one that ended with cheesy (but I hope quite touching) scenes.

I love Hiroko Asama; she's my first OC, but I don't think I've described anything 'bout her (from the whole story, I didn't think I wrote anyhting like "she is this" or "she is that" at all...). Still, I hope you still can get her personality. This fic, after all, is in her's POV.

Reviews and criticisms are encouraged. Grammar and spelling corrections are more than encouraged.