Summary: "You don't believe in sexy magic?" Removing a very deformed lock pick from between his teeth, Kaito faced the detectives. It was hard for Shinichi to believe that this was the face that launched a thousand police cars. S2LOU!

Disclaimer: Detective Conan, Magic Kaito. Gosho Aoyama pwnz dem. The usual hate/love, love/hate thing. Get to the end and you get more lovely disclaimers.

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-Sexy Magic-

hattergems

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"... just you and the crowd, do a trick you've never seen. I bet that I can make you believe in love and sex and magic ..."

"Oi oi," Shinichi muttered at his documents, lips in a vaguely scathing smirk. Love, sex, magic, Ciara sang, radio music blaring. "It's like she's trying to catch you off guard. You hear the first two and you think, 'well, alright, that I can believe'. That's when she suddenly throws in magic." The detective snorted derisively and his stormy blue gaze inadvertently flickered in Kaito's direction.

No one was sure what the magician was doing exactly, but he was a sight quieter than he had been an hour ago. Heiji had taken care of that.

"What was that, Kudo?" Kaito trilled, spinning on his heel to face the detectives and removing what looked like a very deformed lock pick from between his teeth. There was a smudge on his nose. It was a little difficult for Shinichi to believe that this was the face that launched a thousand screeching police cars. "You don't believe in sexy magic?"

There might have been a resigned groan from a certain English detective's side of the room. Shinichi took serious note of it. Saguru had been on par on almost everything concerning Kaito so far. Heiji, however, looked eagerly up from his files of chicken scratches – which he had been studying with his head pillowed on his arms – probably welcoming the distraction. And definitely not having learnt his lesson. Lessons.

"Go on, thief."

Kaito looked thrilled with the attention. "Sexy magic," he declared with an index finger to demonstrate his point – before he vanished in a fluffy cloud of pink smoke. And came back –

– In a nurse's uniform, hair and face (and chest) all done up. Shinichi's left eye twitched ever so slightly, mouth weakly upturned. He still hadn't forgotten that maid costume during the Iron Tanuki heist – cute girls, he liked dressing up as cute girls. The other two detectives didn't fare much better in the face of this new transformation.

"Kuroba ..." Saguru gritted out, but it was difficult to miss the amusement in his tired burnt-sienna eyes – he had always been the obsessive one. He turned away from Kaito's get-up quickly, as if enjoying himself was suddenly a sin, gathering up his notes from the overly ordered desk.

"Hey!" Kaito sulked – in female tones that sounded uncannily like Ciara's, which, at least wasn't male, much to Shinichi's relief. The spazzed-out expression on Heiji's face didn't change noticeably. "You can't leave before the show's started, Hakubaka!"

The British teen ignored him. "You most likely won't need to tell me when he's done," he rejoined, and stalked out.

"Spoilsport," the magician said under his breath in his usual voice, before perking up once more. "Well, one detective prick less won't make much of a difference! On with it, then!" With a sharp snap of his wrist, a deck of cards appeared and fanned out perfectly in his outstretched fingers.

"Pick a card!" he commanded the two detectives. Shinichi raised an eyebrow. He had been expecting something much more theatrical and humiliating. The magician noticed his sceptical stare. "It's a developmental art, Kudo!"

"Developed by whom?" Heiji said, having found his power of speech again. The Osakan paused momentarily in the act of reaching for a card, peacock-blue eyes narrowed, wary and maybe twitching, because only one person would develop something called 'sexy magic'. His grin looked painful.

The international criminal in women's wear cavalierly waved him off, tutting, one hand keeping an expert grip on the suits of cards, the other tossing a dark tress of hair over one shoulder.

"Semantics, Hattori."

Shinichi sighed and took a card himself, fully aware of the task Kaito had taken on himself. The mood of the last few days had been rather grim and if anyone could brighten it, the Detective of the East – though he would only admit it reluctantly – would have chosen Kaito Kuroba, joker-clown extraordinaire. And moonlight retro-thief extraordinaire ...

"Study your cards, but don't show me. Then put them back in the deck," Kaito instructed professionally, even though it was at odds with his costume and voice. He adjusted the little nurse's cap daintily.

King of Hearts – was that the suicide King? Well, yeah, probably, since he was sticking a damn sword into his head. Shinichi frowned as he placed the red card back with the rest of them. Heiji followed suit.

"Now!" Kaito said, grinning maniacally, all showman and sweeping arm motions that stretched the nurse's outfit taut in certain places. "I have just made your cards appear under that desk over there!"

He gestured. Detectives of West and East blinked. That desk was ten metres away. And there hadn't even been any over-melodramatic hocus-pocus or explosions. Unheard of.

The magician-thief rolled his eyes. "Go on, go check! Isn't that what you Sherlocks do?"

So they went –

"T-this photo – Kazuha!"

"– Ran!"

"... K-KUROBAAA!"

There was an ominous silence as Kaito stared at something above their heads. They followed his gaze.

Cree-eak.

– SPLASH.

"AAAAAARGH!!"

"..."

"..."

"... Ehehehe – whoops?"

Saguru Hakuba returned, pushing open the door with his back, whilst in his arms, he carried a large stack of fresh papers.

"Mmm?" He surveyed the scene before him, and then sucked in his cheeks to prevent himself from laughing unseemly.

Nurse Kaito flicked a couple of playing cards under a nearby stool surreptitiously, as if what he was doing wasn't in clear view of Saguru, before calling out, "I overestimated! Developmental art and all. Your cards are over here!"

Shinichi and Heiji turned slowly, shivering, dripping and scowling darkly – doing the sort of things that people who have had a bucket of ice-water dumped on their faces usually do. Kaito scratched his cheek, locating exits.

Hmm, it was rather refreshing, not being the butt of the magician's pranks for once, the British detective thought placidly. To not have Heiji sniggering at him because of his sudden pink hair – it was always easier to dye blond hair – or Shinichi showing him up.

Saguru grinned. Shinichi pounced. Kaito vaulted a filing cabinet.

Heiji looked at the picture again and had another nosebleed.

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Inspiration was taken from Australian drive-time talk show Hamish & Andy and song Love Sex Magic by Ciara, featuring Justin Timberlake. I do not own their bases. Kaito did not create sexy magic. That comedic genius Hamish Blake did. The fandom needs to introduce him to Kaitou Kid, since he also uses 'magic' in 'thieving'. *snickers*

Now, d-don't look at me anymore. *goes back into hiding from this site*

hatter/gems

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