AN: Another Ouran fic! One-shot. A bit sad, I guess.
Disclaimer: Don't own OHSHC unfortunately.
Looking in the mirror, he thought about how he'd never felt so alone. So great was the distance between Kyoya and his friends that he couldn't hear their heartbeats. . . and that was too far away.
An aching feeling in his heart arose whenever he thought about their journey together as people and how they'd grown through each other. Paranoid by nature, Kyoya was always wondering how long it would last. When their beautiful relationship would end, he wondered. How long he could hold on to the Host Club; to Tamaki and Haruhi.
Tamaki. . . There was something special about him. Kyoya couldn't quite place it, but there was a kind of dynamic between himself and the King that he just didn't have with Haruhi. Not that he and Haruhi weren't good friends. . . But the way Tamaki captivated him could only be described as unique. Never before had Kyoya wanted so badly to shower someone with attention and affection.
Kyoya splashed water on his face and looked at the mirror in his bathroom. This wasn't the first time he'd felt this. . . self-doubt. Only the first time he'd acknowledged it.
I'm straight, he would tell himself, over and over again. And he'd almost believe it, until he thought of Tamaki and how he loved him in a different way to Haruhi or the other club members. Not less. . . just different.
I'm straight. I'm not attracted to Tamaki. Even as the thought was forming, he knew it was a lie. He knew that this time, it was more than just his hormones clouding his judgment.
He thought about how wrong it all seemed. . . Nothing fits. I don't want to be a girl; I'm comfortable with my masculinity. I've never doubted that I'm meant to be a guy.
Kyoya hated the feeling of not knowing how to deal with his emotions. He didn't want to be gay. He realized that he could lie to everyone else but not to himself.
"I'm so confused!" he said aloud, hating himself every second. Hating the thoughts, the feelings, the desires. . . Hating himself for being this way. A large lump formed in the back of his throat and his eyes began to burn.
"I love Tamaki. . ." he whispered as a tear rolled down his baby-smooth cheek, "and I'm gay".
The only way Kyoya could think of to keep his and Tamaki's friendship alive was to distance himself from him. He, Kyoya, figured that Tamaki would reject him if he knew the truth, and so he couldn't risk the club leader finding out.
Kyoya once again, began to feel like he was all alone. He was under so much pressure, to be the best at school, not to do anything that would dishonour the family name. His father's opinion mattered more than anything, and Kyoya never felt like he was doing well enough at anything.
Kyoya knew that Tamaki had no interest in him other than to be his friend. And at this rate, he thought, he wouldn't even have his friendship.
Tamaki noticed Kyoya withdraw immediately, and it worried him. He blamed himself. . . knowing that Kyoya's issue definitely concerned him, seeing as he hadn't withdrawn from everyone else. He'd grown closer to the Shadow King than anyone else, and he didn't want to lose him.
Kyoya knew that he wasn't in denial anymore. He thought it might be a bit of a relief. . . but there was something even worse than denying who he was. . . and that was isolation from the one he was convinced he loved. He felt so alone.
AN: I'm SO sorry. . . That was super lame. I just had to post it though since there isn't enough KyoTama fanfiction out there. Also, I apologize if Kyoya seems OOC. I just figured that no one really knows what he's like when no one's watching, and I think he might secretly be insecure if something like this were to happen. Thanks for reading.